When my children were that age they did the same things. They seemed to want to talk and have extra cuddle time at bedtime. I loved it!! (I miss it)... I don't see why if you are having an interaction with your children that should have any affect on your partner. If you love each other as you say, then sit down with him and talk it through. It Almost sounds as if he's a little jealous of your boys. How is his relationship with the boys when it's not bedtime? Is he short with them then too? How often does he see his son? what is his relationship like with his own child? Does he say he misses his son when he's not there? Maybe the answers to those questions will give you some insight into your partners behavior

Oh, boy! We have a lot of this going on at our house. Situations like this are exactly the reason I wish that a SF who lives with their SC, but their own BC live with their X would come on here and give us his perspective. It's got to be EXTREMELY difficult living with, helping to raise and supporting a child or children that aren't biological while the bio children are living with, being raised by and being supported by (other than CS and incidentals) someone else.

When I have these same arguements with my SO, I keep in mind 2 things:

1. He sees things I don't because he's on the outside looking in. He's seeing the manipulation that you can't see because you're so busy eating up the attention. Believe me, it IS a manipulation. They could ask all of those questions and give all of those kisses and hugs other times during the day. But they chose bedtime. You are being manipulated.

My DS does this all the time. I let him play the X-Box for a short amount of time. I asked him what he wanted for dinner and he said he wasn't hungry. I made him get off the X-Box at a pre-determined time and take a shower, brush his teeth and get his PJs on. After all that, he decides he's hungry. The reality is that he WAS hungry when I asked him; he just didn't want to stop playing the game.

2. He feels guilty and is over-compensating for his lack of control in his own kid(s) life. Really, there's nothing you can do about this part of it. He'll just find something else to complain about. It's his own insecurities he's dealing with. You can't fix that.

I know this to be true with my SO. He wants the rewards of parenting without the responsibilities. So he gripes at me about little things my DS does, knowing I'll try to fix things to create more harmony in our home. But if his DD does the same things, it's no big deal. Or if he wants my DS to do something a certain way, he'll complain to me about it. But if it's up to him to enforce it, he doesn't do it. And since he doesn't live with his DD, he lets her do whatever and then apologizes after she leaves. He always talks a big game about how he doesn't like this or that. But, really, he feels he has no say-so in her everyday life and eventually does nothing. Really, there's nothing you can do about this part of it. He'll just find something else to complain about. It's his own insecurities he's dealing with. You can't fix that.

In your specific situation, I would limit bedtime rituals to a certain time limit. Let the kids know that you are on to what's going on. Limit them to 3 questions (or whatever number is appropriate) and have them write down the rest to be asked during the daytime hours the next day. If you've ever watched Super Nanny, you know that bedtime can be the worse time of the day and bedtime problems are very common. But you have to be firm and loving at the same time. Give them a chance to give all the hugs and kisses, but enforce the boundary when it gets excessive.

One thing I do with my DS is for every minute he's up after his bedtime finishing homework he "forgot" to finish earlier, getting water, or asking questions, he has to go to bed that many minutes earlier the next night.

I do think that dads in general (and I do realize there are exceptions) tend to be tougher on kids than moms.

There are plenty of times I get accused of being too soft, and there are just as many times I accuse DH of being too tough.

I think a lot of it is just a gender difference.

Is that normal or will he come home and still be pissy? I left without the normal goodbye Lovie dovie stuff this morning myself but we had been talking and I was mad. It has to do with the same stuff except it is my SS that is having the issue. SS called to tattle tell on me and I told DH that if he treats it like he is punishing me then SS will continue to think I am not important. My Ex treated me and my Oldest like we were both children and now I have an out of control teen. Ex isn't there to be Alpha so teen is now fighting you for the Alpha spot. I am afraid that you will find yourself in the same place if your DH wants to "help" in this way. I have told my children that my DH is not their father but he is the father in this house and he will act like a man so respect him in that way.

Bedtime with kids can be so tricky. I have watched all the Nanny 911 type shows and I see the stuff about getting these crazy kids off to bed. What mom don't want one more kiss from their little one?? They are only little once so I tend to want to eat them up.

Hopefully DH will come home in a better mood and you can talk calmly about how things look to the children and what pecking order things need to be in with the children. Maybe being bedtime you and DH were tired an grumpy. Curl up on the couch with DH and a hot cup of coffee and talk it out.