My Dad and step-mom have slept in separate rooms for years. Now though, my dad has been "sneaking" into my step-mom's room. I don't know why, but I suspect he never liked the separate sleeping arrangements. I'm not sure if I was married that I could do that, but right now as a single life for so long, I'm having trouble thinking about sharing my bed. It's MY room now, just as this is MY house now (although I have to share it with that stupid bank - burn that mortgage!!)

My mom and dad started sleeping in separate rooms when I was about 15 or so. He snored, and she's a light sleeper like me, so she had her room, and he had his. As far as I know, they never spent a night together in the same bed again, unless they were visiting someone. They were very much in love, so I know it wasn't that.

I think marriage is so much more than sleeping in the same bed. I did have someone break up with me once because he wanted someone he could snuggle up to at night. It was sad, but I got over it, and he ended up with a drunk who basically passes out every night.

to each their own...me personally, I was able to tolerate snoring women...I believe that intimacy after all the work of the day is done is important...if we do our chores then head off to different doors, I'd just as soon live alone.

I guess I have the same thoughts about the intamacy part. I do know that some people snore so loudly that the other partner absolutely cannot sleep - that's pretty sad. But having live with a snorer with apnea for 21 years, I know all too well about that. The one thing that helped is that he was away all the time. But I still think sleeping alone is a last resort, and wouldn't like it as part of the routine.

I love sleeping in my California King-size bed, but if I was married, we would definitely have to sleep in the same bed. I also like to snuggle up close (feel more secure that way), so he would have to be able to stand that. If not, like Michael said, I too would just as soon live alone.

Soooo, how many of you did a little bed hopping? This began when my kids were little. You know, when they would get up in the middle of the night and climb in bed with you. I went to the couch or to their bed to finish out the night. Later on when the snoring got to be too much, same thing. I usually ended up on the couch, but always started out in the same bed.

I guess I need to clarify things. When I live with someone, I always start out going to bed together, and when I find I can't get to sleep due to whatever, then I go sleep in another room. In that case, I always find that they sleep all through the night, although I did have one SO who would get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and come get me back into the bed. That was a pain, because it not only disturbed my sleep, but I ultimately had to get back out of bed to go back to another room. I just got tired of sleeping on the couch most of the time in my own house, so I got another bed for the other bedroom...a single bed.

I've tried ever over-the-counter sleeping aid there is, to no avail. I refuse to get addicted to sleeping pills simply to make someone else happy for a few hours a night. That's why I make sure this is known as soon as the talk starts to run toward intimacy, because to be honest, it's been a deal breaker with a few guys. I'd rather have it known up front, than become an issue down the line, after we've already become intimate.

See, I feel like marriage or a relationship is so much more than where you sleep at night. If you are satisfied in all other ways, what difference does it really make? If something like that is going to be a deal breaker, then that person has a selfish streak that I wouldn't want to deal with anyway. JMHO.

I'm with Michael on this. I want the night time closeness. I am a long time light sleeper. That's why I have earplugs if I need them. I like listening to the night sounds from the the person I love. If I'm in the same bed with that person, you can bet it's love. And I'm allergic to cats and I believe dogs belong on the floor in their own beds.

Eloise - I know the feeling. I don't have the CA King, but I love my KS bed - all by my myself. I actually think though that I might finally be ready to share. The security issue weighs heavy sometimes, although I was alone most nights anyway when I was married. But there is something about the snuggle part - not just to play, but to share - the same as it should be during the day. It's just special that way.

Love is so good when it's good.

I have a queen size bed and I still only occupy one side of it. I never budge from the one side. Weird, eh? But I steal ALL the covers! LOL!

if i ever live with a man again, infact my current BF and I have already expressed our thoughts on this, we would both want our own room. In the meantime, we spend one night a week overnight together, and it's me at his house because he has the CA king, and his bed is far more comfortable than mine. I also am an extremely light sleeper and he snores, so for that one night a week I take a sleeping pill.I have to admit I do love the closeness when we sleep together, but I just can't sleep without being knocked out when there is someone else in my bed.

I'm a snuggler. An arm and legs wrapped around each other kind of person. I like the feel and the smell and the sounds of my man in the bed with me. For me personally, I would feel very sad if he felt like he had to sleep in another room when I was there. We don't live together all the time, but I do spend weekends at his place, and when I'm home alone, I miss him, and find it hard to sleep alone in my bed. I often find myself falling asleep on the couch in front of the tv.
Thank goodness for weekends!!! :)

I am single and like sleeping alone. I make a regular "nest" in my bed. I have a body pillow on each side and the reg pillows at the head of the bed, can't do that with a hubby in the bed. I also like to watch a couple of episodes of Stargate SG1, then read before I go to sleep. I always slept with my husband and like to snuggle. I have three sister's and 2 of them didn't sleep with their husbands and I don't think the third one does either, but not sure.

We always shared a double bed. both of us were thin so space was never a problem. As far as the snoring goes. Well, yeah he did, guess what I miss? the snoring. It was a reminder that he was there.

Fast forward to today. I have two cats. One of which, stands on my shoulder for a good deal of the night. If/when she finally lays down, she is drapped across my shoulder, or chest and then proceeds to knead my neck, arms face what ever she can reach.. And she has a long reach. So yeah, I'd so enjoy sleeping alone. Not sure I could stand someone there any more.

When he first passed away, I was so alone, I hugged my pillow every night, just for something to hold on to. It took me a while to become comfortable with who I am, to even know who I am. Now that I do know, I don't mind being alone. Life is what you make it.

A tv show the other night, I watched about a gal, going to her sisters wedding and she hired a male escort to be her boyfriend for the affair, later in the show, he said and I quote, Everyone is in the romantic situation that she wants to be. It always choices we make that leave us as we are.

I didn't choose to be alone - I miss him dreadfully - he's been deceased 8 months. Yes, I could be in another relationship, but choose not to be, so in that context, it's a choice I make.

At this point in my life, I don't WANT a relationship, unless it could be with my husband.

Oh Kay, hugs, 8 months is such a short time. It's well over five years for me. I told my sister yesterday, that not a day goes by that I don't think of him and how life used to be. Being alone today is a choice I made. I definately tried dating. Each and EVERY one ended in a fiasco. It took time to realize it was me, not them. Once I realized that I didn't want another relationship with out my husband. Well, again, it's a choice I made.

Yesterday we cooked a turkey, (my sisters) and had the entire dinner even with home made ice cream in memory of him. It would have been his 66th birthday. I just wanted to celebrate that he had lived. I don't want him forgotton.
Linda

Linda, on Gary's 54th birthday, Dec. 13th, we placed a huge wreath on his grave site and had a little rememberance ceremony, with Joseph (his son), me, his sister and neice - we don't want him forgotten, either.

I don't know how I will handle it when I move to Florida - I pray his sister will keep visiting the grave site. I know, some don't think visiting the grave site is 'normal' behavior, but it comforts me.

Kay, we had my father moved when we moved to Florida. My mother and I are the only ones who visit, but I know it comforts her too. He's been gone for over 11 years, but still misses him every day. So do I. What about finding a special place in Florida that you know he would have loved visiting? Perhaps a certain beach or park? You could just visit that as your "quiet place" for meditation and remembrance.

No loved one is every forgotten. You will always keep them close to your heart. My father had a favorite number and there have been numerous times when I come across that number - the time of day, part of a currency value when I'm working on a budget, I even saw it as a house number on a television show the other day! To me it's a sign that he's watching over me. I smile each and every time!

Big hugs to all. BTW - I never sleep alone. That cute furry thing takes up all the room!

Barbara

Kay I liked the way you worded that,

"At this point in my life, I don't WANT a relationship, unless it could be with my husband."

My husband died last April and I am very careful when I say I am enjoying life. There are so many people who would think I am glad he is gone and that is untrue. I am glad he is out of the nightmare he was living. Alive and healthy, it would be wonderful to have him with me. I am alone now and I am staying that way. I am free to be me.

Jonesy, maybe we need to exchange phone numbers - we are so close, it's a shame not to meet half way and have lunch or go somewhere for a weekend.

That would really be nice if you two could do lunch or something, especially since you have similar life challenges right now. Hope it works out!!

Miles of smiles to ya, and BIG HUGS too!!

gng

Kay that would be fine with me. Can we reply to the messages sent through this site?

Yes - just click on 'my page' and send me an email. Jo

Jo,it's been 21 years for me, 22 in February, and I still think of him most days. 8 months along, I was just trying to survive, trying to figure out how I was going to make it without him. I didn't date for two years, and when I did, it was his best friend, who had gotten a divorce and missed him too. Not a good reason to date someone. Obviously, didn't work out.

Take your time. Don't listen to anything or anybody but your heart.

JYG, what is your first name?

That's basically where I am - survival mode. I tried to go on a 'date' a couple of weeks ago, and the memories drove me crazy - I just can't do it yet.

K-J, I'm sure you know, but JYG has some good advice. Take your time. But, try; not necessarily to get into another relationship, but just some friendships. I'm thinking good thoughts for you!