I've seen a paint at home depot labeled for painting laminate, but I haven't used it.
It might be easier, and much better in the long run, to just slap a new sheet of laminate on top of the counter and use wood trim for the edge.

I did. I did a faux stone finish. People would ask me what was that beautiful stone in my bathroom. It held up in the bath but a kitchen gets more wear and tear. You would either have to be really careful or develop selective vision about the inevitable scratches.

First you rough up the surface with sandpaper. Then prime. Use a tinted primer so scratches don't show up as white. Then a basecoat or two. Then your decorative finish. I stippled on three colors to simulate stone. Then several coats of polyurethane. I did 6. I used latex paint, Kilz primer and water based polyurethane. Not sure if oil based paint and polyurethane are compatible.

It is a lot of work. About 10 coats! But the results were beautiful. If you consider it I recommend that you do a faux finish to hide scratches and get creative--after all that work you should have a work of art.

Thanks everyone for your help!
The kitchen is in my basement and is not really more than a countertop and sink. I don't allow anyone to actually eat down there (pretty sure we would end up with bugs, yuck!!)so I am not too concerned about food safety. I just can't take the pink!

Here's another suggestion, also a good deal of work.

We did an overlay of thinset on our old linoleum counters, backsplash and sink in the butler's pantry. Spread the thinset in thin applications, letting dry between coats, sand (you really have to use an electrical sander), paint (I did a faux stone treatment) and apply several coats of poly.

It's fine for a counter that doesn't involve alot of food prep and we use a cutting board when we have a bar set-up.

Painting the countertop is not sanitary.
Why don't you go to home depot, lowes, etc. and get a ready made laminate countertiop? The back splash is included. It is called post form and can be cut to fit any size counter.
It is cheap and also comes in solid white formica. I have mine in a rental apartment since 1995 and it is still in good shape.
Cleaning it is a breeze. You make a paste out of baking soda and water and scrub with a toothbrush and the stains come out.

I painted countertops in an old kitchen of mine years ago. We did a faux finish and sealed it with polyurathane (sp?). It lasted just fine for several years until we could replace it with a new one.

Just one question - why is it unsanitary to paint a countertop? I have never heard that before and am curious.

I did mine and although it took a while, it wasn't hard. It's held up fine to our abuses, but I did do a faux distressed zinc look so that abuses wouldn't look out of place. I do food prep on a glass cutting board and a wood one for easy clean up. No big deal. Here's a pic of before and after. Like you, I couldn't stand to look at it anymore. I did not sand. Use SW Prep Rite Pro Block primer, painted, the sealed with about 3 coats of poly. It looks so much better!

Before

After

SkimStone
SpreadStone

enjoy

looks awesome

In a previous home I used the paint that was made for counters from Lowes. It looked great. I babied the counters after and it lasted for 3 years until I gutted the kitchen. Sorry I don't have any pictures. I believe it was made by Rust-Oleum

I had an old vanity with a formica top on it which I faux finished. I used kilz underneath and then painted it and urethaned it. Even as a low-use item without any of the wear and tear of a kitchen setting, it is starting to wear on the edges and the texture from the paint makes it harder to clean.

I agree with the others who suggest replacing with a ready made laminate top is a better way to go.

I think someone on GW used chalkboard paint, which held up well.

my daughter has used the Rust Oleum product on two different kitchens, she does poly seal it. Has held up well in both kitchens