I say this to myself A LOT.. Worry never robs tomorrow of it's sorrow but steals today of it's joy. Don't worry yourself with what happens when she is 13 14 15 worry about here and now and what you can control. 1. You can control how you react to SD when she behaves in a way that you feel is inappropriate 2. You can control how you deal and react to BM 3. You cannot control what happens at BMs home (bugs, misbehavior, no bedroom for SD, druggies coming and going) 4. You cannot control the judge -- you can only provide the facts and evidence you have and trust in your attorney 5. You CAN control how SD behaves while with you even when BM is around (ok I know you can't 'control' her but you can punish her for misbehavior at your home and you MUST follow through with your threats of punishment or SD will not believe your warnings of consequences. 6. You can not worry about SD wanting to live with BM now or ever. Key word 'wanting'. To most children, the grass is always greener on the other side, until they find out it isn't. When I was 10/11, I wanted to live With my biodad. I made my mom and stepdad miserable!!! I remember being a pain so that they would WANT me to go also.. I finally was allowed to go when I was 12 and my mom made me stay for 2 school years. I hated it!! Grass was no longer green. It wasn't because my dad and his third wife were mean or anything, it was because they were negligent and I ended up having to grow up way before my time. I had to fix my own dinner if I wanted to eat. I had to find my own ride to school (7th grade) can you imagine not knowing how you would get to school each day? I had to save all my money from birthdays and gifts to buy my own clothes. I ended up having to call My mom for everything and of course, she would be there for me but in a way, she made me suffer through it because it was MY choice to move. I turned out OK. I turned out better than ok actually. I moved back home as soon as my mom would allow it and I walked the finest line ever!! I was respectful and committed to being a part of my family (mom and stepdad) because I realized what I didn't want to be a part of. My mom later told Me that it was necessary to make me stick to my decision to move in with dad to get me to see that there are consequences to our choices. Sometimes we make bad choices but we have to stick with them until the road changes. You can't make decisions that effect everyone around you and then expect to be bailed out with a phone call. I really do appreciate that from my mom and mostly live my life saying 'well I tried, I failed, I'll make the best of it and I'll get myself out of it because I got myself in to it' That's not always the case but I wanted to share because I think it's important you know-- it will not be the end of the world when she wants to move to mom's but it's so far away, don't worry with it today. Mom still has time to change and she might. Everyone can change. My sister has been an awful mom for the last 13 yrs and honestly I think she just needed time to grow into being a mom because in the last year I have seen her finally put her son first and is finally stepping up. The unfortunate thing for her is he has never had a stepmom or stepdad like you (no dad either) to stand up for him and try to be a good role model but what does matter is that she is NOW seeing what is important and she CAN salvage their relationship and she can earn mother of the year award because she has accepted the mistakes she has made and she is making the necessary changes, no matter how long it took. Just take it one day at a time. You are doing the right thing -- just keep doing it. Also, I know you are worried about overnights. I feel your pain. My daughter started overnights with her father a few months ago. And there is a lot is crap In that situation... I lost a lot of sleep the first few weekends but I have since gotten used to it and DD is doing ok. I live for his cancellations though. It seems the novelty has worn off as it might with SDs mom... And she may not have her as much as she could. Let us know how court goes.

This isn't related to anyone's situation... but I received a case today from Texas. The attorney that sent it to me was insistent that it has to be served right away... they sent it via fedex. Well, I am going to try to serve it tonight so I read what the case is about... as I always do, just in case there is any alleged violence, etc. It's a case where dad lives in Texas, Mom is in CA. From what I gather, son lives with mom and is currently visiting dad in Texas. I guess dad retained an attorney and filed for custody... immediate & temporary until a hearing. The son is 12 and the documents include a form the son signed stating he wants to live with dad. As a mom, I don't know how to not be affected by this because, while I don't have all the facts (there was nothing in the papers giving any reason other than the son wants to live with dad) and I don't know any other details... it just appears on it's face to be sneaky and underhanded of dad to wait until son is in Texas and get this immediate and temporary order that says the child must remain in Texas pending the hearing. So, I have to deliver the news to a mother that her son isn't coming home this weekend. I'm sure that's why they wanted me to serve her before the end of the week. I believe everybody deserves to have proper notice of court proceedings but sometimes... it just sucks to deliver the news like this. PS. I'm not looking for sympathy... just so ya know!

I thought all custody cases are sealed. Is this only where I live? I thought the idea was to protect the children. If the judge had showed bias in the past, I would have thought there would have been complaints. My guess is this is very difficult to prove, and where I live it is very hard to find out info on unproven complaints. Where I live, my understanding is that Judge will only speak to child alone where child has reprsentation (eg GAL). I could be wrong, and my guess is different everywhere. In any event, this is just a status meeting. If I were the mom, and I wanted to keep custody, I would insist on evaluations, GAL, etc. All this takes time. Time is on the mothers side. Even if child says she wants to move, my guess is judge is going to be a little nervous about moving child from school where she is doing well. He certainly wont want to see another hearing a year from now with child with Cs and Ds from Michigan school. If I were dad wanting custody, as difficult as it is, I would concentrate on what I can control. I would have a writtten plan in place as to child seeing mom over summers etc. I would try to reach some compromise re CS. I would consider presenting to her before everyone goes to referee. The referee can not make anyone compromise. He/she can only tell each party the weaknesses of their case, and suggest they compromise. The problem is mom may feel that she can not receive less than what dad is asking for, and that there no point in not dragging out proceedings.

Firemans wife, I wish you all the best. I am really debating on whether or not to make a web page with all this crap that's gone on for 7yrs now. See, I wasn't in the picture in 1995 when the kids were removed and my spouse was very lax about the CS thing. When I came in the picture in 1999 and they started taking out money AGAIN from his check (they'd stop and start CS over and over) we went to the office and he signed an affidavit so I could have access to his case. It wasn't until then that things started getting done. I like to think that if I had been around in 1995 this wouldn't have gone on for so long...but the fact remains that they (attorney general) had access to any and all court documents that were issued out of Montgomery county. They've had this all along but didn't bother to look into it. His file is literally 6inches thick. The attorney that represented the state of texas didn't even bother to crack the folder. Each time we went to court (4 times since Jan) there was a different attorney. I hope everything goes well for you but be prepared for anything to happen. We thought it was all over and done with...then the judge gave his ruling. I was suprised to say the least and so angry that when I got home I called all the newspapers and television stations. I've received 4 phone calls back from different different news stations that want to do investigative work. Oh...did I mention that I taped conversations when we went into the AG's office? Yup, got them talking in circles...saying one thing and doing another. We're still debating on whether or not to go with the television stations. I'm to the point where I'm so exhausted of living in the middle of all that mess and I really shouldn't even be posting about it because it just gets me all worked up again. The more I think about it, the more I think I'll scan our court documents and transcribe the recordings, make a web page and be done with it...that way it'll be out of my system for good and I can tell the entire world at one time without having to go back into that 'mode' I was in for so long when we were dealing with these incompetent morons.