ne 8grandma, Thanks for the link, interesting, but I know in 1994 or 5 someone backed into our 55 chevy and DH located genuine parts, door and finder, and after speaking to the State Farm adjuster we purchased them from different places and State Farm reimbursed us no problem. Probably because after market parts were not available DH works for the biggest GM dealer in town and they have the State Farm contract for body work and he says it's never been an issue. They have always used genuine parts for the 20 plus years he has worked there. Maybe it was more an issue with foreign cars. The whole state of affairs with any kind of insurance is in a mess. Our health premiums doubled when Kaiser contracted with the state to cover medical patients. I guess someone had to pick up the tab. Our home owners got revamped, and not in our favor, after the Oakland fires in the 90s. And even after that people still did not understand why they didn't have enough coverage when they have been paying for the same policy for years. Our agent is also a personal friend and I ask her who has the responsibility. The insurance company to tell you that building cost have triples, especially after Katrina, or is it the policy holders responsibility to keep track of anything that would effect the replacement cost. She couldn't answer it. She said if the company kept up with costs policy's would be in a constant state of change. I answered back that as a policy holder I expected she would have my best interest in mind and inform me when I should upgrade. She came back with the stock answer. Read your policy and see if its what you need. I said send me a list of everything I could be covered for that I don't currently have. Boy was I surprised. I thought we had the best coverage going. When I added several things I ask why didn't I know about any of these and she said I should have ask! How can you ask for something if you don't know about it? If we had a total loss and had to rebuild why wouldn't I have foundation removal when it only cost penny's compared to what it would cost if I had to pay out of pocket. But I had to ask. It is not part of the standard home owners policy. And who can read policy's? The IRS forms are easier to figure out than an insurance policy. I used to be involved with employee benefits and I usually understand insurance but I have read quite a lot of information on LTC and it makes no since. All it seems to want to tell you is what is not covered. I would like to have this coverage. I figure we could afford it but it just seems that if you don't jump through the right hoops at the right place and time you wouldn't be covered. I hope someone here can figure out if there is a LTC policy that is worth paying for. Who would have thought that insurance would be such a big issue when planning for retirement. Insurance is our biggest monthly expense now and I don't see it getting any lower. I jokingly told my dad that he pays less for medicare and his AARP supplement than we do for our medical coverage but he faxed me a news article on how they are now going to be charging more for medicare depending on your income. His will be going up quite a bit and boy is he not happy. I just keep reminding him how lucky he is that he is in a position to pay it. Who is kidding who! I am lucky he is in a position to pay it.

Pecanpie, I feel for you trying to find your way in this. Not easy for you to be helpful and make suggestions, especially if MIL is "volatile". Yet a medical evaluation is so important, especially if the problem is an easy fix. That would be wonderful for all of you. Good advice to suggest DH talk with his Dad. And for you and DH to start some research. Your county may have a Department on Aging within its Human Services or Social Services division. If you can find the right person or office or agency, they should be able to give you a lot of information about what you can expect and what your options are now and later. Take "information sessions" and "talks" put out by private hospitals or private extended care systems with a grain of salt. Aging is becoming big business, and you don't need marketing of meds and programs disguised as helpful information. A whole other crucial and very dicey issue is whether your MIL has made any power of attorney for health care arrangements. DH and his sibs really, really, really need to find this out, and soon. MIL sounds lucid enough to still do this if she has not yet. Essentially, she goes on record with her wishes and who she designates to implement those wishes, if or when she can't make healthcare decisions for herself. Without this, her husband and/or her kids can't just step up and do what needs doing later. Every day families are shocked that a complicated court process becomes necessary because there is no HC-POA to activate. It makes absolutely no sense to families, and people suffer with their care delayed, but it is nonnegotiable reality in many states. Another reason to speak with your local governmental agency on aging. I realize I am bringing up yet another troubling and complicated dimension to this problem - but it is so important I feel I should. Young, old, healthy, sick, every one of us should make ourselves go on record with a HC-POA. It saves our loved ones a world of trouble if there comes a day we can't voice decisions ourselves. Not just in a Terry Schaivo type conflict either. Say my DH needs to enter assisted living or nursing care but he cannot give informed consent, I cannot consent for him even though I'm his wife. Only a lengthy court process can grant me authority to direct his healthcare - and even then a second court proceeding is necessary for any placement decision in my state. All averted with a simple piece of paper saying he's OK with me deciding for him. Easy with a HC-POA document, a mess without it. Keep talking to DH. Maybe you and he can prepare your own HC-POA's (or update ones you have done) and chat up the process with the parents as way to open communication... (((Cyber hugs to you for strength)))

My DH's parents died sudden. His mom was reading a paper, and just passed away. His dad was in a VA hospital, and after about 3 days, he too just passed away, cancer + other issues. They had taken care of themselves up to then and we really enjoyed visiting with them. On the other hand my folks were just the opposite. Dad was blind, and Mom in and out of hospitals. I was very lucky to have someone who had some nursing skills to come in with her 3 sons and live with them. I could not/would not be able to take care of them. As to ourselves, we are thinking even now about assisted living, especially in the winter. They have some very good ones both in Minot and Bismarck. And they have so many activities we both would enjoy. Even a monthly trip to the casino.. and we would not have to drive as we both still drive etc.

This thread reminds me of Aristophanes' Plutus. Kierkegaard quoted from this play when he wrote "Either/Or"; Vol. I: THE ROTATION METHOD: "You get too much at last of everything, of love, of bread, of music, and of sweetmeats. Of honor, cakes, of courage, and of figs. Ambition, barley-cakes, high office, lentils." (alternately spoken by Chremylos and Karion; Karion made the food references) Kierkegaard went on to talk about how people always want change and tire of what they already have. I think this is part of the reason that people always want something new and are not interested in keeping possessions from their parents. I was more interested in what my grandparents had collected, but today I do not think millennials are as interested in what their grandparents have. If you want to read more of Kierkegaard, I recommend the anthology edited by Robert Bretall, as it has the best translations. I have no heirs, other than my younger brother, and he also has no children, and so we are not sure what will happen to our possessions after we are gone, but I am not particularly concerned. However, we do have a large collection of art and paintings - mostly done by my brother - and so I think nieces and nephews might be interested. We also have some mid-century furniture that we have collected that someone could easily sell at an estate sale if they did not want it. In fact, we bought our dining set at an estate sale down the street.