Great post. I, due to stress and previously unknown illnesses, have aged so much in the last few years. Pre stroke it was bothering me. Now I am focused just on being alive and present.

I am on plavix and warfarin and thus covered in bruises and the one feature I use to love about my body, my legs, now are my biggest reminder of my disease so I have been hiding them from my own eyes as to not remind me of my decline. I hide them not to hide my age from otherrs but rather If I do not see the marks I forget about my disease and feel healthy and youthful still.

I grew out my grey and it is funny people think it is blond highlights. Boy do i save money now and I really kind of like my streaks.

The hardest thing I am facing now is having a 13 year old. Suddenly, after her birthday her period began and with this literal and figurative beginning of womanhood I notice for the first time I can no longer see the child in her anymore :( this is far harder than my own aging.

Roarah think of you often. I think you are showing the 13 year old how to grow up to be the very best you can with what you get. Hugs.

I am 67 and three-quarters. ;-) I retired at 65 and love it most of the time (right now and off and on, my knee is keeping me from walking the dog on our 3-mile daily adventures). That is my only issue and it was caused by being attacked by a student which is why I retired when I did. Being attacked each of my final four years made me decide that I didn't want to enter retirement as a disabled person. Fingers crossed that the current pain will resolve itself soon. Other than that, no LBL, no stray hairs, a bit of sagging (facial and elsewhere), but nothing too bad. No anti-aging procedures for me other than walking regularly, occasional lifting of my weights which I usually just look at and think that gee, I should do my arm exercises. Ha. I am aging gracefully as they say which I think just means accepting all those changes without resentment, but while trying to stay healthy. Oh and I do wish I would get more than three grey hairs. I have no desire to go back in time. I hold onto my joys and let go of frustrations and sadness as much as I can.

I adore being a grandparent and am lucky enough to babysit pretty often with my 18-month old wee girl. I hope I live long enough for her to have wonderful memories of dancing, playing, goofing, gardening, etc. with her 'Bibi.' I love having more time in the garden. I wish I had done better financial planning, but I am comfortable if I don't live extravagantly. I think I have become kinder and more patient in the past several years also, so perhaps that is a benefit of aging.

I still think about changing things in the house, but it is usually just little tweaks because I love our home. I do want to do our three bathrooms sometime this year. We will see. I do allow myself the occasional delusion that I will indeed live in France someday.

Aging is not something I worry about too much. As Camus said, "For what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man [or woman] and the life he [she] leads?"

ETA: The main reason I don't worry about updating decor is that we try very hard to avoid creating more waste for the planet. More stuff is not something I need or want to tell the truth. I want to be able to look my children in the eye.

I've had a great deal of serenity and satisfaction, as I age well into geezer-hood, from the fact that DH and I have already made our wills, but imo just as importantly have completed all the plans for what we want to happen when we die - in terms of services (none please) and where we will go (into the sea, I hope, following cremation, of course). We chose - how to put this? - a lovely funeral home about 7-8 years ago and had a couple of meetings with one of the directors, and I found that my sense of humor kicked in and helped make the experience interesting and almost enjoyable (funeral directors have to be prepared for any kind of emotional expression from their clients). All this has helped me to sleep soundly at night knowing that one phone call will summon the people who will take from my family the responsibilities and decisions that can be so difficult when we are grieving and perhaps in a state of shock.

I learned this from my parents, who made no plans of any kind for their deaths, despite the fact that my father was a minister (and professor) who had conducted hundreds of funeral services, and that my mother planned virtually every detail of her life with great thought and sensitivity. So I would like my family to have a different kind of experience.

I don't mean to inject a grim note here, but reading all the interesting posts above led me to think about getting older and recalling a book title I saw recently - So I Am Dead. What Do I Do Now? Haven't had the courage to order it yet!

I have been stewing on this and the other decor post that inspired it. Why is the newest, youngest fad the one to chase? Why is it "old" to embrace what you love and stew in it? Why is the worst critique "you are outdated"? The desperate scramble for the fountain of youth is live and well and I find that insulting. Life is too short to spend it chasing fads or values of the 'THEY'. A life well lived is one that give you peace and grace through the journey. There is always value for a constructive look in the mirror but in the end it's your skin you are living in.

So true, Arcy. It serves no constructive purpose to chase youthful trends and promises. I think most of us understand these things to be true, and yet most of us probably don't exactly relish the thought of physical changes that will in some way diminish the people we have always been. I think it's human nature as our culture now knows it to want to remain active and vibrant, and there's no denying that aging changes possibilities. I also think vibrancy and quality of life are so uniquely defined by the individual. But any way you look at it, aging is a passage, and it can be a difficult one.

Sable, my parents planned and prepaid for their burials too, right down to choosing the urns, buying a cemetery plot and a headstone. They opted for private graveside services with their minister presiding. They presented me with a folder with all the details several years prior to their deaths. It made a very difficult time less stressful.

I'm gaining a lot from this discussion and have much to add. But I can't put it all down into words yet (and am wondering, really, if I should). I will note though I'm finding a lot of positive aging examples, not just how to "look" good as we age, but how to maneuver the aging process and how, in many ways, it can be what we want it to be.

I turned 50 last year and I'm developing a blueprint for what I want my next 10, 20, 30 and beyond years to be. Sure, it can all change in an instant no matter how well I plan and prepare, and there is a lot out of my control, but that's the case at any age.

The key thing I've done is shift the aging narrative in my head, not worrying so much about what it will do to me, but focusing on how I want to be.

I am an advocate for people in nursing homes that want to reintegrate into the community. Yesterday afternoon I was shooting the breeze with someone who works for adult protective services. We are both in our fifties.

We were just talking about what horrible lives many older people live, and by older I mean a lot of both of our clients are in their sixties. It can be very depressing.

I will say that the people with great attitudes are a lot happier, even with larger challenges, than others. As a side note, those in nursing homes with little family involvement are generally happier. I don't know why that is - maybe they get involved with more activities and form meaningful friendships with other residents?

Anyway, we both ended up depressed and thinking we may need happier jobs. :)

Cooper, interesting. It reminds me of this TED Talk about synthetic happiness. I wonder if it relates to your examples.

@cooper - Your point about less family involvement is one that I struggled with a little bit. When my mom went into a facility we left her to it. It reminded me of sending ones child to kindergarten. They need to form their own routines and the staff need to meet them and get used to them without family hovering or interfering.

My DH and his family have just put their mom into care two months ago and won't leave her alone. They are there everyday and all day. It's been something that's on my mind to mention.

What should one do, or do differently than their parents might have? I think there are no easy answers, but being mindful of the issues is a good start. I think we need to be realistic about the fact that no matter what we do, we will age and that may not go smoothly despite our best efforts.

For me, one of the reasons I keep working (albeit part time) is because I really believe in "use it or lose it." If there are no demands placed up on us, we need to create them. Having nothing to do and no responsibilities will cause all of your utilities to atrophy. I even think it is good to have some stress. You know how it is, elderly get out of the habit of dealing with stress, and so then if they run out of OJ it is a crisis to them. So, mentally, keep active. Socially, keep involved.

For most of my adult life, exercise was done for weight loss or firming etc. I have rethunk that and personally don't believe it is anywhere near as important as diet when it comes to weight maintenance or loss. My current approach to exercise is not about burning calories, then, but about trying to develop more active habits and doing things that keep up strength and flexibility. And posture!

Actuarially, I am now expected to live into my 90s; nearly another 40 yrs! With interest rates so incredibly low, and given that I have a conservative portfolio and expensive lifestyle, that's something one has to consider even as comfortable as we are. Don't even get me started on means testing and the like. My Mom is/was quite well off, and most of her assets were put in a trust years ago. Her nursing home got everything outside of the trust, and so she is essentially without any funds. She cant even buy gifts (we do so for her). It's not my area of expertise but generally I know the best way to protect assets is to give up control of them; but who wants that? Moreover, as one's mortality becomes more pressing, some feel it is time to indulge a little. When my Mom was younger, she loved staying at the beach. I was too cheap to buy a beach house then, though I could well afford one. I regret that now. She is too old to ever visit the one we have.

I wish I'd bookmarked the interview, but I read a wonderful quote recently that feels deeply truthful to me. Someone in Gretchen Rubin's Happiness project blog said (paraphrasing) that we find happiness in feeling safe and also in feeling challenged. I love that!

Mtn, this relates to your thoughts on working. After my retirement I've not pursued paid work-and have no intention of doing that again LOL-but I've found tremendous satisfaction in helping to found a support/fundraising group in my community. It's been joyful to have a challenge and the process has included meeting and working with new people.

I agree aging should include having *something* that keeps one connected and involved in the world. That is part of what is so sad in the lives of my elderly family members. My MIL especially was always a suspicious, antisocial loner and as her world got narrower through the loss of her spouse and her adult sons' busy lives taking up most of their time, so too did her attitudes. My father is so adamant about not moving somewhere that would give him the social outlets he craves. For both of them happiness in being safe outweighed finding something to challenge them even a little bit. The imbalance wasn't and isn't a good one.

I'm not sure how i will live my life as I age but I hope I continue to make myself keep reaching out to connect somewhere and somehow.

Mtn, you raise some great points that I've been considering, too. One important one that's driving many of my decisions stems from caring for my dad in his final months before his death. He was very private and lived like a hermit, and my siblings and I were not privy to his financial situation. But we assumed some tough decisions were in our future in terms of his end-of-life care. He fell in his home and ended up in a skilled nursing facility. Early on, my brother gained access to my dad's bank account. We learned my dad had considerable savings--enough that decisions made about his care were not based on what he could afford. He could afford it all, for a long time. I can't tell you the relief we felt knowing that we could help him at the end of his life without financial worry.

For example, he needed rehab therapy, and it was such a struggle. He had wonderful therapists who pushed him, but he just didn't want to do the work. I'd get calls daily from them, and I tried to encourage him to cooperate. But he had worked hard his entire life, and knew that he'd never live on his own again anyway. So there was no incentive for him to go through the work of therapy. The staff explained to me that, unless he was on a restorative track in his therapy, Medicare wouldn't pay for his care and there would be out-of-pocket costs. I told them to let him do what he wants to do. Just let him be comfortable and make his own decisions. This gave my dad an element of control in his day-to-day living at the facility and, most importantly, peace. He wanted to be left alone. We all just stopped the struggle, and he was peaceful.

That is a privilege, and I know how fortunate my siblings and I were. It was truly a gift from our dad, and one I hope to give my children some day when the time comes. Part of this will be figuring out the balance you note with your mother. And it's certainly an area I need to research more. I wish my dad had enjoyed his money more while he could, but I don't know... maybe peace of mind was what brought him joy.

On the other end of the spectrum, a friend is dealing with her father-in-law, who is in his 80s, lived beyond his means his whole life, hasn't planned for squat, and always claimed, "I'm just going to have a heart attack and die someday." Well... yeah... that's ideal, isn't it? But our system isn't designed to let you go so easily. He was diagnosed with cancer and had a stroke a few months ago. Now, the whole family is making some really tough choices, most of them centered around what can be afforded financially.

It will be interesting to see how our society deals with the very problems expressed in this thread in terms of aging and end-of-life care. I feel fortunate that I've been exposed to many examples in time for me to incorporate their lessons into my own planning.

This thread has really made me think about aging parents and my own aging, how to do it intelligently. As regards housing, what I’m hearing is that one should move to a manageable place before one’s kids have to deal with taking apart an entire household. My parents (mid-80s) have done just that, and I’m grateful. My FIL (also mid-80s) wants to live in his house until the end, and is content to let his kids deal with the contents (a LOT) after he dies. I totally get his desire to not leave home, and feel the same way myself. Is there a right way to do this so that, barring health issues, one can stay at home but not burden one’s kids? I’m asking for me (my FIL’s situation is not controlled by me). IDK, pare down to one-level living so there’s less stuff, have kids designate which art they want, etc? I’m afraid there might not be a good answer. Any thoughts?

I figure my mother is 89 and should be able to do as she wishes at this point in her life. The only thing I want to do is ensure she is safe and well, aging in place in her home of more than half a century.

SInce this took a turn toward end of life stuff...We bought our house because we can live on just the main floor once stairs are an issue. I insisted on a ranch when I saw my parents becoming unable to navigate the stairs easily and then my mother had a stroke-end of stairs. Of course, I have been thinking an elevator would work, too. Ha.

last note: I told our son that when we got too old/unwell/senile, we would just head outside with a few bottles of wine on the coldest night of the year and that would be that. Apparently, he didn't approve and he said if we did that, he would have us stuffed and he would keep us in the living (haha) room. Could also be that, with climate change, those really cold nights won't exist here any more. Sheesh, all my good plans down the drain.

Well, has anyone read "The Leisure Seeker"? It has to do with an elderly couple who take matters into their own hands. Been years since I read it, but remember that it was excellent, if a bit heartbreaking.

I no longer expect to live long enough to collect ss. I know it seems morbid but stats about under fifty stroke patients are not great for ten year survivals let alone 25 plus years. I still save as if I might but I am actually mentally lighter now with this belief than I was before it. Instead of passing days bringing a sense of lost time I now see each passing day as an extra gift.

After a life of fearing death, my own or a loved one, I now, after a year of therapy to treat my anxiety, have a calmness about the inevitability of death. I grieve the loss of loved ones greatly still but I also celebrate the circle of life's completion now.

I do not believe in an afterlife and strangely this too comforts me. I have let go of searching for answers which really just reflected my need for a false sense of control in an uncontrollable world.

Other than writing letters to the children i love and having a will and guardians assigned I have not thought about life after I am gone nor do I plan to for it is even more out of my control than life is.

This new idea that we can not leave things for our loved ones to take care of after our death is very similar to not letting kids fail or feel disappointment. No matter how organized your affairs are when you pass you can not shield your children from the pain of losing a parent.

Going through my grandparents' estate gave my mom a purpose to get up everyday during her greatest grief. Looking through the debris of her parents' estate was time consuming but also sparked more laughs than tears when all was said and done. We might be cheating our loved ones of these moments of memory by tossing our things prior to our end.

When I do not look too far back or forward I feel I can handle anything.So when I find myself too caught up trying to figure out life's mysteries I catch my breath, and ground myself in just this second and suddenly time stands still.

I think about aging way too much. There's so much that I want to do, and I want to feel good enough to do it all! And, I'll admit it, I want to look good while I'm doing it. My current obsession is sagging body skin. I think that my face looks fine, but I hate the crepey-ness of my body skin. I mostly avoid mirrors in certain types of lighting. 😊

And someone mentioned upthread about planning for their own funerals, saying that they didn't want to have any kind of service. I hate to say it, but that is rather selfish. Funerals aren't for the dead, they are for the living. When my father in law passed away rather suddenly a few years ago my mother in law didn't have a service for him, because "that was what he wanted". My children - his grandchildren, were sort of lost. They wanted to have some sort of ceremony to gather together with relatives that they rarely saw to remember their grandfather.

I have a cousin who recently passed and requested no service or memorial. What he did do, however, is gift his four remaining siblings and their spouses a trip together. I love this so much, the idea of them all spending time together some place special.

My dad didn't want a service or memorial either but our family did all gather together for a few days which was meaningful to us and I believe my dad absolutely would have approved.

Wow, whatsay, that is such a lovely concept.

Roarah, I greatly appreciate your honesty and admire your attitude. Your insight that "Instead of passing days bringing a sense of lost time I now see each passing day as an extra gift" is so poignant. Moreover, you make a very interesting point I've not heard before about the process of going through an estate. Thank you for your post.

I really don’t spend much time thinking about aging. As mentioned earlier I’m happy to have lived long enough to be old. It does concern me a bit that I have no remaining family so who the hell is going to deal with me if I outlive DH. I honestly can’t imagine who would attend any kind of funeral for me if DH passes first. I don’t dwell on it. I had a great aunt like me and somehow she dealt with it. I am trying to get things in order so it’s as easy as possible for whoever has to deal with it. I do think about which would be worse - if DH goes first or if I do. He at least has some family but not particularly close. On the other hand he would be clueless about managing life without me. Oh well, not a whole hell of a lot I can do about any of that. I have tried to make a plan for our cats if they outlive both of us.

Roarah wrote: When I do not look too far back or forward I feel I can handle anything.So when I find myself too caught up trying to figure out life's mysteries I catch my breath, and ground myself in just this second and suddenly time stands still.

I love this. Thank you for sharing it.

My son asked me the other day, if I could know when I would die, would I want to? We had a good conversation about it, and even in hypothetical consideration, I was overwhelmed. I know this is no consolation for what you're going through, Roarah, but you've tapped into the key to happiness and peace that so many never understand.

Yes very interesting and I think wise what Roarah said.

it reminds me of what I've been saying to my sister lately who often says; I can't handle this.

She is stuck between a rock and another difficult sister. I keep telling her that maybe you can't handle all of that but you can handle the next 5 minutes. It gives her a moment to just be in that moment she tells me when she hears that.

I wish that state of appreciating the moment we're in could be made semi permanent. It's a fight because we have so many future fears and past pitfalls if we've lived into our senior years particularly.

As a former teacher, I was trained to present things to my students in a concrete manner whenever possible. It's just more efficient for the brain to process concrete objects rather than abstract notions. So, for example, I always had students cut a piece of paper into halves, and then fourths, rather than try to teach fractions as symbols on paper. Raising my own children, I was reminded of the importance of concrete instead of abstract over and over again. When we first began taking college tours, five minutes on campus would teach them more than hours spent online. I'm bringing it up now because I've spent more time in nursing homes over the last year than ever in my life (visiting my mom), and each time I leave, I'm absolutely hellbent on avoiding that for my own future. It's NOT a terrible place -in fact, it's lovely. But I know it isn't what I want for myself. I just don't see the point. I'm always at my worst when I don't have a sense of purpose, and I don't see any real purpose to living that way -away from family, without any real contribution to society. It has galvanized in a way nothing else has to make the most of these days (I'm 61) and to plan my future to the extent that I am able.

Best, my MIL always said assisted living is where you go to wait to die. And, she's kinda right but what is the alternative when you are unable to live independently and death is not imminent? MIL is 101, went into A/L a few years ago due to physical limitations. She makes the most of it...remains involved and mentally sharp...but, of course, she'd rather live in her own home, cook her own meals, entertain her former bridge group, etc.

The alternative is an exit plan. Assisted Living may not be as rough as a nursing home. My mother wears diapers 24/7, and is suffering from dementia (though she is lucid 90% of the time). Although there is enrichment there, she won't participate -which isn't a surprise, because she never has been a joiner. For the last few years, she has loved her iPad -for movies, books, info, staying in touch with family and friends, etc. but she can no longer navigate it herself. So her days are one long hour piled on top of another, punctuated by an occasional visit. I know 'you need an exit plan' sounds harsh to many, perhaps most, but to me, it feels right. The difficulty is in figuring out something that I could still avail myself of if the bitter end arrives suddenly. I wouldn't want to involve a loved one and put them at risk for legal action.

My grandmother, a widow, lived with us for the last 15 years of her life. She could have lived on her own without much difficulty, but what would have been the point of that? By living with me she was able to participate in family life in a way she could not have had she been on her own. She could not drive, and visits are not the same thing as being a part of the goings on in a vibrant, growing family. So while my grandmother could not maintain a social life on her own, she was a part of one by living with me. And while she could not do meaningful work on her own, by living with me she could rock great grandchildren to sleep, help them with their reading and spelling homework, lend a hand folding laundry and pass running commentary on mundane family issues, taking my husband's side in squabbles, marveling at my ability to cook (my grandmother could not cook much.) Living on her own she would have been isolated. I would drop in and visit in between doing all the things that keep people busy and distracted. The visits would be cursory and housekeeping in nature, ensuring there were meals prepared, shuttling to doctors' visits, chatting for a few minutes about this and that and then rushing off.

I know living in your own home is the gold standard of aging. Choosing assisted living while we can is a second choice. Living with extended family is a relic of the past, a relic we associate with material want. I don't see it that way. For a relatively healthy elder, I think staying with family offers the ability to remain relevant and connected to life.

Of course this scenario is not possible for elders suffering from serious medical conditions needing nursing care. It is far easier to manage this kind of arrangement for people who have harmonious family relationships. And even with great family relationships, there were tensions with my grandmother. It was not always smooth sailing. Things get tough when people perceive themselves failing, or losing control. My grandmother refused to accept she needed hearing aids and accused us of not speaking to her, for example.

I know I have written all this before, and I always hesitate to share this experience since I know how far outside the norm this is. But I think it's important for people to see alternative possibilities.

For me, so long as my aging is garden variety like my grandmother's, I imagine I'll live close or with one of my children should I become a widow.

If I age in ways that are awful, I have no idea what to do.

From my FB feed...'nuff said!

Still grappling with this for my Dad. Some people are just bent on being miserable. Who knows why, part genetics, part environment, part situational. It's so frustrating because there is nothing you can do about it. In the best assisted living or nursing homes, they try to provide a bridge between care and still participating in life. Sadly though, some residents refuse to take advantage of it, for whatever reason. My father is determined to be miserable, rejects any type of help related to his mental state, although he is endlessly hypochondriac with his physical state. It's like he wants to will himself physically young again so he can keep distractedly busy, avoid all the mental issues of old age, instead of facing them. Also he tends to project his mental issues into a physical problem, when in fact there is no physical cause of his anguish, it is mental. He could physically still participate in volunteering, social activities, a hobby if it wasn't too strenuous, etc. But he refuses because he is depressed and refuses treatment for it. But he is controlling and tries to passively get others to buy into his distress, so he can still get that power trip of being able to get a rise out of others. An aging narcissist with his worst nightmare slowly coming true, to be ignored. And yet his unpleasant personality almost guarantees that. He has friends, family around, his mind is still there, he has some mobility still, for 88 that is about as good as it is going to get. And yet he just rages against it. He never had a hobby and rejects any attempt to pick one up that he might do in his old age. But he has no ability to recognize himself or effectively seek or get any treatment to fix any of this. I am determined to NOT do that.

I am trying to learn how to find meaning in every stage of life, and not a meaning that is dependent on me, me, me all the time. Or even others. A meaning that is larger than yourself and how you are viewed by others. The time to develop habits that will see you through old age is before you get there!!

Some of the question of what would one do differently makes me wonder about medications and when to consider discontinuing certain ones. If a medication is a quality of life one, such as one that suppresses acid reflux and allows you to eat without pain, I would probably want to continue that forever. However, the preventative medications or ones that optimize certain things, I wonder if I got to a certain point in my life if it would be better to just take my chances. For instance cholesterol medications, blood pressure, certain diabetic medications, etc. If I were in a memory care unit and no longer lucid, would I want those responsible for my medical care to discontinue those things that may be prolonging my life or would I like to let nature take it's course at that point. I imagine this would take a long discussion with a physician at the appropriate time. If I were to be in pain, I absolutely want pain relievers (quality of life) but I wonder what other boundaries I should explore when the time comes.

Following

LOL, Running! I guess I'm just "old" myself, because I think Rue is waaaaaay cuter than J Lo, who looks a bit desperate in the barely-there bodysuit. The toned arms rock, though.

Mutton dressed as lamb reeks of desperation, which is not a youthful scent.

Nothing about JLo’s performance at the Super Bowl was desperate.

I didn't see her performance, as I'd rather gouge out my eyes with forks than watch anything football-related (YMMV). My comment was based solely on the meme shared above.

I was wondering what, “Mutton dressed as lamb reeks of desperation, which is not a youthful scent.” meant in this case.

I've always understood that to mean an older woman dressed in a style more suitable to a younger woman.

That’s what I thought too. JLos look was appropriate for JLo, even at 50. And she rocked it.

I sure didn't and would never watch the super bowl, but after reading about the political nature of the show, I watched Jennifer and Shakira's performance on Monday. Not my musical style, but I appreciated their athleticism and message.

Describing women of any age as pieces of meat is reprehensible, especially so when coming from another woman. Wow.

My musical taste doesn't include Shakira and JLo, but I thought they were pretty amazing. Very athletic performance. I wish I looked half as good. Makes me want to step up my workout game.

I saw nothing about "mutton dressed as lamb" in them at all and as a woman, don't understand a fellow woman labeling another woman as such.

I watched their performance later and even though I'm not what you would call a fan of either (just not my genre), great performance! I don't call someone taking care of their body, looking the best they can look as trying to look younger. FWIW, to me 50 is not old. It is obvious by JLo's appearance and performance (stamina!) that she works very hard to stay in shape. I also loved that her daughter took part in the show.

I certainly did not mean to equate women with meat. My apologies.

As for being 50, I am 51 and since I look young for my age I often question what I can and cannot wear in order not to look like I am desperately trying to hold on to my youth. For example, the whole Laura Ashley look is having a revival via Loveshack Fancy. I wore that look a lot when I was young, can I now? IDK, but I'll probably skip it.

PS I don't call taking care of yourself trying to look younger. I certainly always want to look my best. The question for me is how to present yourself. Can I still wear a micro mini at my age, even if I have the legs of a dancer? I don't think so. For some reason baring that much skin was unselfconscious when I was 20, today it would feel phony.

I don't even like certain exposed looks on young women. Actually, perhaps especially on young women. I've seen performances by the likes of Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, Katie Perry, where they're wearing the equivalent of a scanty onesie ... hot pants up to THERE that make me just wonder, why??? Yes, they're beautiful and fit and know how to move well to the choreographed routines, but there's just something about that kind of skin exposure that does not sit well with me. And it doesn't have to, I guess. I'm not their target audience, but the hordes of young women who attend their concerts ARE, and I find the body flaunting just a bit too much. I'm uncomfortable by the potential messages that sends to the impressionable young ladies I've taken to such shows.

I don't think it's speaking ill of other women to hold an opinion of how a celebrity costumes herself. I don't believe Zalco meant to imply that women are "meat", but simply stating her opinion about what she considers to be proper attire and what isn't.

Yeah, I for one don't think soft porn in the entertainment business is new, but don't cry me a river about how "empowering" it is for women. And don't cry me a river if you feel like you have to gin up your performance with stripper poses, and then complain that the political message was lost. It was not lost on me, and my big question was, "Why gals? You don't have to prove anything to me!!"

I watched part of the show. The music was terrific. JLo and Shakira looked terrific. Their outfits did not bother me a bit. That said, I think a lot of their dancing was more appropriate to a strip club. The moves were not sexy; they were rawly sexual. I am far from a prude and this wouldn't have bothered me at a regular concert. I have two friends who both shared reactions from their children (one a 12-year old boy and the other an eleven year old girl) to the dancing. The girl was just staring wide-eyed (and not in a good way) and the boy told his dad he thought it was offensive and the half-time show should be for all ages. That pretty much sums up my feelings.

One note, I am glad Zalco clarified because that phrase is also offensive.

Husband and I went over to a neighbor's SB party and actually stayed through the first quarter-it was the first time we ever watched a Super Bowl!

Anyway, I watched the halftime show on youtube later and as has been discussed exhaustively on local social media it was a very glitzy, VERY Miami production. I'd say if you didn't approve of the dance moves, don't ever take yourselves to a South Beach club cuz your pearls will break from being clutched LOL.

What they were doing was just a ramped up super bowl sized version of that. And there were a ton of nods to some pretty specific chunks of Latinx culture like Shakira's zaghrouta (Lebanese-Columbian anyone?), Bad Bunny and J Balvin and their reggaeton beat, J Lo's cape w/PR and US flags, the belly dance moves (see zaghrouta), and so on.

As my daughter wrote from DC, it made her nostalgic for Miami and the scene down here....and it was certainly an over the top example of life in the fast tropical lane.

I have no problem with sexual display as entertainment, and for it being on the Superbowl half time show. I watched similar Las Vegas kinds of programs as a kid, on the Sonny and Cher show, or even Ed Sullivan, for example. But it is what it is, don't pretend it is something else. You are going to have kids see that and become fans of it. I loved Cher, kids loved Madonna, etc. But the ability to also understand that it is fantasy, that it is only one way to be artful, that sex as entertainment is a whole lot different than sex in real life, and that objectification of something for art or the sake of selling a product, is not the same thing as the soul of the real deal. A wise entertainer will make it clear that their onstage persona is not the real them. I don't think Jennifer Lopez or Shakira have ever claimed that it was. The show was very well choreographed and there was a lot of female talent on display, but it was blatantly sexual at times, and I don't think we should pretend otherwise, even for our kids. I know there are a lot of people who don't think words or non verbal images or environment has effects on people, but I'm not one of them. Many of the concepts behind personal fashion and home decorating are built around the science of facts and aesthetic principles indicating that it does, and that it is profound. Sexual display is the purvey of the nightclub, and football is the purvey of stylized territorial conquest, no reason to not pair them for adults. Not sure about the kids . . . probably fine if they have gads of other things going on in their lives. Who didn't grow up listening to their parents George Carlin tapes or records and the seven words . . . another kind of shock. We survived.