I agree with you, CR!

You are so right there CR.

I also hate to hear children referred to as accidents. Even though I am adopted and certainly not planned, I hate to think of myself as an accident.

Yep, I also agree CR and I certainly don't think she should be dubbing him a sperm donor in front of his children.

I totally agree with Summer. To call the father a sperm donor to any child, especially a 12-year-old, is bad bad bad. It's of course meant as an insult to the father, but the one really being hurt and confused by this is her daughter.

The mom doesn't sound too smart.

I have been known to call my kids' father a jerk now and then (not in front of them), but it would never enter my head to call him a sperm donor. He IS their father/dad, no matter what my personal feelings are.

Shirley

I agree with you Heather...children are NOT accidents...they are gifts. And if the biological parents can't take care of them,then they are gifts to someone that can't have their own.You were for sure a welcome little gift to your adoptive parents!I wish we would have adopted...we just kept hoping for me to get pregnant...to late now.I'm to old to keep up with a baby now.
Yep Summer,her oldest DD even calls him the SD...I HATE it!

Oh Chubby I LOVE you! You are so right on!!
Every father deserves the respect of being a father IMO....unless he is a deadbeat father of course. But Sperm donor is an awful name to pin on someone!

Okay....I have to chime in! LOL Zachary came from a sperm donor! That is the way it is/was/and will always be! He found out Caryn was preggers, and he couldn't get away and stay away fast enough! Besides the other kids that he didn't take care of! (ALL the stuff that was found out when it was going through the legal system...for the adoption!!) Not one of us has called him an accident tho...he was a gift that Caryn could give!

But NEVER would we say that to Zachary if the day comes. If he wants to meet him.... if he isn't in prison that is..we would dismay him, but never not allow it.

There are some bad dad's out there.....and then there ARE sperm donors!

Just my 2 cents from our experience!

Sandy, I respectfully disagree. At the time Caryn slept with him, she had feelings for him, and he for her. He just didn't want to be a father, apparently. So now he's a deadbeat dad, but not just a sperm donor.

The problem that most adults don't even realize that they are creating, is that kids understand that they are "half their mother, half their father." When one parent continually disparages the other in front of the child, that child will eventually be thinking that the "good" parent must not really like him/her, either, because they're part of the other parent.

Another one who agrees with Sandy. DD#1 was fathered by a sperm donor. Wanted nothing to do with her once he found out I was pregnant. (oh wait, when she turned 18 and he wouldn't be financially responsible for her he wanted back into her life...she said so sad, to bad!!) ....Anyone can be a father, it takes someone special to be a Daddy...well even further, Anyone can be a sperm donor, it takes someone special to be a daddy.

BTW....when a friend of mine refers to her son's sperm donor, can't disagree, it's the truth! Literally.

Vickey-MN

I agree with you CR.I also agree that there must have been some attraction when these women slept with them to begin with and surely they discussed the possibility of pregnancy beforehand and what it would mean in the relationship.
I guess there are some men who could be called that,but definitely not in front of the children under any circumstances,IMHO! It sounds like the father of those children is being responsible and at least "trying" to have a relationship with them,unlike the "sperm donors" Vickey and Sandy are talking about! There is a BIG difference.

While I agree that children are gifts to be cherished, the simple fact is that today many men are 'sperm donors' just as many women are 'egg donors'.

I'm so glad for those of you who haven't had the life experiences that point that out. If you haven't lived among people who live that way--that's wonderful. I live near a ghetto, have taught in the inner city, have family who live in another bad urban area, and my husband works with the poorest of the poor every day.

It's a very sad fact, that in some areas of our country, children are considered simply a commodity. Many young women are getting pregnant, NOT because they're in love with the guy, or even like him this weekend, or because they would love to have a child to raise, read to, mold--but because having a baby gets them money--welfare, Wic, HEAP, Medicaid, free college classes (which they string out for years, because it puts more spending money in their pockets) and a bunch of other programs that support them. It's quite common to hear inner city teens discussing being short money to do what they want to--and hear one of them tell the other--"Just have a baby, then you can get welfare". Note that while supposedly welfare is limited (2 years), that's NOT the case in fact. There are so many different programs one can enroll in, that it's entirely possible to have a few babies and be able to stay home, living off the public dole until those kids reach 18. Where we live, collecting welfare is, for many, the family business--one that they've been employed with for often 3-4-5 or MORE generations.

I know one young woman who is a lesbian. Who purposely got pregnant so that she wouldn't have to go to school or work after she graduated from high school. And she's not unique. There are young teens--boys and girls--reproducing like wildfire for all the wrong reasons, in every inner city in this country. And the babies are NOT given up for adoption because they're the family's meal ticket. I think this is one of the greatest, most pervasive tragedies of our time. Very sad to see these young kids (again, both the boys and girls) neglecting their children because: a) they're just children themselves and don't know how to parent, b) they never really wanted the child to start with--just a pay check, and c) because the young parents probably were brought up in families just as disfunctional and have no idea how to properly parent a child.

I have no problem with the term 'sperm' donor--if it's used to mean a father who is a deadbeat. Why should we offer respect to someone who is so selfish they cannot even take care of their own child? I just wish some of the babies born into the world I've described had the chance to get away from their deadbeat mothers (and their abusive boyfriends/girlfriends) as well.

Talking about people ripping off Welfare...that's another pet peeve of mine. That's a whole other animal....
I'm talking about the girls that go with the guys for months or even YEARS and in some cases marry them...then call the dad a sperm donor...I hate it,I will always hate it,If you had feelings for the guy...enough to sleep with him,you should have known his opinions on being a dad and if you knew he didn't want kids...wouldn't be there for them.....then close your legs....the lady I'm talking about is actually one that rips of Welfare,she lives with a man that makes GOOD money...just bought a 2008 Ford Focus ...they pay 800 a month rent and she gets food stamps and free medical for the kids.I realize they aren't his kids but come on,they came as a package deal with the mom.She also gets child support.Drives up to the welfare office in her brand new car...something wrong with that picture in my eyes....

Another reason to teach that abstinence is a good thing.

Reason with kids why an education, strong moral values, and WAITING to have children are GOOD THINGS.

I feel like a minority anymore.

Anyway, I can see why someone may call a father "the sperm donor" and yet I would never say that in front of a child. They will figure out the sad part of their life as they get older, no need to make them feel responsible for something they have no control over. They just want to be loved by their parents, be like their friends that they admire.
In a way it does sound silly,,,Sperm donor. I kinda doubt they felt like a sperm donor when they were going at it. Then all of a sudden the deadbeats fly like a bat outta hell when they hear they are a daddy. All they left was the sperm. I so wish I could hand out vasectomy vouchers.
Free cut and tie for the taking.

"Free cut and tie for the taking."...ha

Azzalea, you are sadly correct. I saw and heard alot through the years of doing volunteer work.
Our daughter was in the seventh grade when an ambulance was called to the school for a pregnant classmate...she had the baby in the ambulance in the school's parking lot.
That was the talk of the town for awhile, but I don't think many people were surprised, if any. A short while later, the same girl told her classmates that she wanted another baby... Reason: "I'll get more money every month."

My opinion about "sperm donor" is...to speak about it in front of children...is just plain TACKY.

I agree with Azzalea. My DD has an 11 yr. old daughter by a sperm donor. DD was on the pill. Taking an antibiotic, it made the pill not effective. Results were my DGD. I love her to death. When sperm donor found out DD was pregnant, he was GONE, but still in the state. When the court ordered child support, he wanted a DNA test. 99.7% positive it was his. So he skipped the state. Hasn't paid support for 11 years. He isn't a father, or a dad, in any way. He contacted DD about 2 months ago, telling her he was joining the service, because he couldn't make a move without the 'child support' order blocking him. Boo Hoo (I should only hope he does. Maybe the government will attatch his paycheck, but I won't count on that either). She's trying so hard to make something of herself. She is just now getting some assistance for schooling. Getting straight A's too!!! But it sure as heck isn't free. To become an LPN, then later an RN. Where do you sign up for the free school? It'd sure take a load off me having to 'help'. She works a part time job, and is raising 2 kids alone now (now divorced from the 2nd DGS's dad. She's made some bad choices, but she's trying to better herself, so she can get off assistance. I consider it a hand up, not a hand out. But dammit, she's trying. And if you've never been there, you have no idea of how she feels. Things happen. I wear no halo, believe me.
I've never even applied for unemployment. I've always paid my taxes. Where's the free schooling and where does she sign up?
Leslie

Don't get me wrong-it's totally inappropriate to use the term in front of children. I don't disagree at all with that. I was just pointing out that sometimes, the term is really correct.

As to teaching responsibility and abstinence? The people I'm talking about--and I'm sure Ashli can verify this--don't believe there's value in absinence. The culture I'm talking about literally teaches their children that having children--as many and as early as possible--is where the money is. It's considered a good thing for girls to get pregnant early. The guys aren't really missed too much if they disappear, because, I guess, they're just one more mouth to feed (?). I realize that those of you who have grown up in middle America and never really spent any time in an urban ghetto, probably don't totally understand what we're talking about, nor how widespread this really is.

There was this girl at work (probably about 17 when she was hired), who was very smart, sweet, pretty, poor but dressed very neatly. She had a boyfriend, then they got engaged. All of a sudden she looked very pregnant. A son was born, no marriage, then another son, then a daughter. she never speaks about her boyfriend/fiance anymore.

Some of you have sure led very sheltered lives. I don't approve of dissing a parent in front of a child but there are lots of deadbeat dads who are truly "sperm donors". By deadbeat, I am not just referring to dads who don't pay child support but also to dads who pay child support and don't even bother to visit their kids. Unless you have had to try to explain to a crying young child why dad doesn't come to visit, please don't throw stones.

The term itself, used in that context is wrong.

A donor is someone who through kindness, love and self sacrifice makes a gift to another, in the form of blood, a kidney, part of their liver, huge sums of money to a worthy cause, etc.

Sperm donor in the sense that mother is using it is none of those things.

Another term that I dislike, along these same lines, is "Single Parent". It is too often used to gain sympathy and explain why their lives are so hard, and money is short, etc. Especially if that mother is shown with a half dozen or so children.

I could go on, but I won't.

Sue

I don't think I'm throwing stones Linda...but I still HATE the term....IMO,if the girl/woman liked/loved the man enough to sleep with him...maybe she should have checked him out better before she took the chance of having a child with him.Everyone knows how babies are made...play the game...pay the piper...there's always a chance you'll be on your own with the baby....but like I said,if the guy's a Sperm Donor...what's that make the female???Takes Two to Tango....
My husband has a child by his first wife that he rarely got to see...his ex is a witch.We paid support til he was 18,so I guess my husbands a "Sperm Donor" too

Here I thought that the term "Sperm Donor" referred only to a situation involving a test tube and a fertility clinic, with no personal contact between donor and recipient!

That was a misapprehension, was it?

Actually, I believe that's a misnomer, as well, for it has been my understanding that most of the persons providing sperm were paid for their "contibution" - quite often, struggling medical students, I think.

Which makes the term, "Donor" rather problematic, even in that situation.

"Sperm Contributor"? But, no ... that often means providing something of value without appropriate compensation.

"Sperm Provider"? Looks to me as though that terminology fills the bill fairly adequately.

I've been too sheltered, I guess.

Who wouldda thought that a fella could learn so much stuff ...

... at a plain, old Kitchen Table!

Modern life sure has brought a lot of unexpected (benefits?) experiences!

ole joyful

My niece refers to her father as SD. My brother is one of those types who should NEVER have had kids. He (and SIL) were lousy parents. SIL even made the remark to oldest niece "if they had the pill back then, we wouldn't have had you". Their treatment of the kids when they were "bad" qualifies, IMHO, as child abuse.

Thankfully the kids grew up and are great and I love them to death. One of my nieces even commented that if it ever came down to having to take care of mom and dad or me, she'd put them in one of the cheapest homes she could find, and take me in. Isn't that sad?