Words I am tired of hearing.
amylou321
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
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Comments (93)This year for the first time I put a ripped hunk of cotton blue jean material into a compost pile. Mostly as a curiousity, to see how long it takes to rot. Sometimes you just can't even use stuff as rags, it is so worn out. Don't know how nutritious it is, but that was one of the first really startling things I learned on gardenweb, that you can compost cotton clothing! Just something most people wouldn't think of on their own. Read a great paraphrased line in a book today, "Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them." Describes us here pretty well, doesn't it? (Quote from Dick Francis.) Speaking of weird: Blutranes, I wish you wouldn't, every year or so, tell me that I am compromising the health of my family by not buying organic soil amendments and hence having faulty nutrition. Then when I ask about it, you say, oh, you are organic, I don't want to argue with you. If you are going to make such BIZARRE claims about the health of my family related to eating our organic produce, then I expect some facts in return. I am a smart person, and I used to teach chemistry, physics, math, and computer science. I have both a B.S. and an M.S. from a college of engineering, so you are free to use big words in your explanation. I assure you that I will understand any actual facts and data. Marcia...See MoreAm I Technically a 'Caregiver' in the True Sense of the Word?
Comments (11)Suzieque, don't forget the financial arrangements. Most banks are not happy with POAs, unless you use their own forms. Make sure that you are on all her bank accounts. Remember that a POA expires with the death of the person. Does she have her will in order? Are her assets in a trust? Now's the time to make sure. In Mother's last two years, she started obsessing about various things. Drove me crazy. She would balance her bank statement several times a day. She thought that if the SS auto-deposit was made on the first of the month, and also later on the 31st (for the next month), "they" were going to take it away from her. She became less and less able to understand things like that. I finally had the bank change the address to my home, plus her social security address, because she'd also stress about any piece of mail that she would get. I had trouble lying to her, but I learned how. I had a long talk with a neighbor of hers who was a retired nun and school teacher/principal about lying. Talk about taking me back to my childhood! But Sister Noreen was a wonderful help to me. See if you can find someone like that to unload on. Someone discrete who won't blab, but will let you talk. And let it all out. I had to jiggle her savings. She had two CDs that paid a good rate, about 6% (those were the days!), and she had about $30 per month too much income to qualify for a rent reduction. So I took out enough from one CD and opened another at a lower rate, reduced her income and saved her more than $300 in rent for the $30 lowering of her income. There is NO way she'd ever have been able to follow that maneuver, and she'd have fainted to have learned that she was losing income, but it was the right thing to do. But I had to lie to her, naturally. I was completely stressed at that time. I learned to set boundaries with Mother. She might call and say that she needed something from the store (her meals were provided), and I learned to NOT drop everything to go shop for her. I learned to not be available every single day, even if I actually was free. Of course, I was available for an emergency, but I learned to put her off a little. At least it gave me a sense on control in my own life, if you know what I mean. Figure out something to do just for yourself on a regular basis. Take a long walk, an exercise class, a massage, go to a movie, whatever you can do just for yourself. Turn off the cell phone for an hour or two. I'll think of more hints that you might be able to use, but I do recommend finding someone to talk to. And keep posting here, of course....See MoreTwo words I hate to hear.....
Comments (23)I agree with Azzalea. My DD has an 11 yr. old daughter by a sperm donor. DD was on the pill. Taking an antibiotic, it made the pill not effective. Results were my DGD. I love her to death. When sperm donor found out DD was pregnant, he was GONE, but still in the state. When the court ordered child support, he wanted a DNA test. 99.7% positive it was his. So he skipped the state. Hasn't paid support for 11 years. He isn't a father, or a dad, in any way. He contacted DD about 2 months ago, telling her he was joining the service, because he couldn't make a move without the 'child support' order blocking him. Boo Hoo (I should only hope he does. Maybe the government will attatch his paycheck, but I won't count on that either). She's trying so hard to make something of herself. She is just now getting some assistance for schooling. Getting straight A's too!!! But it sure as heck isn't free. To become an LPN, then later an RN. Where do you sign up for the free school? It'd sure take a load off me having to 'help'. She works a part time job, and is raising 2 kids alone now (now divorced from the 2nd DGS's dad. She's made some bad choices, but she's trying to better herself, so she can get off assistance. I consider it a hand up, not a hand out. But dammit, she's trying. And if you've never been there, you have no idea of how she feels. Things happen. I wear no halo, believe me. I've never even applied for unemployment. I've always paid my taxes. Where's the free schooling and where does she sign up? Leslie...See MoreAm i wrong? Is HATE t.o strong a word?
Comments (16)> has anyone ever got therapy? Does it work, Well, counselors are people, too, There's no magic bullet called 'therapy' -- it all depends on the counsellor and the person being counselled. I was in about 5 sessions of group while I was in school -- it was less than useful, aside from the fact that it was free. On the other hand, I've heard good stories from other folks. I'm not sure the best way to find one, although maybe the folks at a women's shelter or social services could recommend one. But look for somebody that strikes you as stable and grounded themselves, with a no-nonsense attitude. You don't want to be taking advice from folks drowning in their own neuroses -- or not-helping you, to pay for their porsche. > Can I change? will it be helpful? I want to change, I want to be happy Ok, well, therapy per se is not going to make you happy. What therapy does is allow us to examine our own behaviors to see what the real causes are, to determine what we want in life, to help ourselves determine effective ways of doing things, and to be able to see when we're playing games with ourselves. Often, too, it allows us to better peep the minds and motives of other people in our lives. However, it doesn't necessarily make us *happy* -- for one thing it might strip away purposeful ignorance of certain sides to our personalities. Basically, if it works right, it allows us to conduct our lives with a minimum of silliness. But it doesn't necessarily make problems go *away*. So...hating the kids... If we're going with the supposition that you're going to stay in the relationship, then hating the kids presense is just going to drive you further around the bend. IF you're staying, THEN you will have to deal with the kids presence. No way around it. So, you have to turn it around it your head -- is it really just them, or is it the fact that taking care of them takes time away from the other kids, and yourself? So first off -- you're allowed to have time to yourself. Granted, you're a parent, therefore you have less time to yourself than an average mayfly. But all flippness aside, you're allowed to be by yourself and do yourself kinds of things as long as it's not, say, telephoning your husband from Toronto saying you're taking a month sabbatical. Secondly, if you feel that your husband's kids are monopolizing your time, you're allowed to give all the kids equal attention. The family isn't just who got there first, or who got there loudest, it's everybody. Third, look into getting help taking care of the kids. Beyond all the other ideas already posted, I think social services here offers some kind of temporary fostering program. You could look into whether that's avail in your area, unless you think it's going to open a can of worms. Fourth, > The little boy is manipulative and the girl is a liar, and too grown, her mother did a poor job raising her, she is VERY sneaky and brings home poor grades that makes my husband angry and it spills over to everyone in the house. Ok, this I can identify with. There's a couple things going on here: the kids' behavior, and the father's reaction. Leaving aside the kids for the moment, let's look at the father. The statement I just quoted, along with the fact that you never say if you can talk to your husband about any of this, leads me to wonder what your husband is like. Does he have a hair trigger? Can he stand back from things? Does he help discipline the kids, all of them equally? Does he help around the house? Is he nice to you? Reason being, a family is a spectrum, right? Bunch of people's behaviors, bunch of people's actions, etc and so forth. If your husband is adding to the problems instead of subtracting from them...you don't need a 30 year old 7th child. So, the kids' behaviors. I can understand your frustration if they're being SOBs. If you're chosing to stay though, then you're going to need to deal with the SOBs -- effectively, rather than desrtuctively. Are there any reasons why you think they act the way they act, or do you think they're just that way? If there might be underlying reasons other than just because, you might have a hook to channel their behavior elsewhere. The grades are not the worrisome part, because that's self-punishing. It's your statement 'she's too grown'. If you mean she's getting into real life grown up shenanigans, then I'm not sure what to tell you, other than to ask if her dad is doing anything about that. Does she have a love for anything outside of school, is she really good at anything? Grades come and grades go, but it sounds like (obviously, from just one sentence of yours, so take it with a grain of salt) she's headed for real life problems if she doesn't have something to carry her through teenhood. Sports, art, writing, anything? If you're looking for ulterior motives, it'll get her out of your hair for a while.... I think counselling may help you develop strategies to deal with the kids, and might help you with your rel with your husband, if that needs help. On the other hand, depending on the therapist, I also think it'll bring up whether or not you should be in this marriage in the first place, and other personal issues that you may or may not want to face head on. But, in any case, get help taking care of the kids and talk to your husband first, and then see if you need to take things further....See Moreamylou321
4 years agolast modified: 4 years agoarkansas girl
4 years ago
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