I'm so sorry you are feeling so down, but it will get better, Kathy. The new puppy will certainly help to direct your thoughts in various directions, to say the least. Remember the happy days with your mom and they will take over, eventually.

Phyllis

Oh, Kathy, I'm so sorry for the physical and mental turmoil you are going through. think about it, your Mom had a presence in your life from before you were born. Of course you are feeling a huge void. What a terrific Mother she was for you to be in such a sad state. You are trying to live in and get used to a different world....one without her. It is no comfort, I know, but it does get easier in time. I hope soon you can find Peace and comfort plus some smiles when you think of her, now, whole, healthy, free of pain, and even younger, in the better place she is in. I recently read that when we pass on, we go back to how we were in our 30's. I have no idea how anyone would know that, but it is something I'm holding on to, knowing I won't be in the decrepit condition I am in now....for eternity. ((((((Hugs)))))) for you and hoping for brighter days ahead of you. Dottie

I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful, Kathy.

I only have one word of advice - when pleasure and joy come - and they truly will - don't resist them. Let your new puppy make you laugh, and stomp down on any thoughts of, "How can I laugh when Mom is dead."

With my health I really changed this year,nothing is serious ,material things are just that you cant take them with you,money its fun having some but then again material things,
My father passed away 2 years ago,I hadnt seen him in 30 years,I thought he would come to my door and apologize nope so I made a real effort to finally get the elephant offmy back,I will not let this get me down anymore.
When ill you find out who really cares and it aint who you thought...
You lose your mother its big.Your best friend.Its been 38 years my mother passed I think of her still daily.

Kathy, I was like this when I lost my dog....this is your Mom for heaven sake. Of course, you're in a depressed state right now. The time will come when all the good memories will bring a smile to your face instead of sadness. For now, just go with the flow. Cry, smile, be sad, be happy. The new puppy will definitely help. When my Dad died, my sister-in-law took a pair of his overalls and wore them to do her gardening. She was very close to him and it was a comfort to her to wear something of his. Don't feel guilty about wearing something of your Mom's. Just feel her presence.

This is a tough time now. Let all your feelings out, don't hold them back. You'll feel better over time. That's what it takes....Time.
Somehow I think when our parents die, we move up a rung on the ladder, and that may be an underlying thought, that isn't comfortable.
Hang in there.

Kathy, what you are going through is perfectly normal. It takes time to grieve, and we all grieve in our own way. Losing a mother is very hard. My mother left us 2-1/2 years ago, and it's still hard to believe she is gone. I'm having a hard time letting go of things that belonged to her. My father still has all of her clothes, in boxes in his closet. He will get rid of them in his own way, in his own time.

I think your new puppy will help you--it will require you to focus a lot of attention to its needs...taking time away from your grief.

I'm here if you need a shoulder. Sending hugs to you!

(((((((Kathy))))))))))) I hope things get better for you soon. It is hard but it will get easier, it just takes time. I still have feelings like that over my parents and its been over 6 years & more.

(((((Kathy))))) Time, sweetie. Give yourself lots of it. I'm glad you're getting a puppy, you'll have to show him to us and tell us his/her name! Distractions are good. Good luck. (((((Kathy)))))

Grief doesn't come with a manua;, that's for sure! But, you can bet your sweet bippy there is someone out there that's never lost their Mom (Dad,Child,Husband) that can tell you what you should/shouldn't do! What you need/don't need to do! How you should/shouldn't feel! And, it goes on and on! There is no right/wrong on the grief journey. You have to travel it your way and my Prayers are with you as you take one day...one minute at a time!

Kathy, I am sorry for the loss of your Mother. You must allow yourself to grieve in whichever way is best for you. There is no right or wrong way. I would like to suggest that you consider a grief group. I attended one after the death of my husband and honestly I think it saved my life. Check with your local hospice to see if they offer a group that would be right for you. I hope you can find an ongoing group which lets you decide when you are ready to move on and not the type that is a 6 or 8 week session. Even if you did not use hospice their groups are open to everyone. I hope you are able to find a group you are comfortable with and that you receive as much comfort and help as I did. My thoughts are with you. Satine

Is there some grief sessions you can attend? Check with your local churches, listings in the paper, YMCA etc. Just a few times could help. Sad to say, I never went thru that due to the relationship I had with my Mom. Not a bad one, just other issues. Yes I miss her, but it is hard to miss something you never had-==relationship/love/understanding, not control and other issues.

I feel your pain. I lost my mother on Mother's Day and I can't seem to move on. My husband just can't understand my grief. My life is simply not the same anymore and he doesn't seem to get it. This conversation is so upsetting to me that I can't continue it. Hugs to you. You are not alone and we will come through the pain.

Kathy,
I do know exactly what you are going thru..My Mother passed away on the 28th day of December 2010, very unexpected. My Father now lives with me. He has dementia. At times, it seems easier b/c of him and at times it is 100% worse. I don't think you or I need to hear it is going to get easier. Right now we just need to mourn. It does not get easier, right now each day seems to get worse. Only this a.m. when I woke, the first thing on my mind was, I need to call Mama. But, I can't.
My heart goes out to you. Just keep the good thoughts and cherish each and every one of them. I keep asking myself, "What if I didn't have good memories". I don't think I could go on if I didn't have ALL THE GOOD MEMORIES!! We only have one Mother and we can't just go out and get another one. Yes, I too feel orphaned and alone.. I have three siblings that are able to mourn and get on with their lives, but, I am the only one to take care of my Daddy.

No, don't feel sorry for me, I am not looking for sympathy, only understanding.

And to everyone else that is going thru this, my prayers and thought are with you as well. Please keep me in your prayers.

Creek

I'm sorry, Kathy. all I wanted to say has already been said.
I too, think the puppy will help. My son was 6 weeks old when my Mom died. He was literally a life line for all of us the next several years.

(((((((((((((( vickij ))))))))))))))) i'm so sorry Vicki!

Kathy, your post just broke my heart. I vividly remember feeling exactly as you do now after losing my dad and then years later, my mom. Even when surrounded by other people that I loved, I felt like an orphan all alone in the world. It may be hard to believe right now, but what the others have said is true... passage of time will bring comfort a little bit at a time. I kept a very select few of their 'things' because the wonderful memories of them when they were healthy and happy are the most precious possessions I have. Praying for God's comfort and healing for you.

Kathy, your post has brought the tears again. Now I am crying because I don't want to lose my Mom. Yesterday was her 79th birthday, the day my friend Angie died. I went to work this morning after a mostly sleepless night, came home and took a nap and woke up dreaming that Angie was alive. I just didn't want to wake up, hoping it was true. I have been terrified I am going to lose my Mom. Nothing seems right. I'm sorry for your pain.

I dread the day and I think you describe the loss so well.....

Do you like to write? I'd say you're good at it and perhaps it would help to keep a diary, or just write whenever the memories are crushing. I feel very badly for you and know I'll be in your place someday soon. Hang in there and try to find a grief counseling group if you can.

I'm so sorry.

I remember the pain when my mother died.

My brother died in January of this year, and his daughter is going through the same things that you describe. She is struggling so hard with it, and there's nothing I can do for her except tell her to let time pass and do the best she can in the meantime.

Hugs to you.

Well, you know what? "Grief" HURTS! An amputation has taken place. You've lost a big part of your history, your life-up-to-now, your rock-solid-always-in-your-corner MOM.

Life will be different without her. Eventually the sharp pain will dull. The would will heal. One day you'll be able to remember without feeling only loss.

Good idea about the pup. After my mother died, it was having to walk our Westie that pulled me back into life. He showed me how to love the moment and take it from there.

You wouldn't be hurting if you hadn't loved and been loved. It's still a good background for your life.

Heartfelt condolences. I'm so sorry you lost your mom. Keep the good memories close at heart. I understand your sadness, confusion. On another forum someone said that you cannot go around grief, you have to walk straight through it. I think that is so true, and it's a tough walk. Take care.

Oh Kathy, so sorry you have to go through all of this. Along with time, I would recommend getting a journal and just start writing your thoughts, feelings, etc. As you do this, you're at least getting it out. I gave one to a friend 2 yrs ago when she was widowed at age 35 and she has filled 4 of them. She said it helps alot to even now, look back at how she has grown/coped since then.

Be very careful driving and such things. Take care of yourself. More accidents happen when we are distracted and grief is certainly that. After my Mom passed away I forgot to pay bills and other stuff that I normally am right on top of. Things got away from me. When my husband was ill this past winter the same thing happened again. Try to be very careful.
(((hugs))) I understand where you are.

I';m so sorry. I'm going thru similar feelings about My Own Mom who passed in January. My brother moved into her house and is in charge of doling out her belongings,he's the Executor. Not a job I'd want. I've asked him for some of her jewelry. (The only diamonds she owned were in her wedding and engagement rings. She wasn't flashy.) I asked for a few items of clothing. When they arrive I'll try them on. Mom and I were both tiny,small framed, even tho she was exactly one half inch taller. My brother sent some flowers from her garden, which I lovingly transplanted into my own yard. I miss her every day and want to be able to call her on the phone. It's getting easier as time goes on.

My Dad died in 1987 at the age of 60. The next day I found out I was pregnant with Amanda. My Mom died in my arms and I tried cpr til the ambulance came 13 years ago this August. I can honestly say, I thought I was going to lose my mind. The pain was so debilitating at times. I got on the computer and played solitaire and other mindless games. Mindless, mind numbing, so I didn't have to think.

I had good days and bad days. I thought the guilt was going to eat me alive. I couldn't sleep for months because I DID relive that night repeatedly in my dreams.

There's nothing, nothing anyone can say. Nothing takes the ache, the void away. Only time. And time only eases it so that when you do think of her the pain doesn't floor you.

God bless you, God help you deal with your grief. I'm very sorry for your loss.

(((((Kathy))))) What a wonderful loving tribute to your Mom.She would be so proud to know that you think of her so lovingly, and most likely sad to know that losing her is source of pain. I am so sorry that she is gone. (((((Hugs)))))

I am sorry for your loss, it is very tough. I lost my mum in 1999 and I think of her every day. I am not sad about it now, I just think of the funny things she said and did. It is really nice to have those memories.

Eventually you come to realize that life goes on, you gradually find the beauty in life to perk you up.

I think one needs to go through the sorting of clothes etc, of the loved one, as a way of saying good bye, it is all part of the process of grieving.

It does get easier, you have to keep that in mind. Everyday won't be misery.

Said with tears in my eyes.

xx

I am sorry for your loss Kathy, today is my Mother's funeral. We are celebrating her life today. She lived a good life and had many friends. I know as time goes by things will get easier for you.

Sue

Oh I'm so sorry Kathy (and Marilyn Sue)

It's more than understandable to be hurting the way you are.
You lost a huge important part of your life. No one can replace our Mothers. No matter how old we are, we still need her.

I love the way you wrote your message, it's beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes as well.

A puppy! I think that's a great idea! I've never had one, but I can imagine that all of your concentration will be keeping him out of trouble!

Please post anytime you need to, Kathy. We're here.

It's June 14, Flag Day. My Dad died June 14 1998. A day or so after he passed, I went to the card store to buy Fathers Day cards for my kids to give my husband. As I stared at the cards, I realized I would never buy another card for my own Dad. I burst into tears and left the store.