Thank God your son recovered from his bout with cancer, I pray the same holds true for this family. There's a time when you just have to let something go. Continuing to push this family that is undergoing a horrific ordeal right now will serve no purpose except to make a horrible situation even worse for them. I always say things happen for a reason, I've cried over deals that went south, houses we lost to other bidders etc. It always worked out better in the end. The right home will come along for you and everything will line up in the end.

I have to agree. It's time to move on and be grateful for your blessings.

I understand what you're going through with an accepted offer & the anticipation of all going well on the perfect house @ a great price. The same sort of thing happened to us - not illness, but they just decided they did not want to move. They'd taken a job transfer, actually moved but then didn't like it or whatever. In the time between our accepted offer, all of the inspections, surveys, etc and the closing - they didn't want to sell. We sold the house we were in without putting it on the market & that closing was set for 2 weeks after the closing on the new house. Our buyers had sold THEIR house too!

It was a domino effect - with everyone else being inconvenienced. My realtor ( a good friend) had heard rumblings that they had gotten a better offer. It was priced very aggresively because they had already bought & started paying another mortgage. It was probaby a good $30-40K less than comparables - but that wasn't my problem. I couldn't back out of the contract on our old house & I was NOT gonna move into an apartment while I looked for something else. I, like you, had been looking for a long time. We too wanted something that gave us first right of refusal at the same $$ for a period of time to see if they were bluffing about wanting to move back.

Yours are different circumstances - I don't think I would have done this if a serious illness was involved - but I talked to our attorney ( who said the same thing as your realtor "You can't make someone sell their house" but added "without spending a lot of money with me"- haha). They also consulted an attorney who SURPRISE told them to sell it and they did. I'm pretty sure now that they did want out because someone had offered more.

In your case, I think I'd have to walk away. I probably would have on ours if we hadn't sold our house already. Our hands were kinda tied because our buyers weren't too keen on letting us out of our deal with them.

Good luck to you & I hope you find exactly what you're looking for!

PS - I might add that "forcing" them to sell brought out their evil side. They took some things they shouldn't have, cut some wires they shouldn't have, attempted to ruin us with the neighbors...... overall behaved like jerks.

Their son has cancer; you want them out of their house... and YOU think YOU are jinxed????

Just when you think you've heard it all......

Western PA--if you read my post, you will see that we are NOT MAKING THEM MOVE OUT of their house...what we wanted in lieu of taking the contract to conclusion (which we had every LEGAL right to do) was an option of first refusal--meaning that when/if they put the house BACK on the market--we get first chance to buy it...

They are ok with that, going to write the contract for a 6 month right of refusal for the same option money we used for the initial purchase agreement....I don't think there is anything unfair about that...I have had some terrible things happen to us when our son had cancer--like his dad being let go from his job--so I know that people can deal with just about anything when they have to...

GUVNAH--the situation that you describe is something that has happened to a couple of people we have know, when we were younger and in the age group more likely to be transferred...and it does not surprise me that someone would do what they tried to do to you...in your case, what you did was the right choice...and I am glad their attorney told them to sell---some might have argued for litigation knowing they would get fatter check...

We have not even put our house on the market however so we could be flexible and that flexibility with closing/move out was something else we offered in our contract to purchase...

if we had sold our home, if we were in process of being tranferred I like to think we would have done the same thing.

Believe me, people with cancer or who have a family member with cancer are no different than anyone else--some are wonderful people and some are not...there are other situations that are just as dramatic and threatening--their son could be like a teacher's I know who was run off the road when he was on a motorcycle by someone who did not stop to render aid--probably drunk. He went to the hospital w/life-threatening injuries and had severe brain trauma--and NO INSURANCE...her son also was single male and she was his only parent. he is still going through rehab.
But if their son was a sex offender being released from jail and needed a place to live and could not find any other place to take him but his family home so they could not chance moving to apartment, do you think people would have reacted with the same sympathy and agreed they should be allowed to back out of the sale?

Everything is relative...

So far you have put no money out on this house. Thankfully the inspection didn't happen...

My parents built a house by me, leaving a 2 family house that would go for sale. A month before closing on the new house my dad was diagnosed with cancer. While he was in the hospital, I called a few painters for estimates; one liked the house and was very eager to buy it. We met with this guy at various times during dad's illness; they'd even shook hands, agreeing on a price. A week later, we were supposed to meet for a deposit. He never showed, nor did he call. We did everything to try to find this guy, my dad is a man of his word, yet he never surfaced. We knew his mother was ill & gave him time to get back to us. We decided to work on the house & get a realtor. We never did find that 1st guy, even going to his business.

What I'm getting at; this guy wasted a lot of my dad's valuable time, put so much stress on him he got depressed. I have a very bad taste in my mouth; how could someone do this to a dying man? To give an idea of length of time, I called the painter end of June, they shook hands in September. Had this guy not been calling me, the house would not have been something on my mind at the time...

We suggested that they have a right-of-first-refusal contract drawn up acknowledging that they have to offer the house to us first in future before they sell or transfer title...would like it to be at same price since we are giving up getting a house at good price when our market is likely to increase for foreseeable future...

What if this does not work in your favor and prices drop like some are saying they will?

We are not mean spirited people and we have also had a son stricken w/cancer but he was still in grade school and made a recovery....so we do know what it is like to have something totally unexpected bite you...
but we are also selfish enough to want to buy the house or at least protect our opportunity to buy it...we have looked for such a long time and this house was so right for what we wanted...Going back into MLS search may not be productive for another two years...

It is just so frustrating and yet makes me feel pretty shallow for complaining when their situation is much more severe and painful...

I understand that you want the house, but right now you need to back off or you won't even be considered for the house. Let the listing agent know you are willing to wait but continue to look for a house.

I highly doubt they will be in any shape to move even in 6 months. It is going to take time to even know what type of brain cancer he has or if he has options or is terminal. The family is going through a lot, selling the house is the last thing on their mind, trust me.

Do a google for brain cancer. I've known 2 people, one a child the other an adult. The child as far as I know is fine, the adult passed away 2 months after it was "thought" he had brain cancer.

You were very lucky that your child is ok; but for those of us that aren't as lucky, letting go of a house where memories were made with the loved one may be hard; I know I couldn't do it; and have tried to buy my dad's new house to make memories he couldn't.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time finding a house but I believe things happen for a reason, this house wasn't meant to be

I would feel the say way you do about wanting the house, and also would feel embarrassed about it.

I would write them a carefully crafted letter expressing my sadness at their situation and asking them to please contact me should they reconsider their decision. Kindness goes a long way when people are suffering. If they do decide to sell, they may not want to go through the marketing process again.

"Western PA--if you read my post, you will see that we are NOT MAKING THEM MOVE OUT of their house.."

And if you read MY post, I said you want them out of their house... which you do!

Since you said you experienced cancer in your family, I would expect SOME sympathy/compassion for a family going through the same thing.

This is just a matter of semantics. She wants the house, so, yes, technically that requires they be out of the house. But she isn't suggesting anything other than trying to stack the deck so that if there is a sale, she would have a right of first refusal.

I want to inherit my grandmother's jewelry, but that doesn't mean I want my grandmother to die.

Just want to clear up a few issues on Brain cancer. It does not always "take time to even know what type of brain cancer he has or if he has options or is terminal" as was quoted above. Things usually move rather rapidly on this kind of diagnosis, especially after someone collapses at work and is referred to MD Anderson. I lost my eyesight in a matter of a few hours one day a few years ago. Within a week I had an MRI, was diagnosed with 2 primary brain tumors and had surgery to remove the larger one encompassing my carotid artery -- I didn't even have time to realize what was happening. Three years later I am still struggling with deficits and the other tumor. It would have been almost impossible for my family to have sold our house during the first 4-6 months after my surgery, and I had it easier than many brain tumor survivors that I know (many end up with infections or paralysis and months of rehab). I'm lucky, my tumors are very slow growing tumors. Most adult brain tumors are very aggressive and fast growing. As was stated above, many do not survive longer than a couple months.

I agree with graywings. Send a very kind note extending your sympathy to them, and let them know you may still be interested if they ever decide to sell.

All I can say is, WOW! The family is dealing with their son's sudden brain cancer and you're still trying to negotiate a deal?

If I was in your situation, I would have backed off and told your realtor to pass a message that you would still be interested in the house when things clear up in the future. That would certainly leave the seller with a more favourable impression.

To put them into a negotiating position could certainly backfire on you. Isn't there such thing as duress? If they have 2nd thoughts, they could very well claim they agreed under duress. I don't know if that's legally valid or not, but I'm floored that you are still trying to make the deal go through.

dlynn--your post says your diagnosis happened "within a week" which I think proves part of what I said--that it is not likely they knew from an emergency room overnight stay that their son has brain cancer--I am pretty sure no biopsy was done and I doubt a cancer specialist was on-call that night.
If a mass was seen in r-ray or MRI, they are probably going to MD Anderson to have tests done to tell what kind of tumor/mass/ it is--whether or not it is malignant, what the treatment/prognosis is...it took more than a week for our son's biopsy to be diagnosed properly as Hidgkin's disease and not non-Hodgkin's lymphoma or another disease.
(Of course our doctor would not do a simple chest x-ray which would have been a much quicker, definite way since it would have shown the "string of pearls" tumors which are a hallmark of Hodgkin's disease. Having a chest x-ray would have been too "dangerours" since he was so young (and much less expensive and time consuming than the office visits and surgery he made us go through).

And it is very likely that due to the unknown nature of the illness of their son, they may want to reevaluate their decision about selling, moving to apartment, and having home built. Because we were in the position that we did not have to move, had no one depending on moving into our house at end of the month--we had/will have suffered no damages by their refusal to move forward which made holding them to the contract much more difficult.

If we had exercised our option on the purchase contract and they refused to close or to move out, our recourse would be to sue for breach of contract and take them to court and try to have them evicted. What a way to meet the neighbors... We have suffered no monetary damages since the idea of losing money by having to buy a more expensive home or a home that is less attractive to us than theirs is too nebulous for a judge to place a value on....at least that is why my husband explained. There was no point in trying to make them sell or trying to get any type of extended option contract from them they did not want togive.

I picked up the right of refusal notice from my realtor yesterday about 5. I doubt that an attorney typed it up because there are two grammatical errors in it an attorney or his secretary would not make...it is printed on plain copy paper---probably came from their realtor's computer/printer...I was given no originals to sign--both our copies are copies w/ signatures of sellers and their agent on them...and it is does not require a notary's signature ---
At this point in time (and I know few would agree with where I am coming from) I think we are being played by them and their realtor (and maybe ours too)--to get out of the contract. Why--don't really know...maybe because they are hedging their bets, or got a better offer, maybe because they did not want US to get the house--my realtor was just a little too perky when she called to tell me the contract was ready...I dont see that the situation calls for "perky".
DH says that if they are the kind of people that would choose THAT pretext to get out of contract, he does not want to have anything to do with them anyway.
I would just like to know what the real truth is, I guess.

I suspect your realtor is playing you because she doesn't believe this right of first refusal idea will work and is a waste of her time, but also feels that she has to do it. She was "too perky" on the phone because she was trying to go along with a bad idea.

Maybe the sellers are playing you, but that isn't going to change the outcome. Let it go. Move on. Then watch the MLS for the next year to see what happens.

dlynn Just want to clear up a few issues on Brain cancer. It does not always "take time to even know what type of brain cancer he has or if he has options or is terminal" as was quoted above. Things usually move rather rapidly on this kind of diagnosis, especially after someone collapses at work and is referred to MD Anderson. I lost my eyesight in a matter of a few hours one day a few years ago. Within a week I had an MRI, was diagnosed with 2 primary brain tumors and had surgery to remove the larger one encompassing my carotid artery

What I meant was that it doesn't happen over-night. With my dad, they didn't speak the word cancer for 3 or 4 days, but he didn't have an exact diagnosis for close to a week. With the adult brain cancer - it was mentioned, but they weren't sure. It was weeks before he was seen. I'm not familiar with either hospital they took their son to, so I don't know if they're able to diagnose a brain tumor as cancer from an ER visit.

I'm glad that you made it through and are alive to speak about it. You were very lucky.

their adult son collapsed at work yesterday and they were at hospital w/him all last night. Diagnosis: brain cancer. They are taking him to M.D. Anderson in Houston ASAP and just want to pull the house off the market...

dlynn--your post says your diagnosis happened "within a week" which I think proves part of what I said--that it is not likely they knew from an emergency room overnight stay that their son has brain cancer--I am pretty sure no biopsy was done and I doubt a cancer specialist was on-call that night.
If a mass was seen in r-ray or MRI, they are probably going to MD Anderson to have tests done to tell what kind of tumor/mass/ it is--whether or not it is malignant, what the treatment/prognosis is...it took more than a week for our son's biopsy to be diagnosed properly as Hidgkin's disease and not non-Hodgkin's lymphoma or another disease.

I would think they probably did an MRI and saw some thing; were told there was a mass and that they'd need to go to the cancer center to follow up on whether it is benign or malignant.

And it is very likely that due to the unknown nature of the illness of their son, they may want to reevaluate their decision about selling, moving to apartment, and having home built.

This is probably true. Since they don't know about the tumor, they want to focus on their son. Who knows if this son has a history with tumors to begin with.

At this point in time (and I know few would agree with where I am coming from) I think we are being played by them and their realtor (and maybe ours too)--to get out of the contract. Why--don't really know...maybe because they are hedging their bets, or got a better offer, maybe because they did not want US to get the house--my realtor was just a little too perky when she called to tell me the contract was ready...I dont see that the situation calls for "perky".

I suspect your realtor is playing you because she doesn't believe this right of first refusal idea will work and is a waste of her time, but also feels that she has to do it. She was "too perky" on the phone because she was trying to go along with a bad idea.

I have to agree. I went looking at a house yesterday with my realtor, talked a little about this; my realtor also said she'd leave them be. Your realtor could be feeling uncomfortable about doing this right now.

Have you vented to your realtor like you have here?

Just let it go and move on.......Its just a house:)
They are going through an ordeal and you WANT then to think about selling their house.....SELFISH,if you asked me.

I guess I need to be more clear about my diagnosis. My diagnosis was made from the MRI, not a biopsy. They were 99% sure from the MRI what type of tumor it was. With brain tumors you rarely just do biopsies because to do a biopsy you would have to do a craniotomy just to get to the tumor, and that is major surgery. The thing they didn't know about my tumor before surgery was what grade it was. Unlike other tumors, one of the big problems with brain tumors is the lack of room inside the skull for it to grow and most adult tumors are very aggressive and grow rapidly. Mine was a slow-growing tumor, but was wrapping around critical structures in the brain that could easily cause strokes, blindness, seizures or death. This is why they don't waste time when diagnosing and treating them. Just to let you know how rapidly things went for me, I had my MRI at 10am on a Monday morning and by 5pm that afternoon I was already scheduled for surgery on Wednesday, had begun doing my pre-op appointments, and my mother was on an airplane on her way out to take care of my two small children. When I said within a week, I meant from losing my eyesight to being on my way to recovery after surgery.

MD Anderson is one of the top Cancer Centers in the country, so I trust this family is getting top-notch care. I doubt they are even thinking about their house right now.

I asked my realtor if we had made the sellers angry when we asked for things outside the option contract--like to see the blueprints or for past utility bills--if maybe they wanted to pull out of contract because they thought we were unreasonable...she said no--she was not offended that I asked...she said the other realtor said it was the absolute truth--that the only reason they were giving the 6 mo option to us was that we had been good enough to let them know right away they could be released...

dlynn---ok--that makes more clear what happens...you must have had great treatment and been very lucky to come out ok...I know that brain cancer can be very fast growing--but I thought something like an absess or lesion could also be what was on the xray or MRI...

our son's cancer was very different. Hodgkin's is very slow growing--he probably had active cancer for more than a year before his symptoms grew to point that doctors saw it as more than just "growing pains" and other assorted things like tiredness and difficulty breathing because allergies...
I researched all his symptoms and basically asked his pediatrician and the ENT treating him if these were not classic symptoms of Hodgkin's and could we rule that out first instead of going for wierd things like cat-scratch fever or a stone in his saliva gland...
I found out that many doctors don't like having their judgement questioned--supposedly both these guys were "good" doctors...and they totally mis-diagnosed our son...they took 3 months before the biopsy surgery on his jaw --which risked significant nerve damage to face and mouth if anyting slipped--biopsy came back as Hodgkin's--and all they would have had to do was take a chest x-ray to confirm the diagnosis....

The ENT dr gave me the news over the phone on Christmas Eve (I am not making that up either---he was such a P---- I still want to spit when I say his name.) I got more sympathy and information from the first phone call to the H/O clinic at Cook's in FTW where our son was treated than all months of back and forth w/the ped or ENT...H/O clince and his doctor flat out saved his life--stage 3 cancer--above and below the diaphragm--they saw us on a Saturday after Christmas--that was the most awful holiday season--and I can't remember it at all--went by like I was unconscious...a 17 yr old girl admitted same day w/same diagnosis was not as lucky...

You must have had some great doctors yourself--it seems you made a full recovery...our son is now almost a 20 yr survivor...knock wood every day it stays that way...

No, not a full recovery. I have seizures, memory loss, double vision, can't do math, and other problems. I also still have another tumor that I'm "watching grow". It's not bothering anything yet.

Sorry - Off Topic --

But if anyone here has recent experience dealing with MD Anderson for cancer treatment, could you please shoot me an e-mail through my GW home page? I know they offer absolutely top-rate medical care, but my questions go to 'red tape' and 'patient experience' issues.

Thanks --