Yeah what others have said - disengage, let your agent talk for you, get the price reduced to cover the repairs, and - yes, there's probably some element of grief and loss in her behavior. How much - who knows, but the whole process of disposing of family members' property, determining who gets what, etc. can be very painful indeed, even among families that get along reasonably well. You don't know what kind of anxiety and family turmoil may be going on for this woman.

It's just one of those times when you just need to stay focused and business-like in your dealings and don't let her trip your trigger.

Thanks everyone. I'm 99% sure lowering the price to cover repairs isn't an option since she's asked for appraisal and telling her realtor she knows it's worth more but you bring up an interesting point, maybe she is too cash strapped until the house sells. If that was the case though I'd think she would have just told her realtor that was the issue so we could work something out?

If I could disengage and look at this solely from a business perspective - I would eat the $3,000 I have in the place so far and walk away. The aggrevation isn't worth it. I can't make myself do that.

I have been in this house 3x now and every time I got teary eyed. It's a nice house but it's not THAT nice. I don't know why I have such strong emotions towards it, but I do.

I'm putting myself in a financial bind for this deal. When we first went under contract my current house was still on the market and carrying both mortgages would have left me with about $300 spending money a month. VERY Unlike me to do something so risky. This is why I am second guessing myself and wonder if I'm overreacting, even though unless it falls through, my current house is sold.

While I am thankful for all the advice and comments, my original question still stands - am I overreacting to what's been happening? I feel I've lost my sense of objectivity in this deal.

"I have been in this house 3x now and every time I got teary eyed. It's a nice house but it's not THAT nice. I don't know why I have such strong emotions towards it, but I do."

This is important-seems you also have an emotional component working on your perspective about this transaction. That's neither good nor bad, but it could explain why the seller's actions are causing you such (evidently) intense anger and frustration.

You mentioned you went to school with the deceased owner; perhaps that bond of someone your own age dying is triggering some deep seated emotional issues for you about security, safety, even the fragility of life. Couple that with purchasing her home, the one in which she actually died(!), a home that is so entwined with being safe and secure, not to mention one of life's largest financial transactions. Mix in that both you and the seller are grappling with these feelings, and*boom* recipe for a perfect storm.

Obviously people in an online forum can't know exactly what is happening, but surprisingly often I've found that analysis from dispassionate strangers can pinpoint facets that may not have ever occurred to the OP.

Good luck, I hope all works out well.

I don't think you are overreacting. Her emotions are affecting your emotions. It is hard to take a wait-and-see attitude while the real estate agents work this out, but that's exactly what you need to do.

No, you are not overreacting. She is being a PITA as I said before. She is trying to get out of doing what is in the contract. Hold her to it. You aren't asking for the world in a basket tied with a pretty bow. This is normal stuff you contracted for the purchase of the daughter's house. Her realtor should be stepping in and letting her know she is not right and can't legally do the things she is doing without repercussions. NancyLouise

You actually pose an interesting questions, i.e. whether you're overreacting. I understand that it's incredibly frustrating when people are so antagonistic towards you. However, it must be extremely hard on her, not only that her daughter died but basically that you are taking over her house. And in a way, I would expect you to feel a bit weird, too, under the circumstances. Runninginplaces makes some very valid points.

Do you know why you feel so emotionally attached to this house?

I'm curious about the appraisal. Did it come in close to the purchase price? If the house appraised for what you are paying why not just let her realtor see the appraisal?

Threepinktrees -- My take: if the seller was acting like a normal, reasonable, considerate person, the OP probably wouldn't have an issue showing her the appraisal --probably AFTER closing -- although she, and she alone, paid for it.

But, if I were in the OP's position and if the appraisal was higher than the purchase price, there is no way I'd hand the seller the info because she'd figure out how to use it as a weapon against the buyer.

The appraisal is 5k more than the purchase price but the comps were not good ones. This neighborhood doesn't have a lot of sales so the comps came from different neighborhoods, nicer neighborhoods, a mile to two miles away. And really, it shouldn't matter to her as long as it appraised high enough for me to get the loan. I said she can have a copy of the appraisal at closing. Jewel654 is dead on as to why I'm not letting her see it prior to then. Now if she'd asked for a full copy of the inspection report - that I'd happily give her. I'd like her to see just how many things I did NOT ask for her to have repaired.

As to why I feel so emotional towards the house I'm not sure. When I first saw it I had no idea someone died in the home, much less that it was someone I had gone to school with. It just spoke to me on some level I don't understand. I was embarrassed that I got teary eyed. I kept saying to my realtor "I have to have that house. We have to find a way for me to get that house". Over and over, thank goodness my realtor is my friend or she'd have thought I was a crazy person. (At that point I didn't think I'd qualify for a loan that large while still carrying my current mortgage. I had just gone looking to see what was out there in the price range I was looking at)

I thought about writing the woman a letter letting her know what good care I will take of the house, etc., but I really fear anything I do at this point might make things worse and cause her to back out. I actually told my realtor yesterday to NOT TELL ME anything else she says or does unless she has to. I am so stressed over this already that I'm breaking out in acne like a kid going through puberty!

Here's my take... and tishtoshnm was hinting at this very same thing...
First, forget the advice about putting money in escrow for repairs after the closing... almost no lenders will agree to that now. I really doubt if she would agree to that anyhow.
You say that the repairs total up to about $1000 - $1300. You also say that if you delay closing to file a Liz Pendens in order to sue her, you will lose another $1800 for retaining the rate lock in addition to probably never getting the home. You also say you have close to $3000 tied up in the process up to this point. Why would you lose a dream house and another $4000 over $1300?
Do not get too tied up that you have a written contract saying that she will do the repairs... I am not saying that you shouldn't threaten her with legal action, and ride her butt all the way until the day of closing, but you should indeed close. It is the smart, long term decision for YOU. Don't lose dollars by tripping over pennies. DON'T lose your dream home over $1300, and then lose another $3000 by doing so. That decision should be off the table for you. It does not provide any solution to your desired outcomes.
Ride her butt all the way to closing, but you can not force her to honor the contract... unless you are willing to lose more than her. The worse outcome here for you by closing on time is that you don't get the repairs done, but you get the home of your dreams.
I do hope she comes around for you.

You stated above ". Now if she'd asked for a full copy of the inspection report - that I'd happily give her. I'd like her to see just how many things I did NOT ask for her to have repaired."

The Seller has never received a copy of the Inspection Report ? In my area (and many others) a copy of the Inspection Report must be submitted when asking for repair/replacement of items. Even if it is not required in your area don't you think by submitting this report to the Seller it might add some "teeth" to your request for repairs?

The seller received copies of the summary for each room/area, but not the full report. As I said, I don't care if she gets the full report. My realtor is who only sent her portions, that's apparently the norm here. My buyer did the same when she sent her request for repair, I didn't see the full inspection report.

The total for all the repairs is much higher than $1000-1300 but the seller is now saying she'll only pay for $1500 of it after originally signing for all. The $1300 estimate is only for the driveway lifting. There is also roof repair, grading issue that caused the driveway sinking, furnace leak, plumbing leak, missing dryer vent, some windows needing repair, a toilet issue, bathtub drainage issue, and chimney cleaning. That sounds like a lot, but trust me there were just as many things I didn't ask for.

I would give the seller a copy of the inspection report. If your deal falls through she may be liable to disclose all of the issues on that report to the next buyer.

The emotional feelings you have for the house are complicated and I suspect your seller is dealing with her own set of emotional issues. She appears to be in the anger stage of grief and is exhibiting ineffective coping, which is clouding her judgement.

I hope your deal goes through and ncrealestateguy gives good advice. IMHO there is too much bad karma in making this woman live up to her agreements when she is not in a right state of mind even though from a business point you would be correct in doing so. It would be unfair for you to lose the money you put into the house, but do you really want to fight with a grieving mother? Wouldn't that change how you feel about the house?

I think the question that prevents any more emotional angst becomes will you accept the house in "as is" condition for the most part at the price you are buying it at. If the answer is yes then close the deal. If not then move on to another house.

Go after the repairs every way you can up until the closing. Then, what Arcadia says:
"I think the question that prevents any more emotional angst becomes will you accept the house in "as is" condition for the most part at the price you are buying it at. If the answer is yes then close the deal. If not then move on to another house."

Jennyzone5, I don't know what state this property is in, as each state will have somewhat different procedures regarding deeds of trust or mortgages. But my husband who is a BIC in 3 states has, when the seller does not have cash available, fronted the money for the seller. Before he does that he has the seller sign a deed of trust, records it at the courthouse and then pays what would be the seller's expense. At closing, he is paid his deed of trust, which comes out of the seller's proceeds. Now, the sellers that he has done this with have been very cooperative.

Perhaps one of the RE agents, could do this. Of course, there would have to be enough equity in the home for this to work and the agent would have to agree and have the funds to do so. But, if the seller is being difficult (for what ever reason) then she probably would not agree.

Sometimes I think that being too sympathetic is counter-productive, too.

When someone who is grieving (or someone who is ill, or someone who has been injured, etc) acts like a jerk, & other people respond by 'making allowances', it rewards the person for acting like a jerk.

same thing as giving a puppy a treat (a reward) when he's chewing the rug:
you are *training* that puppy to chew the rug.

I hope everything works out for you.

Sylvia, counter productive for who? I think the word that is missing here, is compassion. People who are grieving, or ill or injured, are not puppies you're training.

What about the Golden Rule? Do unto others what you would have them do to you. If you can put yourself in their position and walk a mile in their shoes, then you can often see what you would find an acceptable response to that person, in that situation.

I understand what Syliva is saying. Sometimes, when offered too long or applied too heavily, compassion can very much have the same result as enabling. Enabling is the opposite of the Golden Rule because it allows the person to continue behaviors that are self destructive in one way or another and allow them to violate other's boundaries unchecked.

The OP has been as compassionate as she can through-out the contract, giving the seller a lot of leeway given the circumstances. It's not necessarily time for a total "gloves off", but it is well past time for the seller to understand there are firm and clear consequences for the continued rude and obstructionist behavior.

We all know the seller's daughter died, we don't know if this is why she is being difficult. She may just be a difficult person.
Many of us have been in similar situations and were able to still function professionally.
This a business transaction, the seller has chosen to market the house, she is still bound by professional courtesy and ethics during her chosen transaction.
One can have care and compassion for another without losing sight of a business transaction. The buyer who is also a party to this transaction should act professionally and also receive professional courtesy.

Very true, but comparing a grieving mother to a puppy chewing a rug is a bit, well, ...
Also, not to cast doubt on the OP's point of view, but we only have the description from her perspective.

Either way, I hope that everything will work itself out and she will move into her dream house. To reiterate, it's probably best to let the professionals handle this situation since there seem to be emotions involved on both sides.

In no way did I intend or want for this to be a discussion on whether the seller should/should not have allowances made for her grief.

I can't find a way to delete the thread, so I ask that you no longer reply.

But do circle back and let us know if the sale went through? Crossing my fingers that you get your dream house!

Ditto circus peanut. Good luck with your offer, jennyzone5, and please let us know how the sales process works out for you. All the best.

This post was edited by hayden2 on Sun, Apr 27, 14 at 7:30

We are supposed to close Thursday but it's also supposed to rain all week and the "big" repairs are outside, so I don't know what's going to happen. Feeling very discouraged.

"We are supposed to close Thursday but it's also supposed to rain all week and the "big" repairs are outside, so I don't know what's going to happen. Feeling very discouraged."

Please don't be discouraged. I know how you feel. When we bought our house the real estate agent (+assistants) were more of a problem than the owner.

We hired a real estate attorney instead of an agent for our part of the deal. Too many problems in the past with deceitful agents, made us go for someone who could represent us in court if need be.

We would never have made it to the closing if our attorney hadn't been the one communicating with the sellers agent. I was fed up. Especially when the idiot owner of the agency wanted us to sign a dual disclosure even though we already had representation. He was hoping to screw our attorney out of his share!

Is it possible for you to NOT be present for the closing? We were able to do our closing separately. The seller and his agent met with the title clerk. Then she met us and our attorney at the attorney's office. After all the crap we went through I was very relieved to not have to have anything more to do with them.

It sounds like you really like the house. If this is the case, I'd do whatever I had to get this deal over with. Bite the bullet and fix the repairs yourself if you have to. It will be cheaper than losing your deposit or starting the house hunting process all over again.

Spring is coming. Hang in there! Best of luck for you on Thursday.

I hope to read that everything goes through ok, Jenny, even if there happens to be a rain delay. Sorry about your difficult purchase. Your story made me relieved all of our negotiations went through realtors and we never even met the owner of the house we bought. You'll make it through this.

Just show up for closing even if the repairs are not done.

Hoping all goes well and you close soon.

Best of luck to you at the closing Jenny. Do your walk through of the house and note anything that isn't done yet. Go to the closing, no reason not to. Just a short time to go and you will be rid of this difficult seller and living in your dream home. NancyLouise

I drove by the house today and the grading had been done, and they were in the process of lifting the driveway. Thank goodness for a break in the rain!! The roof repair and chimney cleaning are scheduled for tomorrow if the rain holds off but if it doesn't, I'm told I'll be getting certified checks to pay for them when they can be done.

Looks like all is a go, went and got my certified check for closing today :)

Great update! Maybe the seller's "temper tantrums" are over and she's resigned herself to keeping her word. But, nothing like waiting until the last minute! Can't wait to see you post back with the update that you've closed!

Fingers crossed for you! (I've never known why crossing your fingers is a sign of luck, but good luck anyway.)

So good to hear that the deal is progressing! It was nice to see you finally smiling :) again, too.

Thanks everyone! Words can't describe how happy I am that this transaction is almost done. Now I just need everything to go smoothly with the buyer of my current home - I don't think I can handle any more stress at this point!

For those wondering, I closed today despite the fact there are 2 repairs that remain undone.

Congrats Jenny! Time for a nice glass of wine or cup of herbal tea. :)

You did good. Now YOU are in control of the situation AND you have your dream home!

Congratulations on your new, and wonderful, house!

Congratulations!

I hope the 2 repairs are in writing and she signed off on them??

Well, I guess that's what lawyers are for. Best of luck to you!

Did the undone repairs come up at the closing table?

Hopefully the 2 needed repairs are covered by the cert. checks you mentioned. Good to be rid of this seller, she was a nightmare. I am happy that you are now in the home of your dreams. Make it your own now. Congratulations! NancyLouise

Enjoy your new house!

I typed up a lengthy reply, I must have not hit submit message. Long story short, no checks, had to threaten to send cops to her house to get mailbox key and STILL don't have key to pool/basketball court/etc. She wants to bring keys to me on Monday when she knows I'm moving in. My best translation: she wants to see how I'm decorating the house. I blew my cool over the mailbox key and at that time stated she was not to come to MY house at any time for any reason.

I'm not saying anything about the other repairs, as far as I'm concerned this is done. I'll contact the HOA and tell them she refused to give me the pool key and get another and I'll pay for the other repairs if I have to.

Oh wow. Your seller was a real pistol. I'm surprised the lawyers didn't step in at that point. Good riddance to her. Glad it's (mostly) behind you.

How unpleasant this is for you. She seems to be a bit stalker-ish.

I read as much as I could. Change the locks. It's not all that expensive. No more letting her have ANY control. You can let in whoever needs to fix anything if it is on the inside. Hugs to you! And congrats on your new home.

I'm so glad you finally got your dream home!

Thanks all. This house has proved to be a money pit so far, but I absolutely love it and feel it was worth all I went through. Still don't have keys to the pool/basketball court/tennis court areas but will deal with that over the next few weeks.

The only thing bothering me now is finding out the former owner was a smoker. I thought it was just my overly developed sense of smell, but a neighbor mentioned to me that the former owner was a heavy smoker. Guess I' m looking at replacing all of the carpeted areas of the hhouse. Yay.

Just passing through and wondering how you are enjoying your new house now, Jenny?