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The Kitchen Table

Would you go into the past........

16 years ago

would you go in the past and change something if you could?

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Comments (49)

Marilyn Sue
16 years ago
Yes.

Sue
lydia1959
16 years ago
Yes, at least a couple things.
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It's hard to make generalities about over 1 billion people, lol. But I have found that there are many, many Chinese families who don't stir-fry at all, or do it very seldom. Not every American family eats burgers and hot dogs, either, for a local analogy. I guess if others judged American culture by TV ads and billboards, they would think we all lived on a daily diet of McDonald's Big Macs! But in general, many Asian cuisines do have a "triple path". There is home cooking; there is restaurant cooking; and there is banquet, or feast, food. I was talking to my Hong Kong-born Chinese-Portugese DH a few weeks ago, and he (finally) remembered to tell me a story about one of his uncles who died over 15 yrs ago. This uncle was famous in the family for making the Chinese broccoli with oyster sauce, or ho yau gai lan as it used to be spelled (I'm terrible with the new spellings, sorry). I've done this dish, and it seems very simple. Blanch the gai lan, stir-fry it quickly, drizzle it with oyster sauce. What's so hard about it? DH told me his uncle was so meticulous and painstaking about doing this dish, it was intimidating even to just watch him. Every cut had to be a precise size, the water had to be just the right temperature, the timing was down to the second. The wok had to be heated for XX number of minutes with just enough oil but not too much; the tossing and last-minute steaming done always the same way. In six decades of eating, DH says his uncle's gai lan remains the best. And every time, because he was so exacting about it, it was always perfect. But it was a lot of work, done to ensure that nothing was left to chance. He very seldom made it, in fact. Just the news that there was going to be a party and that Uncle had promised to make his gai lan, was enough to make everybody, even reluctant-to-socialize teenagers, show up for dinner! Oh, and outside of the gai lan, hardly anyone in DH's family, all 200+ members in Vancouver BC, stir-fries. Most of them don't even own a wok, which is interesting because otherwise they've kept their HK culture intact very assiduously. Unlike the American relatives, all of whom by the second generation barely remember their Cantonese, all the Canadian relatives speak Cantonese at home, so that even the fourth generation little kids are bi-lingual.
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Hey there, When did you have your son?recently? Its definitely sounds like hormones to me!!! I went through it. i didn't resent my hubbies kids. In fact i was so happy when my SD came around.She was soooo helpful and supportive. My SS was the same. A little rambunctious but hey...that's a boy for you! I was extremely resentful of my husband. It came like wave of hatred emotions, turmoil. At one point i'ld be happy then the next i wasn't even sure why i married and had a kid with him. I hated him. I hated feeling locked because of teh son i had with him. I never said anything to him cause i knew it would hurt him but i knew it was my hormones. I disliked breastfeeding as well. I discussed my feelings with my doctor and she told me it is completely hormonal related. Do not make life decisions during this time. It can take up to a year to balance them. Seek positive reassurance as well from you hubby. All will balance itself out. i dont see jealousy with the young girl. You have said you love her and it sounds like you guy get along great. Focus on teh positive, Get her involved with your son. It really helps!!!!!! And discuss your feeling with a nurse or gyno. It helped me. It was hard to focus on positive stuff. Believe me! took me a long time but i'm almost balanced. I just startign to feel somewhat normal and its been over 9 months for me Hang in there!!! Show love to your stepdaughter and assurance from your hubby. If he really did still love that woman...he wouldnt' have had a kid with you.
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"After my last parent died, by biggest regret was not having walking away from both of them completely at 18 years of age. All those additional years of trying, and caregiving, only resulted in more heartache and damage. Nothing good came of it." My father is still alive but I have a similar regret. Both of my parents were completely dysfunctional, abusive, and if I had a do-over knowing what I know now, I would walk away in my late teens before they did even more damage to me.Some of the worst decisions I ever made was from fear of my parents, parents who did nothing but instill a sense of fear and neglect in me. Catherine, I could be wrong but I suspect because of her age, you are worried she will pass away without you resolving the relationship. I felt the same way with my mother, I jumped through hoops to make things right and she still died without ever giving me what I needed from her, to basically feel loved and accepted on some level. Losing the opportunity to "fix things" was one of the hardest things about her death. But eventually I realized that she was never going to give me what I needed, she just wanted to keep manipulating me and abusing me because that was her thing, that was her power over me and she wasn't going to give that up. If you haven't got from her what you've always wanted and needed by now, it isn't coming.
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susan_on
16 years ago
Oh, yes!
molly109
16 years ago
No - if you change one thing, it will touch or change
everything that happened after that. I wouldn't want
to take the chance of losing some of my best times,
in order to change past History - as tempting as it
would be to remove the really bad happenings.

Hard question.
jannie
16 years ago
Yes, definitely.
diane_sw_mich
16 years ago
I used to think I would.
I've had so many bad events in my life.
I would now say no. Everything I experienced has led be to become the person I am today, and the place that I am at today.
And although my life will very soon change again, I see it as an opportunity. Most people would see it as a hopeless situation from which seems like nearly impossible to recover from.
monica_pa Grieves
16 years ago
Diane said it for me...the good, the bad, the ugly - they all have fashioned the person and life I am leading now.
It's a good one.
Jamie_LA
16 years ago
OMG yes! In a heartbeat.
lindaohnowga
16 years ago
I agree with Diane and Monica, so my answer would be no. Things I "might like to change" have all been learning experiences and were "meant to be" a part of my life.
Mystical Manns
16 years ago
Most certainly.
Mickey15
16 years ago
Yes.
dotmom
16 years ago
Yes, in 1978. Dottie
chisue
16 years ago
Yes, if I could correct thoughless things I did -- more likely didn't do -- that hurt others.

Sins of omission are almost always greater, IMO.
golfergrrl
16 years ago
Sure would. Although I'm OK with my life, I'd take the chance that things could be better.
matti5
16 years ago
Good question!

I'd have to say no. I've many bad things happen in my life, but each one has taught me something important either about myself or someone else in my life. I may not have gotten the message at the time of the "event", with some messages being years later, but that was through my own denial. Now when I am faced with something difficult I ask myself what can I take from this.
Kathsgrdn
16 years ago
Yes.
Jodi_SoCal
16 years ago
Nope.
phyllis__mn
16 years ago
Oh, definitely......I would change what I did or did not do, not what someone else did.
des_arc_ya_ya
16 years ago
When all is said and done - probably not. Don't think I've ever set out to deliberately hurt anybody and other than that it would probably be like a house of cards. Change one and it all would collapse. Nope.
nancywi
16 years ago
YES 2004
marlingardener
16 years ago
Yes. Mrs. Hitler would have had an abortion.
wildchild
16 years ago
Although I have no regrets and live for the future instead of the past I would be lying if I said I wouldn't have done things differently knowing what I know now.

I wouldn't give up my experiences for anything. I would of played a few cards dealt me differently though.
glenda_al
16 years ago
Don't think so!
socks
16 years ago
Sometimes I wish I lived in a simpler time, but I'm not sure there was a simpler time. Sometimes I think I would like to have been a pioneer woman crossing our country, but probably after a day of that I would wish myself back in 2010.

So I guess I'll stay where I am.
trinitytx
16 years ago
Socks, I feel the same way you do. Simpler times. I guess that is why I love hearing the kids laughing and playing on my street. Such a simple time to be a child again.

But, to answer the question, yes, I would do several things differently. My life has had some really hard knocks because of the decisions I made. Hindsite.....

Trin
natesgram
16 years ago
Yes but only one. Though I, friends and family have learned so much from this one thing, I would do anything if I could change one split second.
joyfulguy
16 years ago
I'd have been wiser to have let my ex- know how important she was to me.

o j
carol_in_california
16 years ago
No, especially after reading Stephen King's Pet Cematary.
hgl_gaylemarie
16 years ago
I'd just have to go back 4 years. Then it would be OK!
linda_in_iowa
16 years ago
Yes.
suzieque
16 years ago
Yes. A couple of seemingly small things. But definitely, yes.
sjarz
16 years ago
What an interesting question! MY initial answer was oh gosh yes, but I really don't know if changing something would affect the outcome of one's life. I think that the things that happened that weren't great would still happen, only with a different person or in a different set of circumstances. I do believe all things happen for a reason even if the reason is not obvious at the time.
My best hope is that I can remember in my 'next life' what didn't work so well in this one and hopefully not repeat all of it all over again.
Suzan J
caroline94535
16 years ago
Yes.
patti43
16 years ago
Marlingardener--LOL! Yes, I would erase all the sad times.
Lindsey_CA
16 years ago
Oh, absolutely. Without question, if I could, I would spend more time with my parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, finding out more about our family history!!!
oldgardener_2009
16 years ago
Absolutely!

I've learned from my mistakes and would love a second chance to get it right.
jennmonkey
16 years ago
I don't have any regrets, but if I knew then what I know now, I would definitely have done a couple things differently. There are a few stupid decisions I've made in the past that are making my life a little more complicated now. But I guess that's life.
susanjf_gw
16 years ago
yes...but then i'd have to have the knowledge i have today...
minnie_tx
16 years ago
I would say yes IF I could hve a "It's a Wonderful Life" preview of what it would be like if I did. Then Maybe
ont_gal
16 years ago
yes definitely
loggerbaby123
16 years ago
what a good question! id have to say without a doubt i would! sure has me thinking since i cant sleep anyway.
folkvictorian
16 years ago
Absolutely! Where do I sign up?
FlamingO in AR
16 years ago
Oh, sure I would. I think it would be wonderful to have a do-over for a couple of little things that probably had a big impact on my life and a couple of bigger things that had a huge impact.
Pawprint
16 years ago
Yes, I would not have started smoking. Although I quit 6 years ago, IÂm still left with emphysema.
cynic
16 years ago
Heck yeah!
marilyn_c
16 years ago
Yes, there are lots of things I would do differently.
User
16 years ago
yes..
jaybird
16 years ago
yes
msmarion
16 years ago
Yes, I'd like to spend one day with my mother. She died when I was two. My life would have been so different had she lived.

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