letting go of the past

17 years ago

I met my fiance' through my friend's boyfriend's friends....he wasn't really my type but i just felt so bad because he was so eager to ask me out...so for the third time he asked me out, i finally said yes...as we dated, he never really told me about his past..and i wasn't really that curious because sad to say, i really didn't care much about it...i heard from different people that he had a kid but still it didn't come from him so i thought they were just rumors...cuz they weren't sure much about it themselves...one day i went to his place and i saw a picture of a little girl...and so i thought maybe this is the kid they were talkin' about..and beside the little girl's picture was a family picture that appeared to be him, the ex and same little girl in the other frame.....in my head it seems like he was still stuck in the past...because why would he still have a picture of the family picture that wasn't even there anymore??? turns out after 2 years they've broken up it was still there....and still we dated, and i find him talkin' about his ex plenty of times......and let me tell you, this was beginning to get old!....after year later that we dated, i finally get to meet the little girl, we actually got along great...and it felt weird at first because i WASN'T a mom.....she would ask for me and she loved me.....after a year that we bonded ..all of a sudden 2 years went by without us hearing from the little girl....i became pregnant w/ our baby....a week before i had my son, she came back in our lives...and my views of everything changed! i don't know if it was my hormones talkin' or my postpartum after i had him ..but i had soo much hatred!! so much that i hated myself...i hated him and i hated the little girl!...i started blaming him that he still loved the other woman..after 4 years i still accused him that he still loved the other woman even though he's stopped talkin' about her for such a LONG time...and he got to the point where he was even scared to even say her name...i hated being with him and i hated having a kid w/ him...and i know it sounds so bad ..but this is what i went through.......he assured me that i'm the one he wants to marry and grow old with and he said honestly, he wouldn't know what he would do without me......but still i kept accusing him...everything that he would do or tell me wasn't enough..he would tell me that he loved me and i would tell him to shut up..its like everything turned around on me...it was like i was stuck on his past....it seems like it was me that wouldn't let go.....and as usual, we would see the little girl every now and then and when i did try to bond with her, i wouldn't see her for months to a year or so....and it feels like i'm starting all over again...but this past weekend we've bonded so much better ..it was like the old times again...a little girl asked her where is ur mommy? and i didn't hear what she said but then the other little girl goes, "oh, that's ur stepmom?" and it was nice to know she knew my title..and it felt like she accepted me all along...i just really need advice on getting over my jealousy...i know my fiance loves me with all his heart but i just let this tear me up inside and i do love the little girl and i just want us to have a little happy family....i just don't want this jealousy to get in the way......and i hope for those that do reply give me wisdom of hope because honestly if i just get criticism, it doesn't really do good for me....i just need positive feedback to better myself.....and thanks for taking the time to read...

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Comments (2)

organic_maria
17 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Hey there,
When did you have your son?recently? Its definitely sounds like hormones to me!!! I went through it. i didn't resent my hubbies kids. In fact i was so happy when my SD came around.She was soooo helpful and supportive. My SS was the same. A little rambunctious but hey...that's a boy for you! I was extremely resentful of my husband. It came like wave of hatred emotions, turmoil. At one point i'ld be happy then the next i wasn't even sure why i married and had a kid with him. I hated him. I hated feeling locked because of teh son i had with him. I never said anything to him cause i knew it would hurt him but i knew it was my hormones. I disliked breastfeeding as well. I discussed my feelings with my doctor and she told me it is completely hormonal related. Do not make life decisions during this time. It can take up to a year to balance them. Seek positive reassurance as well from you hubby. All will balance itself out. i dont see jealousy with the young girl. You have said you love her and it sounds like you guy get along great. Focus on teh positive, Get her involved with your son. It really helps!!!!!! And discuss your feeling with a nurse or gyno. It helped me. It was hard to focus on positive stuff. Believe me! took me a long time but i'm almost balanced. I just startign to feel somewhat normal and its been over 9 months for me
Hang in there!!! Show love to your stepdaughter and assurance from your hubby. If he really did still love that woman...he wouldnt' have had a kid with you.
brass_tacks
17 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Jealousy is one of those emotions that is very hard to get rid of. You can make a list of all the reasons that support your jealousy and then use some logic to eliminate those issues on your list--one by one. I know it sounds easy--but that's the intellectual way to go about it. If you do that and find that the ol jealousy just comes back...

you may have some issues from your past that you never resolved--and now you are suffering. I know that we are constantly recommending a visit with a counselor/professional. You might find that very helpful.

You may suffer from depression and counseling will help you find out about that.

Find out about yourself--cause life can be too fantastic to settle for unhappyness.
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letting go of the past

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organic_maria

brass_tacks

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