Don't cut off communication with her. If she stays with that jerk, she may decide to leave him at some future date and then she will REALLY need your help. I wouldn't totally turn her away. You may regret it. Imagine if she stays with him, even marries him. Please keep the door open for her. You sound like a good person. Then again, she's an adult an entitled to do what she wants.

Deb, I can SO relate to this gal - I did virtually the same thing, except that I had only planned to stay a month. After two weeks without my 'man', I talked myself into believing he 'wasn't so bad', but I stayed the whole month. She's in a co-dependency relationship, and she's addicted to him.

You will just have to let it go, because they will stay together - don't say any more to her, except that you miss her and hope she's doing ok. I know you are disappointed, but believe me, you are better off that she's not there! If you need to talk, you know you can always email me. Hugs, Jo

If she *arrived* talking about how much she missed him, and how she had lied to you initially it seems best for both of you if she left now.
Why have her there complaining for the next 2 weeks unless you really need her help with the rent, etc.?

When all is said and done: follow your instincts

I have to agree with thunderboltlee - she needs to leave now. She probably isn't gonna help with any bills anyway.
As far as you not having any communication with her after she leaves, I'm with you on that! Why talk to someone who has used you this way? I would kick her to the curb NOW & never speak to her again. JMHO

I think noocha hit it on the head, you're probably not going to get help with the bills anyway. I've been through things similar where you only hear from someone when they want something from you.

But in fairness, are you REALLY upset over her relationship issues or as you indicated because she's not helping you with your financial situation? Either way, I don't think this is a good situation for either of you.

A good friend used to come running, threatening to leave her husband, which she probably should have but when she said she wanted someone to take care of her, I let it be known that wasn't going to be me. She lost her eyesight and while she was in blind school her husband forged her name and opened up several credit cards, maxed them out and they ended up in bankruptcy. She wouldn't call the police, she got mad if I said anything so I just said fine, I won't say anything - you're on your own. And like I said, the only times I hear from her is when she wants something. Those are "friends" I don't need.

So, for whatever my advice is worth, she sounds like a complainer. Period. Wants to blame the world for her troubles and not take any responsibility. She sounds like a user and a loser and you should lose her. You're better off without her.

I don't recall who said it or I'd give quotation credit but this statement really hit home with me. Might not be the exact quote either but the essense was that life is too short for toxic relationships. How true, how true.

When you go shopping for food ... she pays for part.

You're not the welfare office.

As for the future ... you've learned some things about her, which you're not going to forget.

Be guided accordingly. Perhaps some distance in future, but will you feel happy if you cut her off completely? Maybe you will.

But I don't have many perfect friends ...

... maybe the perfect ones couldn't stand imperg\fect me?

ole joyful

I'm sorry your friend has disappointed you, I would feel the same way. And as far as I would be concerned, the sooner she left, the better. No sense in her hanging around if she's just going to use you in the interim and make you feel silly for caring about her. People. Sheesh.

Yep. I'd send her home ASAP. You don't need her drama when you're going through your own tough times. I wouldn't cut off all communication, though. Flaky friends can be very entertaining. The two of you may laugh about this 20 years from now. Tell her to go on home and get prepared for her exciting new job.

I don't care about the money, but it would be nice. I just HATE, HATE, HATE LIARS! There was no reason for her to lie to me. If she just wanted to come for a visit to get away, that's all she needed to say. I've told her exactly how I feel, and I'm not the only one she did this to. She told her son all the same stuff, and now she's told him she lied to him, and he's really pissed. He doesn't believe that she lied, he thinks she's screwed up in the head and wants to have her committed. After two days talking to her, I think he may be right. I told her she needs professional help. I have not been kind in my assessment of her problems. She says she doesn't know why her son won't believe her, and I practically screamed "Because you told him you were living with a drunken drug abuser and you were going to kill yourself, and what is he supposed to believe? He's scared that if he lets you go, you're going back to a certain death!"

I'm done, for sure. I have no time for this drama. She had me so upset today, I had to get out of the house and go shopping...which I do not need to do! I didn't spend much, only $30, and most of it on things I needed. I went to the Dollar Tree and Big Lots to make sure I didn't. But I did stop by Home Depot and treat myself to an .88 coleus plant.

Anyway, I don't need this stress. She's saying now she's going to stay until Tuesday. I told her I didn't even want to hear anymore about this situation with her son and all. Now her son is being nasty to me, because he thinks I'm in cahoots with her.

I need wine. Lots and lots of wine.

Why is HER son mad at you?? If she treated him the same way? Blood thicker that water--I don't think you need either one --be polite--smile and help her pack and next time find a motel for her, give her the name of the hotel, and tell her you will meet her some place for lunch. Your "motel" is closed for remodeling!
Good luck and hugs to you

Some people are not happy without drama in their lives. I wouldn't waste your time worrying about her lying to you. Thats the least of her problems. At the moment they want to leave these abusive guys they often have a few bruises. When they are away they forget it or deny it happened. Its like when you leave the room to get something and when you are in the next room you cannot remember what you went there for. Your place is simply like the next room and amnesia sets in--she forgets that he maybe threw her against the room and there is a dent in the wall of the old apartment. When she gets back there she will suddenly remember all the bad times, just by looking at the dents in the wall or the broken mirror or whatever. So expect another call when she's been back there awhile.
You really can't help people like that and they will drive you nuts, and everyone around them.
You have a good heart and you wouldn't treat people like that but she's got the problem, don't make it yours.