Thanks Susan, I will let you know. I already stocked up on sugar free gatoraid for my dh (he's diabetic) Have tons of soup frozen ready to go and plan on stocking up on popsicles and ice cream too. I am glad that we are doing both at the same time, It will be tough but better than having 3 weeks of recovery and can baby both of my boys at the same time:) They didn't say anything about taking out either DH or Hudsons Tonsils or adnoids, but with talking to the Dr. I suggested while we were doing the surgery, we might as well do it right. DH has had trouble with his tonsils all our married life an we had talked about it for years for him to have them out. I know it will be tougher on him, but to get a good nights sleep is important. As it is, he can "sleep" 8 hours a night and still fall asleep at the drop of a hat because the sleep isn't restful sleep. Stacie

Want to give an long over do update.. Hubby's last treatment (chemo & radiation) were 12/23. He was supposed to finish radiation 2 days sooner but had complications with neck burns; they had to get his pain under control. I asked the radiation oncologist for the morphine pops again; this time he gave it to us but it was a 3 day wait for it to get ordered. I'd called pharmacies in both NJ & Philly; no one stocked it, not even hospitals. He ended up using a Fentynol patch for a few days; he was only able to wear it for a few hours as the Fentynol made him sick. They are supposed to be a 24 hour patch. The pain problem was a dry neck - he couldn't have the antibiotic cream on his neck for radiation because he'd fry; which meant he had to go from the shower, we'd wrap his neck in wet gauze & baby wash cloths plus an ace bandage then he'd unwrap when we crossed the bridge. He lost over 20 pounds, which he couldn't afford to lose anything. Healing was very hard on him. He did so well at 1st but his autoimmune kicked in about 2 weeks out to where his blood counts were really low. I ended up taking him to a natural Dr where he had supplements & a vitamin C drip which seemed to work; unfortunately, he needed 2 drips per week but we couldn't fit 2 into our life (it was an all day thing with ride plus waiting for the bag to drip) plus he did not like the way the girls stuck him or pulled the IV out. His body was still sore from all the needles in Philly, he didn't need more pain. Yes, we complained... He got very depressed because he wasn't healing quick enough. I could not get his mood changed. Different antidepressants were tried but nothing worked. What ended up working was our old neighbors came up from Tennessee on Valentines day (he didn't know); so that cheered him. Then we made the decision to have the feeding tube removed. The feeding tube was a huge source of pain; his intestines always hurt; he was usually found doubled up in pain. It was thought he had gas but from what I researched it could have been spasms. Any puree's that I made, he basically shut down & wouldn't eat them, nor would he eat by mouth because he had no taste buds and no saliva. To someone that likes to eat, this is very depressing. He'd tell me that the puree would sit in his stomach & not digest. We saw the radiation nurse practitioner and I was able to speak to her alone.. she backed me up that the tube needed to come out & that he needed to be able to sink or swim. Had he not started eating, they would either feed him via nose or another feeding tube. On 2/22 we saw the ENT surgeon & lied about how much he was eating by mouth; they pulled the feeding tube out.. yes, held a towel over it and yanked & out it came. 5 months after it was put in, it was taken out & he's been doing well eating. His taste buds are better; he's not complaining about the saliva as he knows he's going to have to drink water with almost every bite just to swallow it. Most food will suck up his saliva like a sponge. We knew our health insurance was going to get canceled & it did. He was going to start physical therapy 2 weeks ago when they called to say it was denied for lack of coverage. We've been on this since December, asking for Cobra forms but they never came. Thankfully I know the rep; he told me when it was sent out & when it did not arrive the following Monday & Tuesday (last week) hubby & I made the 2 hour drive to Port Newark to do it in person. We split the driving because neither of us drive that far. The insurance cost us a pretty penny until we are approved; then they will either refund the money, if hubby gets back to work before we use up our large payment or they will deduct the lower amount from my large payment until he does work. He had a PET scan on 2/4 - we were not supposed to get the results until the following week but the nurse practitioner called us the same day because she knew how depressed he was. He told me a week or 2 before the scan that he was not fighting any more nor was he doing this again if treatment did not work; so I was a basket case as well; especially since it was right before my dad's 4 year anniversary of being gone because of cancer. Had we not had my inheritance from my dad I don't know what we would have done to survive. We were very fortunate that we did move to where we are so he had better treatment options. After making the drive to North Jersey the other day, there was no way he could get treated at my original choice, where my dad had treatment; but he was able to get treated at a very large place; which I'm not sure he would have chosen had we still lived in the old house. So, everything has worked out. The next scan will be in 5 months; so we'll see. I'm not sure when he'll be able to get back into his truck to deliver cars; but hopefully he'll be able to do the yard van to drive drivers to their cars. Hopefully physical therapy will help.

Thanks for the ideas. One of the problems is that they live in a rural area and meals on wheels isn't available to them. The home health people are coming on Monday and I thinking that I am going to go over when they are there to make sure that they get all the bases covered. My mil is the kind of person that is always the first to help others but never asks for help herself. I am going to call one of the church members that lives closest and see if they can get a group together to take meals over every other day or so. My FIL is the problem and thinks everything needs to be a hot dinner. Me I could make a pasta salad and we could eat it all week long with sandwiches or grilling out. But that wouldn't be enough for them. So will have to do some thinking. Also FIL's son ( MIL and FIL married when in their 50's ) lives in town and hasn't worked for months and has been taking money from mil and fil and part of me feels that he needs to step up and help. But I want to do what I can to help. With 3 kids under 4 and one more on the way, I have enough on my plate to deal with but will muddle through. I think the most important thing is to be there when home health comes and to make sure that we cover all the bases, physical therepy for both of them, bathing, cleaning, and cooking. Otherwise I know that my mil won't ask for help, but I am not afraid to ask for help for her. Stacie girlsingardens

So, let me get this straight? He cheated on you with BM (yuck - at least it could have been with someone better!!) and yet he has never felt that he should be considerate of your feelings when telling you that "you should be the bigger person," etc.? He has always "taken her side" and you have always felt that he valued her feelings over yours. Before I knew about the cheating, I thought the entire situation was stinky but now that I know - how could he seriously say the things he has said when looking into your eyes and knowing that he betrayed you with her and was continuing to betray you?? I am furious on your behalf!!!