ole joyful started a thread about the impotance of humor in stressful situations.

Years ago I gave a speech at Toastmasters (Bigbaby and I are both members) on that very subject. Later I posted it here as a way of introducing myself when I first found the Kitchen Table.

My first wife, Mary and I had 5 children in 12 years. (a girl and then 4 boys). We came to the conclusion early on that the only way to survive some situations was to maintain a healthy sense of humor. As long as you can laugh; how bad can it really be? It was 11 years ago that Emily reached the age of 15 and got her learners permit. We had been dreading this day for years. Neither one of us wanted to take her driving. We would invent these outlandish exscuses why it should be the other guy to go out on the road with her. It's not that she had a death wish or a learning disability; it was just the opposite. She's an excellent student, straight A's, a member of the National Honor Society. She has your typical first born, type A, success driven personality. But, that personality has a flaw.... she's smart, she knows she's smart and therefore you can't tell her anything. Driving what's the big deal? One pedal makes you go the other makes you stop and in between you steer; can it be any simpler? Just to prove her point a year later; right after her 16th birthday she took her road test and got a nearly perfect score on it. "You see Dad I know all about driving" Right...... By the time she was 20 she had totaled 2 cars! For the last 3 years Emily and my son-in-law, Eric, have lived in Italy (he's in the Air Force). Over there there is impossible traffic, unbelievable speeds on narrow twisting streets and she has a perfect driving record. Apparently she just had to get in the right environment.

But, back to 11 years ago. Just days after Emily got her learners permit the stress level in our family was cranked up another notch. Mary started feeling sick. It began with some vague flu-like symptoms. When she didn't improve she went to the Dr. and was eventually diagnosed with ovarian cancer. A particularly aggresive form of cancer. The first step was to remove as much as the cancer as possible. After surgery Mary had a morphine drip for the pain that she could control herself. Push a button; get a dose of morphine. When she'd get up to walk this whole contraption (on an IV pole) would come along. Then it was my job to push the button. I was literally a morphine pusher. Out in the hallway Mary couldn't just ask for a dose though; She'd go HIT Meeeee. Making it sound like she was sitting at the blackjack table in Las Vegas instead of pushing an IV pole down some hospital corridor. Even with cancer Mary was still cracking jokes. Still coping with humor.

But, Mary lost her battle against cancer. From the time she first started feeling sick until she died was just less than 2 months. Unbelievable. She was only 42 and our youngest was barely 3 years old. Our family was devastated. Mary had always been a stay at home mom. She was always there. With 5 kids someone always needed a ride someplace. Piano lessons, orthodontist appointments, trips to the library, some days the list seemed endless. She was always there with a kiss, a hug, and a bandaid for those scraped elbows and knees. And at the end of every day she was there with a delicious home cooked meal.

About 3 weeks after Mary died we were sitting at the dinner table having another bland, boring, dad cooked meal, eating in silence, staring at our plates when Emily announces out of the blue "I know why Mom died......she didn't want to take me driving!" We just cracked up. It felt so good to laugh again. I knew we still had a lot of grief to work through, but, with our ability to laugh back in place I knew that we were going to be okay. Once again we were coping with humor.

I can't remember the saying exactly but the gist of it is "The deeper grief and sorrow carve into your soul the more joy you can hold. What I went through back then I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, but, it has made me a better, stronger, more confident person.

Ron