I bring them to work and give them to my co-workers. I do that with a lot of the extra divisions and seedling plants in the spring. This year I brought in 10 or so divisions of Siloam Doodlebug and 8 divisions of Snowy Eyes and a few of some others. I also bring in other plants, like Lady's mantle, iris, perennial geraniums and stuff. I hate composting perfectly good plants and I'm too lazy to sell them. Most of my co-workers are not die-hard gardeners like us and don't care about things like names and genetics - they're just happy to get a nice plant with neat flowers for free! I've been doing this for a few years and it's always fun to have people come back to me and rave over a plant I gave them a year or 2 ago.

I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to this board. I thought I would get an email or something telling me that there were replies, so I didn't think anyone had! Thank you both for your insight. I do think what you are both saying is right on the money, except for the jealousy thing. BM uses my SD's bad behavior as way to get more attention. The more she promotes the bad behavior, the more attention BM gets from outsiders. Why are the children with BM? That's a good question. My husband and I have taken our complaints and observations to my SD's counselor (when she was in counseling for a short time). We were told nothing. The counselor took the pages and pages of log I had written documenting the BM's behavior and basically took it under advisement. I have also taken this information to the local Social Services, and gotten no where. They couldn't prove it (the car incidents) and the rest was hearsay. So they could do nothing. Without that behind us, there is no way we would win custody in court, especially in the conservative state we live in. We resolved to be involved in every aspect of their schooling and medical health, as is allowed to my husband by divorce decree, and to me by him. Because if we couldn't control what went on at the mother's house, at least we could make sure that we would be involved with whatever happened at school and the doctor. That way, if we believed that incidents and behaviors that happen there were caused by BM's behavior, we could mention it and have it documented to use in court later if need be. Yes, we did talk to SD about her behavior at Christmas. There is no way something like that would be ignored here. As for discipline, she has gotten some spankings, I guess maybe twice in the last year. Mostly she gets time-outs or stands in the corner for 10 minutes or so. But I think the whole weekend is like a time-out for her because the other kids won't play with her. We bought her activity books, art supplies, reading books, etc, but I know she gets bored with all that and really just wants to play. But she's so unpleasant to be around, the other kids will play with her (because I make them give her a chance) for about 20 minutes and end up telling her to go do something else because she's making them angry. I feel bad for her because I know she has to be lonely, but I can't spend every minute entertaining her either. My husband and I play some board games with her, and we take the dog for walks and such, but then she's like a "cling-on" and we can't get her to go do something else. I'm sorry this is so long, and I hope I don't sound whiny. I'm just frustrated. It's gotten better than when I first posted, because I've had to say that if her behavior gets out of control, she has to go back to her mothers before the boys. I know that's mean, but she had my daughter (who is 12) so upset by the things she was saying, my daughter was literally crumpled up on the floor crying and telling me she had to get SD away from her. That was the final straw. I have guilt, of course, because that just means that SD goes back to spend more time with BM, but I also know that all of this is not fair to me or the other kids either. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Thank you again for all your input. I do appreciate it.

I'm assuming because you selected and approved them, there may not be much you can do. Is the entire space complete? If you still have some furnishings to add to the space, sit tight, they may work better once the entire space is finished. If everything is complete, and you are still unhappy, perhaps you can have the chairs recovered? If that is not an option, maybe try changing some less expensive elements in the room, to tie the chairs in better. Good luck!

I agree with mtn. I would let her know in passing conversation that you are looking forward to meeting your daughter's bf's parents. Just give her a heads up that you will not be having Thanksgiving at your home. It sounds like you guys do a great deal for her. I would in no way feel bad about it. I can see how your husband felt slighted. He goes out of his way for her and it seems maybe she doesn't always reciprocate or maybe acknowledge how fortunate she is to have such a wonderful brother. Good luck with everything! You are a very thoughtful and kind person!