Thanks Carla. I just wish we could edit our posts. Even this last one, I wish I could, but I will not ask Garden Web to do it again for me. Of course the above post is a close copy of the last one that I had posted here on the subject. I copied it from the one I posted to my friends on our B&B board. I should have edited it first I guess. I did have one reply from Florence on this particular post, but as I said, it was pulled. Anyway our grandson did come at Christmas to us and we had a great time with him, as well as some good visits with our Daugher Louise and Ryan's cousins. It was a great Christmas. His dad, our son also got permission to have a visit with him at our house. It went very well. Neither Ryan or us had seen him for a few years. We keep in touch with him (Ryan) by phone and a couple of weeks ago visited the foster parents in Victoria who had come to the island for a short vacation. Anyway, after my first posts on this subject, which was received with encouragement and kindness, I just wanted to update you. Will tell more aftr the JDR in Edmonton on 13th March. Pauline

i am so sad after reading your post. i think you are right to be concerned about your grandson. and i hope i don't step on any toes in expressing my thoughts about your situation. first, it is very difficult to share your home with adult children returning to the nest, even for good reasons like their being unemployed. hard for you&your husband, hard for them, too. i understand your "biting your tongues at all costs" attitude, but here's my take on it: #1, it's YOUR house, and you need to have your house rules firmly delineated and followed, whatever they might be. #2, i know you don't want to overstep your bounds as a grandparent, but you are definitely NOT out of line to step in when you feel your grandson is being neglected. a one-year old, especially if he is normally active, takes a lot of watching (perhaps you need to buy some of those child-proof door knob things). and he needs lots interaction with people in order to develop properly. at this age, their attention span is short, so "time-outs" really do no good and become cruel and abusive, in my opinion. he has no real conception of what the time-out if for. simple re-direction will usually cure the problem and not let him sit there alone. #3, i fear your daughter and her husband are just not ready to deal with a young child. the methods they are using as stated in your second-to-last paragraph to "punish" their son are not good ones. he is just a baby. babies are aggravating, certainly, but your daughter & husband are so lucky that you and your husband are right there to lend a helping hand. #4, so with that last staement of mine, i think you ought to definitely get more involved with the baby. let your daughter know that you don't intend to be a busy-body, that she is the mother, but you certainly have a normal vested interest in that child's well-being, and therefore you are more than happy to give her a break and deal with the baby when she is busy/tired/needs time for herself. #5, it seems that your daughter & her husband are not interacting much except in negative ways with their child. this is so bad on so many levels. first, a baby needs to be cuddled (YOU know this, of course!!). and played with -- they learn through playing. building blocks, thick crayons, simple vehicles, soft toys, musical toys are all important! and reading to him is the best thing of all -- being held while looking books is so beneficial and wonderful. it rather sounds to me as tho your daughter might be somewhat clinically depressed by her situation (unemployment, an active baby, not much support from husband all join to make her life at the moment difficult for her). maybe she is not getting enough rest/sleep herself. maybe she is worried. this is an area where you might need to sit her down "for her own good" and discuss things. she may need help. sorry if this seems harsh or judgemental -- it is NOT meant to be. i'm on your side! #6, i advise you to keep fully involved, even more than you have been, and don't let your daughter continue to ride rough-shod over you when you feel you need to step in for your grandson's sake. HE is the most important person here. your involvement may be the best thing for him at this time. i hope things become better for all of you as soon as possible! hang in there!!!!!

I'm very sorry to hear your story. Bad parents leave a void in your life and you have to find something to fill the void. I am a firm believer in letting stuff go that I can't change. I know that sounds simple, but it can be done. It's just a matter of occupying your mind with something else. I was married to a man for 33 years who was a good husband, but a very cold man. No hugs, kisses or any affectionate behavior. My mom gave me some very good advice. She said, "you are spending to much time thinking of his faults, spend that time thinking of his good qualities". It worked.

I have not read all the responses, but can I offer you this? My mom tends to buy my kids tons of junk that ends up all over my house. Sure my kids love it and after a day the novelty fades and it ends up in a bin somewhere or even vacuumed up if it's little. She does NOT respect my wishes when I ask her not to do this and she does it drives me insane. Here are some things I can never get enough of for my children: Books. My children love them, I love reading them. My mother never read to us as children. My dear grandmother did, and I have wonderful memories of her reading all sorts of stories to me. One of my earliest memories is sitting on her lap hearing the story of Hansel and Gretel. One of my most prized possessions is a Mother Goose book, inside my grandmother wrote a little note to me on the day I was born. I will cherish it always. Buy your grandchildren books, and read the wonderful stories to them. Inscribe them, because one day those words you write to those children will be priceless.