I don't think there is any hard and fast rule. My DD never had sleepovers with either set of grandparents, though one pair lives a little over an hour away and the other two hours away. I think your other DD should butt out, to be blunt. She seems to be geting you het up to no good purpose.
If you're not up to doing sleepovers due to your health, why should you? I'm sure everyone understands. Doing something that taxes your health just because your older DD seems to think you should is bound in the long run to make you feel resentful of your GC as well as ill. Don't get suckered into doing something you can't just because someone else thinks you should.

I don't think that you are in compition either. Grandchildren love each grandparent as individuals, as we do each of our children and grandchildren. The grandchildren also realize that we have different limitations. My DGD does NOT ask me to do gardening with her (I hate to garden), that is something she does with Grandma Debby. BUT we bake together often, something Grandma Debby doesn't do as often. I only have one, and am not older, but that too has to be taken into consideration for things. Those kids have LOTS of energy!!! It's QUALITY of time you're spending, not QUANTITY. You're making memories!!! The grands will understand if you're not feeling up to sleep overs. Trust me, if you make time for them at other times, they will know you love them. I always did with my grandparents.

Vickey-MN

I think everything is wonderful just as it is. It sounds like everyone is having fun, and you certainly are busy with seeing your grandchildren and teaching them too. Don't worry about it. What you are doing is wonderful. I could see the more distant grandparents wanting some overnights as it is so hard for them to get together with their grandchildren. Relax and enjoy them.

Krissie

I think you are doing a fantastic job in creating happy, lasting memories with your grand children. You are doing your absolute best with the time available to you.

Every little bit helps.

Sleepovers, sound like hard work for you.

Perhaps your oldest daughter, the children's aunt, should have them over for a sleepover.

Keep up the good work.

You must establish your boundaries.

To go along with Popi's suggestion, maybe your oldest DD could stay with you also on the sleepover weekend. It helps tremendously to have another set of hands, ears, and eyes with that many little ones in the house.

If your health is an issue, then perhaps you could limit the sleepiver to one night instead of the entire weekend or could have the children over in pairs instead of all at once.

My SIL frequently asks my MIL to babysit her 4 kids ages 4-10 and after just an entire day of it she is usually exhausted so I understand where you are coming from. If you try it once and it is too much for you, then please be honest with your DD and let her know. You and your grandchildren will have a better relationship if they can spend quality time with you without risking your health.

How frequently do most grandchildren spend the night with grandparents when they live in the same city, a mile apart?

As often as they are invited. It's TOTALLY up to you to decide what works best for you. Health reasons or whatever reasons! It's definitely NOT a competition -- that's a very unhealthy way to view it. I'm wondering why your other daughter even felt like she needed to get involved. It's totally not her place. Why doesn't she, as aunt to the children, invite them over to her house for sleepovers? What is her relationship with her nieces/nephews? What qualifies her to advise you on your relationship?

OK, can you tell? I think the whole thing is a lot of hooey. When I had kids, I asked my mother to take care of them when I had someplace I wanted to go. The key word here being ASKED. My mother could say yes or no according to her whim. Mostly she said yes because she adored my kids and was a wonderful grandma. But sometimes she said No for whatever reason. That was her right and privelege. When my first son was a year old, she decided she wanted him to spend the night every other Saturday - totally her idea. At some point after my second son was born, her health began to fail and she cut back on visits. Again, the visits were ALWAYS up to her. I'm not saying the kids shouldn't ask to come over, the fact that they do means they love you and love spending time with you. But it's still up to you IF they come, WHO comes, and for how long.

Just in case you're wondering, my MIL was in very poor health and unfortunately could not take care of my kids at all.

Thanks everyone, you make me feel better!!

Krissie

My 7 y/o grandson spends only occasional nights with me. Like only 3 times since Xmas but I do see him often for daytime and evening visits as he only lives several blocks from me. I would like him to spend more nights with us but like Krissie, I don't have the stamina after working all week plus I have a teenage daughter, too.

But, I DO feel in competition with the other grandmother. She doesn't make me feel that way, it's just how I feel because I spend less time with him than she does. She is the maternal grandmother and since my son and the mother haven't been together the past 4 years, naturally my grandson spends more time with the maternal grandmother. I guess you could say I am just a little bit jealous, but I am happy that he has his other grandmother because she's really good to him and loves him like nothing else.

Also, my grandson's mothers boyfriend tries to keep him from us... kinda sorta... he and my son don't get along, which is not uncommon. I'm just waiting for the day that he's no longer in their lives.

Whew, got way off topic!

Sounds to be like Grandma is doing a great job. I think if the unmarried daughter wants her sister to have a weekend break then maybe she can take the girls. I am a grandma and I have 4 little ones and it is work to have all of them at once. I keep them when my kids need help plus times when I want to keep them.. We both have a great time..