Great news. We had block party. Neighbor boy is back to visit. There were probably 7 boys and just my dd. The other kids were all really little. We had two bounce houses and a water bounce thingy. DD came to me to show me how she was going to dress for day, very appropriate and she was conscience of doing that. Later she changed to wear her bikini but kept shorts and a tank over it the entire day even though some older girls walked around with shorts and nothing covering their bikini tops. DD chose to sit with the moms when they guys started playing with water soakers. I told her she should go play too because they are all friends playing. She though she should not but did when I told her it was ok because that was what we were there for. We also let her invite two friends, specific friends we knew would not cause any drama,etc. They all had fun and interacted with themselves more than with the boys. The girls spend the night and allowed me to take all phones away. I snuck them back in the bedroom this morning so they will wake to find them. I also checked after they went to bed to make sure they were sleeping and all was fine. It was a great day for all of us. My dh even commented on how she has improved so much since he got her into kayaking. He is really happy and they are both excited to hit the river together. She even got an email from a boy and she told him she did not need his drama and to not bother her. Baby steps, baby steps.

KKNY I don't know what to make of you. Of course we don't make the skids 'spy' for us. They brought the subject of smoking up themselves, we usually don't ask about those things (BM's drinking, the smoking - while pregnant of course, and other negative trades). That is because we'd feel bad knowing that the girls would probably feel like defending their mom. So therefore we wait till they volunteer the information and then we might ask what they think about it, or how they feel. The therapist has given us really good advice on how to be supportive of them, and how to adress these kinds of issues without criticizing their mom. However we do ask the girls general questions to show an interest in their other family, which is important for them. Like about their little brother or what they were up to on the weekend? Is that allowed?? Ima already explained it very well. It's about the power of brainwashing,I guess you're not that familiar with it. Like Ima's SD saying it is raining when the sun is clearly shining (that was your post Ima, right?) Also what is the significant difference for you between Stepmom or SO? I'm FDH's SO and stepmom to the skids. They actually started calling me that without my encouragement, they think it's 'cool' and so that's fine with me. You always think that it's the SM's vs the BM's here, and I don't understand why? Surely you're not that shallow to assume all Stepmoms are on the same page and all BM's are on the other? Just because I'm Dutch doesn't mean that I'm on the same page as all other Dutch people, right?

"Love - I want to know how your first school function goes. Go be there for that little boy." The strange thing is---I used to go all the time, to soccer games and baseball lessons, swim lessons etc. I even did some volunteer reading work in his first grade classroom. Have been to at least three or four Christmas concerts, etc. Then she assaulted me and the order said SHE could be around me only at school/extracurricular events. Otherwise, she could not come within 20 yards of me. In the event she had to come to our home (most dropoffs are at school), she had to stay at the curb, could not even pull her car into the driveway. THAT was when I stopped going to stuff. I just decided it was too much. The problem, too, is that SS now FREAKS---because he witnessed his mom punch me, saw her be taken to jail, etc---if we are even in the same vicinity. :( He is worried about a repeat. The big issue, I think, is that BM will still say nasty stuff to him. He senses the animosity from HER to ME and he has as much said that he worries she will punch me again. Then, when he gets upset, BM turns it all on ME and complains to DH that I made a big deal of the restraining order and it must be all MY fault that SS is scared. That he really KNOWS his mom would never do that again and if he is worried, it's because he thinks I want his mom to be arrested. AUUGHHH. Honestly---the family therapy you all have done would probably be beneficial to US. Just last week, for example, SS had a half day of school. I had a doctor's appt. in the afternoon and my DH had some work stuff. DH said he would miss his work thing if he HAD to but he just asked BM if she wanted to pick SS up and spend the afternoon with him; normally, she jumps at the chance for extra time with him during one of our five day stretches. She said sure, no problem. Okay, well, at 6 pm that evening, I had a haircut and color scheduled. I went a bit darker and the night before had been looking at magazine pics with the kids, asking them to help me pick a look. So BM asked SS what *kind* of doctor's appt I had that prevented me from getting him??? NONE of her BUSINESS. Well, SS knew nothing about the dr. appt, and he just said, "I don't know, I think she is getting her hair cut." BM flipped! Absolutely flipped. Nasty texts to DH about how high maintenance I am, and what a joke it is that SHE had to drive to get SS so I could get my hair done???? And that I owe her GAS MONEY. There just are not words. A.) I DID have a doctor's appt. B.) He is HER son. Good heavens. DH told her---and he was SUPER nice about it---that it was NOT a big deal and if she couldn't pick SS up at noon, he would do it! He just put it out there as a solution if SHE wanted to do it, and he made that very clear. But the biggest issue is that BM then runs her mouth to SS aobut how terrible I am, and how poor BM had to drive sooooo far to SS's to get him so "I could go get my hair done." Hate her. I really do. :( She throws fuel on SS's issues---because I never say a WORD about her to SS, nothing bad AT ALL. I smile my fake happy smile and *fake it till I make it.* I would never let SS see how much I despise that woman. She's his MOTHER. But she....makes it really difficult. So...then being around each other at events and such, just...ughhhhh...like I said, at some point, I would like to do the family therapy you guys did. Now is not the time---I am in my own individual therapy right now, and want to focus on that, on me, the only person I can control. :) Thank you for your kind words. I try to do the best I can, glad you can tell.

Violet, my post disappeared or I must not have hit send, but I would start with the ins. covered doctor, and go from there. If she is not getting anywhere, then I would do a self-pay consultation with a homeopathic MD. I found one in her area (Dr. Soule) but have no idea how good he is. Anyway, that isn't the starting point, just good to know there are options, if that makes sense. She just shouldn't give up. Duluth, wow-- Addison's Disease. My dear friend, who was really more like a cousin to me, passed away from it. She was 10 and I was 12. It was undiagnosed. She was half Mexican, half Irish. Her mother (Mexican) was very pale . . .as was she. VERY pale. She came home from a trip to Mexico and her skin was unusually dark-- in a tone that I've never seen anyone with. Along with this, she had symptoms like licking pickles, licking the salt off potato chips. Her test scores went down. They put a cot in the classroom for her. Etc., etc. The doctors would NOT believe her mom. They said she was fine. Said she needed her tonsils out (now we are amazed she survived the operation). Said she got dark because she was Mexican. Doctor appointment after doctor appointment, and they turned her away. As her parents were sitting down to discuss what they would say at the doctor's appointment (scheduled for the following day)-- they were not going to leave without answers-- she went into cardiac arrest and passed away. I miss her dearly. Shortly thereafter she passed away, my father had a dentist appointment. Our dear friend's death was weighing heavily on his mind, and told the dentist her symptoms. The dentist immediately diagnosed her with Addison's Disease. We could never figure out how the dentist knew, and these doctors-- for years-- did not. If only we had information back then as we do now. So glad you were diagnosed and are OK.