Turkeytrott- your ss sounds like my ss. Generally he manifests the same behaviors. (disrespect, smoking, drugs/drinking, stealing, bullying, overall unpleasant to be around etc.) If you have the patience to deal with this you are truly a saint. You did not mention how your ss was performing in school. This is very important because it is the key to getting assistance. If he cuts classes or school, has behavioral problems (disruptive to the class), poor grades, or failing, the school system is going to become your best friend. By law the school is required to provide an education. This is a great resource and your tax dollars pay for this. The school can allocate additional services your ss needs. Like counseling, resource rooms, special education, even a residential/therapy school. They do not want to pay for these services, but you can fight for them. (dont expect too much cooperation from the school system.) -First you need to find out where the behavior is coming from. Get him to counseling. Someone who can address all of his issues. Be sure that this person has the qualifications and experience to deal with your child. The school should be able to recommend a drug/alcohol therapy program. (if YOU need to talk to someone, get a counselor also- because this is going to create a huge stress in your life & your family) -Second, contact a Child Advocate. This is an attorney that specializes in troubled kids. They will ask you many questions to determine if it is a physical handicap or a mental issue. Some advocates only deal with one or other. They will normally consult with you at no charge and know the ins & outs of the situation. The school will not recommend someone, because they donÂt want to offer/pay for the additional services. They are there to guide you though the system to get ss help. This is calling out the big guns- or getting lawyerÂd up. You need to get an IEP evaluation. This test is to determine if the child qualifies for special services through the school district. The evaluation given by an educational specialist focuses on understanding how the child learns in order to help him become a more comfortable and efficient learner. The testing is designed to investigate and define how a child processes information and how those cognitive skills impact academic learning. The tests measure visual and auditory memory, phonemic awareness, word attack skills, comprehension, spelling, mathematics, processing speed, logic and reasoning, and attention focus. In addition, an extensive questionnaire is given to the child, parents, and teachers. You may be able to get the school to do this or you may have to pay for it yourself. Speak to the school psychologist about getting an IEP evaluation. This is the first step to getting the school to help him and you. Between a good councilor & the IEP- you will be able to learn how to deal with him and understand how he thinks and processes information. He may have ADHD or ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) From here several things can happen. A CSE (committee on special education) should be held to determine a course of action. They can recommend a residential facility that will address his behaviors, education and substance abuse, or a group home etc. This is not always done, but it puts a child in a structured/ controlled & monitored place. The advocate will guide you through this process. They can even represent you at the CSE meeting. Someone may also recommend filing a PINS (person in need of supervision) application. This goes to family court, he would be assigned a probation office to deal with and follow up with him. I have heard complaints that this system is not very effective. Unfortunately, if he does not want to help himself, this will be very difficult. If he continues down this road, you will end up before a judge and they are going to want to know, what have you done to help him. My other big piece of advice, cover your self/family to protect yourselves from you ss. Your ss has come to you with baggage and is a huge liability. Anything he does your DH is responsible for. If for instance he damages someoneÂs property, you will be responsible to pay for it (could be $1000 or 2.5 million) If you have not adopted him, assets held in your name are not at risk. They can only go after the custodial parent & their assets. The kid needs help. It will be a tough battle if you are willing to step up. Use and abuse all the resources you can get. I hope something in this monologue helps you. PS- If ss was in child aid (child protective services?) because mom is not fit to deal with him, you cannot send him back there. You canÂt kick him out of the house either, that is considered abandonment by the courts.

I'm going to try to ignore the things TOS is writing about my situation b/c I know she is just trying to cause problems. I truly don't understand why you would try to do that in a place where you should offer support and encouragement, but whatever... But I must say...of course I realize that the destruction of a family is not humorous. I was just trying to be a little lighthearted. Their marriage has been over for years. As I've written several times now, my former husband passed away. After his death I found out he had several "girlfriends" on the side. You think that didn't destroy me??? Believe me, I could write a book about destruction. Anyway... Thank you, Kathline, for your response to my post. I will admit wholeheartedly that my attitude needs to change, and that's one reason I am here. I'm hoping that by hearing other stories of struggles, listening to what others have been through, it will help me to face my own problems with a better heart. Yes, I admit that I wrote that I don't like Sarah right now. She has lied to me and about me SO much that it makes me physically ill. She has stolen money, clothes, make-up and other belongings from me and 2 of my children, she has called my 12 year old disabled child "retard" right to his face on several occasions. And it's not 1 or 2 times...this is consistent behavior. It is VERY HARD to like someone when they constantly hurt you. Sarah knows nothing about the fact that we have looked into residential treatment for her. Nothing! We have also NEVER told her that we don't want her, although her own mother has several times. At one point a few months ago, Sarah was mad at dh and me for grounding her for something and she announced, "I want to go live with mommy." She called her mother and directly there on the phone her monther said, "nope, you can't come live here. You cause too many problems and I don't want you." I felt horrible for Sarah, at the same time understanding how bm felt (b/c Sarah, if possible, often acts worse at her mom's house than she does here). We have to check her bags when she comes home on Sunday nights from her mom's house and more often than not, she has stolen something from there. So yes, Sarah is aware that he bm doesn't like her or want her to live with her, but as I said, she knows nothing about us looking at residential homes and I have NEVER said, "I don't like you, Sarah." Now she might get the feeling that I don't, but isn't that something she needs to earn, kind of like my trust. Would you "like" someone that continued to steal and lie from you CONSTANTLY??? I hope I'm not coming across like I just want people to agree with me, b/c I am VERY open to hearing all opinions. And if you think I'm horrible b/c I said I don't like Sarah much right now, it's okay. Believe me, I feel pretty bad myself and I'm trying to change that. I'm just so frustrated in this situation. Thanks everyone! :)

Hi again deee. Yes, I have been busy - and I have moved it all back but with a change so that I can see out my front window still. I reversed the arm chair and the love seat. AnnieD - please see attached link to the new set up. I don't think those red curtains will stay but they have the bold factor all right! I put 'em up so I would see if that bold window treatment idea of yours would help And it does. I also turned that little rug sideways so that it extends toward the fireplace further (along with the love seat) as it will when I get a bigger one. Now I don't feel like that corner of the room is unfinished looking. Here is a link that might be useful: Living Room 3

Just popped back in...wanted to finish some thoughts. Not sure if you are going to see her pediatrician or psychiatrist based on your "dr" reference but I would call her regular doctor to start and request a full blood work up including B12, Vitamin D, Cortisol in addition to all the other things that they run at an annual exam and I would not start medication until you know all of that is OK. I would find a local dr that participates in the Metametrix and I think you can use the site to find a dr..and I would pursue this also. http://www.metametrix.com/content/Home. I am not opposed to medications at all BUT I have found drs to be extremely careless at dispensing medication before they know that a patients body is completely balanced in other areas. And you as her advocate have to push for these other areas or find a dr that thinks the same way. I have had lots of therapist/drs give her antidepressants, and not alot of people in the mental health field viewed it like I did. I actually had an appt with a psychiatrist and while talking she said she had never heard of fish oil for people with mood disorder. I was shocked. If you google "fish oil bipolar" you will find thousands of great articles.. obviously that dr was not a good fit for us. My daughter maintains with a very small dosage of Lamictal and we follow up with this dr (He is a DO) every 2 months (he is the one that tells everyone of his patients to take fish oil) She hasn't followed up with her Naturpath dr in awhile but we continue to take all the supplements that my daughter was deemed deficient (5HPT for her serotonin). My daughter takes glutathione every day also which alot of bipolar patients are deficient in.... along with many other supplements. You can find alot of information on the web before you take her. My daughter still is difficult but her life has turned around immensely and I honestly do not know what she would be doing right now at 16 without intervention. Last year she wrote a nice paper for a class in school, and she wrote that she was thankful that I never gave up on her and wouldn't stop until we found out what was wrong with her. It is something I will keep forever. She still struggles and i will always worry about her but I can at least sleep at night...