Turkeytrott- your ss sounds like my ss. Generally he manifests the same behaviors. (disrespect, smoking, drugs/drinking, stealing, bullying, overall unpleasant to be around etc.) If you have the patience to deal with this you are truly a saint.
You did not mention how your ss was performing in school. This is very important because it is the key to getting assistance. If he cuts classes or school, has behavioral problems (disruptive to the class), poor grades, or failing, the school system is going to become your best friend.
By law the school is required to provide an education. This is a great resource and your tax dollars pay for this. The school can allocate additional services your ss needs. Like counseling, resource rooms, special education, even a residential/therapy school. They do not want to pay for these services, but you can fight for them. (dont expect too much cooperation from the school system.)
-First you need to find out where the behavior is coming from. Get him to counseling. Someone who can address all of his issues. Be sure that this person has the qualifications and experience to deal with your child. The school should be able to recommend a drug/alcohol therapy program. (if YOU need to talk to someone, get a counselor also- because this is going to create a huge stress in your life & your family)
-Second, contact a Child Advocate. This is an attorney that specializes in troubled kids. They will ask you many questions to determine if it is a physical handicap or a mental issue. Some advocates only deal with one or other. They will normally consult with you at no charge and know the ins & outs of the situation. The school will not recommend someone, because they donÂt want to offer/pay for the additional services. They are there to guide you though the system to get ss help. This is calling out the big guns- or getting lawyerÂd up.
You need to get an IEP evaluation. This test is to determine if the child qualifies for special services through the school district. The evaluation given by an educational specialist focuses on understanding how the child learns in order to help him become a more comfortable and efficient learner. The testing is designed to investigate and define how a child processes information and how those cognitive skills impact academic learning. The tests measure visual and auditory memory, phonemic awareness, word attack skills, comprehension, spelling, mathematics, processing speed, logic and reasoning, and attention focus. In addition, an extensive questionnaire is given to the child, parents, and teachers. You may be able to get the school to do this or you may have to pay for it yourself. Speak to the school psychologist about getting an IEP evaluation. This is the first step to getting the school to help him and you.
Between a good councilor & the IEP- you will be able to learn how to deal with him and understand how he thinks and processes information. He may have ADHD or ODD (oppositional defiance disorder)
From here several things can happen. A CSE (committee on special education) should be held to determine a course of action. They can recommend a residential facility that will address his behaviors, education and substance abuse, or a group home etc. This is not always done, but it puts a child in a structured/ controlled & monitored place. The advocate will guide you through this process. They can even represent you at the CSE meeting.
Someone may also recommend filing a PINS (person in need of supervision) application. This goes to family court, he would be assigned a probation office to deal with and follow up with him. I have heard complaints that this system is not very effective.
Unfortunately, if he does not want to help himself, this will be very difficult. If he continues down this road, you will end up before a judge and they are going to want to know, what have you done to help him.
My other big piece of advice, cover your self/family to protect yourselves from you ss. Your ss has come to you with baggage and is a huge liability. Anything he does your DH is responsible for. If for instance he damages someoneÂs property, you will be responsible to pay for it (could be $1000 or 2.5 million) If you have not adopted him, assets held in your name are not at risk. They can only go after the custodial parent & their assets.
The kid needs help. It will be a tough battle if you are willing to step up. Use and abuse all the resources you can get. I hope something in this monologue helps you.

PS- If ss was in child aid (child protective services?) because mom is not fit to deal with him, you cannot send him back there. You canÂt kick him out of the house either, that is considered abandonment by the courts.

He was assessed while still in Children's Aid,he is fine according to the doctor that seen him.( It was an all day session)Somethings he was above average. His grades are okay but he is very lazy when it comes to assignments.He has skipped 2 classes this term although he denies it and we are only on week two He is late to class alot or lies and say's he needs to go the bathroom and slips out for a smoke.I have spoke to the principal and we have set him up in a skip program that each teacher has to sign in class and then we have to sign it each night,I also asked him to let teachers know about him sneaking out for smokes,so if he needs to go he is to be told 2 minutes.Hopefully that will solve some of the fights in this house.Lots of are fights are about school. His Dad is so tired of the arguing that last night when we had an issue about school and I was giving him trouble while making supper my hubby said he has lost his appetite he is tired of us constantly
fighting about the same things over and over ,my ss just choses not to listen.He said he is sick of it and went to bed.This is really affecting my kids time with their Dad too. Dad gives him trouble all the time too but he feels he is just wasting his time bacause ss is just not getting it.

Dear Turkeytrot-
Sorry to take so long to get back to you. We have been in court again because of our SS.

Please, start with the counseling for your SS and for you & your DH. Your DH sounds a lot like me. I just cannot deal with conflict or lack of reasoning. This is HIS son. He needs to step up and deal with this. No one else should have to.

The schools plan of the sign in sheet is just silly Behavioral Modification. They will watch him and tell you what he is up to, but how does this help if he does not respond to corrective measures? We tried the same thing and SS just decided that it was not worth his effort. Never brought it to the teachers. The whole reward for behavior is just nonsense once the kids hit the teens. The problem is that the kids are developing a sense of independence. They do not respond to behavioral modification like when they were little.

You are in a tough situation. I can tell you that his behavior stems from the environment that he grew up in (ie his mothers place, lack of supervision), his relationship with his parents (or lack there of). This is an emotional issue that manifests in his behavior. I know that it all sounds like pysco-babble, but Ive been dealing with this for 10 years. Behavior comes from somewhere. Start counseling.

If his behavior of delinquency/truancy continues, the school will have to file a PINS application (person in need of supervision), this will open the door to other forms of assistance. Keep in mind that you can also file a PINS application, but research it first for pros & cons. The school will tolerate a lot before they do anything.

Unfortunately the behavior will get worse before it gets better. See if you can find a child advocate to consult with for a suggested course of action. Sometimes a childrens psychiatrist can also make recommendations. The trick is to find a good resource.

I am probably not being much help here. I am sorry for your situation and wish that there was some magic answer that I could give you. If I find one, I will let you know.