Need some help/advice on my old house
14 years ago
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- 14 years agolast modified: 9 years ago
- 14 years agolast modified: 9 years ago
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My aloe Vera plant needs some help. Looking for advice.
Comments (15)I understand your being hesitant to repot the plants again so soon after the first repot. I was in the same situation. Folks here told me that I could leave my plant in the less than optimum soil and hope for the best or get them into soil where it will thrive asap. I went for the second repot and my plant is doing great. I'm currently in SW Florida, zone 10A, but I grew up in zone 6 in Portsmouth, OH. While regular potting soil works so-so in Ohio, and my mother still uses it, I think you may do better with at least a cactus and succulent soil. You still need to mix at least 50/50 perlite or pumice with the soil. Every succulent that I used potting soil on when I lived in Toledo died from rot. I didn't think I was overwatering, but the plants did. I think the soil was a big factor. Hopefully the sun will be shining for you soon! It will lift your spirits and help your plants thrive....See MoreHelp needed to paint old furniture on my old-house front porch
Comments (27)Thank you Jane. You have a lovely porch too. I love your willow furniture. You are lucky to have trees to shade it. Ours gets morning sun and can get quite warm very early one. One of these days we want to close in our sleeping porch off the master bedroom with storm type windows all around to make it more of a three season porch. We've not used it in years. Used to go out there in the evenings. I used Windows Paint to the above virtuals. I have an original version of PhotoShop that came with one of those pens (by Bamboo) that a friend gave to me since they already had PhotoShop. I think they run around a hundred dollars or so. I've not looked at them for a couple years now. Both Adobe and Corel have free online trials of their photo editors. I've tried them both and liked different things about each one so I never made up my mind which to buy. Now that I have the Adobe from my friend I should ask for the Corel for Christmas from my hubby....See MoreNeed some advice regarding my 18 year old (sorry long)
Comments (58)Lovemykids Too, I'm so sorry you are going through this. There are a lot of parents who have been through similar things, so don't feel like you are the only one. We went through some difficult times with one of my kids, so I sympathize with you and I have advice. First, nurture and take care of your marriage. For a lot of couples these kinds of problems take a toll on a marriage. Next, even if your son won't go to counseling, you can go. Particularly if he has anxiety and/or depression you may want to get some tips on how to handle this from a professional. If you haven't been to counseling before then keep in mind you may have to try more than one to find someone you can relate to. My husband and I found a wonderful counselor who had been through a lot of the same things our child had been through, but the first counselor we tried was a useless waste of time. If it were my child, I would consider paying for a cell phone for my son. It would be worth it to me to be able to call him directly if he went back to live at his girlfriend's house. But you don't owe him a cell phone and don't pay for one if you don't want to. In my opinion you are doing the right thing about the car. If the car becomes a major point of contention then I might even sell it or keep it and store it somewhere else. Since I'm not familiar with the situation I am just guessing, but perhaps the situation might partially resolve itself as time goes on? I can't imagine your son's girlfriend's parents like having an unemployed 19 year old man around who can't help pay for food and has no car. Hmmm, sleeping on the couch, sharing a car, burden on girlfriend's family....betcha there's more to that story than he's telling. Maybe girlfriend will lose interest after a few months if he has no more money. I would talk to the counselor about what to do when your son swears at you and says he hates you. Our daughter never did that and I have no idea what to do but I would be very reluctant to allow a grown man (or woman), even my own child, swear at me and say he hates me while he was standing in my own house. I would sit down with my husband and my son and work out a formal agreement between adults who live in the same house. I would go to a neutral location, like a local McDonald's, sit down with a cup of coffee and a notepad and tell him that you respect the fact that he is an adult. Ask him to tell you what he thinks parents should expect from an adult son living in their house and what adult sons should expect from their parents. Hear him out. Stay calm. Although he is sort of an adult, he's a very young adult, so model the behavior you wish he would use. If he starts getting angry or if you start getting angry, you can always stop the session with "I'm glad we sat down and talked together, it has been very helpful to hear what you think, let us think about it and we'll talk again tomorrow". If he is talking without swearing or yelling then be sure to end the session before he gets tired or overwhelmed and the situation deteriorates. Resist the urge to keep pushing through because he's been *good*. At this point you want to start a pattern of reasonable communication more than you want the agreement, although you do want the agreement. Another tool in your toolbox is "convince me". Instead of convincing HIM that you are right, ask him to convince you. I think I would find something that you think you could compromise on and let him convince you before I started on something bigger. Another great phrase is "you are an adult and I know you will figure this out". Also excellent is "what is your plan", a very versatile phrase. Also good is "you are an adult, adults contribute to the household they live in, how do you plan to contribute to this household". Adults living in a household pay their way, either rent, chores, or both. My daughter asked to discuss our issues by email and I was reluctant to do that, but it worked out much better for her and surprisingly also for her dad. We handled some in person but some in email. Work out consequences for infractions, yours and his. Don't agree to consequences that you won't follow through on. Don't tell him he can't live there if he doesn't mow the grass unless you're prepared to make him move out if he doesn't mow the grass. Not all consequences have to be negative. Maybe one of his consequences has to be finding a joke that makes the whole family laugh, maybe he has to figure out how to make ganache for the family or you get to wake him up with a silly song in the morning. Maybe the family has to eat dinner and talk to one another only through sock puppets, or he has to learn to say a phrase of your choice in Italian. Or give him a choice out of 3 things. I picked something that my daughter could not do without laughing and that worked like magic. She couldn't wallow in her role as martyred victim if she was laughing. Stay calm. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page. If your son starts swearing, yelling, saying hateful things or if you start getting angry you can always tell him that you are stepping away for now until you can all talk like reasonable adults. Your theme is reasonable, calm, adult. It may take some time to change the dynamic and don't expect overnight change. Since your son has anxiety and depression, it would probably be very helpful if there is some kind of exercise or outdoor activity he would do with your husband, you, or a sibling. Kayaking? Rock climbing or bouldering? Disc golf? Geocaching? That phone Pokemon thing together? I doubt you will accomplish anything positive by criticizing the girlfriend. Just try not to dwell on the girlfriend in your head. I tried very hard to remember that I taught my daughter to do the right thing, and if she wasn't doing it that was on her, not her boyfriend. Your best hope is that you taught your son well and hopefully he will recognize the flaws in his girlfriend over time and they will either both grow up and be better people or he will end that relationship. Having 5K, blowing it all because his girlfriend wanted him to and ending up with no job, no car, and no money to do fun things with that girlfriend is a priceless lesson that could save him untold amounts of grief later in life. Don't be manipulated, it won't help your son. Have confidence in yourself and remember that what you want is a responsible, reasonable, self-supporting son in the long run. My once-difficult daughter is now a kind, thoughtful, responsible, hard-working, delightful adult who is as lovely on the inside as she is on the outside, which is saying a lot because she's very pretty. I could not ask for a better daughter. And her bratty boyfriend is now a wonderful, responsible, hard-working, delightful adult who is a much-loved and wanted member of our family (they married last year). But in the thick of our difficult times all I could do was try to do the right thing, hang on and hope for the best. Best of everything to you and your family and hang in there....See MoreReplacing 20 year old equipment. Need some advice.
Comments (1)I certainly would want a load calculation performed. Insist on it. Get it in writing. And you set the design temps in and out for both heating and cooling. I would think an 80 K high eff furnace would be fine especially with a zoned system. And if your budget allows, I would go with complete Carrier Infinity/Bryant Evolution with their high end modulating furnace and matching zoning controls. IMO...See MoreRelated Professionals
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