Signs of the times. Real or invented some are funny. Sign over a Gynecologist's Office "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." ---------------------------------------- In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." ---------------------------------------- On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels" ---------------------------------------- On another Septic Tank Truck: "We're #1 in the #2 business" ---------------------------------------- At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in." ---------------------------------------- On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." ---------------------------------------- On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." ---------------------------------------- On a Church's Billboard: "7 days without God makes one weak." ---------------------------------------- At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." ---------------------------------------- On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?" ---------------------------------------- At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." ---------------------------------------- On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." ---------------------------------------- In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." ---------------------------------------- On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." ---------------------------------------- At an Optometrist's Office : "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." ---------------------------------------- On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." ---------------------------------------- On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!" ---------------------------------------- At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." ---------------------------------------- Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." ---------------------------------------- In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" ---------------------------------------- At the Electric Company : "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be." ---------------------------------------- In a Restaurant window : "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up." ---------------------------------------- In the front yard of a Funeral Home : "Drive carefully. We'll wait." ---------------------------------------- At a Propane Filling Station , "Thank heaven for little grills." ---------------------------------------- Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."

I've cooked ham exactly once but can say everyone, including me, raved. This recipe is not from the internet, but rather from the world wide web: City Ham Recipe courtesy Alton Brown 1 city style (brined) ham, hock end 1/4 cup brown mustard 2 cups dark brown sugar 1-ounce bourbon (poured into a spritz bottle) 2 cups crushed ginger snap cookies Heat oven to 250 degrees F. Remove ham from bag, rinse and drain thoroughly. Place ham, cut side down, in a roasting pan. Using a small paring knife or clean utility knife set to the smallest blade setting, score the ham from bottom to top, spiraling clockwise as you cut. (If you're using a paring knife, be careful to only cut through the skin and first few layers of fat). Rotate the ham after each cut so that the scores are no more than 2-inches across. Once you've made it all the way around, move the knife to the other hand and repeat, spiraling counter clockwise. The aim is to create a diamond pattern all over the ham. (Don't worry too much about precision here.) Tent the ham with heavy duty foil, insert a thermometer, and cook for 3 to 4 hours or until the internal temperature at the deepest part of the meat registers 130 degrees F. Remove and use tongs to pull away the diamonds of skin and any sheets of fat that come off with them. Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Dab dry with paper towels, then brush on a liberal coat of mustard, using either a basting brush or a clean paint brush (clean as in never-touched paint). Sprinkle on brown sugar, packing loosely as you go until the ham is coated. Spritz this layer lightly with bourbon, then loosely pack on as much of the crushed cookies as you can. Insert the thermometer (don't use the old hole) and return to the oven (uncovered). Cook until interior temperature reaches 140 degrees F, approximately 1 hour. Let the roast rest for 1/2 hour before carving. Here is a link that might be useful: food network link

We sometimes (almost every week) make two six quart crock pots filled with stew. We use the usual, potatoes, carrots, onions, celery and throw in garlic, bacon, frozen spinach, etc to add some depth to the flavor. Don't forget the spices and worstershire sauce. But the biggest enhancement is adding about 1/4 of wine approximately one hour before we unplug the crock pot. Not only do we eat stew for dinner that night (family of nine) but my husband and I eat stew for luch for the next five or six days. We pack the stew into Rubbermaid disposable round containers and stack all ten of them (or so) in the fridge. Lunch is easy, delicious and filling all week long. Plus, I feel that the nutrition can't be beat, that meat is swimming in all those lovely vegetables, and since the meat is trimmed the fat is somewhat under control.

Sylviatexas, yes, I have eaten mock apple pie that a friend's mother made for an after school treat when I went home with her after school one day about 1955. I had never had it, and if I had not been told, I would have thought it was a slice of apple pie. The Ritz crackers are halved, and the only thing that gives it away is that the edges of the "apples" are scalloped or look like they have been peeled with pinking shears. That was an interesting visit. When my friend introduced me to her mother, her mom gasped and asked if I was Jack ____'s daughter. I replied that I was, and she proceeded to tell me how he was so handsome and she had had a crush on him in their single days. At dinner that night I related this mom's report of my dad. He was tickled to hear that a girl he did not remember from his past remembered him. I have seen pictures of my dad from back then, and he looked like a slender Bert Lancaster.