Kathleen, he's the one who "stood you up". I'd wait for him to re-schedule or to ask you for lunch, I wouldn't keep trying.

I'm glad the new neighbors benefitted, though.

Annie

I'd give him another chance because he wrote you a note.
I live a small life, but I could see myself doing that possibly, if I were busy enough. Forgetting, that is.

Either way, I think it is always best to extend a sense of grace and forgiveness to others and not hold it against them,
However, I would suggest you meet at a restaurant the next time!

Good heavens, If I asked someone to brunch 3 1/2 weeks ago, I would certainly follow up the week of....something like looking forward to seeing you...
I would never expect someone to remember a verbal invitation nearly a month before....especially someone with whom I didn't have maybe weekly contact.
I'll bet he thought it was sort of a "why don't you and your friend come for brunch the third Sunday in September?"....and would have felt very awkward calling and saying something like "Wwe still on for Sunday?".
I would call him, plead a mea culpa about not following up and say....can we try it again.
And don't set the date so far out.
Linda C

I do not think you are to blame for not reminding the errant guest. Maybe you'll do it differently the next time with any guest, but it's not your fault.

Unless this person is family, I'd put the ball totally in his court. If he doesn't contact you to set a new date, then he plainly doesn't care. Then let it go.

Well, we had set this up by email, not talking, & he was the one who chose the date. Annie & Sushipup, I like your idea to wait for him to reschedule.

Thanks!

I don't think you were at fault at all. He set the date himself, and you confirmed. I would not consider apologizing since you didn't do anything wrong.

I'd lean toward letting him invite (and host) for the next attempt, but if this is a friendship you'd really like to pursue, go ahead and suggest rescheduling and see what happens.

I think you should let your feelings be your guide. Would you still like to have lunch with him? If so then forgive and invite him again...I can forget things too and I would have been so embarassed. It was nice he wrote you a note. Then again if you are not really looking forward to seeing him let the ball be in his court and wait to see if you hear from him again.
Joann

Even my best friends and I follow up with each other re: dinner plans that have been set in advance, esp. if we haven't talked in between.

I certainly don't think you are at fault, but I'd accept his apology and if he's someone you want to know better, wait a bit, then try again. Before preparing food, maybe 4 days before, I'd email or call and say you were looking forward to seeing them on Saturday and before you planned the menu you'd like to know if they have any dietary preferences. You should be able to tell from his response whether he truly did have a memory lapse. If he has one again, then you'll know he's not reliable.

I wish I were your new neighbor!

My feelings would have been hurt if I was stood up. It sounds like it was an honest mistake, but when anything like that happens to me, I wonder why it wasn't important enough for the other person to remember. I would have remembered.

Anyway, he did go to the trouble of writing a note, so his apology must be sincere. I think he owes you an invitation, but I agree that if he really is someone you enjoy as a friend, I'd invite him again.

Don't let this get in the way of a friendship.

A mistake, not a big deal. Give it a second try.

I say that ultimately you are a winner as you have made a good impression on the new neighbors. Imagine what they think of you (assuming you didn't tell them they were stand-ins). And, yes, the ball is in the no-show's court.

I agree with johnliu!

I have to agree with Linda on this one. You arranged this nearly a month ahead of time, never even got a reply saying that he had received the email with the time and would be there, and never spoke at all in between? My friends and I generally think of long noncommunication as an implicit agreement that whatever was being discussed has fallen by the wayside. Less so if there's a definite date and time or it's a big-deal event, and it's certainly more polite of the guest to do the confirming himself, so as not to make you feel like the mother hen, but still, in the interest of not wasting my efforts, I would have called a few days before to confirm rather than just preparing a meal and hoping for the best. I think it was more than gracious that he apologized on the phone and then sent you a handwritten note after you chastised him twice. To be blunt, after that sequence of events, I would be wondering whether the host preferred being righteously angry to actually having brunch with me. You may find that everyone has more fun if you open yourself to some slightly less rigid social occasions.

I completely agree with Jessica.... to set a date a month before and not touch base to confirm suggests it wasn't that important to eother party. He did apologize on the phone and sent a note... sounds like he really didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

I think how you move forward depends on whether or not you really want to spend time with him and friend. If you do (and he does) maybe making plans not as far in advance and confirming close to the date would be in order. I know in my circle the best laid plans can go awry for any number of reasons.

Alexa

I disagree that you were at fault for not reminding him, and while in your place I'd be open to another meal organised by him, I don't think it's an excuse to say "I have a poor memory" or "How can you expect someone to remember an event a month from now?" This is what appointments diaries are made for, you write down your engagements in them (or computerise them if that is your wont) and then each day you look at your diary and know what you've got on as far as commitments go.
No-one re-contacts you a week before a wedding you've been invited to to remind you to come.

If someone invites me to a party several weeks away (or a wedding several months away) I'd see no reason to confirm it closer to the date. If the party is cancelled for whatever reason, the host should let everyone know. But if I make plans with a friend, or our family makes plans with another family, etc., I'd absolutely touch base a few days or a week before to make sure we're still on. To me, Jessica stated it perfectly:

My friends and I generally think of long noncommunication as an implicit agreement that whatever was being discussed has fallen by the wayside.

Thanks all, for taking the time to give me your thoughts - I appreciate it.

Kathleen

I guess customs are different
in different parts of the country.

Here, deep in the heart of Texas,
We live a very informal lifestyle.

So it would depend on just how much
you wanted to get to know this man.

Is he someone whose friendship you would value?
Then by all means set it up again.
And next time,
Be sure to confirm a few days before the event.
Even the best intentioned can forget or make a mistake.

As johnliu said "Not a big deal".

So why make it into one?

Rusty

I wonder if he might be too embarrassed to initiate another dinner together?

Sally

Life is way to short to let a small incident like this get in the way of enjoying a friendship with someone you clearly seem to like as a person.

People screw up, make mistakes, forget to write things down, get distracted .....it's the human condition. Guess you just have to decide whether the "sin" is worth the loss of the friendship.

Stuff happens, people forget. I would certainly set up another get together.

I had a lunch date a few weeks ago with a long time gal pal I hadn't seen in a while. I completely forgot until she pulled up in front of my house to pick me up. I had already eaten something, too. I apologized and tossed on another shirt and some mascara and hopped in her car.

Eileen

I'm sort of wondering why you waited an hour and a quarter before calling.
I've sure forgotten things I said I would attend, things like serving communion at church, being the 12th person at a bridge game, as well as meeting friends for lunch. Mostly people have called me 10 to 20 minutes after I should have been where I was supposed to be....and I rushed out and all was cool.
Perhaps they had an emergency with a family member and your dinner was the last thing they thought about, perhaps theyw ere sitting with a flat tire some where, perhaps they were just sitting home feeling like they were forgetting something.
If you want to see them again....call and reschedule, if "your turn, my turn" is more important....don't call....they stood you up.