I'm new here and don't know the situation you are in. It sounds like you have a full plate and you're dealing with a loved one passing recently. My heart goes out to you and your family, and I hope that every day seems brighter. Know that a day will come when the thought of your dearly departed loved one will cause you to smile instead of cry, it may seem like a long way off, but it will happen. Untill then, grieve however you feel you need to, but don't neglect lifes necessities, you need to stay healthy.

Carolyn, I'm glad you feel free to come here and let it all hang out once in a while. I have no words to comfort you, but I do care for you and for what you're going through. I hope you cardiologist can help you with your symptoms, just wish the appt was closer.

It's nice that your stepson calls to ck up on you and hopefully to talk a while. I live alone (and with health problems). My son is the one that cks on me the most. My daughters not so much. I think it depends on personalities.

Please come here and chat as often as you can. We care very much for you and your over-all well being.

Shirley

Take care of yourself,hope things are better soon.

Your doing much better then I would. Take it slow and relax you can do it.I dohope things get better & easier for you very soon. (((((((Carolyn))))))))))))

I'm so sorry. The only way to deal with grief is to survive one day at a time. Since you like being around people and attending church , why not volunteer for something? Perhaps your church has something you can do, such as visiting hospitals and cheering up patrients. Or volunteering at the schools. The elementary schools near me encourage older women to work with the young readers one-on-one. Certainly you can find something.

I do volunteer for a few ministries... Intercessory Prayer Team Leader, Greeting Card Ministry, Prison Ministry, and Nursing Home and Visitation Ministries... plus monthly ladies prayer group, and a couple of Bible Studies. I am thinking of getting either into the choir or learning to work in the sound booth.

I am going to have to learn to mow my own grass this summer.. not a huge thing except we are on a hillside and I really and apprehensive about mowing the hill... ugh... I have a few veggie beds that I love to play in along with lots of flower borders... some of which I will be eliminating. We pick wild blackberries each year to make jelly from for giving away at church when folks attend for their first time...

I am hoping to take a few road trips with my pooches too. One to New england and maybe one to Florida...

But since it has only been 3 weeks since my love passed away, I feel like someone has removed the biggest and most important part of my life... but I know that I know he is now in the arms of our Savior.. and that in of itself is comforting... and I look forward to the day when I too will leave this world for my permanent home with Christ.

I know it will take time, and I can get through this, but right now it really really really hurts like heck..

Thanks for the uplifting replies.

Carolyn

Carolyn, get someone to mow the difficult part of your yard; you shouldn't have to worry about that. Thinking ahead about worries is not good, you know. Hope your days are sunnier soon.

Phyllis

(((((Carolyn)))))))

My sincere condolences for your loss. This certainly is a stressful time for you.

I seem to feel this sort of weakness, where my body feels numb and my legs just shake... and my innards seem to shake as well.

This statement got my attention, since I have had very similar symptoms, and was sent to a cardiologist and had nerve testing done by my "former" doctor. Turns out he was completely ignoring the fact that my "TSH" levels indicated I was hyperthyroid. When I finally went to an endocrinologist, and he put me on anti-thyroid medication, the "shaky feeling", "numbness", and extreme anxiety went away in a few weeks.

I sincerely wish you well in this trying time in your life, and hope you can at least get some relief for your physical problems as soon as possible.

I called my cardiologist this am,and got my appt. moved up to next Thursday...

Camp56, I will definitely ask about TSH levels and thyroid.. and in fact am seeking a new primary physician. The one I have has a Nurse practicioner that I dont' trust at all. She has too much of a "know it all" attitude and too easily prescribes drugs without testing first... not good in my opinion..

The sun has come out and it looks so nice to see sunshine again... so perhaps my foray out into the world will be pleasant .....

Thank you all for your good thoughts..

Carolyn

Carolyn, please try to get someone from your church to mow your lawn for you. Perhaps one of the youth will do it.

Carolyn, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Tami

So sorry for your sadness, but I would imagine your feelings are normal. You are missing someone from the bottom of your heart. I'm hoping the spring sunshine brings some relief to you. Hugs.

Hi sunshine - I'm pleased that the sunshine is lifting your spirits some, today.

It is hugely difficult to lose a loved one, someone who has been really close for many years.

Sometimes I feel that the boundary between what we call God's home now and this realm of life is not as great as we have thought. Perhaps we have come to feel this more strongly as we have heard people tell of near-death ... or having survived a short death ... experiences.

This earth and its people is beloved of God, as well. Sometimes I wonder whether Jesus walks among us, unremarked. Perhaps when we abuse the earth ... and its people ... we should ask ourselves whether Jesus may be standing there, watching ...

... with tears in His eyes?

We were granted the Holy Spirit to guide and comfort us and sometimes I think that we do not consider or accept that great gift as strongly as we should ... or build a greater awareness of that ministry, that love that is there for us .... for the asking.

May God's Spirit comfort your heart in these difficult days.

And may you trust that your medical issues may not be as serious as you feared ... and can be treated without great stress.

Grandma, who, in her 80s, with greatly curved back, was our main housemother for years, used to say that it wasn't a good idea to cross bridges ...

... till we got there.

ole joyful

I've been thinking about you and glad you felt up to posting. It sounds to me like you're doing somewhat good, considering that you do indeed have a big gap in your life. Wish I could make it go away! ((Carolyn))

If it helps at all, please know that people you've never met are thinking of you, saying prayers for you and wishing you all the best on this new road you were forced to take.

Now, please go eat something!! ;-)

I sure do hurt for you. But through what you write I can see you are an optimistic person and very involved with your community; that's a leg up over many recent widows/ers, though you still feel the hurt as keenly. I too hope you can find someone to mow your lawn, especially since it's on a hillside.

Carolyn, I'm one of the people you've never met--and probably never will--but please know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Joyful Guy's message is so wise and meaningful--worth printing and keeping by your bedside. A strong faith and time will be what keeps you going.

(((((Carolyn)))))

Carolyn, I'm so sorry for your loss. It has been 7 mths. since my husband passed away; it still feels like yesterday sometimes,but it does get better. You seem to be quite involved in your church and that is good. I try to keep busy also and most of the time the days go by fast, but this Mich. winter can't end too soon for me! Take care of yourself.

Joyful, what you wrote is really beautiful and I will print it out and put it into my journal to read from time to time... thank you so much.

I did manage to go for a small 1 mile stroll with the pups.. the sun felt so nice and the cool breeze felt like a caress from above... and was quite soothing.

Patti.. actually I have been eating a bit more than before.. I ate soup today and some toast with home made wild blackberry jam on it. very tasty... I really have to make myself eat though and that is so unlike me.. I have always been a piggy... and a chubette at that... but my weight is not going down dramaticly.. just slowly.. and that's okay, and the least of my concern right now.

Thank all of you that I have never met and some that I may have met or will one day meet for kindness and good thoughts and prayers... I know Christ is right here beside me always... but I still feel as if I were split smack dab in two right down the middle...

Sleep has been a good friend to me as of late... and I guess does have somewhat of a healing property to it.

Hugs to all,

Carolyn

Thinking about you!

Carolyn, I am so sorry for your loss and for your health issues right now. I do not have any words of wisdom, but i would like to add my prayers and good thoughts to all the others. Take good care of yourself and know that you are loved.

Carolyn, I think you're doing better than you give yourself credit for. It's only been three weeks. I'm so glad you had your appointment moved up and are looking into a new primary care doctor. It helps a great deal to have faith in the medical care you are getting. You sound very wise to me. One day at a time.