I'd have to get a divorce.

It would never see my left wrist again.
Nor anyone who interacts with the world.
Maybe someone who lives alone and does not work.
LOL

Besides that, does it explain how to get it back on the left wrist after having to put it on the right wrist? I'm asking, how do you get it off the right wrist and back onto the left? Unless there are a million bracelets LOL, you lost the game when you first have to remove it from the left and put it on the right.

Shoot, it'd be an all day project moving that bracelet from arm to arm!! How about a rubber band and just snap it when you snap? I used that method to stop smoking once. Didn't quite work, but ouch!

I think it is a really good experiment. I think a lot of people complain without even realizing it. This makes you more aware of your complaining and that helps stop it.
bestlawn, You move it to the other wrist and it stays there until you complain again. It helps you to be a more positive person.
I have a friend and everytime I speak to her she only tells me the problems in her life. She never tells me anything happy. She is a really sweet woman and I don't think she realizes how much she complains.
Donna

OK, let's try it together. I'm using a elastic band wrapped around my finger. I've been alone all day and already moved it once. Someone in my building was drilling and I called to complain.
Donna

I don't complain, seldom gossip, and almost never criticize. As a result of this, I drink too much, smoke too much, and have no social life. It's 7 pm right now, and DH is sound asleep!

LOL at nan.

My husband says I'm a constant complainer/criticizer (critic?). I used to love gossip when I was working. I think I could use one of those bracelets.

I just state the facts, whatever they may be.

I have to wonder when someone tells me about so-and-so who has this problem and that problem but she never complains. Huh? How does anybody know about her problems if she doesn't complain?

Among my friends and acquaintances who, like me have crossed the octogenarian line, if we had anything to gossip about we would consider it bragging.

Sue

I am not sure I agree with this concept of never complaining. I know a few people who never let a negative word pass their lips and some of them are quite annoying to be with for more than five minutes at a time.

I do believe that there's wisdom in maintaining a positive attitude and expecting the best and focusing on the blessings but I don't think the human experience is one that we can navigate for 80 years with nary a single complaint.

We all need a little safety relief valve and a little venting at times to help us keep our mental and emotional equilibrium.

Rose

Hi, It's much easier to give up moving the bracelet than to stop all the other stuff, lol. Giving up smoking about 20 years ago was easier than this! The only reason I don't smoke anymore is that DH and I quit at the same time and neither one wanted to be the one to light up first! I still miss smoking sometimes and he still smokes in his dreams. I think that covers complaining, criticizing, AND gossiping all in the same post...SNAP....OUCH! Linda

Couldn't have been said it any better, rosemary! You hit it right on the head. I know a person like the one mentioned, who never says anything remotely negative. I so want to tell her to "get real".
I also believe we need a safety valve for our soul, once in a while. If no one is hurt (physically or emotionally), by it, it's being "human".

Oh, I probably could and then I'd lead a longer life. Or at least it would SEEM longer.....ROFLMBO

LOL

Donna,
I have a sister who is the only person who can do anything right, She has a full-time job and a part-time job. At both of these jobs her bosses don't know anything and they both spend far too much time on vacation. The people she works, according to her are all idiots, and their clients also can't do anything right according to her.

You get the picture! Well, everytime we talk on the phone, she rants and complains and critizes and finds fault with everyone and everything. I get so tired of being dragged down with all this, but try to be nice, because she also blows up real easy.

Last Fall she told me about this very thing you described, and said she sent for the braclet. Weeks went on and no bracelet ever did come, but in the mean time she kept on as usual. After a couple weeks, I started interupting her complaining and asked if she ever got THAT bracelet. LOL After doing that for at least a week, she finally caught on to my hint. But, she blew up and said "If I didn't have anything to complain about, I wouldn't have anything to say." I tried to be as nice as I could, but told her that I just get awful tired of listening to it.

She said, well, then I have nothing else to say -- AND SHE HUNG UP! It was weeks before we spoke again.

Believe me the idea didn't help her one bit, and if she ever got the bracelet it wouldn't help either.

________________

I think there is a big difference between complaining and discussing the problem you have with something. I also think you should always discuss that problem with someone who can make the change needed, rather than with someone who is not involved.

It's also much easier to expect perfection from others rather than yourself.

I think being negetive is a down-side of human nature that we need to get under control.

I find it much easier to find fault then to build up others.

Hi everyone,
I don't have a bracelet I use a ring. Today is the second day and it's really helping me a lot. Everytime I start to complain I switch the ring and ask myself, "was that complaint really necessary"? Some of you are missing the point. This is not supposed to make you into a perfect Pollyanna. It's also not supposed to stop you from ever complaining again. What you learn from this is how constant complaining can be a very bad habit and sometimes you don't know you are a complainer. It helps you to refocus on things and stop looking at the negative. A lot of people go around complaining all day about their aches and pains. Focusing on your pain does not make it go away.
I am getting a lot of good out of this experiment and I'm going to continue. I have to be able to go 21 days without complaining, gossiping or criticizing to be successful. I'm going to do it and change my outlook. They say people can't change but I have a very strong will and if I decide to change something about myself I will succeed.

Wish me luck,
Donna

Tomorrow is going to be the real test. I'm a flight attendant and am flying to San Juan and back. It's a 12 hour day and they are predicting storms. All we do when we fly is complain, criticize and gossip. I guess I won't be talking much.
Donna

Good luck, girl! Hope that you didn't think I was being critical of you. I was just recognizing a side of myself that I definitely do not like! LOL

organic Donna,

Less talk = more work.

That said ... good wishes as you set out on this new project.

May it be successful ... but I hope for a realignment of your focus on life, not just a repression of the negatives ... for that usually busts out somewhere, sort of like a wound that heals over the surface but there's still corruption underneath.

Sending some good thoughts and hopes your way.

ole joyful

I did give this some thought today. I was at a gymnastics meet, sitting in bleachers in a gym. Several children, ages maybe 7-11, repeatedly went up and down the steps, stomping and jumping down them. Literally shaking the whole bleachers. The climbed back and forth between myself and the people behind me about 10 times within 90 minutes, going to their parents 10 yards down the row, and then back down (k'thunk, k'thunk, k'thunk) the steps.

Man, I complained! To DH, my friend sitting next to me, her husband. Then I thought about this post and realized they are already annoyed, as I am, by these kids, I'm not telling them anything they don't know. My complaints were probably just annoying them more.

So I stopped complaining to them, turned around to the kids as they started to jump one more time and said "That's enough. Please don't jump again, you are bothering people."

After that, I felt much better. ;o) So did my back and head.

Hi,
Yesterday I flew 12 hours. I kept a log of how many times I complained. I counted even the smallest complait, i.e. "I love the snow but hate hot weather". I logged around 15 complaints. It was very interesting. I was made aware of my words and thoughts. I think this is one of the best goals I have made for myself in a long time. I can see that it is already changing my outlook. My short term goal is to not complain for an entire day at work. Once I make that first day the next 21 will get easier. I wish everyone tried this experiment. Look at the change it made in Stephanie in just one day. Don't knock it unless you can go 21 days without complaining yourself.
Donna

But that was my point. I really do not believe it is possible to refrain from complaining and criticizing. For some people, it isn't possible to stop gossiping though I really believe that one is the easiest among the three. That might be because I always make conscious efforts not to gossip. However, Stephanie realized she was complaining to the choir, then stopped doing that to complain to and criticize the perpetrators. What's the difference? Success of the experiment would have been to say nothing. Move rather than be irritated by the children's behavior but say nothing - no complaint and no criticizm.

oops - criticism

Oh, Donna, I'm not saying it's not a good idea. Anything that helps us to be aware of it and make a change is great.

I'm just complaining! about my hopeless sister.
YIKES! "Are we two peas in a pod?" SCREAM!!!

I'm so glad for you that it is helping. I usually notice AFTER I do it again. Those little negative comments are such a nasty habit.

Hayjud

bestlawn,
Stephanie realized her complaining to her friends was only causing everyone to be more unhappy so she stopped and told the kids to knock it off. The important thing is she was aware of her complaining.

Of course it is possible to stop complaining. I'm working with a woman this month and I'm not making this up, I have NEVER heard her complain, critisize or gossip once.
After you have succeeded to stop complaining for 21 days you can go back to your old ways but why would you want to?
hayjud,
Your sister is a great example. A lot of people are like her. No one wants to be around them.

I am not trying to change for anyone else. I want to be a happier person inside and I already feel better. I usually come home from flying with a really stiff neck. Last night my neck was just a little bit sore.
Donna

"Stephanie realized her complaining to her friends was only causing everyone to be more unhappy so she stopped and told the kids to knock it off. The important thing is she was aware of her complaining."

But after she recognized her behavior, she perpetuated the same behavior. She didn't do what her friends were doing, which is nothing.

Okay, well maybe I don't understand the objective. I went by the title and didn't take it to mean anything less - "Could you stop complaining, criticizing, and gossiping?" Perhaps call it behavior modification instead. Decide "I will only complain to whom it matters," but don't give the word(s) new meaning to skew the impression of the modified actions. A complaint is a complaint to whomever it is expressed. The same for criticism. Changing the identity of the recipient didn't change the behavior.

While I don't want to keep trying to grind in my point, I read over my last response and didn't mean to make it sound so harsh. I don't want to jump on Stephanie. It really doesn't matter to me if she complains or to whom. I'm trying to explain the purpose is to change one's perception, promote a sense of tolerance, be happier, etc. To find fewer things to complain about, you'd have to look at them differently. Rather than be bothered and irritated by children playing in a gymnasium, appreciate they are having fun and not fighting. It also doesn't matter to me if everyone wants to modify their behavior by only complaining to the perpetrators who get on their nerves. But, that is not the objective of this particular effort and doesn't affect their outlook or sense of tolerance, meaning whatever happens still gets on their nerves. So, call it something different because it's not the same experiment.

bestlawn,
Try not complaining for just one day and see if you feel different. My post was not to try and justify this experiment. I want it to be a positive experience and bring about some noticeable changes in my own personality.
Donna

But if we keep it all inside won't we get ulcers? Stacy

I'm fine with my specific situation being used for the sake of discussion. Nothing personal.

I can resist gossip. Criticizing is harder (I am a parent) but I try to make constructive criticism instead of hurtful. There is a fine line, especially in parenting and with children, between criticism and instruction. I do try to stick to instructing, but I don't always make it.

But complaining seems to be more vague. If "no complaining" means be a doormat, no cannot do it and I won't even try. If I ordered unsweet tea and get sweet tea, accepting it anyway for the sake of avoiding complaining is NOT a virtue. If someone smokes next to me in a no smoking area, remaining silent is NOT a virtue. If you're sick and your doctor's treatment doesn't help, not complaining isn't going to make you better. Sometimes you have to complain for your own good. It's not always a negative thing.

I don't think I should even try to refrain from requesting what is considerate. In the case of the children jumping on the bleachers, I was speaking up on behalf of myself and the people around me. OK They weren't fighting, or burning the bleachers down, but their fun was at the expense of others. They just didn't realize they were jumping hard enough to shake everyone, or probably how many times they were doing it. They're kids, I get that. That's why I spoke up. And I wasn't just being a grouchy meannie. I said "please." LOL! In that kind of situation, complaining to those around me was just whining and irritating. I should have to switch the bracelet. Requesting that the kids stop was resolving a situation politely. I don't think I should have to switch the bracelet for that.

I think there is a huge difference in complaining about something to avoid doing something about it and making a direct complaint about something.

The same goes for criticism.

We'd have a better society if more people would complain about poor service, rude, arrogant people and lack of decorum. How many times do we read here of something that irked someone enough to post about it but we find they wouldn't speak up about it because they didn't want to "complain"?

Justified criticism as in shaming parents with unruly kids would make it a better world for all of us.

Stephanie shouldn't of had to complain OR say anything to the kids. Their parents a generation or two ago would be shamed into controlling their kids by the complaints all around them.

I completely agree with your examples in the second paragraph, Stephanie, but I guess we won't agree completely. Like WildChild, I champion your effort to do what their parents didn't. You were annoyed and spoke up for yourself....and you should have. Your third paragraph I just don't see as conforming to this experiment (or whatever they call this).

"Complaining is not to be confused with informing someone of a mistake or deficiency so that it can be put right. And to refrain from complaining doesnÂt necessarily mean putting up with bad quality or behavior. There is no ego in telling the waiter your soup is cold and needs to be heated upÂif you stick to the facts, which are always neutral. ÂHow dare you serve me cold soupÂ? ThatÂs complaining."

"When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping or criticizing (itÂs ok, everyone does) move the bracelet to the other arm and begin again. If you hear someone else who is wearing a bracelet complain, you may point out their need to switch the bracelet to the other arm; BUT if youÂre going to do this, you must move your bracelet first."

Sorry, you gotta switch that bracelet.

LOL. ;o) I didn't know the rules. I'm not really wearing a bracelet, it was hypothetical.

Thank You bestlawn!!! Where did you find those quotes?

You are allowed to ask for something to be "changed", as in cold soup, it's how you state the request.

Stacy, You are missing the point. This is not about holding it in. It's about changing your thought patterns which in turn will lead you to more happiness.

I did not do well yesterday. I was on the phone with a friend and we live in the same building. She started to complain about everything she doesn't like in the building and I chimed in with my own complaints. This was not helpful as our complaining did not produce any positive results. We were basically just whining.
This is a everyday challenge. What I am learning is to rephrase my words. For example. Instead of saying, "I hate this weather", I could say, "I preffer warm weather.
I told another friend what I was doing and he said, "I think it's great, you do complain a lot".
Donna

The book has a forum you can join for support. How about some of you joining me in this challenge? It can't hurt. I'm sure the book can be checked out at your library. I would love to have someone do this with me. Anyone up for it?
Donna

Here is a link that might be useful: acomplaintfreeworld.org

I would love to, Donna, but how could I participate on the forum then LOL??? So only in real life and not at KT? I mean, I can't imagine having to say, "Well, the girls tried their best tonight," as opposed to what I reeeeally want to say, "I am still yawning from their terrible singing." hahahaha

Just funnin.

Com'on bestlawn, it's better for me to do it with other people. I'm not going to complaine on the forum either. You can still respond to most posts but not all of them.

I was thinking today what it would be like to try it if you had teenage children. It would change the entire dynamics of the family. I think if the mom succeeded the children might give it a try. Then at dinner time instead of everyone complaining about their day they would talk about the good things that happened to them. I think it would be wonderful.
bestlawn, I'm proud of you for having a open mind. You started out as the most resistant to this experiment and now you are willing to try it. The bracelets are only $5.00 for 5 and I ordered mine yesterday. Com'on bestlawn, try it.
Donna

Been thinking about it. I know I can't do it.

bestalawn,
All the more reason to do it. You have to take it one day at a time. I keep track of my complaints while I'm flying by marking a X everytime I complain. My short term goal is to just stop complaining for one entire day.

Why do you say you can't do it? Complaining is nothing more than a habit. Get the book and order the purple bracelets. What do you have to lose? Imagine how much different you would see the world if you didn't complain about the small unimportant things.

I know you can do it.

Donna

I try to be positive. Focus on the positive, hold my tongue if I'm not. I'm not beyond yelling at another driver (alone in my car) realizing it does nothing but makes my blood pressure shoot up. I'm not beyond saying something ugly but it doesn't make me feel good. Just makes me ugly too.

Being around someone that NEVER has anything good to say just wears me out and brings me down.