I know how frustrating is is Caroline. And there's not a darn thing you can do about it. I'm sorry you are hurting. (((((HUGS)))))

And,unfortunately Caroline,it is happening everywhere to all of these kids,from 13-33....that is our "future"....

I hope I don't sound priggish; I was the original party girl. BUT, I didn't have children; I worked, lived alone, and was self-supporting; I was in the military for most of these years. I knew responsibility and it always came first. I respected myself and expected others to do the same.

My private life was private. I didn't broadcast it to everyone I knew. I didn't take photos, much less publish them! I knew how to dress, eat, dance, and socialize with propriety. I also knew how to have fun, be silly, spontaneous, and certainly did things I'd never tell my mother.

I know young mothers "need a break," but when they're gone 10-16 hours a day between work and school, some of that rare off-time, in my opinion, needs to be spent one-on-one with the children.

Thanks for letting me blow off steam. I don't expect them to live my life; but I don't want them ruining theirs. I don't want to see them in jail, or worse.

I'm off for a therapeutic hair coloring now. If that doesn't work I'll try banging my head against the wall.

My niece and nephew are 2 children who my sister and her husband rescued from the ghetto. They took them out of a terrible situation and have raised them as their own, have taught them right from wrong, have given them everything--a good home, healthcare, family vacations, LOVE, and will even pay for their education, IF the kids will go to college and get decent grades. Mind you, these children are not theirs, and aren't even adopted--they're just kids that were dropped on their doorstep at ages 4 and 5, and Dsis and her husband have had them ever since.

They're 18 and 19 now. Girl got pregnant last spring, because (her words) she 'didn't want to go to school and wanted to be able to sit home and collect welfare'. Boy got his illegal alien girlfriend pregnant shortly after.

According to their myspace pages, the boy's house is a 'crack' house (I'm sure my sister would love to know that's where she lives). The girl describes her sex life with her girlfriend in GREAT, sickening detail. And these two are going to shortly be responsible for raising the next generation.

One thing, though--you have to understand about myspace. I've been reading it for a while, and more often than not, a lot of the stuff kids post there is exageration, puffery--out and out lies. I don't take all of it as gospel.

But even if it's fiction--how sad that this is how our young people want the world to perceive them.

I suggest not looking in on the "My Space" or Facebook or whatever pages. I looked at my DD's when she first started posting...not any real big shockers there, but when I looked at some of her friend's pages I was shocked. I don't look anymore. It really feels like spying to me and sometimes it's just better not knowing.

I was pretty crazy in my teens and early 20's, If I had had a Facebook account then, I'd be shocked and embarrased to read it now.

Most kids grow out of the immaturity and craziness. Give them some time.

(((Caroline)))

Employers look at MySpace too. And potential employers. DSs friend lost his wonderful job because of what he said on his site.

I know.

I raised my Niece, who is now 36, with 2 beautiful daughters from 2 different Husbands. Because of her lifestyle she has lost custody to both Fathers.

Her Mother gave her up when she was 2.

Gayle

Too bad "kids" only think about the moment and themselves. It seems to take a while for them to see what they're doing. It's usually the little ones that get hurt. Prayers and hugs for you.

I don't think peeking at your kid's my space account is "spying."

And I agree with the original post that way too many kids seem to be a "train wreck in slow motion." Guess I missed the boat (or the train!), but I was raising kids by the time I was 19 years old and never had the chance to be a party animal.

Kids seem to mature (physically) at an earlier age these days but it seems like it takes them DECADES to really grow up. It does make me wonder about the future.

Rose

caroline - if you want to continue to have access to their pages, I don't think I would let them know you are accessing them because if they know and don't want you seeing them, they can make their pages private.

I know how you feel though - I have grown kids and I looked at their pages and some of the stuff that their "friends" would post on their pages would tick me off. I think they figured out I was looking so they locked them down, and honestly, I'm glad I can't see because it bothered me too much.

Sometimes the old saying is true for me - "ignorance is bliss and I'm a happy woman."

A friend sent me pictures of our late friend's DD who is now 35. I didn't even recognize her with her broken nose. Also pictures of her two children with the boy flashing "gang signs". I think these kids are about 10 and 12 and were in foster care last year after their mom attempted suicide. The mom lost custody of her first child who was in foster care for a couple of years. Apparently the mom is struggling with alcohol and drug addictions and has beeen a prostitute to support her addictions. When this mom was 14 and 15 she spent the whole summers with DS and I. She had so much potential and so many opportunities but she blew it all. She was college material and her uncle would have sent her to college but she lied, stole and partied away all opportunities. I have no contact with her now.

My husband's sister and my own sister both have daughters who ran away from home, dropped out of high school and basically ruined their lives. DH's neice has two out of wedlock children and is only 21. My neice was begging on the street and did so many drugs she now needs a liver transplant. My kids are angels by comparison.

We as adults need to do more "tough love" and let our kids know what is right/not right, in language they will understand--not yelling, crying, or making them feel guilty
Problem: We allow these same people threaten us/ or their friends do it for them.
Solution: Not much we can do
Sorry: I am getting to the point at my age, I really don't care=====and that is sad.

Neice gave me access to her account so I could "see" her photos and listen to her "great" music. I don't think she realizes I'm smart enough to navigate the entire site. I don't want to burst her bubble and let her know the music isn't really all that great, either. LOL

I had to set up a dummy account of my own. I have a fake non-name user name; no personal info other than "married," "age" (was a default setting) and "USA", and have it set so no one except Niece can look at it.

Nephew doesn't know I accessed his page. I used his email address, and BOOM!; there he was in all his pierced and tattooed glory. (Their tats don't bother me as much as the lip piercings; and neither bother me as much as the contents and comments.) The page was set to "public" so I could see it.

For now, I'm just going to steer clear of the pages and continue to write, call, email, through the regular channels and try to encourage them to do the best they can.

I never had children; but here I am, experiencing all the worry, anxiety, fear, anger, and hope "real" mothers are subjected to.

Niece is, and has always been, my special girl and spent every summer with me from birth until she was 14. Her 15th summer was spent at home, and she got pregnant. Nephew lived with me two different times for a total of 4-5 years. I wish I could smack their bottoms, send them to their rooms, and ground them until they are 45.

I have two other young nieces, three young nephews, and five great nieces/nephews. I better wear out the old knees praying there's hope for these young ones.

Caroline...That is so sad...I couldn't even finish reading what you were saying.

I have no idea what you can do to stop the destruction...

Does their mother know? Would it help to talk to her?

Maybe you could intervene. Can you talk to the kids? Let them know you are there.

patti

I have a son and ex-DIL doing the SAME thing - she's 27 and he's 32. They have THREE little ones, who DIL is "raising" - ya, right - Great Grandmother has them most of the time. G.Gramma's in terrible health, as is her husband. He retired from Ford Motor Co. after 40 years, and can't enjoy his retirement because of the grandbabies. They live 2,000 miles from me and 3,000 miles from their idiot father.

I just want to CHOKE both of them and take the kids, but of course, the law says she has custody of them, sooooooo - yep, broken heart here, too.

I'm sorry Caroline. Doesn't sound like these two are very responsible adults. I feel really sorry for the kids they brought into the world but aren't bothering to parent.

I agree that what is posted on myspace and similar sites have to be taken with a grain of salt. Lot of false bravado and self-enhancement on those pages.

My DD refuses to have one. She's a professional and said she wouldn't want one of her clients to see something about her social life that the client might misconstrue or otherwise.

DS has had his own domain for over a decade at least. Someone looking at it would think he was a complete bada** hooligan. In reality he is a gentle giant who well liked by young and old.

That is so sad. Much of it, (not all) is attributed to the breakdown of the FAMILY unit. It's children raising children and seems to cascade from one generation to the next. :(

Blessings,
Haley

"Men don't break our hearts; no matter what we think when we're younger. It's our kids that rip them out and set them on fire." Caroline, you said a profound thing there, and I couldn't agree with you more! I worry daily about our two boys, and they are basically good men, but have their own issues also.

my dil has an account, and found out my dd2 also...but thank HEAVEN, both are responsible working adults...i just don't see the need...(although a couple of former friends did contact them)

"Men don't break our hearts; no matter what we think when we're younger. It's our kids that rip them out and set them on fire."

One of my life long friends whose first grandchild was just born - she and I were talking recently and said remember when we were raising our kids and we foolishly thought once they were out on their own, we'd have no more worries ....... she said "yeah, our worries don't end until we're six feet under." Now our worries are not only for our kids, but our grandkids. And it seems there are more and more grandparents and GREAT grandparents raising these kids today.

It just wears me out thinking about it all.