Husband flirting on facebook - Help Please - sorry it's so long
My husband and I have been married for nearly 15 years, but the last year, since he discovered the networking site Facebook, has been horrible. He has made friends with lots of women and spends every evening chatting with them for hours. He has become secretive, and I know that he has been lying to me. I once used the pc after him, and while doing so, pressed the 'paste' button, only to find a message that my husband had typed to one on his 'friends', which said about how happy she made him, how gorgeous she was, sending her hugs and kisses, etc,
I will admit this freaked me out, and although I know it is wrong, I now check his email and look at his facebook page to see what these women are saying to him and sending him. I feel really bad for doing it, but I feel I would rather find something myself than be the gullable idiot that sits here totally unawares while he is planning to run off with his girlfriend.
We have had arguments about this, but he says these women are only friends and he has a right to be friends with who he wants - which is true. He says he is doing nothing wrong, but I know he is lying to me about some things. He always turns the argument back on me, so that I am at fault for wanting him to not have friends, spying on him, nagging him, etc. I don't mind him having friends, I just don't want him flirting with them, sending them kisses and completely ignoring me for hours on end. He lies to them about us also, he says we never have sex (we do, but not as often since we started arguing), and that I don't enjoy any of the things he likes doing, like camping (I do), and re-enactment (no, but surely we don't have to do everything together?), he says I nag him constantly and makes he out to be a complete tyrant, but I don't nag and I do everything I can to make him happy, I always have.
Now I've found that one of the women works in a local shop and he makes excuses to go to the shop as much as possible to see her. And another has changed her status from 'single' to 'in a relationship' this morning after he was chatting to her all last night.
If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said he was completely trustworthy and would never cheat, but now I spend all my time thinking, will today be the day he says he's leaving me? I spend hours crying and feel so lonely and desparate. Even though I've tried to tell him how I feel, he doesn't seem to care how much this is hurting me and how betrayed I feel. The last time we argued about it he said I was going to push him away if I kept bringing it up and he didn't want to discuss it again. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but I'm so confused I don't know what I can believe any more.
Am I just being totally stupid and paranoid? How can I make him see how much this is hurting me? And how can I do it without ruining my marriage? Or do I just have to put up with it if I want to keep him. I love him so much. I just wish he loved me as much as I love him.
Please help me.