So..... I want to update everyone especially because your comments and suggestions have been so appreciated. It touches my heart the way total strangers freely give thoughtful advice on Gardenweb. And the outcome of this story should give all house shoppers everywhere hope and maybe a few chills. We did not get Peggy's house. The why and the various problems with the deal and the communication between our crappy realtor and the listing agent do not matter. We didn't get the house. I cried. I threw tantrums. I gave my husband the silent treatment for a week. I threw my arms up and said 'ok, that's it. I guess we can't move. We've run out of time.'--- I am on a strict timeline because plants have to be dug up and moved before cold weather sets in. I was so bummed. We ditched the realtor. Then... Thursday... a house appeared on mls... on my absolute favorite street in the new city in the very best of neighborhoods... recently renovated at a very high end level with great finishes almost all of which I would have chosen myself. We called the listing agent directly and saw the house Saturday. First people to see it. Met the owner- a wonderful elderly lady who loves the home so much she was in tears about selling it. Her husband (who was a professor at the same University where my husband teaches) passed away and she has health and mobility issues and no family in this town and needs to move near her children. Gardens are glorious... need work but like Peggy's house the structure is there. Very private lot. Floorplan is a dream for how we actually live and use a house. Yard already fenced for our dogs. Truly I could not have imagined a more perfect house. We made an almost full price offer right then and there. (Because we thought the price was fair and we can afford it.) Accepted. Closing set. All of this happened I believe because we were able to meet the owner and tell her about us and assure her that we would care for the home and gardens. I know this is not the norm in real estate transactions but I really think the human dimension matters. I am still shaking. I can't believe this all happened so quickly. I am pinching myself. It doesn't feel real!

Greetings satine, I add my feelings of sadness on your renewed discomfort on this anniversary of the loss of your much loved husband. I remember once saying to someone who'd just lost a loved one that one feels as though someone had cut off one's leg ... and that person agreed. People grieve such a loss for a while ... but continued grieving over a long period doesn't bring the limb back. Something over 40 years ago my spouse chose to travel her journey of life on her own, which she did, and rarely spoke to me. She died about ten years ago. I think that have missed out on some of my life potential in having chosen not to get involved in a close relationship, sometime after the normal grieving process had elapsed. I think that some of it relates to, having once been run over by a truck, when one hears truck wheels coming down the road ... one starts to shake. But when one continues on that road for a long time ... doesn't one miss out on some opportunities for an enhanced and interesting life if one follows the "once bitten ... twice shy" routine? Which suggestion may or may not have any bearing on your situation. Yesterday was yesterday ... today is today ... and tomorrow is tomorrow. May you find a greater sense of peace in your heart as you pass through this period of memory. ole joyful

Thank you for your response. Like I said, we aren't befriending the ex-stepfather by any means. My main concern is that they maintain a relationship with their sibling whom he is the father (and it looks like the child will be living with him full time) and then, obviously new boyfriend that has already begun to stay overnight while the children are there. She just told them that the man she made them call dad for so many years is a lying, cheating, druggie and that they are getting divorces. now she has already brought a new man into their lives. A man that she just met. How are we supposed to talk to them about this when they bring it up? There isn't much nice to say. I realize that ideally we just keep our kids away from her. that isn't always an option. I guess I should have made that more clear. We try to never meet her alone and we try to always have someone else watch our children. sometimes we don't have a lot of options though. Sometimes, he has to meet her before I get home from work. Sometimes, there is no one else available to watch our children. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else had any other experience with this.

Lovely bouquet! Such a pretty pink lavender.