am i just looking for something to go wrong?

16 years ago

hi, i have been married for almost a year and a half and i have a three moth old baby. When the baby was two weeks old my boyfriend got a text from someone and he text back asked who this person was and they replied "its me, your girlfriend" then she called and he hung up on her. i asked who it was and he said some girl who keeps telling everyone she is his girlfriend. I noticed he had called her a few times. (i secretly checked his phone) a few weeks later i called her from his phone, she picked up and said "hi honey" i asked who she was and told her i was his wife and we have a baby and she told me she has been with him for two years. I wasnt sure what to believe since he works 6 nights a week about 10 hours a night. his day off he goes to his brothers house and always picks up the phone when i call. my whole pregnancy he never went to his brothers house once.she told me he goes to her house every monday on his day off. when I asked her about the call and the text she said he told her his cousin picked up and hung up by accident. i also asked her about some of my stuff that was in his car, she said "oh i thought it was his laundry or whatever. It was all boxes so it couldnt have been mistaken for laundry. When questioned about all this my husband again sad she is crazy and wants him and tells everyone she is his girlfriend. i let it go, but now i am constantly looking for little things to start a fight with him. I really hope he didnt do anything but i just dont know. He just went to his brothers this past monday. i called him and 20 mins later called me back. today i found a note in his wallet that said " buy jenn a necklace" i know this is his ex girlfriends daughter and i asked him why he had that note, he said he ran into them in walmart. i feel like he is givng me a whole bunch of excuses, but could he be telling the truth and just dont want to believe it?

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (7)

suzieque
16 years ago
I'm not sure I fully follow everything you've said, but let me try to answer your question. No, I don't think you're just looking for something to go wrong. I think it already has, from what you've told us.

Some clarifications, though, please:

You said you noticed he had called her a few times. Are you sure those calls were FROM his phone to her or could they be TO his phone from her?

When you say he goes to his brother's house and always picks up the phone when you call, do you mean that you're calling his brother's land line or are you calling your husband's cell phone? Of course, if it's his cell phone, that certainly doesn't prove that he's at his brother's.

I don't know what you're talking about regarding your stuff in his car and what that had to do with her. However, how would she know that there was stuff in his car if SHE hadn't been in his car?

You mention that he was at his brother's this past Monday and you called him and he called you back 20 mins. later. Again, did you call his cell or his brother's land line? If the land line, don't you think that the brother might've heard your call, called him, and told him to call you (from wherever he was)?

When he's "at his brother's", why not drive over there yourself just to say hi?

Why would he go to his brother's house every day off? When he's got a day off, why wouldn't he spend it with his family - - - meaning you and his child?

Do you work outside of the home or are you at home with the baby?

Are you sure that he works 12 hours a night, 6 nights a week? How are you sure?

Good luck - if everything you've posted is accurate, I think you've got a problem and that you know it. I'm not suggesting you snoop more, just that you keep your eyes open and become a realist. If there's nothing going on you'll figure it out. If there is, you'll figure it out.

Suzieque
sweeby
16 years ago
You certainly have grounds for suspicion, though it's possible (a stretch, but possible) he is telling you the truth.

I'd suggest you make a plan and do some investigating:
- You now have the alleged girlfriend's phone number -- what about her name?
- Can you look her up on Facebook?
- Have you looked at your husband's email and Facebook accounts?
- Cross-check her name to get her address and maybe do a few drive-by's?
- Maybe ask the neighbors if they've seen your husband or his vehicle hanging around?
- Check his phone for any other unknown phone numbers?
- Check your credit card statement for any unexpected restaurant, bar or hotel charges?
- Do you know any of your husband's co-workers? Can you ask any of them?
- Maybe call your husband's place of work at the 'very end' of his shift to make sure he's still at work.
- And if he's working 6 nights a week, 10 hours a night, shouldn't he be making a HUGE amount of overtime?

How well do you know your husband's brother? Is he a person of good character? In other words, if you were to ask him, face to face, and 'on his honor' if your husband was now or ever had been involved with this girl -- would he tell you the truth? Or would he cover for his brother?

If this alleged girlfriend really is 'crazy' as your husband suggests, he should be willing to go to the police and file charges for harassment, possibly even get a restraining order.
Related Discussions
Sharry Baby is this normal or am I doing something wrong???
Q
Comments (8)
Howard... bear in mind that you are equating July with summer heat. That didn't happen in my area. barely reaching 70 June & the first 3 weeks in July. If someone is growing indoors and has the a/c on, it's the same issue; lack of heat and temp flux, although I am not convinced that is the only issue here. Even with proper light and heat I still have spikes holding. I agree that 2 23w cfls are not enough for an oncid SB, especially at 8" from the plant (much closer Larissa) however, I have my oncids including SB outside in all day sun and they are holding. Started in the Spring. Twinkle has been holding Since about May. Outdoors, acclimated to full sun. Been in the 80's since August with a few cooler days. Still no "pop". There was a recent thread about Twinkle's holding spikes. It was not a zone confined problem; z-9 to z-4 (outdoors) had the same issue. So I contacted OHG. This what I got as a response: "Be patient. Many varieties send out spikes (or sheaths) prematurely, well before blooming season. The Twinkles bloom usually between Thanksgiving and Christmas, so it is way too early to expect buds at this time. Keep the plants on the cool side at night to provide some temperature fluctuation, and give good light. And don't stress out about it - " Larissa, I have not been able to find a housing that "properly" fits a 42w or 85 w cfl. The bulbs stick out. You don't want a skinny fixture. It traps heat and fries the bulbs. What I did was I got the 10" silver disk work lights, and made them look cool by hanging them in a row. That was as deep as I could find. They still stick out but have some "directionality". I don't use the clamps, but rather got a plumber's bracket from HD, strung the cord through the U shaped clamp that I screwed into the celiling and let the fixture hang, kind of like the modern kitchen/dining room lights. When they are in a row, they look nice. I've also hung 1 in a small window. A Nieghbour thought it was "cool" and didn't realise it was a cheapie HD shop light I suppose you could krylon/rustoleum the outside if you wanted to add colour to the fixture. (wouldn't paint the inside) I haven't been able to find anything that has been able to accomodate the monsterous 42's or 85's. I am not really sure what the intended use is for an 85w cfl is. :-) and what people are screwing them into. Clara
...See More
help ! i am doing something wrong :(
Q
Comments (45)
Alotofplants, often what happens with many ideas about clematis is that what was initially thought about them came from the British and their experience with them. This information is parroted along by everyone and it often takes a long time to get the information corrected. (As far as googling to get information on the web, you can probably find information out there that will support any position.) As an example about info that is parroted about clematis, take for example the idea that clematis are difficult plants to grow. Nothing is further from the truth especially if you give them what they need and you choose a variety that is suited to your area. The same is true about how some types of clematis are better suited to growing in a conservatory. Clematis fremontii and other similar types are grown in England either inside or in containers because they have trouble with them dieing off over the winter. I took this information to heart and planted my fremontii in a pot based on that information. I then learned of quite a few people here in the states, some in the cold north, who have been growing theirs outside in the ground for several years. As a result, mine are now in the ground and are doing fine. Yet, another myth out there circulating is that clematis need cool root runs. What they like is the moisture that is associated with cool root runs, that is moisture. The plants can exist in pots that get quite hot in the summer if they are provided the moisture, which is what they really need. Janet, if you look in Edith's book, you will also see that she says the following: "The only exception to the rule of not adding lime would be if you live in an area that has a major calcium deficiency. Have your soil tested by a professional soil lab and add lime only if their findings reccomend that you do so." Perhaps this is your issue lotsofplants. Perhaps a soil test would show that your soil lacks calcium that it is getting from the lime and that is what your plant is lacking, not the affect the lime has on your soil pH. I garden in acidic clay soil, have tons of clematis, and have never added lime to my soil. How can I grow them in acidic soil and you not? Perhaps the issue is calcium or some other deficiency in your soil that is being helped by a microcomponent in the lime and not the pH affect caused by the lime. Edith goes on to say: "I have found that in this country it is better to grow clematis in the more acidic planting situation of a pH of 6.5. Growing clematis in an acidic location is important for gardeners who live in areas where there is little rainfall." In another section of her book, Edith states that lime can inhibit clematis from utilizing essential nutrients such as iron, manganese, and zinc from the soil. The bottom line is that unless you have investigated your soil conditions via a soil test, you don't really know if the lime is doing anything for your clematis or whether it is really needed. Something else may be the actual cause of clematis failing to thrive and lime may be just adding that extra ingredient. The pH affect may be totally unrelated. Excuse my insistence on fact and investigation, but it comes from graduating college with a chemistry major and biology minor. I am a science nerd and proud of it! LOL
...See More
Window Woes somethings wrong with the way window came in or am I
Q
Comments (7)
Angie, Thank you so much for looking that up for me! Its good to know its not just me. The trimline company rep said the install looked pretty good A windowrama tech is coming out to check the hooks and if it was made wrong then a trimline tech will be sent out - but trimline doesn't make the trim it seems and the windowrama salesman is claiming he never told me it would look like the samples on display - which he did when I asked and even if he didn't shouldn't the sales staff let the customers know they are getting something different from the display model? I am getting really frustrated now!
...See More
TOTAL beginner to indoor succulents- am I doing something wrong?
Q
Comments (8)
Actually " if " your plants are stressed then brighter, stronger, longer times of brightness of sun would be the least of the concerns A stressed plant isn't a growing plant, it's in surviaval mode it has no energy to grow and will continue to become worse if you attempt to grow it in growing conditions. Bright stronger sun with the higher warmth from the STRONGER longer lasting UV sun light is intended for plants that are healthy and able to grow. A healthy plant isn't a stressed plant Suggestions: ASAP get them out of what ever they are in and lay them on a damp napkin or some dry soil that you have on hand after you've cleaned as much of the unhealthy soil as you can ( all if possible) from the roots that remain before you post pics ( In my opinon what an experianced person(s) would want to see is what remains of the plant including it's roots not just a stressed or sickly potted plant ) Care while bare rooted and out of a pot: Not easy but some misting of the remaining plants would be reqiured as it may be out of a pot for a while. IE as you shop and find the better draining soil you discover or gritty mix ideas are being founde. Lighting indirect but bright temps can range from 58 F to 80 F Ventilation is relative and constant circulation if lower temps but more if warmer as plant tops also like to breath they need more air to breath if hotter What you should expect,as there is no gurantees and at worse case you may be better to find or buy new succulent plants or replace the ones you got ( the easier way to go IMO) A full recovery of at least one or more of what you already have will take time. How long it takes is a mytery for any plant in stress. Example: As little as three hours in the woods a plant can be stresed for a year, some can survive stress even longer before theybecome close to being ready to come out of the woods. Some don't every get out
...See More
finedreams
16 years ago
if she is not his girlfriend then what was she doing in his car taking those boxes that supposedly belong to you? of course he is seeing her and not even hiding it form anyone.
matti5
16 years ago
I hope I'm wrong, but it sure sounds like he's got himself a girlfriend, crazy or not.

Sweeby and Suzieque have alot of good suggestions, please consider them.

Good luck and please keep us posted.
quirk
16 years ago
i have been married for almost a year and a half and i have a three moth old baby. When the baby was two weeks old my boyfriend got a text

Your boyfriend, or husband? Not sure it matters, but if it matters enough to you to misrepresent, it may be important (as in, you say husband when you mean boyfriend, sort of, but really he maybe even doesn't think he's that).

Other than that, what sweeby said.
finedreams
16 years ago
I noticed that too quirk. when i was in college I knew a girl who referred to a guy as a husband, turned out he was married to someone else and didn't even consider her a girlfriend, just someone he slept with while his wife was elsewhere for work or other obligations. LOL I think it is important you both know what kind of relationship you have.
azzalea
16 years ago
You definitely have reason to be doing some more checking here. And for heaven's sake, in the meantime, use both your own birth control (to prevent pregnancy) and insist he wear a condom--on top of everything else going on in your life, you don't need an STD. If, it turns out he's telling the truth, no harm's been done, but if he's lying to you, PLEASE protect yourself and your future. You may be the only parent your child has, don't put your life at risk when there's a lot of reason to be suspicious of your husband/boyfriend's loyalty

am i just looking for something to go wrong?

Comments (7)

suzieque

sweeby

Related Discussions

finedreams

matti5

quirk

finedreams

azzalea

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US