Yay! I vote for your autonomy! Now vote for yourself and we have a nomination. And I'm sure the gang here would make sure you won with a landslide victory.

Sigh, if it were only so easy. You can't really un-include him if he's interested in decor. Luckily my dh could care less, but sometimes that's a buzzkill, too. So be careful what you ask for :) My dh is the "Ok Man" and our conversation would have gone like this - Honey, what do you think of these bunk beds? - "They're OK." - But don't you think they're great for the price? "I guess it's an OK price." - The storage drawers would be a great asset don't you think? - "They'd be OK"

I know it hurts when our spouses don't seem to get us or seem to understand that we have a brain worth using. It would have really hurt me, too, if my dh had accused me of something that wasn't true - I'd be wanting to scream, "I matter! My ideas count! I'm not an idiot! How dare you imply I don't have the proper concern for my boys or the same level of concern that you do!"

I'm sure you two will work that out (how he spoke to you) or you'll fight it out, something. As for more autonomy, do you have your own money, a personal allowance or account or something? Would it be worth it to you to use it for decorating or household items? Or would your DH by any chance be willing to give you more control of the decorating tasks if you gave him more control in some other area?

Btw, in my rule book - she who does the research, the leg work, and shopping gets the say so. I wouldn't have even called to ask what my dh thought (but I do realize that every couple manages their finances their own way).

I'm from the school of "It is easier to get forgiveness than permission." My DH likes to have a say in everything too. So we have been in this house 20 months and still haven't agreed on anything and nothing gets done. Last summer someone posted a great rug sale. I bought 4 rugs. One was an 8X11 that I knew DH would think was too dark but it was very close to the one in my inspiration photo. He wasn't crazy about it but too bad. I respect DH's opinion and he can have his say but I have just decided that if I want to move forward then he will have to trust my decisions. When I finish the room and post it and you all tell me the rug is wrong then I will listen.

I too, consider myself lucky to have a hubby who doesn't care what I do and really doesn't have much interest in what the boys bunkbeds would look like - as long as they were sturdy and safe.

So, I do sympathize with you, while it's nice to have someone to plan/speculate design decisions with, it makes it hard to make decisions sometimes. If it were me, I would have handled it a tad differently. In other words, don't necessarily ask, but more tell!

I would have said, "DH, I found a great setup for the boys room - bunk beds, desk etc. It's a great price, excellent quality and for $250 if we don't like them, we can sell them ourselves for that much. So, I'm going to go ahead and get them, ok?"

For $250, if you only used them for 6 months until your hubby found the set of his dreams, then heck you got some use out of them and sell them on CL.

Little kids don't care what their furniture looks like, they would probably be much happier with pine rustic anyways. Plus, if they take their crayons or markers to the wood, you're not going to be as freaky on a $250 set vs. a really nice set.

I'd call the guy back up and see if it was still available. Tell DH that he can continue to look for the ideal set and when he finds it, you'll swap it out. I bet he never looks and your boys are in their bunk beds and have their play room - and you're done searching. Off to the next project!

If it were me, I would tell DH that this is my pick, it's the best I can find, and if he does not approve, then *he* can continue the search on his own. Faced with the prospect of having to do the legwork himself, he might give up the pursuit of perfection.

I find that if I have a picture handy, I can make faster headway with DH.

"Here, look at this!" works more often than, "Get your shoes on and get in the car because we have to go look at this thing I found."

I think it's a male thing -- sorry guys -- they like to make decisions based on the thing in front of them, not based on the thing that only YOU have seen.

I hope that makes sense.

Get a photo and shove it under his nose.

I make it a game. My husband loves the thrill of the hunt, so I'll show him a picture or tell him what I'm looking for and he'll say don't buy anthing until I check it out. Then he gets on the computer and does his research for the very best deal. Works every time!

IMO the boys need their own rooms. They will both sleep so much better in their own rooms. And if you've never had to change the sheets on a bunk bed, let me tell you, it's a huge pain. In my experience, the playroom has become the room of forgotten toys. They keep their fav toys in their room and rarely go to the playroom.

And I agree with ladynimu above: "Btw, in my rule book - she who does the research, the leg work, and shopping gets the say so. I wouldn't have even called to ask what my dh thought (but I do realize that every couple manages their finances their own way)."

LOL wodka. That only works for me if the thing relates to a boat, a car, or has a plug at one end. :)

Look at the Loft beds / sturdy bunk beds sold for dorms. At the end of the semester, they get tossed or sold for ridiculously cheap prices on campus. They weigh a ton, so be ready with cash & a way to transport.

My boys are grown now. They shared a room for many years. I wish I had a pic to show you what their bunk beds looked like when they were done with them - your DH might see it in a different light. They were plain pine, thick and sturdy and cheap when we bought them. Those beds served as "mountain climbs" and "forts" and who knows what else. When we got a house big enough - we split the beds and they got thier old "friend". They were beat up when they were done with them - so I was so glad we didn't invest a lot. And for the most part they could play on them as they pleased because it just wasn't a big investment. They have incredible "kid" memories involving those beds.

I pick; he pays. Works for us.

I've finally began the "it's easier to ask for forgiveness later than ask permission" first philosophy. Ultimately, I'm the lady of the house, he's the man of the outside of the house. I've delayed decorating & color waiting for a mutual decision. So I just started doing it and would have a drink ready for him when he got home to calm any nerves that might be feeling unsettled due to CHANGE.

Also, so many of our male friends tell him they leave the decorating of the home to their gf's/wives and life is much easier that way. I won't make a big $$$ purchase w/out discussing it first. But that's done in a 'just so you know what I'm doing' way, not a seeking permission way. I have my own income but all the money goes in the same place.

I also remind him that he didn't ask me first when he bought the big old air pressure tank sitting in our garage or things like that.

My husband refuses to give any opinions on home decor.

Occaisionally I can bribe him into telling me what he truly thinks of my latest painting endeavour. We call this a "Paint Consult".

I'm not going to tell you how I bribe him.

I don't post very often but wanted to give you my take because I feel the need to warn you.

My DH wanted my son to have a really cool bed, something his parents would NEVER have let him have (for very good reason).

My son (will be 6 in May) has a loft bed, twin bed on "top" (probably 4' up), slide going down the side, tent underneath. VERY cool bed for his age, etc., yadda yadda yadda. My 2 kids play on it, slide down the slide, play underneath in the tent, etc. BUT, when DH is not home or at the firehouse, and DS is sick or falls asleep somewhere other than his really cool bed, me, being all of 5' tall, has the impossible task of carrying this kid to bed. I am not weak by any stretch of the imagination, but deadweight is deadweight and lifting it up 4'is no easy task. My DS weighs about 40 lbs. Also, when DS is sick, it's no fun having him up that high.

Other than those occasions, which I admit are far and few between, it's a really cool bed.

Here's a pic of the bed my DS has (his doesn't have the tent on the top):

Here is a link that might be useful: Loft Bed with Slide

As I have said before. If a couple "agree" on decor "together" and have fun doing this....beautiful.
But, anytime it becomes a hassel in any way , and the lady
of the house ends up with a kitchen she didn't want or a
carpet, draperies, chair, rugs etc. then its time to reassess who is "giving" in.

I was raised with 4 brothers and a dad who could care less about the inside of a house.
My dad trusted my mom's taste.

So I was raised that the inside was the mama's and the outside was daddy's.

Thanking my lucky stars I have a DH that thinks its fine
when I tell him I have bought anything from furniture to my car.

He loves it that he doesn't have to "ask" me before he buys
a John Boat or a truck.

But that works for us and we have the best relationship ,

I'm yakking too much but the point is.....if decorating causes the lady of the house to get hives (it could happen)
then sit down and have a heart to heart with Sammy Homemaker and get it settled .

I know I know dear husbands live there too but sometimes a man has to trust his wife's judgement.

The last thing I brought home that I was going to ask for forgivness on, took me a month to make him speak to me again!! It's not that we do joint decisions...he just WILL NOT change anything!! Oh well, he generally gets over it eventually!!
The beds sound like a great deal to me....I hope you have been able to work the situation out smoothly!

confessions of an ex-trunk hoarder:

I buy, hide it in the trunk for a few days then sneak in the house. Then I realized he did not give a flip what I brought as long as it was with my money. What says I? Carte blanc? Did he not realize I spend my money then get even more from him? LOL

Anyway DF philospohy when I ask his opinion is if you like it get it but remember it was your choice so don't complain to me if you have buyers regret. That can be such a bubble buster sometimes. So if I say I hate the fact I brought the taupe livingroom set instead of the blue he says and who picked it out. I say me and he says well I guess you will live with it. that makes me seeth!

Right now I have to concentrate on training him to trust the opinions I get on here and follow the instructions. LOL
Post a picture of the bunk beds so we can encourage you to buy them.

Walkin, My DH cares about the inside of the house. It many ways it is a curse but it is his home as well. I have to admit that I like to have input on the outside as well. If it is really important to him to have the nice bunkbeds, I would probably let him have his way even knowing what they will look like in the future with the boys. And if I let him have his way, I would also never bring up the fact that we could have had the $250 set, ever. I would ask him what he would like to take to spend the savings on instead but in the end, I would ask if it is his final decision, if he really feels that strongly about it and if it is that important to him, I would honor that.

Thankfully, that situation does not come to those extremes too often but if is going to be grumpy every day that he sees the cheap set, it would be a lot easier to fork over the $1000.

I'm with the poster who noted her two boys did a number on their bunk beds. My two went through two different sets, and four sets of mattresses. Forget the ladder, just climb up the side.

Stickers, markers, oh, lets not forget the forbidden pocketknife that carved initials on the lower bunk. The upper bunk often had it's bottom crushed because the lower kid would kick at his brother.

Don't get a full on bottom, twin on top...whoever dreamt that up was bonkers. Can you say BANZAIII!!! Just imagine the air they'd get jumping from the top to the bottom.

When the boys finally got their own rooms they told me that they'd dreamt of that day for years. Especially as they got older...puberty doesn't work so well with a little brother around.

Although I am fairly new,( posted very little)
I thought this was a good one to jump in on. LOL

A wise woman once told me "plant the seed and watch it grow" to get what you want. Make him think it's his idea.
But without a lot of fertilizer & little time, I agree get the beds and tell DH " when you find better one's for the right price Ill sell these and use the money to get the linens, drapes etc. OK hun! :)"
Good Luck, grab them while you can! They are a great deal!

As for me and Dh, I buy & if he really, really dislikes they/it goes back, after I give it adequate time to grow on him. lol

I think it's terrific that he cares about what goes in your house and ultimately, you want something that's going to make everybody happy for a long time. Nothing stinks like settling for something then having to look at it every day or worse, trying to get rid of it when you can't stand to look at it another day! Have you checked out simplybunkbeds.com? They have a terrific selection from what I saw (just looked quickly, so I don't know about their quality) but I think you might want to look around - I think you can get a bed that is more "exactly" what you have in mind. ANd I think there may have been one bed (twin over twin) that was over $1K. FWIW, my kids would be so jealous - they LOVE bunkbeds!

LOL, Daisy! What a good idea (the bribing, I mean...)!

Thank you all for your thoughtful posts. Honestly, though I get irritated about feeling thwarted sometimes, I really value his opinion. Especially when he saves me from making mistakes.

Like yesterday, for example. I "eyeballed" the bunk beds, which so many of you know from experience is ALWAYS a mistake. DH went to see them later, with a tape measure... and the bottom bed would have blocked off half of DS's little room.

I hate it when he's right, but at the same time, I would have really hated hauling all that furniture home and setting it up, only to find that it either doesn't really fit or takes the whole room over...

Hence the title of this post. Feeling very embarrassed for having taken up bandwidth on this... hope the discussion was interesting, at least.

And BTDT moms who posted about being glad that they had cheapo pine bunkbeds the kids could, ahem, "personalize" -- thank you for your insights, very useful. TO the other warnings: thanks, you guys, I know you're right, and I know the disadvantages of bunkbeds, and am not looking forward to making that top bunk at all. But right now the kids adore each other and DS2 would actually sleep better at night knowing his wonderful big brother could protect him from the monsters.

Sigh. Back to looking! Have a good Friday, all...

Every good partnership needs a clear division of labor.

Our division goes something like this; For the house, I'm in charge of everything from the plaster in (color, furnishings, decor) he's in charge of everything behind the plaster (HVAC, plumbing, electric).

That doesn't mean I don't take DH into consideration when making decisions but I have final say unless for some reason he's vehemently opposed. He would be in charge of picking out the best shingles for our application if we need a roof, but he'd give me the color swatches. He's an engineer, I'm the creative one - we each defer to the other's strength. Works for us!

dlm2000, you and DH have our arrangement here.

My DH can do anything from building , plum , elec to building top grade furn.

If he didn't do all that he might want to sew draperies ( what I do), lol. I would literally go beserk if he took an interest in my part of the decorating.
If he said he wanted a purple rug instead of a green rug I would most certainly override him. I'm the one who would have to shake that ugly purple rug.

If I sound like a hard butt I'm not at all.
My DH is my biggest fan!

This works for us.

one thought on bunkbeds-put a fitted sheet on them and buy 4 inexpensive machine washable sleeping bags and when on is in the wash the boys are sleeping in the other.

Great post!

I also agree with buying cheaper furniture and have as much as my hubby hates the stuff. I also try not to put it together while he's around, I work much better on cheap furniture by myself.

I also would much rather spend a few hundred for small kids then to spend a few thousand as you never know what your kids will do to it or what the neighbors kids will do. Now that my daughter is almost 15, I think she's ready for a better set, she's dying for a full sized bed.

Way back when (talking 20 years ago) I purchased bunk beds from Sears. They weren't the nicest, although I thought they were at the time, they were really well made, thick wood for $200. They lasted really well.

Putting sheets on a bunk bed is the pits but you do what you have to do. What I've found that worked the best for me with a comforter was to make one out of a twin sized sheet so that it doesn't hang over too much on the top.

What sort of bunk bed are you two thinking about now? Any pictures?

We have one of those ugly pine things, and I gotta tell you it's held up to 10 years of use as a trampoline by multiple children (all at once). Hardwood-shmardwood...
: D

I think we got ours from Kids' Quarters.

My son's metal IKEA bed was OK, but the platform bent the first week we had it. That was not very comfortable for my son, I'll tell you what. He has a cheap pine platform now and LOVES it. This one isn't used as a trampoline, but he isn't gentle on it either.

My husband and I are cooperative about stuff, which leads to lots of stalemates and undone projects, too. I've been driven to tears over kitchen budgets and bad paint choices before. All in all, I'm glad he cares.

Hey, Chicoryflower! How are you feeling?

Well, we're kinda back to the drawing board re beds. The pricey store in town has Stanley. I hear great things about old Stanley beds, mixed things about new Stanley beds; can't find an old set and the new sets are $$$. Just stopped by a second store and saw a simple beech bunk bed for $500: am considering it. I'd love to find a set for $200, though. (good to know about the pine, btw, guys! thanks for the input...) Another store or two to check, and then I think we might (gasp) actually make a decision. You know what, though? When all's said and done, I'm glad we do it together.