My thoughts and prayers are with you that things will actually turn the corner and she will become a responsible adult. Perhaps she needed to hit rock bottom first.

I add my thoughts and prayers.

What tragic situations those drugs engender ... it's so difficult to be whatever outsider looking on, and huge amounts more so when it's one of our own.

Every helper learns that it's fruitless to shelter them while they're continuing using ... one merely becomes an enabler, for the drugs are more powerful than connections with any loved ones who aren't users themselves ...

... but how can one be sure that the turning of the corner is genuine ... this time?

Good thoughts and hopes ... and some prayers ... that both of you make the best choices now.

ole joyful

I know where you're coming from Satine. I have the same problem with my daughter for the past 15 years. Please let her know you love her, but she has to go to a women's shelter til she finds a better place to live. This is what I did. I told her I am completely out of money to help any more. My daughter has been in and out of rehab for the past 4 times. I'm hoping this last time works for her. Thank God your daughter doesn't have any kids to deal with. We have 2 grandkids that we worry a lot about. We just had them for the past few months while my daughter went to rehab. Good luck and I'm praying your daughter is really clean this time.

I have no wisdom to share, but the above posts sound sensible to me. I just want to share my heartfelt concern and empathy for the pain you feel. Best wishes.

Thank you for the responses. I asked her to either submit to drug testing or find another place to live. She chose to leave and that was about a year a half ago. She has never been in rehab that I know of. I just am so torn. I just don't think I can live the way I did before. I felt like a policeman in my own home watching her every move but not letting her know. I had to hide money, credit cards, anything that she could pawn. Since my husband died 10 years ago it was just the two of us and we were very close. It breaks my heart and makes me feel that there is a
hole in my soul. Im at work right now trying to hold it together. Thanks for listening. Satine

I'm so sorry Satine, how this must be tearing at your heart. Would she submit to rehab? Whatever you decide to do I encourage you to have your other children and/or a close friend with you if she comes to visit.

I just don't think I can live the way I did before.
And you should not have to either.

I would suggest you talking to some clergy or someone with AA or Al-Anon. They could maybe guide you as to where she could maybe go to live, rather than you having to take her in, or put her on the street. People like your daughter (addicts) know a lot of people (they 'think of and refer to as friends') and there are likely several people she can go in on, and live off of until they tire of it.

I wish you luck and will be remembering you and your loved ones in my prayers.

Sue

I went through this with my sister. I'm so sorry you're having this trouble. My sister ended up passing and the guilt that comes along with that is immense and something I still struggle with. What I can say is that I did not enable her and I'm proud that I was one person in her life that did not accept her addiction and allow her to take me down with her. I loved her, but I did not enable. You have to put yourself first, Satine. As hard as that is, you have to make her be accountable for the decisions she has made. She knows how to manipulate you so you will have to put on a mask of strength and do not try to fix this for her. If she is,in fact sober, she will understand this and step up and do what she needs to do. You have done your job as a parent. It's her job now to live for herself. Lots of strength and good thoughts coming your way.

That is a tough decision. There is no way I would take a user into my home. Insist on a drug test and say no if she doesn't pass. If she passes tell her if you ever suspect drugs she will have to take another test and she's out if she fails it.

I know someone who had this kind of a problem with the girl friend of his son. His son didn't have the heart to make her leave. So his father went over when he knew his son would be at work. He knocked on the door which she answered nude, told her to pack her things and took her to a motel and paid the bill for a week and left her there.

I can only offer hugs and prayers for the strength to endure what you must in the coming weeks and months. Keep us posted, and we will keep you in our thoughts. Nanny

I would start making a few phone calls to find out if there's any homeless shelters or women's shelters. I'm thinking you could call a clergy person or human services. Around here we have a woman's shelter that deals with not only abused women but women with addictions. There's also a few places that are halfway houses run by churches. The only reason I tell you this is so you can present other options. I can totally understand why you are worried about her. Both my DH and myself had brothers with chemical additions and both died last year. With my husband's brother, we gave him information on homeless shelters and rehab centers with openings. He did go to a treatment program and halfway house for about a year but he went back to drinking within 24 hours of release. I once again gave him the name and numbers. He even managed to get kicked out of a homeless shelter because of his drinking. My husband's parents kept letting him move in with them because they couldn't stand to see him suffer.

You need to stay strong. You do not want to enable this behavior because it doesn't do any good. Contact Alanon or AA or some other mental health counselor. You really do need to have someone on your side and you need a shoulder to lean on.

It's too late for our brothers but it's not too late for your daughter. Don't give up hope but don't enable.

listen to scissors...you need to be one on one with others at alanon...it's free and so comforting to know people in your own town are struggling as you are...

Vala said what I was going to say; insist on a drug test. Satine, you don't need this stress while you're trying to get healthy yourself! I know, as a mother, you want to provide and help your child. We're going through some of the same crap with my son. He just won't own up and take responsibility for anything.

I can't imagine doing it without a loving husband/partner. You have soooo been on my mind this week and I don't even "know" you. You've been through a lot and need to start taking care of YOURSELF. Please don't let her back in without the very least of a drug test.

I will be anxious to hear what happens. Stay strong!

My husband's sister's daughter (our niece) has a lot of the same problems, plus three ("illegitinate") children she lost custody of after a domestic situation with the kids' father. She has done terrible things to her parents, lied over and over, stolen thousands from them, the heartache over the 3 grandchildren,disappeared for months at a time, etc. Her Mom wants no more contact with her but she phones her Dad occasionally. I guess you'd call it tough love. I hold out hope my SIL and niece will eventually make peace. All I know is she's living in Florida, has a job and is attending school so it appears she's working on her future.

Good morning. Thank you for all the responses and support. I talked to my daughter last night and she apparently can stay where she is for another month. I did tell her that moving in with me is not an option that would be good for either of us. I also let her know that I will help her anyway I can. She is coming tonight and my middle daughter and her husband and child are coming also. We will have dinner and tomorrow I will take my daughter for an eye exam. She is on my insurance so it won't cost anything other than 10.00 copay. As I said I want to help her but cannot have her living with me. I guess I have to take one day at a time and hope and pray that she finds the strength and desire to change her life. Thank you and bless you for your encouragement. Satine