How about, thinking of you with fondest memories, hope you are resting comfortably.

I wouldnt bother with flowers, really. Perhaps a phone call to say just what you said, you`ll always cherish the growling bear hugs. I think the dying want to know they`ve left a positive impact; they dont want to be forgotten. So a reminder of how she touched your life would be appropriate.

I would send a note telling her what you said - you have fond memories of her as a child, particularly her huge bear hugs and accompanying bear growl, and that she is a sweet and wonderful woman. And that you are so happy she is your aunt.

I think she will treasure the knowledge that she will be leaving that memory for you.

I agree with Daisy. A personal note that your mother could read to her when she is there with your aunt would be a kind and thoughtful gesture.

I wouldn't send flowers either, since her breathing is compromised, but a note saying just what you said above "So sorry to hear you are ill. When I think of you I have very fond memories of what a sweet, wonderful woman you are and especially your wonderful huge bear hugs. Remember when you'd always growl like a bear when giving them? I do! Just know you are in my thoughts."

edited to remove "prayers" as I missed the atheist line.

This post was edited by olychick on Tue, Oct 29, 13 at 20:53

Or, you could ask your mother to call you if/when your aunt is able to chat for a few minutes and say all those things mentioned. If she is up to it she would probably love to hear your voice.

Yes to no flowers, and a BIG yes to letting her know her bear hugs are remembered, and she will be fondly remembered. I'd even tell her that when you give your child ( if applicable) an especially huge hug, they're called " Aunt Ella" hugs. Yes, I beIieve in ' good cause 'lying . Because time is short, I'd dictate a note to your mom to read to her. Fill it with whatever warm or funny memories you have.
You have a kind heart, kelly.
Marti

No, to flowers.

But, yes, as soon as possible, write to her exactly what you said here. I can't think of a nicer thing to hear.

"Thinking of you always puts a smile on my face when I think of your warm hugs~i will forever cherish the memory. God has surely blessed you in his goodness."

I agree that flowers should not be sent, but a sweet note with your memories or a phone call if you feel comfortable doing that since you've not seen her in some time.

I completely agree with the others. If I was in that situation I would love a note from my nieces and nephews commenting on my great hugs and how much they meant.

I also love getting flowers but it may not be proper in this situation. That's a call you have to make. Does she have a favourite flower or is there a flower that reminds you of her? A specific colour or scent that reminds you of her?

This could be a personal thing, but I vote no on the flowers. Send the note or better yet can you record a video message and send it to your mom to play for your aunt? I know I found it very very hard to read/concentrate in hospital{{gwi:807}} while so sick and circling the drain. I however did love seeing facesand hearing voices even if only over a computer screen. Just a short joke or thinking of you. Again it could be my age and the fact I wasn't accepting or welcoming death, but the heartfelt "I'll forever cherish the memories" or flowers or "I'll miss you terribly" seemed imminent reminders of my death. Likewise the get better soon was equally troubling. But the short jokes or quick memories or just telling me some story about how they wish I had been there today to seesuchandsuch mademefeel loved and appreciated. However ifyouraunt is the flower type and flowers are permissible them by all means send them along!

Also I had one dear (equally demented as I am friend) send a crazy singing gorilla. Seriously everyone got a kick out of it. And a couple of other patients who were milling around outside my room delighted in the absurdity as well. Granted this was day 62 of my hospitalization...So perhaps not fitting for your aunt. But wanted to throw it out there incase it suited her personality or your mothers (sometimes at a certain point it becomes more about helping our family members doing the care taking).

Btw since I'm editing for atrocious typing errors, I thought I would second Annie's comment. She stated it well.

{{!gwi}}

This post was edited by iheartgiantschnauzer on Wed, Oct 30, 13 at 9:31

I like the idea of having someone read her a note from you. In my experience, limited though it may be, the terminal start to withdraw from the world while they are still alive and they tend to lose energy so there are people they may no longer wish to see or talk to...not that there is ill will, but just that their circle becomes smaller and their ability to deal with people becomes limited. But they do appreciate having memories of their lives triggered for them by people who care. If you wish to send accompanying flowers, I think that is fine...if not so much to cheer the patient, but to cheer the room up for those who visit and care for her.

When any of our family was in the nursing home, I always had pics and special things around, not only for the patient, but for the people who cared for him/her to make sure they remembered that this was someone who once was vibrant and important to the people around him/her.

Mom and sdad left early this morning. They are driving from Central TX to Louisville KY.

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies and insight. I don't know why, but I was completely stumped.

For as long as I can remember, my aunt sent out birthday cards with a stick of Wrigley's gum. When DH started getting his card and gum - he was so touched. Like that was the official, "you're in the family now."

I'm going to write a letter, including the memories about the hugs and gum. Tell her how she's has always held a special place in my heart. I'll email it to my mom and she can read it to my aunt when appropriate.

Still not sure about the flowers. Sister really wants to send them and the hospital says it's fine as long as the arrangement is small. Would love to send sunflowers to brighten up the room.

Thanks again everyone - you've been incredibly helpful.

I had a friend, he was young-only in his early 40's-who was a day or so away from dying. I just couldn't make it to the hospital so I called and spoke with his wife. I knew he wouldn't be able to talk (he died of the same cancer my father did), but I wanted to convey to him how much he meant to me.

She told him my message and later, she told me that it made him so happy to hear something personal-most cards and notes were just 'thinking of you' things. It was so difficult for me to do, but I was so glad I did it. I think your aunt, and her family, will be so touched by your note.

Kelly I'm sure you're Aunt will get a big kick out of the stick of gum added! Such a nice little reminder for her that you noticed and should bring a smile to her face. And you never know, she may surprise you and survive. I know you don't believe, but I do, so I'll be praying for her and your family and think special caring thoughts for you too.

Kelly,
I'm sorry to hear about your aunt. I think a note with those lovely memories is the perfect thing to do for both your aunt and the person reading it to her.

I smiled thinking about her sending a stick of gum in cards, how quirky and charming that was. Sadly, that kind of sweet touch will be lost to kids, and adults, as we become more and more an electronic society and send email greetings instead of cards with sticks of gum inside.

I wish your aunt and your family peace and comfort at this difficult time.

Justgotabme & Hhireno - thank you so much.

Update: Aunt's oxygen intake is up to 80% and the doctors say that can't be sustained for much longer. Mom said Aunt is in very bad shape but she's in high spirits, which doesn't surprise me at all.

Mom said the sunflowers are gorgeous and reflects Aunts attitude very well. Mom also said that she read my note to her and she just had a huge smile and teary eyes.

She's the best.

I'm sorry about your aunt kelleng. I think you touched your aunt and made her happy with your thoughtfulness.

You're welcome Kelly. I'm happy to hear that the flowers and note brought a smile to your Aunts face and tears to her eyes. She sounds like a wonderful woman.