Jannie, thanks for asking about me. Im not doing so well. I feel myself becoming numb one minute then going into panic mode the next. I talked to one of the nurses yesterday and was told that there is little change in my daughter other than she is becoming emotional which I assume means combative. I have been mostly sleeping off and on which I know is not good but I can't seem to do anything else. I think I will try driving to the hospital tomorrow. Again thank you for asking and I hope that Bulldinkie is feeling better today. Satine

Oh, I'm so sorry I missed your original post about your daughter, Satine. I Pray she gets OK soon. Please, please take care of yourself. she will need you well and strong when she is better. ((((((Hugs))))))) Keep us posted.

Satine, is there a counselor-type person you can talk to daily? I know that feeling of panic (for other reasons--I worry too much,) and it's terrible. I'm kind of worried for you--I don't know if you're the type to hibernate when you're upset or to seek other people out, but you should have the option of talking to someone if it helps. Have you tried calling al anon for a friendly and understanding voice? I do hope you'll try.

((((((((((Satine)))))))) Focus on the good in your life. There is plenty of that.

Satine, know it is hard, but you count, and do what you need to for yourself to keep your spirits up. You can always come to KT for support.

Satine, are you comfortable driving to the hospital? I am a little worried about that. I am so sorry you are having this worry.

Satine - my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope that your daughter comes to see the path to happiness and recovery.

Unfortunately, I think that Bulldinkie was offended and is choosing to not share. I wish you would, Bulldinkie, as we obviously care. People shared opinions, and some were opposite of what you wanted to hear. But we do hope that things can be on the mend with your DIL.

Well I think the real bulldinkie has shown why DIL is angry.

Bulldinkie will show up when enough people beg her.

Bulldinkie just wanted affirmation, not help. When she didn't get unanimous sympathy she huffed out.

I really didn't expect a follow up from her - what was she going to say? That she let her DIL have it as she said she would, and her DIL admitted she was a terrible person and Dink was a saint? Did you expect she would post that the confrontation went all wrong? Or that she actually didn't do it at all? There was no where for her to go with this.

Sometimes we get answers we don't agree with--SO, we either don't post for day or so, reevaluate out thoughts and make mature decisions or get upset, blame everyone else, or realize that most of the people do care and do offer what they feel is their opinion. We do not have to agree, but we should remember any ranting etc once posted could show up years later. Just do some searching and see what I mean.
Hope you all have a great New Year.
Marie
PS, Yes it has happened to me, mainly it is the way I word a problem. Brain, fingers, keyboard sometimes short circuited.

Usually it's my brain that is the culprit.

When we have some things to say that are not agreeing with the original poster, I think that we should make an effort to speak as we would were we talking to the person face to face ... be diplomatic.

Often, if we are quite confrontational, it may more likely result in the listener getting his/her back up ...

... get defensive ...

... and thus be less inclined to pay any attention to the issue that we raised.

In which case, nothing has been achieved, the criticizer has been wasting his/her time, one might say ... in fact, often some ground may be lost, I think, as the original poster may well get more deeply entrenched in his/her position.

Be kind - love your neighbour ... whether face to face ... or on the other side of the world.

o j

Great post, OJ! Thank you

AMEN

OJ, I'll gently suggest that you go read that thread and see if you think anyone was acting outside of what you suggest. It was all very kind, IMO.

Thanks, so much Joyful for reminding me to treat people I care about gently when I want to help them. Just because they asked me to listen doesn't mean I have been given the right to tear them down.

*Be kind - love your neighbour ... whether face to face ... or on the other side of the world.*

And now I apologize - my post to you, OJ, was because I thought that you were saying that, in the other thread, posters had been harsh (because that's the thread that posters were "talking" to Bulldinkie). I think now that I was wrong; you were talking about this thread. If that's the case, I agree that this thread has become nasty and I don't know that some of these things would be said in person. IMO, shouldn't be said in person OR in cyberspace.

I know some of you are going to kick me in the teeth but some of you are so heartless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well nanatricia, I didn't see you post any warm words of encouragement or support on the original thread, so I can only assume you missed it.

Here it is - I'm sure it's not to late to add your own heartfelt message of support.

Here is a link that might be useful: Ok Need Help With A Biggg Problem....

From a nurse's perspective......people going through dialysis often have some emotional/mental changes as well. Sometimes they get irritable, short tempered,and emotional. When the old kidneys aren't working, poisons are in their body which can cause havoc. Feelings can get hurt quickly and instead of letting words bounce off you as you normally would when you were feeling well you get quickly offended. Some of what was said on the other thread probably didn't help the situation. Dealing with dialysis is not fun at the best of times. We need to be supportive, not critical.

Heather - there you go, being an enabler for the Bull. She doesn't need your excuses for her bad behaviour.

I don't believe that "helping" Dink meant criticizing, bullying or *analyzing* her. Now we have done all three.

Heather, with all due respect - I have also been a nurse, a hospital volunteer, and a med student. I'm aware that chronic illness takes its toll. But there is a fine line between understanding the occasional one-off emotional vent from dealing with chronic disease (which I also suffer from), and letting it excuse or define our lives. It also doesn't give people a pass for their bad behavior or their attempts to conform someone else's to how they expect they should behave.

If speaking out makes me "heartless", so be it. I don't agree with unconditional support if something doesn't seem right.

hahahaha..."now" I am going to add just a little too...I was swap partners with the person in ? here....."something" happened in the mail-her parcel was literally destroyed-I was notified,nastily I might add,and to top it off,"I" became the bad guy.(that was back in the spend a fair bit for the swap partner days)

Sympathy for "some" ppl here-I think not....going thru her dialysis undoubtedly is a PITA, but so is living with chronic illness.....lots of us do it daily.J"M"HO

And as an aside, that's the one thing I learned from dealing with terminally and/or chronically ill or disabled patients. Don't bullsh!t them. Tell them straight, and tell them to their face.

Unconditional support and neverending sympathy doesn't always help someone learn to cope.

SIGH....I guess you didn't understand my point. Let me try and explain it better. When kidneys don't work well, poison builds up in your system and these poisons affect your brain. Irritability can become an issue. Dealing with such an illness can also be really hard in many ways including lots of stress, anxiety, anger and depression. Sometimes anger can be displaced. I remember a lecture on emotions and kidney function I had as a student nurse around 45 years ago and the speaker left a real impression on me back then. I am not enabling, I am understanding a bit of what might be physiologically happening. I don't need a lecture on how to deal with terminal/chronically ill people. I have been on both sides of this knowing first hand what it is like, and I believe in telling people the truth. There are just kinder ways to do this. Sending someone a private email, instead of embarrassing someone in a public forum would have been the best way.

What heather says is true, when my father was dying, the hospice nurse explained to us that because of the toxins in his body, he was be experiencing dementia and saying things that make no sense. It is one possible explaination. Perhaps the DIL doesn't take into consideration her health issues, makes sense why the sudden change in the DIL's relationship with MIL.