Last year it was excitement and new beginnings and the next step in the vision of his life that you expected. This year it is the realization that it wasn't just a temporary time away last year, it was the start of the path leading to the time when he wouldn't be at living at home ever again.

It is okay to be sad, to feel that sense of loss. But then be thrilled that he survived the first year, went back happily, and that he is doing exactly what you dreamed he would be doing at this point in his life.

Oh you're killing me. I remember that feeling so well and it was a long time ago. Hugs.

I don't mean to be flippant, but just be glad he went back. My DS dropped out of college in March, so I'm feeling a very different kind of sadness as this September approaches.

I agree with Les' first statement, too.

May I grieve with you? My youngest, 24 y.o., who struggles academically w/ ADD & eye issues, worked up his courage to transfer to a school in New Orleans to finish his B.A. -- and got accepted. We just found out early August, & scrambled to get together the necessary paper work & supports & deposits. I flew down last week to help him set up and am back, in shock. D.S. has a warm, outgoing personality & attracts a crowd of friends. How silent & empty the house is now.

With our older sons, their return to school was always sad for us. They are such fun. Their leaving brought an abrupt end to wonderful summers. Perhaps it's the same with you, bestyears, your darling DS is gone AND summer is really over.

My only consolation is, with this economy, your son may be returning home after graduation, LOL! My older two are still with us, though they too have suddenly come up with plans to leave.

Anyway, hugs to you. I'm glad you posted. I too was feeling low but felt awkward about bringing up the subject. Hope your son has a wonderful & fruitful year.

Thank you everyone. I'm not an overly emotional mom, so this feeling has just kind of snuck up on me. I've tried hard to give my children wings, and DS seems to have selected a perfect-fit school. He is happy and thriving there, and I keep reminding myself of that. I think some of it probably is what les said -the newness is off. We won't see him until Christmas...which feels a very long time away. Dedtired -how long does this last, LOL?!?!? And Sue -yes, I remember your earlier posts. It's always more difficult when a child does it differently than step 1, step 2, step 3.... I hope your son finds his path and you find peace with it. And awm, yes you can grieve with me -the more the merrier! I had half a mind to grab some girlfriends and go drown our sorrows this week, but so few kids go to school out of state here -I think it is different for them. They'll see theirs every month or so. Gosh, when DD leaves in three years, I'm going to be a wreck!

I guess I'm the only one glad to see my DD go back? Well, not exactly glad, but I think it is time for her to get back to school. :) We live on Cape Cod and she has worked really hard all Summer in a restaurant. Hard enough so she isn't really here much to help out, and leaves a mess wherever she goes. Like DH said, "there isn't a lot of payoff". He means in Face time and I mean in Dish time. Honestly, I think we are fortunate as she is 19 and doesn't go out at night or anything like that.

Of course, this may all change next week when she goes back. :) She's in NH so we will see her probably in October. Last year she lost tons of weight the first semester and ended up being prescribed some antidepressants. I'm hoping she copes better this year. It is a blessing to be so close really, only 2 hours from home.

I'll be thinking of you all... this is a big transition, even the second year I think.

Beth P.

I think it's a gradual thing. I promise you'll be busting your buttons with pride on graduation day. It's amazing to watch that little kid become an independent adult.

Beth, you made my day! Ours are long gone, but I remember we both felt a bit of relief when DSs left the nest after the summer stay. Though they were/are really good people and we enjoy their company immensely, not finding a random apple core tucked under the bed and having the other pick-up afters to deal with made the departure a little easier. Now, I look back on those years a bit more fondly, but there were moments when I longed for a bit more Dish Time too. LOL!

To all the rest currently in the throes of transition, it really does get easier to be genuinely happy for them once they're launched securely. I remarked to DH today how I'm thrilled I am son #1 sounded at the peak of contentment when we spoke this afternoon. Hang in there, moms.

Thanks for posting that Beth. I read the thread yesterday, but was too chicken to actually put it in writing that I am looking forward to DD returning to school this coming weekend. DD's ready to go back to school and I am ready for her to go, was just having trouble being brave enough to admit that!

She will be junior, and freshman year was the tough year for me. The entire year, when she would come home and leave again, I would be upset. Sophmore year was easier and DD spent her Spring semester in Italy. She does leave a mess of clothing, towels, etc., in her BR, but that doesn't really bother me unless it affects the rest of the house I don't fuss at her. We definitely do not get dish time until DH takes a peek into her BR.

No crazy behaviors, but no real lengthy face-to-face time as DD has alot of friends here at home as well as at school. There's always something going on, so we either have a gang here at our pool, or she is at a friends, out out doing things with friends. I will say that the nights where the evening begins at midnight are starting to wear on my last nerve;=).

So, all in all, I am looking forward to having my nice quiet house (clean and it stays that way), a refrigerator that reflects healthy eating habits), and not wondering how many I will be cooking for on any particular evening!

I hope you feel better soon! Schedule yourself for a nice long massage to work on the tight muscles from your feelings. Go out with your girlfriends, and enjoy the time. Also be happy that your DS is doing well with his college experience!

I just got rid of both of mine, and now I have to walk the dog and take out the trash! I'm sad to see them go, but sometimes, it's nice to have the place without extra noise, laundry and so on.

Add me to the "un-natural mother club." I was always glad to see mine go back to school. Now The Boy has graduated...and cannot find a job. (And he really has been looking!) He's home with us until he finds steady employment. He's managed to cobble together some part-time stuff...but not enough to really live on. He's got some resumes out...we have our fingers crossed.

In other words...don't despair. In a few short years she may be back with you! ;^)

Feeling better. Son sent two upbeat emails & a video!

OMG, I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

We had some people over for dinner tonight for the first time. They couldn't say enough wonderful things about DD and her maturity level and work ethic. (they see her at the restaurant) DH and I just sort of looked at each other and wanted to laugh. She is all of those things...and a huge slob. I swear there are five coffee cups in her car right now. Ick!

Beth P.

In time, I think what will matter most to you is their happiness, not whether or not they are living at home or nearby.

It took me a long time to get to feeling this way, but I think it happens for most people-

Very well put, nancybee.

Glad you're feeling better, awm, and that your son thrives in NOLA.

Thanks abundantblessings. bethpen, your second post made me laugh :)

bestyears, have you heard from your DS yet?

Sueb20, how's your son doing? Hope he's feeling less stressed these days. (I have two sons who were/are "non-traditional" students.)

Fun reading all these responses.... based on my 15 year old DD's mood this morning, I will be considerably less sad to see her go!!!!

DD called yesterday with a list of things he 'forgot' -maybe because he didn't pack until 10 the night before, despite my constant nagging.... He's doing well, seems happy to be back there with his friends. He doesn't share a lot, so it's always difficult to get a real pulse on things. But he sounded good.

My mood has lifted, I miss him, but am not walking around preoccupied about it.

I am such a bad mother. I love the sense of calm that returns when they all are back at college.

Last year was the baby's first year. So I had scheduled an "empty nest cruise" for us. It was so wonderful, we are going to Alaska this year.

The baby decided to transfer to a school that is closer to home, and then we dropped the bomb on him that we are moving! lol.. not sure if I'm giving out the new address to all the kids!

-Bee

bee, too funny!

Neither of my DS's went away to school nor did they go to university or follow a traditional path of any sort. They both went to our local college - one for a 4year degree and the other for a 2year associate degree then onto a technical school for a 2 year diploma in commercial real estate. Both my DH and I are university grads both with commerce degrees. Did we mind that our kids didn't go to university - no- we've always known that they wouldn't go that route.

Sueb20 - The point of my comments is that I think kids will find their own paths. My youngest has known since grade 9 what he wanted to do and worked hard to get accepted into his program and thrives in it. The older one took 4 years to figure it out - mucked around at college, took a year out, and then finally decided.

I figure that if they're good kids, by the time they are 30 they will have figured out where they want to be and will have arrived there and hopefully be happy. Some kids take a very direct route and some kids have a route that sort of meanders a bit - but they all get there.

Both of my kids spent summers away as well as the school year, either in summer school or for summer jobs. So once they went off to college, neither was ever home for any longer than three weeks at a time.

I know it's going to sound heartless, I DO love my kids! But three weeks was plenty! Just enough time to get excited about being with them and hanging out and laughing and doing fun mom-kid stuff, then, just as I'm approaching the "I miss the peace and quiet" stage, they're off again.

Son #1 graduated in May, moved back home for a week, then got an apartment. He was fortunate and landed a job before he graduated. I LOVE LOVE LOVE having him live here, 15 minutes away. He's here, in the city, we get together at least weekly, and we're so happy to spend time together. But he has his own living space now and is no longer dependent on me. I'm LOVIN' it!

Son #2 graduates next May and I'm hoping his transition goes as smoothly!

For me, the thrill and pride of seeing my kids grow up and take on responsibility and independence greatly overrides that fact that I do miss the days when they were little kiddies. They're doing exactly what I raised them to do! What could be better than that!!

DD just left for her Freshman year. We are very close and have always spent a lot of time together BUT the last year of college hunting, applications, and angst has been all consuming. I am GLAD it's done. I do have pangs of missing her but I am also excited about the new stage in life her leaving ushers in, for her AND for me! Everything changed when she was born, so many things had to be put on hold and while I don't regret dedicating the last 18 years to her I am ready to rediscover myself and have a life of my own. I've given up so much to be the kind of hands-on Mom and make a home. I know you're supposed to be keeping your own interests alive and having a life of your own WHILE your also being a Mom but somehow I always put my children's needs ahead of mine. It's sort of second nature, I've enjoyed my kids and enjoyed making a home but there's got to be more, right? I still have another child at home so I can't totally cut loose but it is a lot easier to start the next chapter with the lighter load, parenting wise. My daughter is very academic and her classes are hard but she's mentally on fire and it's incredibly rewarding to see her taking off, joining clubs (which she was too timid to do in high school) and growing. I am so proud and feel like as a parent I finished what I started with her. I've worked on and off, part time and at home (I'm in a creative profession with a lot of freelancing) but have had to pass certain opportunities by because it would mean time away from my family and I couldn't do that to them. If anything, I think the next few years having to stay in the family home to keep my son in the same high school -- we promised not to relocate him at this point -- are going to be the longest 3 years on record! Life after kids is what I'm excited about! I don't know what I would do if my DD ended up moving back home -- I love my kids, but NO!

Don't want to hijack this but since a couple of people asked...my DS is doing okay. Very stressful and difficult spring/summer with multiple therapists and med changes, too much to go into, but as summer winds down and he begins to look forward to "plan B" I think things are calming down. He starts school next month at a certificate program that is part of Boston University. (Fingers crossed) he will "graduate" in May with a certificate in Digital Filmmaking. We are also going to look into a film residency program in Maine for next summer. My feeling is that instead of a traditional 4 year degree, he will do a few "educational experiences" that in the end, combined with some relevant work experience, may be just as valuable (or who knows, even more so). He has been doing some video work for a couple of local people as well -- helping someone edit footage for a documentary (whether it's ever seen, who knows) and working with a local band on a music video to accompany their first album. So...that's my update. Fingers crossed...I think he'll be happy and do well at this BU program. He will be living at home for the foreseeable future, which is honestly challenging for us all, but he just isn't anywhere near ready to live on his own.

Glad to hear your son has some meaningful projects in store, sueb20. Hope it leads to good things for him. Best wishes to you & your son.

Sue B, thanks for the update. It sounds like he's moving forward and that is great news. I know how hard it must be on everyone.

Thanks to Hurricane Irene, DD is heading back to school Saturday instead of Sunday. Which completely messed up everyone's schedule around here. DH and I both work in restaurants, and this time of year shifts are hard to cover. Before we go we'll have to do all the usual prep with the outside furniture and stuff. Looks like it is going to be a long weekend.....

Beth P.

Mine leaves on Saturday and I'm starting to feel the 'empty nest blues' also. To make matters worse, he's planning to spend next summer up at college as well doing research, so I'll probably only barely get to see him then...

Bestyears -- As you say, so few kids from our neck of the woods really do leave home. If you want to 'raise a few glasses' (in honor of their achievements, of course!) I'm all for it! ;-) And I'm so glad to hear the college he chose is such a great fit!

Sueb -- I'm glad the alternative education plans are working out and will keep my fingers crossed for him. In film, real experience seems to be more valuable anyway...

Sweeby & bestyears, I'll join you in some elbow bending if you get together. My oldest, although he graduated in May and moved back, is currently in New Jersey for a month-long training session for his new job. He returns in two weeks. But for now, he is exactly in the path of Irene. Yuck!! Sweeby, you have my number & email!

Well, he left a day early (sniff!) to beat Irene to campus... He wanted to get to school before the roads and airports closed down, and get moved into his house before the pouring rains... Sad as I am to see him go a day early, I have to agree that it makes sense.

My son leaves for his freshman year on Tuesday with my husband (U of Michigan) and my daughter and I drive up to Smith College (her junior year) on Wednesday in her car! Then I will fly to Michigan to see our son safely ensconced. Then we'll drive back home--to an empty nest! Well, except for my daughter's dog, 2 guinea pigs, and South American tree frog.... Sigh...

kkay, I think the pets will help with the empty nest, especially the dog. I remember when my kids had guinea pigs- I always thought they were so sweet. Hope you don't have to feed the frog live crickets or anything!
Sounds like your kids are doing great. Good luck with your transition!