Leave it as it is. It's still their room & home, and they need a place to come home to, to chill out. When it gets to the point that you know they'll never move back in, then give it a makeover. Right now, even though they're in college, they're still kids at heart. lol.

You could always add new bedding, lamps and pictures though.

I left it the way it was until company was coming. The bed is the same, dressers, etc but I painted and bought new bedding. OK, the bedding has subtle pink flowers on it but Max got over it.

In my defense, Max's room was a pig sty. I spent hours plowing through his filthy room. By the time I got it presentable, I felt I deserved to make it mine. He was 20 when I finally worked up enough nerve to clean it.

Oh, yes, nan; it's home forever. Even after graduating college, two of our six kids came home to live for a couple years. It was great having them here while they saved a little money. And they were grown-ups who kept their areas clean, unlike when they were kids.

Don't be impatient. I closed the doors when they were gone until one day, VOILA! they cleaned them up themselves!

Sherry

Would you change your mind if you had kids that ranged greatly in age, had younger ones that needed a room, and the older ones didn't live with you full time before going off to college?

I left it pretty much alone - however before they left I told them I was having the carpets shampooed so they better not be anything under the bed or behind the furniture. Well, well I did find a few paper plates with dried on pizza sauce.

boopadaboo - if I had younger ones that needed the room I'd give it to them and simply let the departing college student know that they were always welcome. Actually I did do that - my father moved in with us and I had to give him my daughter's room while she was away.

Before our DS went off to college I read an article written by a well-known psychologist who said that it's extremely stressful for new college kids to have their rooms redone by their parents after they head off to college. He highly recommended that you leave their rooms as is for at least their first two years at college. They need that refuge at home that hasn't changed, when so many other things in their lives are changing at a fast pace.

We did this with our own DS and finally, as he was leaving to head back for his junior year at college, he told me that he'd outgrown his room the way it was ~ with it's huge Bob Marley Jamaican flag and too-large framed print of Robert DiNero in "Scarface". I was happy to oblige and redid it over that Fall in a comfortable, put-your-feet-up Western look. As we live in the mountains of New Mexico, it's definitely NOT a theme room here ;^D !!! He liked that it worked more like a den for him when he was home, with a plain oak daybed made up like a sofa. Although he doesn't get home that often now that he's finished grad school and in the Army, it's still HIS room when he comes home for a vist. And, it's working great now as a den for DD and her friends to hang out in.
Lynn

Thanks. I always want him to feel welcome here and know he is free to move back in any time. I am going to be a basket case next fall! I will miss him so much.
In our house there are 3 bedrooms on the main level. Guests stay upstairs in the playroom. But when my or DH's parents visit we have to move the kids around so the older folks (all in mid to upper 80s) don't have to navigate the stairs. I'd like to make his room into the guest room. But I'm sure I could find a way to make it work as his room and a guest room. Last week I scored an Ann Gish duvet set (90% off) it arrived yesterday and it is really lovely. I had planned to use it in his room but then I thought perhaps I had jumped the gun a bit. So maybe I'll keep it tucked away until we have company (or take it off when he comes home). Hmm... maybe I could redo my bedroom...

Aimee left for college out of state shortly after we adopted Max. We were outgrowing that house and soon bought a larger house. She lived here a couple times but both were short term situations. Poor Aimee! LOL! We sold her bedroom.

Max had been gone for almost three years when I upgraded his room. I seriously don't think he will ever live at home again. He finds our town "depressing":+(. Even at 22, he seems settled in the Bay Area. He LOVES San Francisco. He loves college and loves his job.

Derek moved out of our basement, where he moved as an older teenager (outside entrance, carpeted with a couple windows. Big Time Bob Marley room. LOL!) The basement stayed his room until I made a sewing studio in there. That said, when Derek comes home, he sleeps upstairs. We have two spare rooms, a library room and my sewing studio now.

Nan, I think it is a great idea to have it be a guest room as well as his room. Just switch out the bedding, etc. before he comes home.

I am not sure my kids *are* welcome to move back home anytime. LOL!

I remember my college roommate's parents moved her freshman year. Just to another house in the same community, but it really threw her for a loop. Her 'home' was gone, out from under her.

We cleaned up DS's room and kind of 'took over' his closet, but he doesn't seem to mind. He doesn't seem to be the kind of person who gets overly attached to a place.

Are you kidding me, I can't wait to get my hands on DS's room the day after he leaves for college this fall! Not because I want to re-purpose it, but I do want to go up there with 10 trash bags and sterilize it! He has papers up there from freshman year in high school, I think. He might be considered a hoarder, LOL.

Also, we had the room painted many years ago when he was around 8 years old. It's light blue with faux clouds on the ceiling (it's an attic room, so I liked the ceiling treatment). It's time for a change, so my main goal in the fall will be to re-paint his room. He won't be happy if I do anything more significant, but he won't care if I clean up and paint.

We joke a lot about letting DS #2 have his room when he's gone, and he does NOT like that idea! DS #2 has no interest in moving, though.

Golddust- My DS will be heading down to San Diego (we lived there until he was 14 and even though we don't have a house there, it is still home in many ways). Where we live now IS really boring for young adults and I don't think he will want to visit all that often. But, who knows, I'm beginning to see a glimmer of maturity that just wasn't there before. He has been full of surprises lately. Nan

Sue, Oh yes, sterilize and paint, that's at the top of the list!

Haha, sterilize & paint!

Boopadoo, I have three sons and three daughters, with seventeen years from oldest to youngest. My kids were used to doubling up, and when they came home from college even brought friends home with them, laundry and all! Only the two little girls (as we still call them, though they are 25 and 28) got their own rooms.

I have taken over one bedroom as a sewing room, and I love it. The other bedrooms are all guest rooms, for when they all - 18 counting in-laws and grandkids - come home at once a couple times a year. And it's not a big house at all!

Sherry

We didn't change DS's room when he went off to college, but when we built an addition, we increased the size of his room. Now he and his wife use it as their room when they come to visit.

Years and years ago -- on a VERY early HGTV program -- a mum and daughter agreed that her room needed a more "grown-up" look. I believe that the daughter was in her last year at home -- and would be going to camp in the summer and then college in the fall.

Anyway -- this is what the two agreed on:

The daughter wanted a clean, modern room. The mother wanted a guest room with a more French Country look.

The compromise? Black and White.

Soooooo .... the mother painted the bottom half of the walls in black -- and the top in white. Added crown mouldings in white.

Windows were done with bamboo blinds and white curtains with a thick black "outline" down the middle.

The bedding was reversible -- with a modern black-and-white print on one side AND a black-and-white toile on the other -- on the shams. The comforter was the same way.

The furniture was painted in high gloss white -- with a high-gloss black mirror over the dresser. And the nightstand was painted in black.

Even the old family armchair got the "reversible" kind of treatment -- upholstered in classic white with black piping. And an additional black-and-white toile slipcover for the "guests"

The wood floors were lightly painted with a black outline.

Lamps were changable -- from modern Ikea ones -- to more classic ones.

Artworks -- black-and-white family photos!

The whole room was incredible and so charming! And each one was very happy!

Isn't it funny when such a room makeover sticks in your memory????

Jan at Rosemary Cottage

My son is a Sophomore this year and living in an apt. with a 12 month lease, so I don't plan on him moving back into our house. When he first left to move into the dorm, I went in and cleaned out his room - purging old clothes etc. I really cleaned it good - moving the bed and vacuuming underneath etc. It was quite dusty and dirty in there.

We use the room as a spare room now, but we have left up his posters and things that he didn't snag to decorate his apt. The room really needs to be painted and the carpeting replaced. I guess it's time!

Nan, you said you'd be a basket case when he leaves. Sounds like you're as close to your's as I am to my two boys.

Parenting books don't tell us about Empty Nest Syndrome. I came home the day we took him to college (we followed him, lol) and I just bawled. I cried all week long, and since his girlfriend lived here in our town, he came home the following weekend. I ran outside and hugged him so hard and cried my eyes out, and he said, "It's okay mom, I'm home" & held me so tight! That's when I knew he was growing up to be a fine young man!

When my BIL and his wife took their daughter to school, HE had to pull off to the side of the road and cry! lol

It hit hard so beware. :(

Yes, it does indeed hit hard. I can not believe my BABY is turning 22 in a couple days. He is on spring break from college and vacation from work, starting today. Is he coming home so we can celebrate? No. He and his girlfriend (since late October) are "going on a road trip."

No, I haven't even met her. We're friends on Facebook and she is a cute little thing. Getting her Doctorate in Psychology. (I've been replaced.)

It hits hard, and it never gets easier, either. My hub and kids all laugh and joke about how Mom bawls every time we say good-bye. I think the truth is that if I cry, it takes the pressure off them - they can make fun of me and not cry themselves.

Sherry

I just wanted to let you know, your stories made me get all teary-eyed ;-) , and our oldest is only 6!!! I can only imagine how hard the empty-nest thing is!

if you are like me you will return home from taking him/her to college and lie down on their bed and cry your heart out. You will find yourself sleeping in their room for at least a couple of days. You will open the door to the room and just look. ( Now I had a girl who was a neat freak and did a super job decorating her room- no stale pizza under the bed.)
Wait to do that before you think about changing the room!

I had no idea other's suffered like I did! I thought I was abnormal! lol.

When I was a young mom, for some reason older ladies would look at me and the kids and say, "Enjoy them while you can, they grow up very fast." And I thought the ladies were off their rockers and couldn't understand why they were telling me that.

And now I'm the older lady telling young moms to enjoy them while they can. lol.

But when they got girlfriends and married, I felt more at peace. I'm so lucky I'm BFF's with my DIL. And now she has a son, and a baby on the way and knows exactly how I still feel about my boys. :)

DD is a freshman this year. When she left in the Fall she did make a point to "tidy" up her room. I went in and really cleaned well, shampooed the carpet, etc.

Before Senior yr. in HS we put an addition on our home which almost doubled the size of her bedroom. She pretty much had free reign over choosing paint, bedding, etc., She did a great job as her tastes were evolving to a more adult look.

We do use DD room if we need an extra guest room, but it is always hers when she wants to come home for a weekend or on breaks. She's not the most tidy girl, so last week while she was home on break we went back to "just close the door". The day she left to go back to school it was as clean as she found it the day she started her break.

And yes, we moms are given "What to do While Expecting", What to do when they are growing from infant to toddler. Where are the books on how to deal with sending your child off to dorm life. NO, I know there are probably books out there, point being, it is a very difficult transition for both parent and I think it is safe to assume, child.

Best of luck. Take it one day at a time. I don't know if you have other children, but our friends say that helps. DD is an only child, so I was in cooper's condition for a bit.

My son is leaving in the fall, and I know I'll just feel so empty for awhile.... He'll be a thousand miles away, so we won't see him much... ugh. But of course, I'm very, very happy for him and try to keep telling myself that when I start to get down.... My husband and I were out to dinner last night, and saw a waiting couple chasing down their 2 year old. He looked a lot like our son had looked at that age, and I was so wistful.... What's weird I think is that the first ten years or so with your kids seem to last awhile, but the middle and high school years flash by in a whirrr, and suddenly here we are.

My daughter, (age 14) said, (literally the second ds got his acceptance),"Can I turn his room into a walk-in closet?"

I don't know, work-in-progress, if it helps if you have other children. We have six kids; for me, it's not easier, it's multiplied by six!

Sherry

Even if your DD or DS seems to want to spend their entire senior year of high school convincing you that s/he never liked you anyway? DS has been so cranky with us at times that I think "Good, can't wait for you to leave." (Sorry, it's true, am I the only parent who's felt that way??) But other times I think about dropping him off and I'm sure I'm going to cry. He is a different sort of kid, has always been difficult to varying degrees and certainly has raised the tension level in our house quite often, so part of me feels like life will be "easier" when he's gone. But I have a feeling I'll be surprised at how much I'll miss having him around. He is a big talker, so it will be quieter! We do have two younger kids, though, so it will be a long time before we're empty nesters! (Youngest is in 3rd grade.)

sueb20 -yes! Don't feel like the only parent going through that! DS often acts like I am the most clueless person on the planet, and he just doesn't engage with me the way he used to. Conversations are often one word responses from him (until I want to scream!). I think it is nature's way of helping us through this separation. Can you imagine packing them off when they are six, and so adorable? Years ago, in preparation for a teaching career, I read Erik Erikson's 12 Stages of Man, which gave me a much better understanding of teens, and why it is so necessary for them to push hard against the nest. It is difficult on us, and on them, but it does help them to become fully-formed adults...(well, that's the theory anyway).

Sue,

Your response reminded me more of myself! I was constantly at odds with my parents - they thought I spent way too much time in front of the mirror working on my hair and only wanted to be with my friends. (Hey this was 1979, remember Farrah hair).

I'll never forget the day they took me to college. My younger brother had a peewee football game and we couldn't leave until it was over. I was so pissed because I wasn't going to get there till very late afternoon - well after everyone else had moved into the dorm and I was furious that my parents just couldn't see how important this was to me - who cares about DB's football game? Geez! By the time we got there and they unpacked me, we weren't even speaking. It didn't help that all my roommates were sitting around smoking cigarettes and I hadn't told my parents I had signed up for the smoking dorm. I thought I would be insured of rooming with some cool girls if they smoked!! (remember this was 1979, and yes, they were right in my mind it was all about me, but my roomies were very cool and we had lots of fun :-)

Long story short, our relationship improved dramatically with a little distance and me having a little more control over my life. So, look upon your kids' attitudes as their excitement of getting out on their own, not that they don't love or appreciate you.

My senior is really looking forward to going off to college, and quite honestly, while I'll miss him, I'm looking forward to it too! My laundry, mess, crap laying around etc. went down dramatically with the exit of DS1, I'm almost giddy at only having to cleanup after one remaining DS once DS2 goes off to school.

Of course, I have to admit, my kids don't go far to school - they live on campus but it's at Ohio State which is in Columbus - 5 miles from where we live. So while they're out of my hair, they still stop by or come home frequently. So I guess that's why I'm not too sad to have one gone and one out the door - they're just across town! :-)

Actually, I'm doing my daughter's room now, thanks to the Liberty of London promotion at Target. But, her room wasn't really "done" for the last two years, and she was pretty brave about the icky blue walls. We've chatted on Facebook daily about the stuff I snared, and wall color, and so forth.

If nothing else, it's a way for her to be engaged with us here at home, while she's at school. Since she'll be at home in the summers, while she interns and/or works, I figured it was a pretty cheap fix, and if and when she moves out, she can take it all with her.

When my daughter went away to college I really did nothing to her room while she was gone except dust and vacuum it.

My son started his freshman year this year and I did replace the drapes in his room and his computer desk but that's all. Oh, I gave it a good cleaning, too. He "cleaned" it before he left but his cleaning standards aren't very high.

You guys are making me laugh and cry! I'm happy that DS is so excited about life after high school. I think I'm just worried, hoping I did a good enough job as a parent, so that he can succeed on his own. Gosh, I always thought of myself as a really responsible kid when I was his age and when I think back -- eek how could I have done some of those things? Well, come fall it sounds like a few of us will be in the same boat. I'm sorry I don't remember who made the beautiful photo montage of her little one going off to kindergarten last fall- but I wish I had one like it right about now!

sherrmann - I guess it may be that you have something else to focus on with the other kids.

I know for sure they aren't interchangable as my best girlfriend's only DD started college this Fall, leaving her with her 4 younger boys at home.

When we had dinner with a group of friends (6 couples) who all had just sent their first off to college in the previous few weeks. There were varying amounts of "withdrawal" if you will.

Only one other couple sent an only child. The dad was a basket case as he never wanted the son to go away from the get go. Ended up that their son made a practice of coming home every weekend during the fall semester and then transferred to a local school for the Spring semester.

Of all of the kids, he was the one who most wanted to go away to school. He was adamant when we would talk to him during senior year about college. On the day our friends took him up to school he walked into his new dorm and told his parents he didn't want to stay, but rather he wanted to come home and attend a local school. Mom of course said no stay and give it a chance, but I think dad was hoping he would do what he ended up doing? I think it was kind of sad, but really not my business.

I am glad DD adjusted well to being away at school as she has absolutely blossomed. I still get a bit teary when she heads back, but as my DM reminds me "you taught her to be so darned independent from the moment she was able to learn". So, I am reaping what I've sown, but it is still bittersweet. I am hoping it will be easier next year:).

Hmm, just got a call from Max. Seems he would like to bring Courtney home on Friday for a couple days. Oh yes!!!! I haven't been replaced. LOL! I am very excited! I have polled the rest of the family... I know they have slept together. They are not living together, however... Now. Do I give them Max's old bedroom with the queen size, mile high bed? Or do I make her take the roll away in the library?

HELP!!! Max is solely supporting himself these days and this complicates matters for me. My In-laws welcomed me as Robert's new love and allowed us to sleep together before we were married... before we expressed an intention. Everyone here thinks I should allow them to sleep together. Robert sees no problem at all...

I'm still confused and know Max will respect my rules. (Whether he comes back again is a different subject.)

It is your house, that's the beauty, you get to set the rules. Do what makes you comfortable.

I'm late to this discussion. I actually didn't do anything at all to either of my kids' rooms when they left for college. This is still their home even though the longest they're here anymore is about 4 weeks at a time.

When they graduate college, though, that's a whole other story. That's when they need to get a job, get a place to live and move out. Take whatever they want/need of their stuff and furniture and then I take possesion of the room. And yeah, I have plans for those rooms!

golddust,
I can't tell you what's right for you but I would have no problem letting my son and his girlfriend sleep in the same room when visiting. Actually, I have before. They are adults in my eyes and I've already done all the teaching I can to make sure my sons do what is right. Keeping them apart in my house isn't going to change anything as far as their relationship goes and it would feel funny to me since if I were in their place, I'd want to be treated as an adult as well.

It's the guest room for them. They are both on spring break. Max is taking a few paid vacation days off. He is trying to save money to move to another apartment with less people so I guess they decided it would be cheaper to "vacation" here.

Actually our area is a tourist destination so Courtney may enjoy it. She was raised down south, somewhere close to the Mexican border. Desert terrain.

We are having an extended family dinner while they are here. Good thing I thought to ask Max if she is a vegetarian because SHE IS!

Gee, no empty nest syndrome here...at least at first. My oldest had the worst case of senioritis I've ever seen. As soon as basketball season ended in March he was done with school. Too bad school wasn't done with him. lol By the summer he was sooooooo full of himself. I literally was standing at the door with car keys in hand asking when it was time to leave to take him to the dorm.

My shocking empty nest moment came after getting home. 6'8" teenage boys take up a lot of room. Not having those size 17s to trip over made the house seem huge. Huge. When the rest of us went on a trip that fall, my, that was hard. We've traveled all over the world together and it was so wrong for him not to be there. I think was hard on him, too.

As far as the sleeping together goes...it is, of course, your decision because it is your house. In our house, our guys know that they will not be sleeping with anyone but their wives under our roof. So, that meant last summer when my son moved into our home with his pregnant fiance, they slept in separate rooms until the wedding. That arrangement didn't mean we didn't love our new DIL to be. Just the opposite. It was a respect issue. Respect for our beliefs and morals and respect for her. (I wanted her to have some space to consider all her options before the wedding and the baby.) And an example to the youngers in the house. One thing I'm sure of, my youngers know that sex before marriage often leads to babies. Not book theory, but show and tell.

As far as decorating ds's room when he went to college. We moved him to an upstairs bonus room just after graduation. His old room became the office for our small business. A couple of years later, we sold the business and his room become a simple guest room. When he and his lady moved in it was again his/their room after the wedding.

A good friend of mine said home is where you are...not a house, not a room, but where the family is. I know for me that's true.