Can you set your email to block him out?
I would delete all emails without reading. Do not engage.

But it's my sister I'm concerned about... We've always been very close. I'm worried he will suck her brains out.

Postum, I just set up an email filter to forward all his mail right back to him. That feels good. He can spam his own inbox. LOL!

Still, there is my sister.

*****What would you do?*****

First I'd send him an email informing him that I don't want to read anything further from him related to politics in any way, then I'd tblock his emails. Period. Works better then the delete button ;-)

As for your sister, you've told her your fears/feelings, tell her one more time if you like but then let it go. You know in your heart, this is not your job to fix - not that you even can. She's over 21 so the choices are hers to make. You can fret all you want but unless she wants to 'think for herself' she's going to be deaf to all that you say. Don't abandon her and don't give up your relationship with her - but explain to her (with love) why you have to place limits on it. That more than anything will probably get her thinking. I feel for you - this is not easy.

just re-read and wanted to add that even though others thanked you for responding, that isn't your job and it's unlikely you'll change anyone's mind. The people you heard from are the choir, the rest probably think you're as nuts as you think Mike is! If you're feeling overwhelmed by the reponsibility of informing his email list of his errors that's your cue to step back.

I am not engaging *his* list. I engaged my sisters list, which includes other family members and mutual friends. I addressed the hate mail *she* sent. Not his. I don't care about his people. I do care that my sister is sending out crap that he sends to her to the rest of us. She has *never* been political.

My intention of addressing her list (of friends and family) was only to try and knock some sense into her head.

I have a very dear friend who does the same thing. What I do is just delete his email if the title of it looks to be political...or even a racist joke.

He's a great man, and some of the stuff he sends me IS funny, like pictures or cartoons, or YouTube videos, but the political and racial stuff, I just delete and say nothing to him.

I would tell your sister to stop forwarding his email because she's offending many people.

Other than the email, is he an okay guy?

I wouldn't block him so I could start reporting all his emails as "spam" to the ISP. Even if you use Outlook, you can go the address that Outlook is pulling from and report it as spam. (like www.comcast.net or www.cox.net.)

If everyone started reporting him, than his IP address will get tagged and emails from it will not be delivered to anyone by the Internet Service Providers. It will basically ban him.

Sorry goldust - I skimmed and misread - thought you replied to his list. If that list is her (your) friends/family, then they know and love her and quite possibly are concerned for the same reasons you are.

Thanks for talking me down, everyone. I need this. I have only met him twice. He lives about 3 hours away from us. My sister lives by me. We were invited (begged) to drop by his house after Auntie's 90th B-Day party weekend. It was a busy time because lot's of DHs relatives were from out of town and activities were spread around two days and we left our front door open so our dogs could get in and out. We weren't feeling great about it and was anxious to get home.

He lives kind of close to where we were (45 minutes away) and after 6 phone calls from my sister, literally *begging* me to come, I agreed to drop by for a few minutes on our way home.

His home is filled with Science Fiction toys, etc. 12 pin Ball machines were lined up in a room that was intended to be a dining room. He was nice but not a very great host as he immediately started talking about politics and how he hated diversity. (I would never talk politics with invited guests.) We were very nice and didn't give our views but he didn't appear to want to talk about much else, other than his pin ball machines and Star Wars stuff so I focused on them.

We stayed about 10 minutes and left. Maybe my sister had mentioned our political leanings because he appeared to be goading us. It was weird. He was holding up books I wouldn't have in my house and asking if I had read them, etc. We didn't take the bate at all. I just said, 'no'. We were guests and trying to be friendly.

The next time I met him was at a family reunion a couple Saturday's ago. My sister's kids were there and they had never met him either. (After two years). He was on his best behavior and I actually came away thinking he wasn't as radical as I thought. I only talked with him for a few minutes.

Since then, he has been filling my mailbox with all this weird stuff. He reminds me of those shouters at the town hall meetings on the news right now. I believe everyone is allowed to have their own opinions but let's be civil, agree to disagree and find something else we surely have in common.

He was nice to my sister's dog. He seems to like my sister. He was polite to her kids. If we could stick to these subjects, I'd be fine. The thing is, he won't honor my requests to be taken off his mailing list.

Send him this:

{{gwi:1518949}}

Maybe he will "get it".

Props to Ward Kelly one of the regular cartoonists featured in The Onion.

Correction. The cartoonist is Ward Sutton. The cartoon character name is "Kelly". Sorry. I don't know why I typed that. My brain must have beeen confusing Pogo cartoonist Walt Kelly.

:more coffee:

Thanks, dilly. I will. LOL! Actually I just figured out where his "friends" are getting this "information."

The email/spam claim it's truth coming from snopes.com. But his "forwarding friends" appear to be copying the 'Urban Legend' part and 'forgetting' to add the little fact that this was a myth debunked. By claiming it came from this fact checking web site gives it merritt. Oy.

So his crowd just appears to be masters at spreading myths and no one who continues to forward the misinformation seems interested in fact checking. I sent a few links so he could see where all his "information" (myths) was coming from and how snopes.com actually determined the very stories he sent me are untrue. Oy.

Course, I'll never know what he thinks because he never says anything himself. He just keeps forwarding these debunked myths. Big man on computer. LOL!

Let's hope he is open to the truth, for my sister's sake (and my patience).

If he is nice to your sister and nice to her dog, just block his e-mails and avoid him. Until and unless you have some indication that he is stockpiling guns or other such escalation of his radical thinking, wait for this to pass. If it is any consolation, from what I have witnessed, this nut-bag behavior wears off some people after a couple years.

However, if anything in e-mails that he originates or passes forward has the slightest indication of violence aimed at a government official, call the local office of the Secret Service or FBI.

Nothing has indicated he is *that* looney, thank goodness. No violent or weapons email. I think it is plain old passionate ignorance. I set up my email filter so all his emails to me get automatically forwarded back to him. I won't be stressed if I don't know what crap he is filling his mind (???) with.

Who knows. Maybe my exposing his misinformation might make a difference. Crossing fingers but not holding my breath.

This is a frustrating and stressful situation. And those who have commented are right...you may not be able to get your sister to listen to reason if she loves him. And don't forget, just because YOU are not racist or bigoted or any of his other seeming qualities, does not mean that your sister has not already been influenced by him and has some views you may not champion.

One thing I have frequently noted, many people deal with email BY email. They send back a response, they send a link to Snopes, they send out their own email chiding the email fiend. Well, with reasonable people who actually read their email and think about what it contains, this can work fine. I don't think you are in this situation. I do believe that the action you have taken to block and re-route his ugly stuff back to him is good. Keep up those blocks. But you need to pick up your phone and Call your sister. Tell your sister that you have blocked his emails. Tell her that you do not appreciate the things he is sending and he is not listening when you have replied. Tell your sister that his thinking is completely opposite the beliefs you grew up with. Tell her that you are concerned that she is changing her thinking due to his influence. Don't be accusatory and don't beat a dead horse. But let her know what you are thinking. In person, or by phone. Not by email. And then, you need to stop thinking about this guy. It's wearing you down.

Red

Oh I feel for you! My SIL is one who forwards these stupid, ignorant things on to me, too. I have done the Snopes link thing and now she basically doesn't forward anything on anymore. She's not a militant or a nut, just...well...ignorant of facts. My DB is too. It's sad, my eldest nephew (their son) is very bright and upset with his parents and their narrow minded views. I told him he could always confide in me...I think it gave the kid hope!

Good luck!

I'm shocked things are still being sent your way even though it's known you don't agree. I would think he'd want to get along with you because he's dating your sister. Usually people don't change each others minds with politics. Talking about it seems to just irritate everyone.

I'd do the block thing and try my best to get along for your sister's sake.

Well, I did phone my sister. Earlier in the week and *lovingly* expressed concern and told her I had made a request to Mark that I be removed from his 'forward' list.

She was upset that I had responded to her (racist) email she had sent to 'our' list. She was upset because *I* was making 'Mike' look bad in front of people she cares about. (This was only a list of 6 people, but they *are* close to us).

I calmly explained that since she didn't bother to remove his address (or anyone else's for that matter), it was already evident to all *who* the source was. Further, since *she* sent this email out to everyone, I felt she had invited a conversation between all.

She didn't get that part. She wants *me* to protect 'Mike' from the rest of the family and friends. It's a hard one for me.

What would I do?

1. Report his e-mail address as spam to my ISP and to his.
2. Set my spam filter to block his e-mail messages.
3. I would not go to his home again. I'm not impolite enough to tell someone how to behave in his own home, but I won't subject myself to behavior I find unacceptable either.
4. If he made remarks to me in other settings, I'd say, "Oh, I never discuss things like that. My philosophical, ethical, religious and political beliefs were set long ago. Nothing will change them. (Smiling broadly.) Indeed, I'm quite certain that I'm right and that anyone who disagrees with me is wrong and dimwitted. And I'm sure that they think the same of me, so such conversations are just wasted time and breath." Then I'd ask him when or where he bought his pinball machine.

Your sister is much harder. It's never easy to see a loved one go in a different direction on religion or politics. Your sister may be parroting the views of man she dates. It's also possible that she does "think for herself" and decided that his views make sense to her. Either way, telling her to think for herself will just reinforce the directions she heading. I'd try to keep this about manners rather than what or how she thinks. I'd want to do my best to give her an easy path "home" in case the man turns out to be truly bad news.

That doesn't mean that you can't set your own boundaries. You can tell her that the views she's expressing now seem out of character for her, that the change is hard for you, and it scares you. You can also ask her to remove you from her distribution list for messages that have political content.

"Parroting" is a great word for it. As the owner of an African Gray, you are dead on.

So far:

I have hit 'report spam' on every email I didn't feel absolutely compelled to respond to. (Most of them.) I blocked his emails today and created a forward back. (Which means I have given two contradictory commands and I don't know if my ISP will honor both, i.e. to delete them from my inbox while forwarding them back to him.)

I will not be visiting his home ever again. That is an easy one.

Yes, I think I'm pretty darned good at avoiding controversy in a family setting. I am used to making lots of allowances for different thinking. (Hopefully my presence here attests to my statement. I don't look for fights but I say what I think and try to be nice.)

Getting back to your parroting phrase - yes, my heart is hurting and this is what it is all about. It's hard to admit someone I love so much can think like this, but in some ways not so much.

I've spent much of my life taking care of her, at my parents command, from a very young age. You have no idea. Maybe it *is* time I let her be.

What exactly does your sister expect you to protect "Mike" from in terms of family and friends? Protect him from appearing to be the type of person his e-mails make him out to be?

"She didn't get that part. She wants *me* to protect 'Mike' from the rest of the family and friends."

Quite simply, this means she realizes that his views and conduct are wrong.
'Wrong' is not really the word I'm looking for -- Displeasing? Unpopular? Narrow-minded? Ill-informed? Make him look bad? Indefensable?

Anyway, since she knows his political views are making him look bad with the people she loves, SHE needs to be the one to stand up to him and say "Stop sending this kind of garbage to my friends and family, because they disagree with your views and will think you're a narrow-minded, ill-informed, hate-mongering bigot." (Or maybe just the first half...)

Yes, she wants me to enable and protect her. She *knows* his behavior is wrong. She won't stand up to him because she is too needy.

Sheesh. Maybe I just needed to write this down and read it back to myself. I have taken care of her (and her children) my *whole* life, at the urging of my mom. Yes, she is older than I am but I was designated *her* care taker very early on and I have taken my job seriously.

Can you say dysfunction? LOL! I'm going to keep my email filters on and try to forget it. This really is just the tip of the ice burg. Oy.

I can not save her from herself, one hundred times on the chalkboard...

"I can not save her from herself, one hundred times on the chalkboard..."

Yep. And do say gently-but-firmly to your sis that if he can't refrain from imposing his screwball ideas on you, you will have to limit your exposure to him.

Hopefully, after 2 years, the bloom will now fade a bit and she can see how difficult he would be in the long run.