"Don't EVER do that to me again." said the young, brave, Oak. Well, good for you! Bullies depend on you backing down & caving in & that's exactly what you didn't do & see, she knocked it off!

Wish I could have found the spunk to do that. Was a victim of ongoing, brutal bullying for years! It makes me feel wonderful to read your story & see how differently things can unfold. You learned a valuable lesson at an early age...how to stand up for yourself. That's big. I'm sure that ability has served you well throughout your life.

Maybe you should thank this girl! She taught you a lot about what works when dealing with hostile people. She probably just wasn't prepared for you to be such a quick study!

stinky, I'm so sad to hear that you were a victim of bullying! It says so much about you that you remained or became such a kind, sensitive person instead of becoming bitter or mean yourself.

I was a pothead. I got good grades but hardly ever cracked a book. Attended the local community college at the same time I was doing my junior/senior years because I'd finished all the high school math. Yeah, I was a pothead but I was a darn smart pothead!

I looked like this in high school, say around 1975

Went to university for engineering and this is what I looked like around 1985

And for the record, I absolutely HATED high school.

ETA>>>wow, those are some big pictures. No clue why.

Pesky does look like a movie star...great hair & sultry eyes!

Deedee99, what a beauty!

Whitdobe, what a cutie! Glad that inhaling didn't destroy those fabulous brain cells of yours!

Nancy, that's so nice of you to say. I'm sorry that your high school years were no piece of cake either!
"Were" a victim of bullying is, regrettably not the case. Still am, sometimes, & have been my whole life. There is a person in my life who resorts to these tactics periodically. As Oakley mentioned, this can happen among adults. But I am learning. Finally. This person has been my very best spiritual teacher.

I was well over 40 before I think I had the epiphany that Oakley must have had! I finally realized that it doesn't have anything to do with me! It's really all the other person's stuff.

If I'd done something similar to what Oak did in that staircase 20 years ago, there would be very different dynamics now! That brings up sadness for me. You don't have any idea how powerful it was for me to read her story. I was weeping, actually! This tells me I still need to mourn the loss of a lot of wasted time & energy. While there is sadness, it feels empowering & gives me hope to read her story at the same time.

Frankly, I think if I have any sensitivity or kindess, it's largely due to this ongoing challenge in my life. As Running & Fly & Cyn mentioned, & as I know you believe, our painful pasts (& present ordeals) can open our hearts to others in ways that good times can't.

There is a pattern here that many of us didn't like high school & had rough times during these formative years. There is also a pattern that these same people as adults are very sensitive, kind & caring.

I don't know why some people become more compassionate & open to others after they have suffered, while others grow determined only to be "winners," to stand head & shoulders above others. They live to make an impression, not friends. Of course this provides the illusion of strength & power, but the rewards are superficial.

"I don't know why some people become more compassionate & open to others after they have suffered, while others grow determined only to be "winners," to stand head & shoulders above others. They live to make an impression, not friends."

I think I know why. I've said this before. They've never been humbled. I'm talking about a serious humbling experience. I believe once a person experiences a serious humbling they know not to attack other's. Defending yourself is fine, but to be the instigator isn't.

God plays an important role in this too, for me at least. I think being humbled is because of our actions in the past, and it's His way to tell us we're getting too big for our britches. Now I don't judge people, no matter what they've done because I don't wanna be humbled again! lol

But you can be assured I will stand up for myself to adult bullies. I'll pop off and say something sarcastic so they know I'm onto them.

I'm still shocked at adult women who play those games, and think they're better than everyone else.

I may have been pretty back in H.S., but I was still very insecure. Even though I was called "Crinkles" because I smiled and laughed a lot, I was only that way with my close friends.

Put me in a party with a room full of strangers and I want to crawl into a hole, or I'll just blurt things out to make small talk and then I sound stupid! lol

Stinky, would you send me an email? It's on my page. If you want to keep your email private, I understand. :)

Stinky, I would have never guessed you as having been bullied. I agree as to what a compassionate, empathtic person you come across as. Always caring and very often the voice of reason here. I'm sorry you have had to deal with this!

Now that I think about it, I do recall something we discussed via email and you standing up for yourself. I would think that you are doing quite well with standing up for yourself.

I had one small incident in high school, when I first started running track. I'm not sure if you would actually call it bullying, but I was rather afraid of an older girl on the track team but found myself in a situation where I knew I had to stand up to her. We never had a problem from then on out. I have also dealt with this in my job, and realized that once I stood up to the person (a superior), she actually respected me. Some people try you like that. I credit my outlook to my parents, my mom especially. They instilled in me that I could do anything, that people are not better than others, etc. and to stand up for myself. They gave me a great gift - to feel good about myself.

Yes, Oakley, that makes a lot of sense. I hear you!

Tina, thanks for your reply. I think I do pretty well at standing up now. I've really worked at it. The issue you & I discussed was a minor, minor detail compared to what I've encountered at other times. Still, even in that context, it was important & "good practice" to do so, as confronting things while they are small ensures that they won't get out of hand later.

Sounds like you have had some encounters of your own. Glad to hear that you dealt with them & they were resolved. You nipped it in the bud!

I believe what Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I've quoted her before, but she's so right. As an adult, it is my responsibility to deal with whatever adverse situation presents itself, including bullies! It is interesting how patterns emerge early & set you up for the rest of your life unless...you consciously set about changing things, doing things differently, which we can do!

I bailed out of mainstream high school in 10th grade. Finished in an alternative school that allowed me to bring my DD. No regrets. I always found too many teen girls petty and drama motivated.

Sounds interesting, Golddust! Glad you found a better place for yourself.

Oakley, did you get my e-mail?

whitdobe, you look so pretty too! I can't believe we wore our jeans so wide back then (and our glasses so big in the 80's)!

golddust, good for you, much better for you and your daughter that she got to be with you-

Got it, Stink!

We were just talking about this at work!

Being of mixed race I was picked on A LOT! We finally moved and I started fresh at the beginning of a new school year in my Freshman year.

I realized that I would never be a classic blond haired blue-eyed all American beauty or be able to afford new clothing so when I found out that we were moving I made it a point to stand out and make what people picked on me for in the past work for me and set me apart from the general masses in my new school.

Remember Andie (played by Molly Ringwald) from Pretty In Pink? She wanted to be a fashion designer and always wore vintage clothing? That was me! I scoured 2nd hand shops for vinatge clothing, pillbox hats and gloves! Bless my mom for always asking around and looking for new 2nd hand stores for me. For my Sr. prom Mom saved up money for a brand new gown and I picked the most amazing 50's style cocktail dress w/ tulle skirt. She drove me to another state to get it! My Sr. year HS paper saw me living in NYC as a fashion designer at our 10 year class reunion.

I don't really recall anyone from my HS ever picking on me and I was even on the cheerleading squad. All American sport for girls yes, but always w/ my own twist: My black hair was metallic pink on the ends and I wore HEAVY black eye makeup w/ candy pink lipstick and super pale skin.

When I dared to embrace what made me look different from everyone else is when I learned to embrace me and so did others!

I love that, ttodd. I can totally picture you being creative and vintage with your clothes- you're now so creative and unique with your home decorating.

I love your last sentence, too. True, and very well said.

Jeeeezz....what a group of Hotties here!!!!

OK...Uffda....here we go!

Since many of you "know" me here, there's not too many surprises here- LOL!
* Tallest/2nd-biggest guy in my 1979 HS class. Even then (late 70's), I was 6'2", and ~ 230lbs my Sr. year!
* I was the typical "Big farm kid" who played football. Offensive lineman-right guard.
* Sailed through the classes, even the "advanced" ones offered.
* LOVED Science & History! English...not so much!
* LOVED the AC/DC, KISS, Van-Halen, Montrose...all kinds of rock! Even liked a lot of Disco!!!
* LOVED being in the HS plays!
* Had crushes on most of the Girls, but too shy to "party" with them! Seems like they liked the rowdier guys from neighboring towns, etc.
* I kept my nose pretty clean...just a shy, hard-rockin' farm-boy!!
* LOVED wearing my white, bell-bottom jeans, with my KISS-style boots! Thicker heel/sole with a zip-up side. In those things I was 6'4"!! TOWERED over the girls!

Faron

Oakley-
WOW!

Had I been able to speak (let alone form words...!) to you back then....I might've summoned up the courage to ask you out!
( I only mean that in a respectful, wistful, HS-memories kinda way!)
But alas...my Charlie-Brown side usually won out LOL!
Too afraid to talk to the pretty Girls!!

Faron

I loved reading your story too, Ttodd! You were an interesting, creative teen who turned into a fabulous, creative woman!

I'd also like to clarify that when I speak of bullying in my adult years, I'm not referring to garden variety nastiness, pettiness or ugliness. I'm talking about the following:

1.Yelling, screaming, raising the voice. Shutting me out through being overly dramatic & intense. Over the phone, in a car, or elsewhere.

2. Belittling by telling me with the uttermost confidence what I think & feel (neither of which is ever admirable, or ever accurate.)

3.Refusing to talk to me when a conversation is required between us. Refusing to listen to my side of story.

4. Never apologizing.

Faron, I would have gone out with you at the drop of a hat! We'd have gone cruising and listening to Kiss. Except I graduated in 1972. :)

Stinky, it always amazes me there are still people "our" age who never apologizes.

And the belittling! It's like some never outgrow Jr. High.

Thankfully it doesn't happen often, or Oakley would have to do the hair thing. :)

ttodd - I'd love to see a prom picture!

I feel a little silly posting here since I was born around the time most of you graduated (not a dig on age at all; I love everything about this forum and the members!!).

We moved just before my freshman year after my sister died. So I was "starting over" in the other town high school. I remember the first days during lunch seeing some faces that I knew, and hoping to be invited to eat with them (the popular group). Of course I wasn't asked to sit with them, so I always made it a point to go out of my way to welcome new kids to school.

Through the next 4 years I would say that I was in the middle. I had a few close friends, but was friendly with people from all the groups (jocks, cheerleaders, nerds, stoners, etc.). Toward my junior and senior years I actually made more friends outside of school.

I got pretty good grades with little effort, which was nice. But I had a wake-up call my first semster of college. What? I actually have to study outside of class time to retain this stuff?!

High school wasn't awful, but I never understood when people would say it was "the best years" of their life.

Oakley, Ha, Ha, yes, the famous "hair thing!" You'll never live that one down...now when they see Oakley coming they grab a hat!

Thing is, this person has also been one of the kindest, dearest, most supportive people you could ever imagine. Also funny, engaging, interesting & smart!

I've learned that people aren't just one thing...good or bad. We're all a mix of both. Some of the best people come with big glitches in their systems! We don't dump them or abandon them because they are imperfect. God knows if perfection is required in order to have relationships, I wouldn't have any!

God sends us the lessons we need to learn & the teachers to teach them! This person teaches me the importance of being self-contained, self-defined, & of distancing myself from the bad qualities in people. Sometimes I need to distance myself from that person, true, but not dump them. I'm learning to focus on & enjoy the good qualities, & choosing not to let the negativity get me down or upset me. The less I am rattled & upset by their antics, the less it will be fun for them to engage in dramatics anyway.

LOL! I think that I may have a prom picture somewhere. I'll see if I can find my Sr. picture. I even went totally non-traditional there too (and 80's!). White satin blazer, black shirt, rhinestone brooch. Everyone said it looked like an album cover (showing my age?).

I still can't believe that at 13 I had the concious thought process to see an opportunity for change. That even if I wasn't confidant about the way that i looked that if I acted confidant that eventually I would become confidant. I figured the new kids didn't know the old kids and how I was treated so I could hopefully reset how I was perceived. Glad it payed off!

Totally attribute that to my mom. Thanks mom!

Oakley-

1972?!?!?

No way in H*ll!!!!
I would've believed MY grad-year of '79....but you in 1972!?!?!
No way! ;-)

Cruising and listening to KISS....sounds like a nice plan!!
Any "beverages"....?!?!? ;-)

Lotsa my friends liked "Old Milwaukee" beer! Cheap & readily available in town!
I COULDN'T STAND IT!!
I didn't drink much though.
Miller-Lite was MY choice....still is...once in a while!

We could've cruised in my (at the time!!) Black 1978 Chevy Silverado pickup, with a cool stereo I put in...
OR....Dad's Black/Black-leather interior 1976 Lincoln Continental. Oval "Opera" window too don'cha know!!

Damn that thing was a BOAT! Seems like the seats were 8' across! I loved it dearly though!
If a girl WAS cruisin' with me, She'd have to slide over quite a ways...;-)

Faron

I keep thinking DeeDee looks like Peggy Lipton...

Fly, I can see that. I can see Jessica Biel too, as Natal said. I think she's prettier than either of those two actresses, but they all share a similar delicate, but earthy vibe...& high cheekbones!

Faron, not only did I graduate in '72, I'm also a granny! Apparently it makes me "old" from what I've been told. :)

At least my grandkids don't think so when I get on the floor and build buildings with Lego's or play with cars and stuff. And baseball in the back yard. I can still hit a ball pretty far! With those large plastic bats and balls. lol

Choking on my morning coffee as I hear your compliments stinky and fly.

Thank you, I say as I sit here unshowered in dh's robe and a pair of white tube socks...:)

Keep the stories coming please! Faron, we need a visual!

Hair down to my waist, and I never, ever studied- classic underachiever. Tried out for cheerleading freshman year made it to second cut.That was the only school activity I tried in high school.
Went to rock concerts almost every weekend as the bands booked into Phoenix to and from LA.
Moved to Maryland in August before my senior year. Left boyfriend, all my friends, everything. What a shock. Senior year wasnt that great- learned that people in the East tend to be frostier than those from the West. The in groups were formed in middle school- so the only people to be friends with were other kids who didn't fit in or moved here.
I dont have any photos scanned. maybe I can find one.
liriodendren- your life abroad sounds fascinating.

Nerd.

Flyingflower, tell us more! Know you were a math major in college...was that your favorite subject in high school? What other subjects did you like? You probably excelled in all your classes.

I have to say- I love the honesty here!

Grad '71. Biggest geek going including the crooked teeth and big glasses, understanding math and drafting, and actually learning to play the recorder which was a requirement at my high school which few bothered to master. But I had a great group of girlfriends which prevented me from absolutely hating high school and instead I just marginally hated high school. Definitely not one of the in-kids.

University was great - interesting what braces and contacts do for a gal and her social life. There's probably a sociology thesis in there somewhere.

Oh and those recorder lessons - helped me as a mom teaching my kids to read music and play the tuba and trumpet.

But I'm with amj0517 - for those who say that high school was "the best years of their life" - I kind of feel sorry for them.

I excelled greatly in sports, music/band, and art. I was in some clubs, a play, and year book editor. Academically I had good years and ok years but didn't fully apply myself. I had to really study and usually felt my time was better spent having fun and to be completely honest, I still don't regret that. Don't get me wrong if the subject comes up I encourage kids to get an education.

I didn't have a problem with the so called "popular kids" probably due to all I was involved in but they weren't my hang out friends.

As far as "the best years of their life"...some people live in the past and I agree it is sad if you don't enjoy your everyday life now, but for some they can be "a part of some of" the best years. While I don't live in the past by any means and live a happy blessed life now, keep in mind, for someone that really liked school there are a lot of fun times and memories that were made. Hopefully it was just one of many chapters in their life that they may have enjoyed.

DeeDee99-
A visual of WHAT lol?!?!
...I could try to scan a pic from my HS annual?!

A "tall handsome", 6'2" lineman!
(rolling my eyes here!!)

Faron

A picturefrom HS Faron! Geesh!lol!

Here a a guy shot to keep you company.
This is dh in 1974 or so posing with the band. He is the one with the long blond hair in the blue shirt.
Far out man....

LOL, Deedee! Great pic!

Love it deedee! My dh's hair was almost down to his waist in college, but almost everyone's hair was the same way. Mine was also.

Now he's a "Suit." Hard to believe!

As far as loving HS, one of my son's leads a great life and he absolutely adored H.S. But we're in a small town where everyone gets along great, most of the kids all fit in and were popular in their own way.

I was in school plays but did get kicked out of one play where I was the lead character. lol.

I was the bride in "Plaza Suite" where I locked myself in the bathroom on my wedding day and the story was about everyone trying to get me to come out.

I had all of one line, which was "I'm ready now!" and why go to play practice when I had my line memorized? :)

But that was just one play, I was in many more. It was fun!

DeeDee, your dh reminds me of a young Johnny Van Zant from Lynyrd Skynyrd. I can almost smell the reefer in the air, lol. Those were the days!

Dh pleads the fifth! lol!!

I haven't visited here in a quite a while, but I read through this interesting thread and just had to chime in here because I was in "Plaza Suite" in HS, too! But I was the mother.

(What I was doing acting in a play is another story.)

Love the photos! Don't have one of mine on computer. Long straight red hair, thin, tall and into the early 70's look of the day, but more on the conservative side. My Mom was strict! I was usually the one assigned to help the 'slower' kids in business class or English or math. Had a great group of friends and all my grade-school girl friends were pep or cheerleaders. I didn't get involved in the after school stuff or party. (Again, my Mom!) I guess I was into good grades, drama class and pretty straight arrow. I was in a few public speaking competitive events with other high schools, but that was about it. I didn't even date till my junior year and then, that was a 4 years older guy I met roller skating.

Red

This thread is so much fun. Whit, I LOVE that pic of you in the 80's. I had huge glasses, too...such a fad!

I changed quite a bit from high school, this pic was taken 10 years later. I looked more like the California surfer chick here than I did in HS, and I was living in Oregon when this pic was taken!

stinkygardner...chemistry was my best subject and then math. I wanted to major in chemistry at college but changed my mind (don't recall why). I'll never forget sitting in the chemistry room during lunch hour (that's where my friend & I spent lunch hour every day) when one of the boys from my class comes in with the school counselor. They were working the teacher over pretty good trying to talk him into giving this boy an A grade but the teacher held his ground and said no, he will get a B in this course. The boy had a 4.0 average up to this point and this was the last semester of our senior year. The teacher told the counselor only one person in the class gets an A. Guess who that was..heehee. Glad I didn't major in it though, little did I know computer science was about to explode on the scene and my math background led me into it at the perfect time. My plans to be a statistician faded and I ended up being a software engineer instead. Credit goes to my mother not me.
She was different than other kid's moms. She would not accept a C grade. To her that was failing. Meanwhile my best friend's mother considered C as average, acceptable. She assumed her daughter would marry and A grades wouldn't matter anyway. As long as she came home with a C her mother was happy. Setting the bar that low her daughter got mostly C's. If I came home with a C I'd be facing a whole different conversation with my mother! She did not want me distracted by boys, fashion, makeup so that was de-emphasized. Didn't go on my first date till I was 21 and was 24 before I put makeup on. She told me there's plenty of time for all that stuff and she was right. High school wasn't bad actually, I was so focused on studying I didn't pay attention to what others were doing although I did overhear two cheerleaders snickering at me one day in the hallway. My mom made me feel better by saying, "you haven't even begun to live your life yet". She was right, as always. High was just a stepping stone. Boys may have ignored me then but it sure wasn't the case afterwards. :D

Pesky...wowza! You look like a completely different person! You were certainly a pretty teen, but you evolved into quite a striking, no doubt head-turning, young woman!

Flyingflower, thanks for filling us in more! Good for you girl! You had wonderful guidance & it sounds like you are very grateful for your mom's higher expectations. Surely, her approach to parenting served you well. I think it's wonderful that you excelled academically, & went on to have a rewarding career in a technical field.

Nice also that having your "nose in a book" kept you blissfully unaware of, so undisturbed by, any negativity lurking in the environment!

Redbazel, I think we would have been friends- I was a lot like you.
I had a very strict father.

harriet and oakley- funny about Plaza Suite! My hs always did a musical- Carousel, Brigadoon, Damn Yankees.

My class didn't have a prom- the class decided proms weren't "relevant"-lol

....adding "Pesky" to my list of Hotties.....

;-)

DeeDee-
THAT is a cool bunch of Guys!
Gotta love the "look" back then!

....siiiigghh....I'll get out the HS annual tomorrow & try scanning something.

Faron

stinky, YES re Jessica Biel. Even more.

and flying -- ah, the heady early years of computers...I remember some kids at college who were by no means fashionplates, but who no doubt are retired in Northern California by now...

I was raised in a Michigan subdivision where the corners of 3 (yes, three) school districts came together in that one sub! Four houses down from mine, started school district #2, and two streets over was the third. The local (Catholic) church where we belonged was in this third area of the subdivision and most of my close friends were ones I'd gone to catechism with from kindergarten on.
I was the oldest in a large family and, as a result I guess, a pretty outgoing leader. But, I was going to school with kids I hardly ever saw outside of school. Sadly, I was too shy there to allow myself to relax and "be me".
I look back at pictures of me then and realize that I was a very pretty girl, but I honestly never felt very pretty then. I was 5'6" tall, 114 lbs with long, straight dark brown hair, big brown eyes (my best feature) and with one really great figure (gosh, what I'd give to have that body back again!)
I was an editor of our school newspaper and in quite a few clubs, but where I came alive was after school and on weekends with my local pals. I was outgrowing my tomboy youth, but still had lots of guy friends. We had a pool in our backyard, a basketball hoop fixed to the garage, a vacant lot a few doors down where we played neighborhood softball, football and ice skated in winter. We had a big finished basement with pool table, Foosball table, tv, stereo, and a fridge that Mom kept stocked with pop (sodas) and snacks for us. Mom & Dad's idea was to make our home welcoming for our friends so that they had us there under their discretely watchful eyes (LOL!). My buddies, siblings and I had lots of fun together, spending as much time as possible outside swimming, skating, biking, playing football, softball and basketball. I can't say that I was miserable in HS, because I wasn't; I just was much more of the real Lynn outside of school. I had many friends in school, but never bothered seeing most of them outside. My HS was quite a ways from our home and too far from my school friends. My parents were not about to start providing me and my sibs with cars, as we were all only 1-2 years apart in age. So, back then, my "social circle" remained close to home. When I started dating, most of my boyfriends went to other high schools. I even skipped the dances and senior prom to go with my boyfriends to theirs.

Funny thing was after college I moved to south Florida on the ocean where I worked and spent my after hours scuba diving, snorkeling, swimming, water skiing on the intracoastal waterway, playing tennis, deep sea fishing, and played on a girls beach volleyball team with my many friends. When I went back to my 10 year class reunion, practically everyone mentioned that I was like a totally different person. No, they were just seeing the real Lynn for the first time; my childhood friends knew me all along :~)
Lynn

lynne, you sound like you were a real sweetheart (and still are, I'm sure). And so well-rounded!

Lynn, that's fascinating. If you feel like it, do you have any idea why you were too nervous at school to relax and let your real self show? You were clearly involved in lots of activities, which sound like they were successful and rewarding...were you concerned about your official record, like at a job where you excel but no one really sees the 'real' you? Or was it something else?

Complicated