Ah....I know those feeling well! Do you think he'd be any better for your mom at bedtime? It's sad to know they are crying for you and wondering where you are. I felt so bad for Austin last night when he left here. He had no nap all day and had a melt down when mommy came to get him. He didn't want to leave me...she said he cried all the way home for ganny! As he left, her carrying him out crying and reaching for me I wanted to cry, I felt so terrible not keeping him here...but I knew he'd fall asleep quick, well I though he would anyway. She said he stayed up through dinner and then went to bed crying to go to ganny's. I'd rather not hear that! He was over tired though...he never acts like that. From now on he will get a nap...that tore me up! LOL.....I hated leaving my boys to go to the hospital then come home with another baby...always worried what they would think! LOL...crazy I know...they didn't worry at all! Your feelings are 100% normal!

It's normal, But, the more times it happens, Grant will learn that yes, sometimes Mommy goes away, but she always comes back! Then he won't cry at all. This is healthy. Otherwise he'll end up with his picture in the paper clinging to the front gate and crying hysterically on the first day of school, not something you want to happen.

Your totally right colleen...I know that, but it's still hard knowing that he's sad and missing me so much.

It is healthy for him, I agree. But it doesn't make it any easier!

Oh!!! That just makes tears come to your eyes when you think about your baby missing you, doesn't it? Big hugs! Do you have a laptop, Steph? Can you get webcams to set up so that he can see you anytime? DH and I have some that we use when he's traveling. They are lifesavers. It's like he's home, even when he's not- I actually forget that he's not in the house, LOL!!

Blessings!
Haley

It is totally normal. When he gets to the age of 5 or 6, Daddy will be the one and only and you will be the one he comes to only when he's hurt or sick and needs "Mommy cuddles". LOL You will feel neglected and unloved an unappreciated! It happens to the best of us. LOL

As far as you going into the hospital, start talking to him and start talking to him now. Explain what is going to happen and that you will be gone and Daddy and Grandma will take care of him.
Then everyday remind him and talk to him about it. Ask him what him and Daddy are gonna do while your gone. Tell him that Grandma will take him for ice cream and then ask him what kind of ice cream he will choose. Make it an exciting adventure for him but talk about it every single day from now until the time comes. If he knows what to expect, I predict he will be just fine. He will probably feel like he's part of the plan and that will make him happy.

I see this a lot as a preschool teacher. AND, I experienced it with my 3 children. Let Grant know whenever you are leaving. Tell him you when you will be back. Don't make a big deal about it (even though I know it's so very hard). Never sneak away. Maybe you can leave a special book that Daddy can read to Grant, so he knows you were thinking about him. Or even a handwritten note. I've been through every separation anxiety issue with my kids. I think that's why I'm overly sensitive to it as a preschool teacher. Always acknowledge Grant's feelings. Let him know that you understand why he's sad when Mommy's not there. Let him know that you are thinking of him the whole time you are gone, and that you will come home and give him hugs and kisses.

Sheryl

What if you take a tape recorder and record a bed time story that he can listen to each night.Also with you telling him goodnight and mommy loves you.Or singing to him or what ever.It breaks your heart doesn't it.

Steph, your feelings are completely normal! You are so creative with scrapbooking why don't you make up a book for Grant with pictures and a story about what is going to happen. Then when you come home you and he can add the final chapter. I think he would love to have his own story with his name written in it and what a lovely keepsake afterwards! You could read and go over it everyday until baby day comes!

I agree with intherain. He's going to get have to get used to sharing you and it's reality so don't cave in to feeling guilty for doing what you need to do without him. You'll teach him to be confident. Short and quick goodbyes and a reminder that you'll be back. Don't keep coming back for more hugs as he's crying because he'll feed off of your uncertainty. This is also true for when children go off to school. I also teach ages 3-6 and we see separation issues all the time. They get over it faster when you just make it quick and not linger. We cringe when we see moms continuously open the door for one more hug as the child cries. It just intensifies. Just remember, it'll be hard for a while until he gets used to it but then he'll be fine. He won't keel over! Promise! Stick to your guns, though, and don't backtrack or he'll have your number!

When my first daughter was just 14 months old, I went into the hospital and had our second daughter. She sailed through it, because she stayed for the two nights I was away with her regular baby sitter. We didn't bring her to the hospital to see her new sister, we just came home with the new baby. THere was a lot of crying and whining the first two years with sister, a lot of the "No" word. All kids cling to their Mom, it's normal, they grow out of it, believe me.

That is great advice Magic. DD did something similar with DGS Hunter when Drew was born....Hunter was here 120 miles away....he then came home once everyone was home from the hospital. I know Stephanie has encouraged Grant to be a super big brother like Hunter. Hunter was already 4 by the time Drew was born, so he was able to count the days...can Grant count or can you do something like take away a big X from the wall so he knows how many days til his Mommie and little sister come home to stay? Do you have a little gift for Grant from his little sis? Or better yet, I'd wrap a present for baby from Grant...once you come home HE can give it to her.
Its pretty normal for Grant to idolize his Mommie!! Its even more normal for Mommie to feel the heartache for her baby boy. Its hard for them to realize what is going on, the constant reminding helps.

Aww steph.
I'm sorry you are feeling bad.
As others have said, this is typical behavior for a two year old, heartbreaking as it is. And yes. He'll grow out of it.

You have several weeks before Camryn comes. This'll give you time to prepare Grant for your hospital stay. As the others have said, keep the goodbyes short and to the point and reinforce, when you return, that Mommy will always come back.

I have a suggestion though: Don't approach the new baby as something Grant will have to share YOU over. Instead, approach Grant with the idea that the family will share Camryn. Don't put any emphasis on the notion that he is going to lose something (you and your attention) when she comes but rather the family is going to gain something really neat and will share her. My inlaws made a big deal about 'Poor Jesse. Oh whatever will you do when the baby gets here? ' giving Jesse the notion at a new baby wasn't going to be all that fun and was something she COULD dislike. Doing this made it very difficult for Jesse when her sister got here and it was totally unnecessary. I'd ask everyone in your life to keep Camryn's arrival lowkey, for Grant's sake. Be positive but matter of fact when you speak of her to Grant and around Grant. Little ears hear EVERYTHING!

I have faith all will be well.
Your a good Mom with good instincts and you'll do what's best for you babies.

Lori

I can't agree more with what is already said. I might try also leaving Grant more often with your DH. What's happening is normal. And I am sure your DH had a broken heart, thinking he couldn't comfort his little guy. Have DH take him to the park. Or on an errand with him now and then. You may also want to consider preschool, so he will be ready for kindergarten. Which will come around fast.

(((Steph)))

And when you are in the hospital, maybe you could call just before bedtime and tell Grant goodnight, so he knows you are thinking about him when you are gone.

DS had problems on the bus when he went to kindgerarten, with bigger kids causing him trouble. It got to the point that I had to take him to the school kicking and screaming, carrying him down the hall to his class room. He finally figured out that he still had to go. Then DH was cleaning the garage when the bus came home one day, and saw him get tripped. HE called the school and bus garage, and something was finally done about the problem kid. It hadn't done any good for me to talk to anybody about it, it took daddy to get thru to them.

Tami

I agree with the above, too. Separation anxiety is hard for both of you to go through, but it's a reality of life. (And I say this as an advocate of the family bed and homeschooling!)

I will add that in one way it's harder to go through it with a dog. At least babies don't chew on the woodwork. :-)

Are you having a C-section? Three nights seems like an awfully long time to be away otherwise. With my last baby, I came home three hours after giving birth.

Let me clarify a few things...

Grant is with my DH quite a bit, and happily stays with him or goes places with him without crying for me. He does ask where I am but isn't upset by it. It's the bedtime thing that Grant wants me for.

Regarding goodbyes...I never sneak out, nor do I draw them out. I tell him I'm leaving, get kisses and hugs and leave. He's always completely fine when I leave.

Regarding just the general issue...I dont think he's going to be scarred by this, and I'm not saying it's not good to build his confidence, but it doesn't make me feel any good knowing how upset he is, regardless of how healthy it might be for him. All I'm talking about here is that I feel sad that he's so upset. I'm sure that's a normal mommy reaction.

Alisande, yes, I am having a c-section.

Oh steph those feelings of guilt are normal for you but don't worry about it. Heck right now I am hurting so bad that all I want to do is start crying for my mommy and I am 33. She is always there with me, she has my kids right now.

I also go through it because Like you my kids are with me or DH most of the timee, so when we are seperated it is hard on them and me. Just thinking of Hudson is making me leak:)

Just think it will all be well and getting them exposed to others will be good. Since Rhiannon has been in preschool she has brought home every sickness. Before that at age 4 she had only one ear ache.

((Steph))

From a mama that has been there and is doing it right now

Stacie
girlsingardens

I agree with the advice in line with dealing with it matter of factly, not emotional, just "you will be fine and I will be back" sort of thing.

When my 2, 3, and 4 children were born there was a transition that really did start before the baby was born. The older sibling knows something is about to change and they don't know what to do about it. Especially when #2 was due, I experienced so many emotions at that time. Guilt, resentment, fear. I remember going to bed crying just a few days before #2 was born b/c I was just so sure I could not love this new baby as much as I did #1 and I felt like a horrible person for it.

A few days after #2 was born, #1 was trying to dress himself and struggling (he was 3). I was walking around while nursing with one hand and trying to help #1 with the other hand. I told him "I only have one hand, you need to do this yourself." He just sank to the floor in quiet tears and said "You had two hands before the baby." OK, I sank to the floor in quiet tears, too! I still catch my breath remembering how emotionally overwhelming those days were!

As for your time away at the hospital. Leave small gifts just from you for Grant to open at bedtime. Let him sleep with your bed pillow or a t-shirt of yours, it will smell like you and comfort him to have a little piece of you. My kids did come to see me at the hospital every day I was there. When #2 was born, #1 was actually in the waiting room with my parents. The hospital was close to home and they kids came often.

I think Magic gave good advice. I think he will do fine. I understand how you feel, Steph. I hated to be separated from my daughter when she was that little just as much as she hated to be separated from me. She was good with Daddy and grandma tho. I never left her for one minute with anyone else.

They say parenting is the hardest job in the world. It involves SO MANY aspects. Unlike other jobs, where there are a few things needed to be good at.
Previous posters are all right.
We found with my GD, that, it had been just Mommy & GD for 2 1/2 yrs. Now all of a sudden, this person comes into the house that takes WAY too much of Mommy's attention. Jealousy issues were in abundance! Just remember, you're only one person. You'll be dealing with sleep deprivation, while trying to keep Grant satisfied. My DD felt awful because she couldn't play when she was asked to. The "baby needs to be fed," etc. It's a lesson in patience for the older child.
Be patient. It will work out, hang in there.

I gave my kids a kiss behind the ear to keep for later if they needed it.

All well be well, Stephanie.

Perfectly normal. In my house it's the opposite-my girls are attatched to DH. DH would come home for a while when I was in the hospital to have dinner with Olivia or give her a bath and put her to bed. Kids thrive on routine and get upset when they don't know what's coming next. You'll be in the hospital a min of 3 days with a C-section. 4 if you want.

I felt really bad for Oilvia, when Katie was born only because I knew she couldn't comprehend what was going on. We talked about it and read her books, but until Katie came home with us and stayed for a while did it really sink in.

I think it helps if you try and split the bedtime duty now, so it's not a shock when you're in the hospital and either Brent or your mom is having to put Grant to bed. Olivia had no problem visiting me in the hospital. We also had the baby give her a present and play up the Big Sister role. That really got her excited.

I remember those days. I always would say to my son when I got back something like, "See, Mommy always come back".. After a while he was ok with it. We have always been close and still are today and he is 39..

When I went to the hospital to have another baby I would buy some small gifts and wrap them. Daddy would give them to them each morning while mommy was gone. It helped take their minds off of Mommy being gone. The kids loved it.. I also had a neat little gift for each of them to give to the new baby when Mommy and new baby came home.. It made them feel more included..

Susie

Visiting me at the hospital is a whole other issue. Grant is terrified of doctors offices and hospitals. He totally freaks out so I know he's not going to like seeing me there at all. He may just have to stay away, which is going to be hard because he'll want to see me in the 3-4 days I'm gone.

Just another one of lifes challenges and learning experiences for him I guess. It can only make him stronger in the long run.

Although he's 2.5, there's alot he doesn't fully comprehend. He wont understand me telling him I'm leaving for a few days but will be back. He has no concept of time. If I tell him we're going somewhere tomorrow, he wants to go right now. I just think his brain can't grasp certain details and me leaving for a few days is one of them. He pretty much lives in the moment right now.

So when the time comes, I'll tell him I'm leaving for awhile but will be back and we'll see how it goes...

But I agree teresa, DH and I should split bedtime duties from here on out...it will help.

You know Grant is going to be ok in the long run.
This is about YOU. And that's ok.
Do you journal?
Tuck these memories of you and Grant away to read later. They will be very precious.
Especially when he's a teen and may be getting on your last nerve! LoL

As a mom of two grown boys, I bring out special memories often.

Steph, my cousin used to tell her kids "how many sleeps" before something was going to happen. In other words, if I was going to visit, she'd tell them "Suzieque will be her in 2 more sleeps!". That way, they could either mark off the "sleeps" on the calendar, or the next day she'd say "Now it's only one more sleep until Suzieque comes!".

Would that help Grant?

Oh, Steph! I feel your sadness and worry! It'll be okay, I promise! There are four years between my son and my daughter and he was my whole world. All the time I was pregnant with his sister I worried about being able to spread the love around enough to encompass them both.

When he was just barely three we moved and I had to go back to work. I'd leave him at the babysitter's every morning with him crying and me just having to PEEL him off of me to leave. All during the day I tried not to think about him or I would tear up. In the afternoons, he'd be sitting in the garage with all the other kids waiting to be picked up. There he'd sit, watching out the door for my car, with his little bag setting in his lap, all packed to go home. Things got better and he adjusted, but it was hard for quite a while - on both of us.

His sister got here. He loved her. Her dad and I loved her. She made our family complete.

It IS hard. A lot of us have been there and appreciate what you're going through. Sounds to me like you're doing all the right things. I guess it's just a rite of passage that all moms and their children have to go through.

((Steph and family))

Of course you're worried about this. Could you buy him a special gift for while you'll be gone? Some special stuffed animal to sleep with? You can always talk to him on the phone and you can record him a bedtime story or just a message. If he won't go to the hosp. let him see pics of you and the baby via cell phone. He'll be fine and you'll be fine although that's hard to believe now. Would he be comfortable visiting you in the lobby of the hosp? Bless your heart. Been there, done that.

I was never away from Nick overnight before having Dan in August. I was really sick about being away from him overnight beforehand, even though I knew with Nick being 4 1/2, it was about time he experienced spending the night without me.

It turned out fine. I spoke to him at night and in the morning and he came to the hospital each day. There was a phone in my room and DH knew that Nick could call me at any time. Luckily I only had to spend 2 nights in the hospital.

Close to my due date, I explained to Nick that I was going to have to sleep at the hospital when the baby came so he had time to get used to the idea (but not too much time, I waited until the end). I ended up being induced so at least we didn't have to deal with middle of the night stuff or any surprises.

Since Grant doesn't like doctor's offices or hospitals, but will want to see you and his sister, how about giving him a choice?

After the baby is born and Grant asks for you, could your husband explain that you and his new sister are at the hospital for a few days and let Grant decide if he wants to go or not?

I know this is a real worry for you right now, but it will be ok.

Some excellent advice here.
I'd like to add a tip that we used when our kids were born to ease that feeling of not being the only one any more.
If Grant comes to see you in the hospital don't have the baby in the room with you when he gets there. Let him have at least a couple minutes of one on one time with you; then bring the baby in for him to meet. If he comes in and you're holding the baby it will make him feel like he's been replaced. By bringing in the baby after he's had a couple minutes with you the baby is perceived as an addition to the family. He'll feel less threatened. Does that make sense?

Ron

Does the hospital have a sibling program? When DS#2 was born the hospital did a program for big-sibs-to-be. The kids came in for a "class" with other little ones and parents. The nurse showed them the room where mommy would be, the bassinet they put babies in, things like that. With a doll, they showed the kids how to hold a baby, talked about what babies need, what they do and don't do, to wash your hands and not put things in the baby's mouth ;o) and gave them a "big brother/sister" t-shirt. Eric was just barely 3 when Kyle was born, but I think it was good for him. He put some of what he remembered together with the reality once his brother was home, it clicked once he saw things for himself. It was good for me, too. Gave me ways of saying things and looking at things that helped us with the crazy days. Like telling Eric *mommy's hands* are busy instead of mommy is too busy. (That was too cute. In no time, before he'd even ask for something he start with "are your hands busy now?") Small thing, but he was OK with waiting for my hands, it wasn't the same thing somehow as waiting for me attention. It was concrete maybe, yeah, I can see mommy's hands *are* kinda busy right now.

If Grant is scared, and you're undecided about a hospital visit while you're there, maybe it wouldn't help anyway. Just a thought.

Good luck! When you have difficult times over the next couple months, just know you are not alone, every mom has those days. It isn't going to be perfect and that's OK. Laugh and love it.