It is too painful, how come she is not calling

16 years ago

Hello,

Well it will be 3 weeks since I lost my mom to lung cancer this upcoming Friday. I am starting to get really annoyed that she has not called. I know this sounds strange but in the back of my head I think it just can't be true.

I live 2 hours away from where she lived and I can easily convince myself that this is not really happening however the phone is not ringing.

It hurts sooo much, what am I going to do without my best friend, my security blanket, my beautiful mother. I want her back.

Thanks for letting me vent..

Joanne

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Comments (6)

laurience
Original Author
16 years ago
I want to yell

" O.K. JOKES OVER, YOU CAN COME BACK NOW"
mariend
16 years ago
Do you have any grief counseling? Support groups? That would help. Do you have a friend/relative you could talk with about what she meant to you as your Mom? As I am not familiar with Canadian support groups, check in the paper, local churches or YMCA etc. You could also ask your local hospital chaplin. Yes it is painful, but go day by day. Did she have a garden? Are their things in your garden that remind you of her? Start a journal and write a bit day by day--good and bad. No mom is perfect as I well know, but then I do remember the little things she did for me.
I wish you the best.
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"I just want her to chill out and be cool and dont treat me like im 2 years old. " I tend to think you're a troll, but on the off chance a 15 year old actually comes to a home and garden website, do this: 1) Sincerely apologize to your Mom for behaving poorly in the restaurant - it doesn't matter who started it. You participated. And, you embarrassed her and you embarrassed yourself (even if you don't know it). 2) Get out your wallet or do some extra chores or get a job bagging groceries to reimburse your Mom for having to pay the woman whose clothes were damaged. 3) Read up on how to conduct yourself appropriately in public. Miss Manners has a daily on-line column in the Washington Post (and other newspapers on-line). Read it faithfully and take the advice to heart. 4) Take the removal of privileges with grace. Don't whine or complain. This is how a mature person reacts to natural consequences of their actions. In a week or two, repeat your apology and POLITELY ask to have your privileges reinstated. 5) Figure out a different, more mature, healthier way to react to your brother when he antagonizes you. Google has tons of options when searching "anger management" or "sibling relationships". 6) Come to understand that your Mom is trying her best to raise you to be an intelligent, respectful, and successful adult. She's not backing away when you get out of control. For this, you ought to be begging her for forgiveness, not talking about calling CPS.* When you truly grasp this concept, you'll realize that this punishment is not only fair, but is less than what you deserve to have gotten. Good luck. * If your parents are burning you with cigarettes, sexually abusing you, putting you in frequent physical danger, chaining you up in the basement, starving you, preventing you from attending school regularly, purposefully denying you medical care, or frequently physically attacking you, feel free to call CPS. Until then, don't waste their time and resources. Kids in far, far, far, far, far, far worse situations than yours need the help CPS provides, which they CAN"T if their case load is all tied up with having to deal with kids whose Moms yelled at them in McDonalds for throwing ketchup.
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she is too demanding
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Jesus wept. No, people don't think you _actually_ belong in Pampers. Any thinking person (which clearly you aren't) would realise your mother's statements are metaphorical, that she is accusing you of behaving like a two year old. And you were. And you still are. Besides, after witnessing your performance they probably all came to that conclusion by themselves without any suggestion from your mother. "its not fair it was only ketchup we threw on people and the people in front of us were old like in 60s they wouldnt even know it was on there clothes if my mom didnt say anything." ONLY ketchup???? You shouldn't be throwing ANYTHING in a public place, not McDonalds, not the Ritz, NOWHERE (unless it's a park and you're throwing a ball or a frisbee). "Old like in their 60s"????? 60s is NOT old, and whether or not they were aware that there was ketchup on their clothes, the fact remains that damage was done and a RESPONSIBLE ADULT, which clearly your mother is and you are not, would own up to having caused damage and make reparation - the $45 your mother paid. Her choice, as you call it, was to behave as a responsible adult and to pay for the damage which was caused. In her shoes I would either stop your allowance to reclaim the $45 or if you don't get allowance, sell the X Box and give you the money less $45. YOU caused the damage, the debt is YOURS. You sure do sound like a whiny baby, and definitely too immature. Driver's Ed? I sure as heck wouldn't want to be sharing the roads with a driver with your attitude. You are NOT the victim, your mother is, for having to pay for your stupidity and for having a whiny, immature entitled 15 yo who thinks having his shortcomings pointed out in public (after publicly giving a demonstration for all to see) is child abuse. CPS has enough work to do to protect the children who are actually abused, to be bothering with your non-case. If you want to be treated like an adult, then grow up, accept responsibility for your actions and stop whining in the corner "My Mommy's a big meanie...you're all mean to me. I wish I had a different Mom". Believe me, there are a lot of Moms out there you DEFINITELY don't want. This post was edited by colleenoz on Sat, Sep 6, 14 at 5:24
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monkeyface
16 years ago
I understand completely. I still have my mom's number in my cell phone. I just can't erase it. I don't want it to be real. In time, the sharp stabs of pain will be fewer and farther between. My thoughts are with you.
lynn_d
16 years ago
Laurience, I know exactly how you feel. I am waiting for her to call, waiting to come to her "It's just me" on my answering maching...I would give anything to hear her voice one more time.

I went to the house last hnight and gathered up her clothes. My stepdad just can't do it, so I will. For some reason it is 'easier' for me....because they don't see the tears.
annie1971
16 years ago
Your mom is with you! We all have another place to go when the time comes. Know that your mom is around you and stay open to the possibilities -- not necessarily the obvious. She's close by -- stay open to it.
User
16 years ago
I know just how you feel. I kept thinking I'll call my mom, and then realize it won't do any good, she's not there. I didn't know how I was going to go on. It seemed like I'd forget she was gone, and then re-discover it, like stumbling over a shoe in the dark. I recall that I drove to work, crying, and not one of my co-workers ever said anything to me, then, I cry while driving home. It seemed like it went on forever. Some how, some day, you realize that you're starting to accept it, because you have to. We learn the hard way to do what we have to do, and accepting a loved one is gone is something we have to do, eventually. I read some books on grief, can't say they helped, other than seeing I was experiencing the different stages of grief. The best advice I can give you is this: give yourself permission to grieve how ever you need to do it, for however long it takes you to get through it, and don't chastise yourself for any of your grieving processes. They are all natural things, and you have the right to do it your way, in your own time. My prayers are with you.

It is too painful, how come she is not calling

Comments (6)

laurience
Original Author

mariend

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It is too painful, how come she is not calling

Comments (6)

laurienceOriginal Author

mariend

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monkeyface

lynn_d

annie1971

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laurience
Original Author