You all are so right, thank you for the advice, especially the cash offer. Yes I was thinking of waving thousands in front of his face (by selling my car and buying another one) just to get him to go, because money and drugs is all that matters to this man. He cares nothing for his parents, him self, and above all, his daughter. She has been a burden on him since day 1. However, after reading these posts, I see what you mean, he may take it as a payoff, which could backfire on me. Maui: I do NOT have full legal custody. In our decree it states I have "sole physical custody", meaning, DD will always LIVE with me in MY home. Then it states "joint legal custody", which goes onto state that the father will have a 50/50 say in her health care (even tho it states he will never, ever have to pay for ANY medical treatments or insurance coverage), her schooling (even tho it states he will never have to help with school fees) and "general upbringing". I do not want to keep DD from her paternal grandparents. I have VERY fond memories of MY paternal grandparents... my father was "there" but completely, totally uninterested in me (he still is and doesn't like us coming around). My dad's parents were my best friends... much like DD's paternal g-parents. I would never dream of denying her a love like that. Tami ... I cannot qualify for public assistance, no way in lleh!!! I make over $40k a year (NO college degree... just tenacity, ambition, and I LOVE TO WORK!), I own my own home, etc. To give all that up just to do this, would be ludicrous. Trust me I have thought about what it would be like to STOOP to his level; to not wanna work, to live either with my parents or in some crappy subsidized housing somewhere, and the thought makes me ill. DD and I have a great life and a very nice home, and when I accepted WIC for the first year of her life (I had to... her father moved out and I was left with a SLEW of his bills, and to keep my credit A+, I had to pay them so it left me kinda broke) I felt awful when I cashed in those vouchers. This is terrible but when I'd use those WIC vouchers, I would get trashy looks from the gals at the grocery. I was not some welfare-mom who was toting 9 kids and didn't know what birth control was, yet I got the looks. When my salary rose up and WIC was cancelled, I was relieved. Talley Sue (thanks for your long response btw): You aren't the first to call me "dense and worried" over this. I swear when he tried to take her last year it was the worst weekend of my life. I spent two days vomiting I was so upset over what "almost" happened. I KNOW I just need to do what I can do, meaning, keep up on the Child Support summons, and make sure his parents are "watching him", even tho they said they won't interfere with his "problems" any more... but I cannot help but to be worried. He doesn't have the stability to follow through on the idea of removing my custody or "legally" removing DD from me... but his parents are SO behind him and think I'm the anti-christ for keeping tabs on him. They used to really respect me and his mother was very friendly, but since his release from prison in October (during this free time he managed to knock up his second wife, who is a 20 year old girl with two kids by two different fathers...), they have been at odds with me. I pray every night that he does himself in. I know that is bad, to wish that upon someone, but I'd rather it be him then my DD or his parents or someone else. He is the one who deserves to worry and suffer... not DD or anyone else. Yer right Talley Sue, he will always be around, I fear. I know he wants to leave KY and he wants his 'freedom' away from everyone here who has 'harmed' him, but he cannot make it in this world without his mother's support. At least DD and I are very close. I make sure of that. Among all the disciplining and rules I set in my house, we have a very strong love and she listens to me like you'd not believe. I hope in time she will see just what her father is... do you think she WILL? As a teenager, or as an adult? Or even when she gets into grade school??? - darkeyedgirl

well, they have 3 more interviews this week with experienced trainers. They said he really "knows his stuff",and he was really good about motivating them to do more than they thought they could. She said he needs to be louder and a little more "personable". She said he needs to talk to the "trainee" about things other than the training session. He is a huge (6'6" 275 lbs muscle), bald head, and could be a little scary looking to some I guess, and he is very quiet! LOL and Shy. If he makes it past this interview, they will have one more practical interview next week. He should know by Monday. He's not a talker, schmoozer, (totally opposite of me! lol) so that will take a little work, but I know he can do it. Man, I hope he can get the next interview! His whole life, he has had a hard time making a lot of friends. He is like his Dad, after they speak with some one, I will ask them something like, "how is their job hunt going?" Or, "What happened to their daughter that was in the hospital?" and both of them will say, I didn't ask, if they wanted me to know they would have told me! LOL For years I've told them, no, that's not true. You need to ask questions for people to know that you are interested in them and their lives. DH went out duck hunting ALL season long, many years ago, with an old friend (that we hadn't seen or heard from in a year). Then 3 weeks later I spoke with his wife when she called to tell me she had her baby. uh, WHAT? I didn't even know she was pregnant. Neither did DH! lol OMG>.. I asked him what exactly did they talk about out there for hours, oh, hunting and fishing! sheesh! lol

I just got a phone call from DS's math teacher. Turns out that she offered him an extension to do something called webquest last week. It would run for 5 weeks, in which time he would be asked to devote 30 minutes twice a week instead of doing homework two nights, and then another hour during the week or weekend, so total of 10 hours (she has even had kids in the past complete it in 5 hours). She sent me the presentation she gave the kids last week - it's asking them to do research on things like how a player's weight might impact how many home runs he hits, does a player's height correlate with how many rebounds he gets, etc. He turned it down, not once, but THREE times that she asked, the latest being today. He said "he didn't have time." This sounds like the sort of thing I was asking the principal for this morning and he's declining it! Is it just b/c he can do his math HW on the bus, and this would actually require a computer so would cut into his "free" time? I think he can *read* on the bus, and I have to start limiting the Gameboy time (meant to take it away last month so I could monitor/limit his "screen time" but I forgot). Or is it b/c he's worried it will be "too hard" and he won't do as well (like I said, he does his math HW on the bus, it's not a challenge)? He's always been a perfectionist and afraid to try new things unless he's sure he'll be good at them. But she told the kids that this would not count against them if they had trouble, and would not count against them if they declined. She said 3 kids declined. But she was clearly upset that he has refused. *I'm* upset that he didn't even *mention* this to us! How do I motivate him to take advantage of these opportunities instead of just "cruising" along in the regular curriculum?

Yes Britbrit, things at BMs house are much worse than we suspected. I suppose that, prior to now, this craziness didnt spring forth since my SD didnt spend enough time here. But now that shes been living with us full time for -- what -- 2 months now, these things are slowly coming to light. Lazygardens, good question! Top 10 Rules at our House: 1) Be nice, be polite. 2) We will all be respectful and supportive of each other. 3) If you use it, put it back. If you dirty it, clean it. 4) Use your brain! Think! Assert your individuality! 5) If you have a problem or a question, speak up. Anything can be openly discussed. If it appears that something is on your mind, you will be asked about it. 6) Everyone has the right to retreat to their private sanctuary (aka bedroom) without being disturbed. 7) Knock before entering. ALWAYS! 8) Everyone has the right to their own opinion or ideas without being criticized (well, if its really funny maybe well all share a hearty laugh over it). 9) Laughter is a good thing. Jokes welcome anytime. Play, have fun! 10) Remember your manners. (Ok, its fine to get gross now and then for a giggle, but always mind your manners when in public). Say please and thank you. Hmmm its hard to squeeze an entire lifestyle and philosophy into 10 simple rules! :-) Oh -- and I almost forgot my favorite .. passed down thru the generations ... and never fails to get a smile from the kids ... 'YOU'RE BIG AND UGLY ENOUGH TO DO IT YOURSELF' ...