You all are so right, thank you for the advice, especially the cash offer. Yes I was thinking of waving thousands in front of his face (by selling my car and buying another one) just to get him to go, because money and drugs is all that matters to this man. He cares nothing for his parents, him self, and above all, his daughter. She has been a burden on him since day 1. However, after reading these posts, I see what you mean, he may take it as a payoff, which could backfire on me. Maui: I do NOT have full legal custody. In our decree it states I have "sole physical custody", meaning, DD will always LIVE with me in MY home. Then it states "joint legal custody", which goes onto state that the father will have a 50/50 say in her health care (even tho it states he will never, ever have to pay for ANY medical treatments or insurance coverage), her schooling (even tho it states he will never have to help with school fees) and "general upbringing". I do not want to keep DD from her paternal grandparents. I have VERY fond memories of MY paternal grandparents... my father was "there" but completely, totally uninterested in me (he still is and doesn't like us coming around). My dad's parents were my best friends... much like DD's paternal g-parents. I would never dream of denying her a love like that. Tami ... I cannot qualify for public assistance, no way in lleh!!! I make over $40k a year (NO college degree... just tenacity, ambition, and I LOVE TO WORK!), I own my own home, etc. To give all that up just to do this, would be ludicrous. Trust me I have thought about what it would be like to STOOP to his level; to not wanna work, to live either with my parents or in some crappy subsidized housing somewhere, and the thought makes me ill. DD and I have a great life and a very nice home, and when I accepted WIC for the first year of her life (I had to... her father moved out and I was left with a SLEW of his bills, and to keep my credit A+, I had to pay them so it left me kinda broke) I felt awful when I cashed in those vouchers. This is terrible but when I'd use those WIC vouchers, I would get trashy looks from the gals at the grocery. I was not some welfare-mom who was toting 9 kids and didn't know what birth control was, yet I got the looks. When my salary rose up and WIC was cancelled, I was relieved. Talley Sue (thanks for your long response btw): You aren't the first to call me "dense and worried" over this. I swear when he tried to take her last year it was the worst weekend of my life. I spent two days vomiting I was so upset over what "almost" happened. I KNOW I just need to do what I can do, meaning, keep up on the Child Support summons, and make sure his parents are "watching him", even tho they said they won't interfere with his "problems" any more... but I cannot help but to be worried. He doesn't have the stability to follow through on the idea of removing my custody or "legally" removing DD from me... but his parents are SO behind him and think I'm the anti-christ for keeping tabs on him. They used to really respect me and his mother was very friendly, but since his release from prison in October (during this free time he managed to knock up his second wife, who is a 20 year old girl with two kids by two different fathers...), they have been at odds with me. I pray every night that he does himself in. I know that is bad, to wish that upon someone, but I'd rather it be him then my DD or his parents or someone else. He is the one who deserves to worry and suffer... not DD or anyone else. Yer right Talley Sue, he will always be around, I fear. I know he wants to leave KY and he wants his 'freedom' away from everyone here who has 'harmed' him, but he cannot make it in this world without his mother's support. At least DD and I are very close. I make sure of that. Among all the disciplining and rules I set in my house, we have a very strong love and she listens to me like you'd not believe. I hope in time she will see just what her father is... do you think she WILL? As a teenager, or as an adult? Or even when she gets into grade school??? - darkeyedgirl

What did you decide to do in the end and how's it going? I'm in an almost identical situation to you, albeit in England. I've been living with my parents since graduating from university and have recently accepted a job offer in a place that's around a 3 hour train journey away, so I'll be moving there. I have a cat who lives at my parent's house, but she is 'my' cat, as in, I found her as a stray on the road when she was a tiny kitten, I took her in and she has been a very happy, lovely pet cat since. I feel very close to her, she also sleeps on me, follows me around etc. When I've gone away for weekends etc. my parents have told me she pines in my room and obviously misses me, she doesn't stop eating or anything drastic but still I feel sad to hear she pines and things. I have been looking for a place that is cat friendly, but realistically my budget for a flat/room is small and it would be extremely unfair to take her with me because of lack of space/being on her own all day. She gets well looked after by my parents and I know they will continue to do so when I go, but they have hinted at the fact that they'd like me to take her eventually as we have another, older rescue cat who really doesn't get on with my younger cat. It's just such a dilemma...I'm really going to miss her, to the extent that moving away feels too hard. But I know I can't stay just for her and I have to move my life forward (i'm not happy living at home and I don't like the place I live in). It's just so hard, because I love her so :-((( So do let me know what you did in the end and how it's going. Thanks, Camilla

Its very complex and I am not saying there is a right answer. I would probably accept a contingency offer on a rental property I held for twenty years because what is a few more months if I get $20K more out of the deal? Why the big hurry? I was actually ready to offer full asking on this property (since I was making a contingency) and the realtor said "don't do it, the house isnt worth that and the other offers are *really *low. However, I would not accept a contingency offer on my primary residence at this time. On the other hand, I verbally made a contingency offer on a property that was not accepted because it was a contingency. However, at closing, I would have given the owner a check for the full amount. That particular house has "sold" THREE times since I made my offer, and all of them fell through because they could not get the proper financing to seal the deal and renovate. I didnt need financing. I looked at the house again the third time it entered the market, I am no longer interested. For what its worth I would be shocked if the current owner had 1/10th the market value invested in the home Total compared to the current asking price. These are the differentials we are talking here. I looked at a house that I had to sign a waiver that if I was injured I would not sue the realty company. It is listed at 100x what the current owner paid in 2002. Not all of what is going on around where I live is just simple economics. (I wasn't interested in that one, I was just trying to see what stunt the current owner was trying to pull.) This house is on the market years later--he will *never get what he wants. Its not simple increasing values, there is still greed out there. So would I want someone to accept a contingency offer on certain types of property? Sure. Would I accept one on my own property in most cases? Probably not. :)

Yes Britbrit, things at BMs house are much worse than we suspected. I suppose that, prior to now, this craziness didnt spring forth since my SD didnt spend enough time here. But now that shes been living with us full time for -- what -- 2 months now, these things are slowly coming to light. Lazygardens, good question! Top 10 Rules at our House: 1) Be nice, be polite. 2) We will all be respectful and supportive of each other. 3) If you use it, put it back. If you dirty it, clean it. 4) Use your brain! Think! Assert your individuality! 5) If you have a problem or a question, speak up. Anything can be openly discussed. If it appears that something is on your mind, you will be asked about it. 6) Everyone has the right to retreat to their private sanctuary (aka bedroom) without being disturbed. 7) Knock before entering. ALWAYS! 8) Everyone has the right to their own opinion or ideas without being criticized (well, if its really funny maybe well all share a hearty laugh over it). 9) Laughter is a good thing. Jokes welcome anytime. Play, have fun! 10) Remember your manners. (Ok, its fine to get gross now and then for a giggle, but always mind your manners when in public). Say please and thank you. Hmmm its hard to squeeze an entire lifestyle and philosophy into 10 simple rules! :-) Oh -- and I almost forgot my favorite .. passed down thru the generations ... and never fails to get a smile from the kids ... 'YOU'RE BIG AND UGLY ENOUGH TO DO IT YOURSELF' ...