An offer he can't refuse?
I have been seriously contemplating "offering" my ex-husband and the father of my DD, freedom from his "paternal" ties to our DD.
Some here may have seen a few postings, maybe not... long story short, my DD's father has been in and out of rehab and jail (he alternates between the two.. has had very little time "free"), in several different states (not allowed back to Tennessee) since my DD's birth. It all started when we got married and I noticed his drug problem (pain killers.. MAJOR addiction).
Along with all this; he has never been forced to pay child support, has thousands in arrears, and our child support division here just doesn't follow up with anything or enforce it; that is Kentucky for you.
He doesn't work when he is out of jail/rehab; he disappers for weeks on end, only comes home for a few hours during the every-other-weekend "limited supervised visitations" at his parents house.
His parents are hard working people in a middle class neighborhood... nice folks, if not altogether strange. They have NO rules for my DD while she is there and they flat out told me recently they will never ever question their son; they say he has been this way "forever" and there is nothing they can do to help him except let him come and go for food and a place to sleep if he needs it.
He disappeared last year for two solid months (TN) and was jailed on theft charges and drug traffiking charges (both felonies) then was extradited back to KY to await trial HERE for jumping $80k bond.
That isn't the worst of him, however. He is a pathological liar; I mean in the worst sense. He has been caught in so many lies, he lies to cover up lies, he makes up these whoppers and truly believes they are real.
He has had seizures due to overdosing on the pills, caused car wrecks, has DUI's, etc.
Recently he called me screaming in the middle of the night (in his what I like to call "drug voice"), stating he was going to remove my rights as a mother, take DD away from me to punish me for calling this place he said he worked at. He told everyone he was working and making lots of money. Well naturally I thought he should pay child support; when I called this place they knew nothing of him.
So his retaliation was to bluff me and threaten me, basically scare the cr@p out of me. He tried to kidnap her last February, by forcibly removing her from his parents; his dad called me late and night and said, "we stopped him but we thought you should know".
Last year, I asked a child support lawyer (mealy little freebie lawyer for that division) what I could "do" to get his rights taken away for my DD's safety. I have had to live with this fear over my head since her birth.
This lawyer told me you cannot do this to any person. He said, in order to have parental rights removed, the person has to walk into court and sign the papers in front of the judge; it has to be totally voluntary.
This lawyer told me that even tho the father of my child is a felon, in jail, on drugs, elusive and won't comply with baic laws, he is still a "father" and "has paternal rights to this child".
My exhusband is money hungry... the things he did in TN showed everyone that. He admitted he made several thousand on the street last year by selling Vicodin, OxyContin, and Percocet.
My deal is this:
I want to offer him cash, freedom from child support (not that it is enforced), drop the arrears... if he will sign a paper a lawyer has drawn up surrendering his rights to DD.
Yes he will wind up back in jail anyway, I know that. But will it be AFTER he kidnaps DD, perhaps while stoned out of his mind, harming her or killing her? I do not want my innocent DD to grow up thinking it is NORMAL for a daddy to be in jail and on drugs! She has been told not to go alone with him, she has been warned by everyone about daddy's "little white pills"...
I know he wants his freedom, he hates this state, he wants to leave. If I gave him thousands of dollars and "freed" him from this awful bond that he never wanted (DD... he considers it awful, I consider it a blessing), he may do it, as long as his mother doesn't step in.
Should I consider making this offer, or will it strain things even more? DD has been growing up without a father figure for her 5 years on this earth, and it will only become worse as her father's addictions go untreated. My main concern is, I don't want him around her in any fashion, he has harmed everyone in some way. I worry to death about my DD's safety.