Thank-you so much for all your kind words, I should have put this on the forum instead of the gallery, that shows how upset I was. He sufferd alot but he is at peace now and that helps me alot. Our two daughters and grandchildren have been a wonderful help to me. Thank-you again. Tricia

I have been trying to help my husband. He hasn't shown any grief since the day he had to see his father's body at the funeral home. At the funeral he was the only dry-eyed person. I have been doing everything around the house, and anything I can think of to make things easier on him. But I am about ready to snap. NOt at him but at the insensitivity of other people. It is crazy. First, the my FIL's sister (in her 50's) posted an invite to his funeral on facebook. It was supposed to be a private family graveside service because my husband's mother is in a very fragile state right now. It was such a shock and she is not doing well. So two days before the funeral it is found out that his family now has to get together enough food to feed about 50 ppl because my FIL's sister invited all these people to the service and get together afterward. They did NOT need the extra stress of having to do this!! And a simple thing- my parents decided to send flowers my MIL's house even though they really don't know her. My mother asked ME to send them (because I could pick out something she'd like I guess) so I called a local florist and asked that the flowers be delivered to the house on the day of the funeral. The florist calls me back the day of the funeral to say they couldn't get the flowers I wanted in that day so they would be delivered the next day. I didn't want to argue so I said ok. There are more important things. But then I get another call that evening saying the flowers wouldnt' be delivered until TWO days after the funeral. I spoke with the owner who was VERY rude. When I said the flowers were for a funeral he corrected me and said "No they are not for a funeral, they are being delivered to a home address." Yes, dumbass but they have a sympathy card with them. He then asked what the address was even though I'd already given it to the person who took the order previously. He went on to say it wasn't his fault (I wasn't even upset at this point) that his supplier was late and all he could do was have me select another arrangement and he "Might" be able to deliver it by the next day. I found another florist and called him back and asked him to cancel the order. He said he'd already made arrangements to get the flowers I needed (still two days late) and I told him I just wanted to cancel the order please and he said whatever and hung up on me!! Stupid, but I just broke down crying. And at the service, the strangest thing was that my MIL did not want to watch her husband's urn be buried in the dirt (her kids and grandkids wanted to watch) and I definately don't blame her. She is still thinking of him as a person who is alive or has characteristics of being alive and to see that would just kill me. She started bawling and told everyone she had to get out of there and NOT one of her kids escorted her away. MY FIL's sister who posted the thing on facebook took her away. It also seems that my MIL does not want to hear any good things about her husband from anyone. SHe is very angry toward him (probably for leaving her alone) and if anything nice is said she gets mad. So I say nothing. I just don't know what to do.

Hello Dazed, I am so sorry for all you are going through. Deborah also. Death is such a thief and we are never prepared I think. Not wether it's a long drawn out illness or totally out of the blue unexpected. It's not easier one way or the other because hope is always present and we don't see our loved ones gone. Can't. My mom died in 1991, Fourth of July weekend. She had baby sat her granddaughters for the weekend and was tired. They were small, 4 and 6 and kept grandma running. :) She told my dad she was going to take a nap to be up to watch t.v. with him later that evening. He went to bed later and thought she was just going to sleep through the night and when he woke for work at 4:00a.m. she was gone. No look of pain or strain. Just, stopped. For my dad especially, it was devastating. My mom and I were close, I was an only child and was close to both of my parents. However, they were each others best friend. My dad was a railroad man for 36 years, my mom worked in a factory for Milton Bradley toys. She was happiest as a 'homemaker', loved her little apartment, to cook and have company over for dinner. She prized what she had because she grew up so poor. My dad passed nine years later and thankfully now rests next to my mother. It's all he ever wanted and unfortunately drank himself there. Just couldn't cope. Find peace. What I was wondering is what beliefs you may have that you find comforting? Do you have questions about death? Do you look to scripture for comfort? It's there. Everything you may wonder about. Where your loved ones are. What they're doing. What they're not doing. What is in their future and yours. I would be so happy to help you through your own bibles find these answers. It's nothing mystical or magical. It is what has always been available free of charge for any who look to it for help. It's what gets me through day to day. There is sure hope of seeing them again. As far as doing as your mom said, Dazed, I would take a job if she says she is fine. Busyness is best right now. If she has to keep busy, even if its dealing with a somewhat difficult younger sister...it's good for her. We all need to feel we're in control. Your mom too. She knows you're there and willing and simple words of encouragement and complement on each step she takes is going to work wonders. My mom never let my dad use the washer or dryer when she was alive. "I have my own system". she'd say. When she died I kept close contact with my dad and helped with meals and such, but, cleaning and laundry...simple mundane little things I left for him and to my great surprise he accomplished it. He also shrunk a few items but it provided some good laughs between us. Your mom sounds like a wonderful woman. What she needs is space and hope. You too. You and Deborah both. Feel free to ask anything anytime, here or at rottenlivia@yahoo.com My name is Kim I'm a mom myself, a school bus driver and still a daughter. Always.

Bestyears, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can imagine the joy that Ash brought into your life, & the void he leaves behind. I wonder if Ash knew it was his time & stayed behind in the car because he was seeking a quiet resting place. I know, it may sound far-fetched, but it is possible! It has been said that all animals know when they are about to die, & they will often seek out a cave-like environment, perhaps under a bed or in a densely planted area, so they may peacefully pass away.Though you may not of known of any health problems, Ash may have had this awareness. One thing is for certain, Ash passed away knowing he was loved & cared for. I'm sure you were a wonderful cat mom, as all of your posts here indicate that you are a kind, warm-hearted person. I'm sure Ash received the best care possible throughout his decade on earth. I would find some comfort in knowing that my cat died a peaceful death. Ash was not hit by a car or attacked by a dog. A grizzly fate such as that would be even more devastating, as then Ash would have suffered great pain. I know these days must be so painful for you. My thoughts & prayers are with you as you grieve. Peace be with you.