skip to main content

loss of my mom

15 years ago

mom would have been 86 last month. she fell a few months ago, had to have hip surgery. at the end of march, complications necessitated another surgery and she had a major stroke while on the table. we ended up having to put her in hospice where she was cared for during the last 2 weeks of her life.

i'm in illinois, mom and the rest of my family are in minnesota. because i was facing back surgery on 4/20, i could not be there for her, although i was there in spirit. we kept thinking "any time now" and i was really hoping mom would be at peace before i went under the knife myself.

my son and his wife spent the entire day at the hospital while i underwent 6 hours of surgery. they went home for a bit and came back after i had been moved from recovery to a room. john broke the news to me and while we were all sad, we knew mom was finally with my dad and she was at peace. turns out she passed away at 5:10 p.m., just as they were getting me situated in my room. i am pretty sure mom waited until she knew i was out of surgery and ok.

it's been a little over 6 weeks now and i have yet to really melt down. not sure why that is...i do know, because mom often told me over the past 2 or 3 years, that she was ready to go, she told me more than once that she wished God would just take her. i was able to visit mom last november, before all of this transpired. she looked so good, was feeling fine, and i am so glad i have those memories of her instead of seeing her in hospice. i went through that with my late husband, not sure i could have gone through it with mom. *sigh*

i love you mom, i will see you some day. give daddy a big hug for me and tell gary to behave himself!!!

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (6)

mav63_2007
15 years ago
Hello Nina,
I am so sorry to hear that your Mom has passed, she obviously was ready to go to be with your Dad again. God Bless them both.
How are you doing after your surgery? You have had a lot of pain to deal with in such a short time, physically and mentally. I hope you feel better soon.
God Bless, Mavis
sylviatexas1
15 years ago
I'm so sorry.
Related Discussions
selection of evergreen tree or shrub
Q
Comments (1)
Hollies come to mind, as do Thujas. I am reluctant to suggest berberis ssp., as various ones are now listed as invasive in some areas. Can spruces cope with your climate? Pines will get very tall, in time, and then are bare at their feet, so not them. Juniper ssp.? Will pyracantha grow in your area - it will take shearing into a hedge, or can grow unchecked, but you might want to check invasiveness? Clumping bamboo? I would suggest yews only if no livestock have or will ever have access to the area - it's poisonous to cattle and horses, although deer don't seem to be bothered. They're not evergreen, but the osier-twig or yellow- or red-twig dogwoods might do, they are thick-growing. And if you cut them to the ground every few years, they would stay thick. Any of the native shrubs that make thickets would be good - the mower could keep them in check where you didn't want them. Forsythia comes to mind also, or one of the native roses - NOT multiflora!!! Certainly the forsythia could be had inexpensively enough by taking cuttings from an established plant in the summer - water well. It could be "planted" as thickly as you wanted, and had cuttings for, so should fill in quickly. The roses might do the same.
...See More
I miss her so much
Q
Comments (4)
Hey there. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you...but I do know that it hurts so much...I lost my mother back in February 16...a week after my birthday and I was at school at the time so I couldn't even talk to her or anything...She passed because of a fall and it happened so sudden that I didn't know what to do...I thought there must have been a reason for this tragedy and I began to question if God really exists...somehow I came to realize that He actually does exist and I've become a full time Christian since then. Believe it or not, I've been noticing why certain things happen in my life and I've found peace in my heart. I hope you seek God as well...I had to google and ask my friends to help me realize. It's a miracle that I started believing and every part of my life has improved significantly. If anything, try talking to your Christian friends and see what they can do for you...One thing for sure: our mothers love us so much that they don't want to see us in tears! You know it...our mothers are up there somewhere watching over us !
...See More
Upset, and very sad for the loss of my mom!
Q
Comments (1)
I am so sorry for your loss and I know what you are going through because my dear and precious mom died last month, too, on November 8th. Losing her has left a hole in my heart that can never be filled, and watching my sweet and precious dad lose the love of his life - for 65 years - is heart-wrenching. Yes, they were married 65 years, and together for 70. Momma was 85. We were blessed to have her that long, to have loving parents who modeled unconditional love, and we were blessed that she left without suffering. Nothing prepares us, though, for losing a parent. The pain is as bad as one would imagine, worse. My wish for us both is that we find peace in the loving memories that we will cherish forever. Here is a quote, one of many, that I find comfort in. Perhaps it will help you, too. "She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along." ~ Margaret Culkin Banning. Blessings to you and all who loved your mother.
...See More
My Best Friend is Gone (((MOM))))
Q
Comments (93)
When my dear mother passed, we had a Celebration of Life. I made bookmarks for the attendees, with her picture and this poem that I found online. You might enjoy it: When We Remember You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she has lived You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back Or you can open your eyes and see all she's left Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her and only that she's gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on. -Author Unknown-
...See More
Ninapearl
Original Author
15 years ago
thank you both for your kind words.

mav, i am doing better, thanks for asking. the surgery was pretty extensive, my surgeon has told me repeatedly that "you have a terrible back!"...don't i know it! he did do wonders though! i'm just dealing with the tender incisions (had to be cut in 2 places) and the restrictions placed on my activity. it'll be another couple of months before i'm able to really cut loose but at my check-up last week, he did give me the go-ahead to take a real bath AND run the vacuum!!!
mav63_2007
15 years ago
That's wonderful but make sure you follow instructions and don't do too much too soon.
kms4me
15 years ago
So sorry... though I know you knew your mom didn't have a lot of time, the reckoning with the actual death is so hard. I appreciate all the comfort and kind words you have shown me, in person and on other forums, and I know your Mom was blessed to have such a loving, caring, sweet daughter.

On a lighter note, bathing and vacuuming must feel like HEAVEN!

Kate
Ninapearl
Original Author
15 years ago
mav, i'm trying...really, i am! after being down for so long and now that i am able, i find myself overdoing things here and there but when i do, my body tells me STOP!

kate, thank you for taking time from what i know is a hectic time of year for you, to post. i appreciate your kind words. i have your e-mails saved and will answer them soon. ;)

and oh my, YES! real baths and vacuuming...what could be better?? LOL

Related Stories

INSIDE HOUZZ What Mom Wants for Mother’s Day

By Sheila Schmitz

You’re right about a nice dinner and time with family. Here’s what else will make Mom happy this weekend

GARDENING GUIDES A Mom, a Garden and a Gift for the Neighbors

By Steve Asbell

Gardening can be therapeutic in unexpected ways. See how one gardener found peace and purpose in a patch of Florida soil

MOTHER’S DAY What to Do for Mom Around the House on Mother’s Day

By Becky Harris

Show appreciation for your mother and make her day extra special with these ideas

LIFE Houzz Call: What Has Mom Taught You About Making a Home?

By Vanessa Brunner

Whether your mother taught you to cook and clean or how to order takeout and let messes be, we'd like to hear about it

MOTHER’S DAY What We've Learned From Mom About Home

By Vanessa Brunner

Share cherished memories as Houzzers recall the special traits, insights and habits of their mothers

MOST POPULAR My Houzz: Hip Midcentury Style for a Mom's Backyard Cottage

By Angela Flournoy

This 1-bedroom suite has everything a Texas mother and grandmother needs — including the best wake-up system money can't buy

LIFE 10 Ways to Cope With Grief During the Holidays

By Shelly Miller Leer

If you are experiencing loss, take it from an experienced griever — life has changed forever, but it does get better

LIFE 10 Ways to Work Through Grief Triggers During the Holidays

By Shelly Miller Leer

A year after losing her sister, she was facing another holiday. Here’s how one woman learned to find joy again

LIFE How to Prepare for and Live With a Power Outage

By Lisa Frederick

When electricity loss puts food, water and heat in jeopardy, don't be in the dark about how to stay as safe and comfortable as possible

SELLING YOUR HOUSE A Moving Diary: Lessons From Selling My Home

By Laura Gaskill

After 79 days of home cleaning, staging and — at last — selling, a mom comes away with a top must-do for her next abode

Sponsored

Structural Remodeling

Franklin County's Heavy Timber Specialists | Best of Houzz 2020!