I am so glad your mother didn't have a lot of suffering. That would have been so awful for her and for you to watch. You must have a lot of happy memories if you were so close to her. Most people don't have that kind of relationship w/ their mother, so you are fortunate indeed. You didn't say how old she was--I hope she was very old. God bless you. Let your friends and family help you and comfort you. I've lost both of mine and it's hard.

"I thought I would have dreampt about her, or felt her near, but I don't which makes me even sadder."

I have been feeling the same way, that gives me comfort that I am not alone... and neither are you.

Patricia, I felt the same about my dad (1 year 2/6/07), that he would some how find a way to let me know he was here. Don't give up just yet, because it will happen. It's small little things; if you realise that those small things are them, then you will see they are there with you. I've had something a silly as a worm tell me he's with me.

Christmas eve morning- I'd just put the Hess trucks under the Christmas tree (they were the gift dad bought the kids every year, I wondered if I should keep the tradition up) when I started crying like mad. At some point I breathed in, and smelled my dad's breakfast cooking. There was no mistaking it was him telling me he was with me. Hungarian yellow peppers cooking with eggs, are not a smell you'd forget, nor confuse with something else.

Christmas day - I was feeling pretty down still about dad not being here. I decided to put the Christmas CD's on; either I'd smile some or cry my eyes out. The 1st song was Blue Christmas by Anne & Nancy Wilson, a song I associate with dad. I cried last year (2005) knowing it would be his last Christmas. It's never come on 1st in the CD mix of 5 CD's, but that morning it did. I knew he was here.

Last Friday, I was crying hysterically on my bed. My mother put their house up for sale, and after rejecting my bids, told me in late December she'd sell me the house. I found out a week ago that she'd finally gotten an offer and accepted without calling to see if I wanted to counter. My heart was broken that she wouldn't give me a phone call. Tried all week to get in touch with her, no luck. After calling & going to her house, I went home and lost it.

As I laid there crying I stopped all of a sudden. It was like my dad gave me a great big hug. Through my tears, I saw something on the ceiling, which resembled a rolling vapor, kind of like smoke in a fire. I thought I was hallucinating. I laid there, drying my eyes, looking at the ceiling. It started coming towards me. I was scared but not, but at some point I said out loud that I was starting to feel scared. It stopped. I ended up getting up, the phone then rang, a call that had to do with him; after I hung up, I swear I saw my dad's face on the wall. It was the outline of his face, like a shadow. I've seen this shadow a few times this last week, so i think he's here with me, trying to guide me in what is a very hard time for me right now.

I'm very sorry for your losses.

My Mamma was 71. I know people say, that was so young, but she never ever was sick up until that point. Never on any med's for anything. If it wasn't for that liver. She probabaly would of lived to be 100. But I guess it isnt the quantity of life, but the quality. Did I say that right? I just feel so guilty doing things again, knowing she isn't there to do them with me. I miss her so very much.

Patricia,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother, my very best friend in the world 2 years ago in March. In fact, it would have been her birthday tomorrow. I have had such a wide range of emotions that have left me just raw. I feel so cheated. She lived a long life, but you NEVER want to let go of someone that you love. I know she loved me and I loved her. And I am grateful for that special relationship we shared. There is a hole in my life that will never be filled. But your days will get easier, and you will have joy again. I am so glad for you that your mother did not suffer. Hang in there.

Patricia, I am so very sorry. I don't think it matters if you time to prepare yourself or not. When you love somebody, and mom's are always special, it hurts so much to lose them. My mom was my best friend too. We had a connection I will never have with anybody,....not my dad..not my wife...nobody. When she passed last year I went into a serious depression. Nothing brings joy...nada, zip, zilch. I have had signs...and you will too..which will bring comfort...just stay open for them. I have had auditory and sensory signs. Won't explain right now...but just keep an open mind.

Cry as much as you need to. Even after a year...I still break down every now and again. I know she is in a better place, as corny as that sounds...I believe it..and she will be there when we pass over to greet us!

Duane

Our loved ones will always be in our hearts and therefore will be every where we are, we will never be alone. Duane is right, I have had a couple of signs in only 2 1/2 months, so watch and wait for them. Hugs from me.

Patricia, I am praying very hard for you. Please email me if you need to talk. We are all here to support each other.

"You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

David Harkins quotes (British Poet and Painter b.1958)

Patricia,

I am sorry for your loss and know what you are going through. I lost my mother June 7 2006. She was also my best friend. We talked everyday and was very close. Everyone is different, but I have found "some" peace by creating a memorial website. There are many to choose from. I used www.Virtual-memorials.com you can see my mothers site by searching for her by name Patsy Landis.
I haven't been back to update because even though I enjoy it, It does take alot out of me emotionally. I have to re load the music and get it off the Christmas theme. I did one for her birthday etc. I wish you the best!

Dana

I looked at you web page, your mother was a beautiful woman and what a wonderful tribute to her. Lots of hugs.
Mav

I am sorry for your loss I cant imagine having to loose someone so quickly like that. When my mother passed over a yr ago we had some warning however I still wasn't ready for it. She was my best friend and at the age of 20 couldn't imagine what life would be like without her. At the age of 22 now, it's still hard..I still keep thinking she's going to walk threw the front door sometimes. I have major problems coming to grips with the fact that she wont be there for things like my wedding or seeing my kids. However hard it is I still do have wonderful memories of her..and cherish them. I try to focus on that as much as possible and remember that she would want me to be happy.

Patricia,

My Mother died the same exact way as yours. She had been suffering with a stiff neck for a couple of weeks. On Monday (June 4, 2007) she went to the hospital to get it checked. On Wednesday (6th) we found out she had liver cancer. It had spread to her adrenial glands, lungs and into her neck. On Sunday (10th) she was gone. She too went peacefully in her sleep.

I know what you went through, she went really fast. Although this is all still new to me, I too feel your pain. Grieving is not easy for me right now. I smelt saukraut (sp?) the other day and thought it was kind of funny as I was driving down the road. I close my eyes and see her smiling face but yet I can not cry.

Her services are this coming week end (17th/18th) and she is being buried on my son's (her grandson's) birthday. He is taking it so hard, but there is nothing I can do. I have talked till I was blue in the face and can not gt my brother to budge. I just hope I have the strength to go through this.

With God's help we wil get through this.

Here is a link that might be useful: Mother's Memorial