Please accept my deepest condolences on the passing of your mother, she must have been a very special lady.

Iam so sorry for the loss of your Mother. I also lost my mother to lung cancer 6months today. I feel your pain! I wish you all the best ! She reminds me of my Mom the way to speak about her. I know how hard this is and wish I could say it gets better, Im just not feeling it. God Bless you.

what a lovely tribute to your beloved mother!

& what wise & poignant advice:

"I have come to realise that in this life the only valuable commodity we have is TIME.
No amount of money can buy back a minute from last week.
In memory of my Momma, please be very wise in who you spend your time with."

simple, elegant, profound.

beautiful.

Thank you.

Thank you all for your valuable support! I have never been in such a dark place in all of my life. The days are not as bright as they once were and I miss my mom tremendously. There does not seem to be words to express how I feel. It brings some comfort when you know others KNOW how you feel. I have started a journal to my mom. She kept one for years and it has been a small comfort in reading her private thoughts. My journal is just my way of "talking" to her and telling her my inner most feelings but there is still nothing to fill this void.

I know she is in a better place and no longer suffering but knowing that does not eleviate the overwhelming feelings of loneliness and despair. I need to remember the words I spoke to her so often....."Just have faith and God will take care of the rest". I am comforted knowing other people understand the lonliness and the void and how the days are not nearly as bright as they once were. I also mourn the person I was because "she" died with my mother. I am now finding that I have to rebuild a whole new me and without the security of her "being", this is a difficult task.

Today is day 16 without her. We had her "Celebration of Life" memorial on Saturday and I felt I needed to speak about her.It was extremely hard and I hope we made her proud. She was such a beautiful, strong and courageous person and I cannot imagine the future without her.

Thank you for your responses and your kind words.....God bless you.

Lisa

A few words I would like to share. They have brought me some comfort with the tears that keep coming. I hope it may help someone else.

There is a sacredness in tears.
They are not the mark of weakness; but of power.
They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues.
They are the messengers of overwhelming grief,
of deep contrition.
and of unspeakable love.

I will wait no more for you like a daughter,
That part of our life together is over.
But I will wait for you, forever, live a river....

Lisa

Today makes day number 40 without my Momma. I have NEVER went this long without seeing/talking to my mom. The world still seems a little shaky for me. I have my good days and my bad days. I am very grateful for this forum. Everytime I enter here I see that someone else has lost a loved one or is still struggling with losing their loved one and it makes me feel less crazy. Everyone around me seems to be moving on as if everything has returned to normal but for me it has been extremely difficult to move on. I have been writing a journal to my mom, which helps a little but I cry my heart out everytime I open it. I have been taking care of her two small dogs and it is heartbreaking to see they still miss her too. It also gives me a little comfort knowing that another spirit feel as I do about the same person.

I thank you all for your stories and your support. Forums like this are a life saver for people like me that feel they have noone to talk to who truly understands how they feel. BLESS YOU ALL.

Lisa

Lisa,
When I first lost my DH it was suggested to me that I write him letters which I did and it helped me to "talk" to him just as your journal is doing for you. I take them out occasionally to read them, they upset me so much but they were a great help at the time. You will have good days and bad days, even good mornings and bad afternoons sometimes, (I call them my Jekle and Hyde days)but you just have to take them as they come. Time helps but it is a slow process. I was told that it is because our love was so strong that we hurt so deep. As long as we can put one foot in front of the other we will survive and feel better with time.
God's Blessings on you.
Mav.

Hi Mav,

What a brave soul you are! I have lost my mother and many of us expect to loose their parents but to loose your mate is a totally different story. I have been married for 25 years and my husband is one of the life lines I have needed to keep from being swallowed up by the blackness. I could not even begin to imagine life without him so I cannot imagine the depth of your grief.

Thank you for your "friendship" and kind words. Loss is loss and I thank you for your comforting words. Your bravery gives me the strength to face the day. I will think of you and keep you in my prayer chain.

Blessings,

Lisa

Lisa, time is a great healer. You can still talk to your Momma by calling her name and saying what you want to say. I believe this. Writing is great. She wants you to live life - when our time comes I also like to believe I can catch up on things with both of my parents. Right now I think my Mom is telling my Dad all about his grandsons that he has never met, among other things.
May God bless you and your family at this time.
Peggy

Hi Peggy,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am finding that with every day that goes by I continue to miss her more. I do find some comfort in knowing she is not suffering anymore. She suffered terribly for the last 8 months and I constantly prayed that she not suffer a long time and God answered my prayers....I know that now but the loss is so tremendous that at the time I did not see that.

I know death is a natural part of life and I have come to understand that all of my heartwrenching sadness is my selfishness coming out. I believe in God and his promise of eternal life and I have never wanted to deny this to my mother, she above anyone I know deserved this reward the most. I suppose the reason I miss her SO much is because of the bond we shared, the memories we shared, the love we share, etc. I am trying real hard to get over the speed bump her passing has left me behind. I have faith I will one day rise above it and be very glad things turned out as they did. I prayed for years to prepare me for her loss but I never prayed for myself past loosing her. I just never expected the pain of missing her to be so great.

It is unfortunate we all bond here because of our grief but none of you will ever have any idea how this forum has helped me to survive and find hope, how it has helped me to grieve and cry.

May God bless each and every one of you that has shown compassion for someone else even while being consumed by your own grief. From my heart, thank you.

Lisa

Lisa, I can't know exactly how you feel, but I have a pretty good idea. I lost my mom in Jan.06 and it hurts just as bad now, and sometimes even worse because I miss her so much it feels like my insides have been scraped out. We also were very close and had a special bond. I was her only boy and we were alike in many ways. She slowly went blind from age 53 on so I grieved for years about that. But she was my hero keeping strong and acting happy for the most part, even though I know how rough it was for her. She loved to go shopping and she would 'feel' things and I would describe them to her. I took her out quite often and we truly had a deep love for each other.

I know your mom wouldn't want you to despair as I'm sure my mom doesn't either. But much of the joy I used to have is gone and I just go through the motions most of the time. We have to keep on and I try to remember that my mom lost her brothers and her mom and dad and went blind, and through all of that she kept going and lived life. So I have to do the same thing and keep strong in the belief that we will be together again when God calls me home.

Take care of yourself and bless you.

Duane

Lisa I see a couple of people told you to write to your Mom. I do it does help just to get your feelings out.It's 6 months for me and with the holidays coming up I'm just really sad. Yesterday driving my kids to school I started crying in the car just because fall is near and my Mom is not here.It really stinks. I wish you well, And hope we can all take comfort that were not alone. I think one special thing is we had amazing Moms and a lot of people tell me even if there Mom lived another 20 yrs. they would never have what we had!God Bless, Darzie

My Mom has been gone 4 years. I miss her still. She would annoy me, always calling to tell me it was raining. Or snowing or whatever..and to be careful. A few winters ago I was driving and it started to snow and I realized Mom was not going to call me to tell me to be careful. I lost it.

After 4 years I am working on making the memories happy, instead of them making me cry. After all, none of us are going to get out of this life alive. Take care

I just want to say "Thank you" to those that have responded and left kind words of encouragement and your secrets for coping. I take a little away from every one of them to help me along.

Today is day number 53 and it is amazing how fast the time flies. It FEELS just like yesterday that I lost her but I miss her as if I have not seen her in many, many months. I have been desperately praying for the strength to get thru the days. This morning I broke down and cried. I am finding my courage to face the days from my Momma. She never liked to see me unhappy or upset. She would try everything she could to bring me happiness or settle my troubled mind and I think she sets me straight by reminding me of this. The days are still difficult though. I find I have to reach out to friends when I have never had to reach before. My mom was the friend I turned to to share so many things and now I have to find other people to share these with and it is definately NOT the same. I never had to reach for her, she was always there. I just miss her SO much it drives me crazy at times. I was never really afraid of death before but now.....knowing she awaits me on the other side makes me realise every day I get closer to her and in a strange way that makes me happy.

Blessings to you all.....

Lisa

Lisa, I feel the same way. As days go by I'm not getting farther away from my mom, but closer. It is a funny way to feel and many people would not understand, but it is nice to know I'm not the only one with that way of thinking. My mom has been gone almost 3 years and I break down all the time, even now. The grief 'sessions' don't last as long but it can still come out of the blue and 'Wham!'. I just got a new Emilylou Harris CD and her voice and sad songs make me weep...and that is not good driving down the road!

Take care of yourself. You have us here whenever you need to talk.

Duane

Lisa, my heart goes out to you. I can feel your pain. My sister died 3 years ago and I too miss her so very much. We would talk on the phone 2 or 3 times a day, I would just love to pick up the phone and hear her voice on the other end. I know we can't live forever but knowing that does not make it any easier.

Do you have any children or siblings that you can turn to during this hard time for you. Sometimes that will make it a little easier.

Lisa I can feel your pain also it really stinks to put it nicely. Hope you find comfort in knowing your not alone in how you feel. Hang tough and let it out don't hold it in. darzie

You all are some very beautiful people and I thank you.

Today has been another hard day for me. I find myself crying, missing my mom horribly. What I would give to see her bright smile, her warm laughter, hold her small hand again. These thoughts are what makes it difficult. I just miss her and there are no other words that will describe the emptiness.

I do have a 23 year old son, who has been amazing, and two sisters, both younger than me. It just seems that everyone else has the ability to move ahead and I seem to be trapped in a car that cannot get over the speed bump, no matter how much gas I give the car. Am I crazy? Have I lost it? I ask myself these and I have no answer. I feel I am developing a fear that these feelings will only grow worse as the time goes by and I am not normally a person to allow fear to control me. I try to keep myself occupied with other things but my mom was such a part of my life that I cannot just erase her from my normal everyday thoughts, my heart.

It's funny, she left a few index cards in with her banking/credit cards and these are a few of the things she wrote on them -

If they can do it, you know you can!
Don't think about it so much.
Love without rules.
Decorate your life.

So, to honor her, I try not to think about it but some days that is totally impossible. I know if others can do it I can too and I try to love without rules. It seems she knew I would have to take care of her stuff and I feel she left these for me, sort of as a guide on "How to Cope". Wise words from a woman dying from cancer.

I guess the hardest part for me is....I wish I had seen it coming. It seemed to happen so fast and I was not up to par with what was happening. I kept trying to have faith she would make it and provide her with support to keep fighting. It is horrible to watch someone die when you know they love life so much. My Momma loved to live! She fought so hard for so many years and to see her fight and not win has been devastating to me. When she had her back surgery years ago and was given 6 mo. to one year I found her crying in her hospital room. I asked her what she was afraid of. Dying? She replied "I am afraid of the unknown". My goal then was to teach her about heaven so she could overcome that fear. I pray with everything I have that I was able to accomplish that. I hope she had no fear because I do not think I could stand it if she did.

Bless you all for having a compassionate heart to listen to me today :)

Lisa

Oh! I almost forgot! I have read the past thread about the dragonflies and the most amazing thing happened! Last Saturday my husband, son and my best girlfriend and her husband were sitting on my front porch just as the day was turning to early evening and these two dragonflies started flying around us. I never took much stock in them until I read that thread. I was telling the story to my family and friends how alot of people think of dragonflies as people they have lost or a sign of the afterlife when the dragonflies started flying straight at me, flying towards my face! They kept flying around us until the daylight vanished. I felt as if my Momma was trying to let me know she made it!!

Lisa its so hard when your really close to your Mother the way we are, I have to say are I'm not ready to say were. We really are so lucky to have special Moms. And it's going to hurt that much more because of that bond. She is always with you, look for the signs. I'm still waiting for mine, I really think they are there we're just to sad to see them.

Darzie, thank you for your comforting words.

Yesterday made 2 months since I have lost my momma. It was another very hard day for me. Some days it seems I have what I need to make it thru this and then other days I am a bag of wet noodles. I cannot believe how much I miss her. At times it feels like a physical pain in the center of my being. I am finding that every time I am upset about my mom her precious little pup will find me to lavish me with kisses and comfort and I sometimes feel that my mom is guiding her to me. I have been trying hard to be open to the signs she may send me but I think my grief blocks me from seeing them sometimes and that frustrates me.

You guys are a God send for me. I work virtually from my home and I have no small children so I am home with the three pups most days by myself and it is lonely, the grief overwhelms me at times and I think I am loosing my mind. This forum allows me to share my thoughts and feelings with others that KNOW how I feel and I don't feel so bad sharing it here with all of you.

I have to believe that God is carrying me and I WILL make it somehow...

God bless you all.....

Lisa

Lisa, just know that there is nothing wrong with your grief. What helps me sometimes is before I go to sleep I pray for a message or for comfort from my mother in my sleep..sometimes I dream about her and other times I just wake up and feel better.

It might help you to volunteer somewhere..get your mind off things. Take Care.

Lisa I am sorry for the loss of your mother. My mother passed away around the same time as your mom and it is a deep, deep hurting feeling.

My condolences to you and your family!

Hi Lisa,

Your story sounds so familiar, and your mom sounds like she was your angel here on earth and your center. I was caregiver to my mom and most recently for my older brother who I just lost this past October and mom on Otcober 2004.

After eading your post the feelings you described hit me so hard because they are the exact feelings I am going through. My immediate family was little to start with just the 4 of us, and now it's just me. Sometimes I honestly feel I am using up air because of the solitude. Caring for my mother and then my brother formed the center of my universe for so long as we all lived together too. Now each and every day consists of trying to get feeling better and it's hard work.

God Bless you and your Mom

Hi Everyone,

It has been a few weeks since I have visited and I was suprised to see my post back at the top :)

Just thought I would respond and let everyone know how I have been doing.

February the 9th will make six months since my mom's journey began and I am finding that every day gets a little better.....just a little. I have began to try cleaning out her room. I haven't gotten very far but I am trying!

I went to our old work place yesterday to drop off a few taxes for some friends that I filed and I was caught by suprise when I was overwhelmed by her presence there. I just sat in the car and cried my eyes out. I still find it SO VERY hard to believe she is no longer here with me in the body. I feel her everywhere though.

I have been having more contact with butterflies and dragonflies than I have ever had in my life and I am beginning to truly believe it is her spirit trying to continue to be close to me and remind me she has not left me. I know it sounds strange but the important thing is.....I believe it is true!

My 24 year old son has announced we will be grandparents this year, and the unbelievable thing is that the baby is due at the same time my momma started her journey! I wonder if I will see her in this new miracle of life! Wouldn't that be something?!

I still keep the folks in this forum in my prayers. I know I desperately needed them and they were a very important lifeline for me. Bless you all.

Grief is a necessity when you care very deeply for someone you have lost and I am grateful for the moments I have now because I know how much I cared for her and how she was such a huge part of my life and I feel that the times I am overcome with grief and cry are my vow to remember and continue to love her.

I have to keep my head up, I do not want to let her down. She did a fantastic job and it is important to me to show her she did a great job!

Blessings to you all....

Lisa

None of you are alone... I lost my Mom 9 years ago to acute leukemia... and there's still a void that will never be filled. I feel somehow disconnected from my past... she was the only one that knew me when I was born, besides Dad. My Dad passed away 3 years prior... surprisingly, of the same cancer.

I spent the last 6 months of her life with her... and cared for her at home, until her death. They were the most wonderful 6 months of my life, and I'll never forget how close we became, and all we shared.

I suspect the void will always be there, though my husband and children, and my grandchildren, all have made it a little smaller. There's just something different about losing one's Mother... and after 9 years, I still miss her so very much... she was the best Mom a daughter could ever hope to have.

I know how it feels, and I know how much it hurts. You are not alone...

Just when I think the days are getting better.......WHAM! I wake up and reality hits me all over again.

I miss her unlike anything I have ever missed in my life and I find myself living in "My Own Mind" quite alot lately.

In my mind she is still here and I can talk with her and pretend she has never left. I re-play memories over and over and try to recall everything about her. It has been several months since I have been in her room but upon opening the door......I was suddenly hit with her essence, her smell. There is nothing like the smell of a person you love! Her smell..... It evoked SO many internal feelings that I could not even begin to put names to them. "Momma, please hold me"....that is what I felt the most. I just wanted my Momma to hold me and let me lay my head on her lap and let her stroke my hair. I laid on her bed and pretended she was there with me....Lord, the pain is unbearable at times and I feel as if my innards have been stripped out of me.

I am a logical person and I understand all of the things I am going thru but understanding them does not make them go away or make them any better.

She was a beautiful human being and was so much a part of my life and I miss her, I miss her, I miss her......nothing makes that better.

I love you, I miss you and I am so grateful I was the one chosen to be your child. You were the best Momma.

Lord....Please help me find my way until I see her again.

Well....yesterday made a year. Some of Momma's last words to me were 'the time has just flown by'. The reality of those words now hit me like a brick in the chest. It seems like more than a year since I have seen her but it certainly does not feel as if an entire year has passed since she did pass, feels as if the pain is still fresh and new.

Life and it's blessings can be strange and unexpected.......In one year, I went from being a daughter to being a Gramma. It feels as if the circle is closing, as if I have stepped into my Momma's shoes.

I look behind those two tiny baby's eyes eyes to their soul place and it feels as if I can see my Momma's spirit lingering there, as if the cycle is continuing. Very hard to explain.

I love Momma more than any words can explain. I have felt very lonely over the past year without her but I feel her urging me to live, to enjoy the life she helped the Lord birth into me. To squeeze every ounce of joy out of it that I can because the time does fly by.

Alot of the time I have to force myself to come out of my own mind. I have found it to be a very peaceful and comforting place, living in my memories. If I close my eyes and go back in time, I can remember the feelings, the faces, the eyes.....and I can feel those feelings again. How safe and loved I was. How special Momma made me feel. Memories are all I have now and I treasure them, Lord how I treasure them!

Blessings to you all for listing to my ramblings :) Just need to put them down in words and have no other place to do it that understands.

Hugs ((()))!!!

Lisa

I have read your posts and my heart aches. My hurt is very fresh. My mother and best friend, Jean suffered a stroke on Christmas Eve after playing handbells in church. She just sat down and went to sleep and never regained consciousness. She passed away peacefully in her sleep with her whole family gathered around her. We "gave her permission to go". We watched her take her last breath. She died the perfect death as she would have wanted - quickly and quietly in her sleep, and even though I am a Christian and have a loving supportive family, I feel so abandoned and cheated. I wasn't ready for this. I loved her so much and we did everything together. Even though I have no regrets over the life we shared... I still well up with tears thinking that I can never call and hear her voice on the phone again, I can never touch her skin, and she will miss interacting with my two young daugthers and watching them grow. I plan to see a grief counselor next week. I just feel so sad, and angry, and abandoned, and I think my husband is worried about me. I worry that I am not being the best mom to my girls or the best wife because I am so overcome with grief sometimes. I know everyone grieves in his / her own way, but I really wonder some days if I'm losing my mind. Please let me know this will get better. I'm so lost and sad.

Dear Karen,
I am so very sorry that your Mom passed. It is even harder (if possible) because she passed on Christmas day, my husband passed on Thanksgiving day. Holidays are a time when everyone else is really happy and having fun and we will never have it quite that happy again.
Yes you will get better, it is a process though and it takes time. We are lucky that we have children and family to keep us focused and it helps to pull us through. You will grieve for quite a while and life will be just going through the motions but as your grief settles down (it won't go away) you will be able to see the world around you again.
Keep Mom's memory alive for your family, she is smiling down at all of you.
God Bless,
Mav.

Speaking from the experience of the last 2 1/2 years of my life, losing a mother is unlike any pain I have ever felt and has left a void within me that I cannot fill.

They say that time heals all wounds but for me, it feels as if time is a band-aid that helps lessen the acuteness of the pain....I pray all the time there will come a day that when I think of her, it will be with joy and not pain and tears.

I have lost my Gramma, my older brother and my Mom and out of them, I grieve her the most deeply. I am one of 5 children and was her oldest daughter and we shared a bond unlike any she had with any of her other kids. When we found out she had cancer in Jan. of 08, she said to me...."It has always been different with you" and although I knew what she meant, it was the first time she had spoken it in words. This prompted me to write her a letter letting her know how much she meant to me, the bond I knew we shared and how the world would not be the same for me without her in it. We never spoke of the letter between us but I found it on her desk on top of all of her other papers about two weeks after she died. I thank God every day that I wrote that letter.

I am not sure what life holds for me but my Mom loved me unconditionally and made me feel more special than anyone I will ever know in my life and for me, that is the most painful......that I will never feel that way again.

Hold you mother close to you, tell her often how much you love her and what she means to you.....even if/when she is no longer here.

Blessings to all.......

Lisa

ladies....good evening. Or, morning now i suppose. My momma is still alive, for the moment. However her time here is limitted to hours now and I have her here at home under hospice care.
I remember as a very young girl my mom, sort or light-heartedly, making me promise her to never put her into a nursing home. Being the youngest of 5, I am the only one of us who has vowed to honor her wish all the way til the very end.

I dont KNOW HOW TO LIVE W/OUT HER! She was the very best mother I could have ever been blessed with and she has literally gotten me through those times in my life where had it not been for HER I woulda had NO ONE and i whole heartedly believe i would NOT have made through the otherside of hell had she not been there to support...for her picking me up, telling me to dust my self off, and power through :'( I am preparing to lose my ONLY advocate! My only "Constant." I feel like w her by my side no matter the situation, wwe will be ok. But soon I will be forced to go it alone. ....

i'm not crying cause I feel so sorry for ya, mom...I'm cryin for me...

Hello-

Omg... It's been just a little over a month since I lost my mom, my best friend.. the loss is devastating!! I'm crying right now as I type this.. I took care of her for the last 3 years, through dialysis, a broken hip, 2 heart attacks and much more... I miss my Momma!! It Is somewhat comforting to read this page.. and now know I am not alone...
I have this emptiness inside, and pain in my chest.. my faith helps me know that she is okay now, not suffering.. etc. But I don't know how to move forward without her.. prayer and time I suppose will lessen the pain.. thank you all for sharing.. and giving me a place to share..
God Bless.

Rose.

Rose & Marsha,

You both have my DEEPEST condolences and I send prayers your way. Losing my mom was the hardest thing I have ever had to go thru and without this forum, I truly believe I would have lost my mind AND my spirit to live.

Tuesday will be 3 years that I lost Momma. Time, grieving, faith and ALOT of prayers have helped me but I still miss her and eventually accepted the fact that I always will.

Don't know if life will ever be as bright as it was when she was here but I try every day to find things I am grateful for....I thank God every day that I at least had her for a time, even if it wasn't as long as I would have liked it to be. She is still with me....I just miss her from my sight.

I pray you both will find some measure of peace and see the sun shine again....I promise, one day it will get better....I am proof (((HUGS)))

Lisa

I’m curious to know how you are now. My mother passed in March and I feel just as you felt. It’s unbearable at times.

I just lost my mom to cancer and heart failure september 20 2022 i wish i would have read this sooner it would have made me realize not to have taken anything for granted especially her im 50 years old she was 81 and while we never agreed on everything we was always there for each other the way children and parents should be very touching story

My mother passed away April 13th 2022. she raised me and my sister, as a single mother. she worked 2 jobs to ptovide for us, but we took her for granted as children. When the mother of my 2 children passed away in 2016, my mother moved in with us. My mother helped raise my daughter(16 now) and my son(15 now) for almost a decade. My mother was more than just my best friend, she was my only friend. i have complex PTSD, and she was the only one that i trusted enough to talk about the war with… she went with me to the VA, when i had to. she gave me strength, she always seemed to understand things that other people either couldnt or didnt want to understand… my dog died about a month before my mother did… 2022 has taken a lot from me and my 2 children… they saw her as a mother, as much as me… i go from feeling numb to feeling deep sadness and loss… i don‘t want to give up, but i always needed her support. she died from cancer, after being on immunotherapy for 2 years… she suffered from many side effects, for most of her treatment. she became so thin near the end that it was painful to see her like that… i was with her until the end, and it may sound strange but i held her for some time after she died and just sobbed onto her… i talk to her still thst she is dead for months, but i still wake up thinking that she is alive… i beli my mother is in heaven, but selfishly i just want my mom back… i miss my only friend… i miss the only selfless person that i ever met… i feel so empty, and i did not think that id feel so lost… she gave me direction when i didnt know what to do… i hope this posts, it does give comfort to know that i am not a