Well for the past 2 weeks he has acted like a jerk he says we have other problems which are stupid and have been a part of our lives forever, 1 was I finish his sentences, I said just say I know the rest of the sentence thanks, I do not even realize I do this. Prior to this crap he has always treated me well taken good care of me and is a great Dad. His affair was a long time ago and we have moved past that but he knows how I feel about his hometown. Just all this has brought it back to the surface for me. His Dad is 82 and dealt with cancer twice last year so I know he would love to see him and he feels he is killing 2 birds with one stone by going there to do his thinking. I feel he is killing our marriage. I really do love him, have since I was 14 can't even envision my life without him, but may not have a choice. I also am a true believer in once shame on you twice shame on me I will not stick around for that.

mingirl, I can understand why you put your foot down for that weekend. It was not because of the kids. It was to make a point to your SO's ex that she cannot have it her way all the time. She had it her way for 7 years because your husband did not want to stand up to her or ruffle feathers for the sake of his kids. But i find it two faced because she says it was too early for her kids but your kids had to see your SO? Either way, its her kids, she made the decision, your SO accepted, you had no choice but to accept it. And i totally understand why this would upset you that all the sudden its ok for her kids to not only come over but to sleep over because she is now married. The weekend was special to her and i understand her point for wanting private time with her new husband. BUT she should have arranged for her kids to be with other family members because this situation comes across as hypacritical on her part since she didnt' want them to see you for 7 years but now its ok cause it suits her benefit for her own personal needs. She should have sent them elsewhere. This is not about the kids. Its about the fact that biomom prohibited a relationship with your SO family (you and your kids) for the benefit of her kids. She's allowed to change her mind...but...i think it would have been best to do this gradually between the two family instead of suddenly and frankly she didn't want a relationship with you guys and all the sudden she does this to her benefit. I think you did the right thing for yourself to stand up and put your foot down and say, i dont have my kids this weekend and i do not want any other kids around for this particular weekend. LEts not stray from the thread people. Mingirl wanted this particular weekend to herself. THis means not even her own kids were with her. Andyour SO did do the right thing by rentign a hotel. I also had days when i would just leave all the kids behind and spend a day to myself. We all need those days. It was just unfortunate that it happen to be the same weekend biomom choice for her anniversary weekend getaway. That is all. Let it all ride over and do not feel guilty for having time yourself. Explain it to your SO. I just also find it odd that SO would go over there and his kids didn't even tell them that their mom was married. Its odd but i can believe it can happen. My SKIds also kept a secret from their dad for 4 months as well. Their mom had moved her SO into the house and kept it a secret. My husband picked up his kids everyother weekend and he honestly didn't know until i looked at his kids one day and said your mom has a boyfriend in the house and i know she does. I'm pretty good at reading body language and biomoms phone habits changed...

lol, I picked her up from school yesterday and we went back to her class to get her backpack & binder. I asked, 'you have everything?' and she said yes. Later, after 5pm she tells me she forgot her spelling words in her desk. Well, Wednesday is the night they have to put spelling words in alphabetical order and write them three times each. She knew this but I wasn't thinking about it, we had been at the doctor's office & radiology all afternoon, but she brought it up. She said she guesses she can't do her spelling since school is out. My first thought was she did it on purpose and I wanted to call her on it. I didn't. I thought about it for a while and a couple miles down the road, I said that when we get home, she can call her friend that's in her class and ask for the spelling words. She claimed she didn't know her phone number but I told her I do. When we got home, I double checked her binder and the usual spelling list wasn't there but the spelling words were. I found a loophole... the teacher sends home an optional sheet on Fridays. It's an activity they can do over the weekend and at the bottom, it gives the next weeks spelling words so they can start practicing if they want. Well, of course she was bummed that I found that and proceeded to write them out three times each but not in ABC order. DH had her redo it in ABC order. Then we watched TV for a while. She had a great attitude. Her mom sent DH a text message an hour after she went to bed to have SD call her. He wrote back that she was in bed and if she wants, she can call in the morning before SD leaves for the bus. She called before any of us were up and wanted to talk to SD so I went and got her up. I heard SD telling her about going to the doctor and say her arm doesn't hurt anymore. She started to ask BM how she was doing and then abruptly says ok, I love you too. Bye. BM apparently didn't want to 'chat'. That is the FIRST time BM has called SD in a very long time, I can't remember the last time she called her. The doctor called me a few minutes ago to say the X ray shows no break. He said she probably pulled a muscle if she fell on her hands playing on the trampoline. There's not much to do for it, he said to apply heat and showed us how to stretch the muscle. It will resolve itself in a few days if she rests it. and I do agree that some lying... about school work or brushing teeth, etc. are common at her age. I don't know if it's normal or alarming, and I understand the lies she tells her mom to get mom's attention, but she is old enough to understand that there are consequences for those kinds of lies when mom gets CPS or the police involved. There could be great consequences for DH and me. I was more concerned with her lying about injuries, being hit, and things she complains to her mom about but doesn't tell us. We don't find out until BM calls DH to chew him out or now, until she calls CPS. SD never complained to us about having to eat foods she doesn't like and when she told DH about her arm, she only mentioned it once and he didn't see a reason to go to the doctor and she never complained to us about it again. And we don't know if SD complained to her mom or if her mom is the one that is asking her if she was seen by the doctor but I don't know why BM would put it on her daughter to get dad to take her to the doctor if SD isn't saying it hurts. I'm probably overly cynical of BM, but I'd say she knows SD fell on the trampoline and got hurt and didn't want to pay for a doctor visit so she told SD to tell dad her arm hurts so he can make sure it wasn't hurt too bad. SD told him a couple of days after coming back from BM's, after she got off the phone with her. BM might have reminded her to ask dad. DH looked at it, and didn't think it was broken and considering SD had gone to cross country and was swinging her arms around earlier, concluded it wasn't too serious. SD never told him she fell down on the trampoline. I'm sure she didn't want to get mom in trouble, although we don't know exactly what happened so it could be an innocent **stuff happens with kids** accident or it could be she was not being supervised and got hurt. We don't know that and we already know BM isn't going to tell us if she did anything wrong. But, when SD came home this last weekend, she did tell DH that she collided with her sister on the trampoline and cut her lip. She said her teeth went into her sister's leg. That was on Sunday and on Monday, she didn't call BM but she did call BM on Tuesday and after she got off the phone, she again told DH that her arm hurt. On Wednesday is when CPS went to the school so it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how coincidental it all is. I'll admit that I am pessimistic when it comes to BM. But, I've never been wrong about her actions.. not yet anyways. I have been surprised that she has done some things I've predicted because I honestly was fooled at first and she presented herself as a GREAT mother. But, maybe because of my 'control freak'ness, I noticed little details that went unnoticed by my DH about her. I mean, she did things that I found odd being a mother myself. I went through custody issues with my son's father and we would fight over who gets him more, not who has to take him. She was always asking him to take SD on her weekends but if he ever offered to let her make up the time, she said she was busy. She never asked to makeup the time either. Then, when she refused to help her daughter do a school project, that pretty much sealed my opinion of her... she actually told my husband that if I want to do 'mom' things (like bake cookies, which I guess really upset her) that I can help her with her school project too. Hearing her say that shattered my image of her being a wonderful mom because I can't imagine saying or doing that to my own child. It's been downhill since then and she has aspired to new lows as a mother, in my opinion. The only one I did not see coming was her moving away and giving us custody, that blindsided me because we had just spent several months (and thousands in lawyers) to fight for custody and she fought it so fiercely, I never imagined anything would cause her to give up her daughter so easily. Maybe that is why SD was so affected too, she saw how fiercely her mom fought to keep her, only to be discarded two weeks later for a stranger. (so, yes I have had a hard time not resenting and hating BM for doing that and I need to learn how to let that go, but it's hard)

Hang in there. It's not easy I know. But you're doing what's right and that takes true courage. I fully understand the frustration about your dad. Making a long story short, my dad died last spring and he hadn't talked to me for years. Last thing he said was "I've got nothing more to say to you". I realize he was brainwashed by my greedy brother but nothing could be done. Family supported him and I was made out to be the devil for pointing out how he was trying to rob my dad. My sister talked me into going and seeing him in the hospital when he died, and he turned away and wouldn't even acknowledge me, much less talk to me. I knew I was right all along. Not only did my brother clean out most everything my dad had, which was substantial, but he also convinced him to leave him 3/5ths of what's left. People do strange things. You can do what's right or go with the flow. I'm glad to see someone else who stands up for what's right, even at their own expense. One suggestion, tell your SIL to not tell ANYONE where she goes, period. In this type of a situation, you just can't trust anyone. Sad, but true. She might be able to set up a remailing system with a victim's advocacy group or something to be able to communicate quick messages until the coast is a little more clear. But again, be careful. Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best for all of you. Take comfort that you're doing what's right. Don't let it eat you up. Kudos again!