Follow-up to B and D-SIL--sorry this did get long.

15 years ago

First notice no D in front of B, I'm having a very hard time with it, The good and bad for D.

Anyway I was going to wait until Monday to post as that is when his hearing is, but I'll give info on what we have now.

My brother chose to stay in jail rather than post bail. AND that is a good thing because my SIL is sure that he will try to kill her when he gets out. It is very sad to write that, but I fear it is the truth from what she says and the bruises I've seen. To write that about your own brother is so hard. I remember a cute 5 year old little boy who was told he had to go sit down because he couldn't swim anymore so he sat on a bottom step---OF THE POOL---who now does horrible things to his wife.

Anyway, she is going back into hiding Sunday night. IF he is let out of Jail on his own recognicense (I know I spelled it wrong sorry), she may/will disappear until his sentencing. I have told her that I think this is best. Don't tell me where she is, but if she can get a message to someone to let me know they're fine, that is all I ask. I also asked her if she had written down who she wants to have custody of the kids if somethign were to happen. She has done that also.

She did have a court date, and has sole custody of the kids, for 2 years he is allowed NO contact, and an order of protection has been issued. I know people walk through them all the time, but it is the best she could do. She is filing for divorce as soon as she can.

She has found out that he has had an affair, with people of both sexes, and has given her syphilis. Thank goodness I insisted she go to the doctor and get checked for STD's when I learned he had an affair with a girl from work.

I have probably been disowned by my father as he insist that there is two sides to every story, and hates my statement that NOTHING JUSTIFIES WHAT HE DID TO HER. The other side is that my brother has told him that D-SIL had an affair and he caught her. I am a blunt person and directly asked her, I said it would't change how I felt. I was serious too. I may not agree with what they do as part of their marriage, but I wanted the truth so if someone said to me...well she did this, I could say..I doubt it, or yes, I know, but NOTHING..okay you get the picture. I also wanted her to be aware of what was being said, wanted that to come from me, and not be a shock.

So that is the update. I will post when I hear on Monday...but it may not be until Tues or so if he's out of jail and she has to run. As soon as I know and can update everyone, I will.

AND...thanks to all for supporting me on this, I know I'm on the side of what is right, I know I may be disowned by part of my family, a very large part of me (and I'm not a small person haha) says "they're not worth it", but that small part of me says "how come Daddy can throw me away like that...again"

So there you have it.

Vickey-MN

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Comments (15)

gemini40
15 years ago
Vickey why your dad is throwing his suppor t to your brother is inexplicable to me.You are one strong ,brave ,young lady and I know how hard and sad this must be for you. But please never doubt for a second that you are doing the right thing.Tell your sister in law to get as far away as possible and somebody should keep a very keen watch on your brother when he gets out. The least little infraction could put him right back behind bars which is where he should be for a very very long time.
Keep the faith!! June
grammahony
15 years ago
I agree with June. I hope someone in the system will let her know BEFORE they let him out so she can get away. Does she have to wait until trials over to leave? I hope all her family keeps her whereabouts a secret too.
Your dad is probably sticking up for your brother because he don't want to 'look bad' in anyones eyes as having produced him.
I'm glad your standing behind your SIL. She needs that.
Leslie
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Wendy: Thanks for having the courage to stand up for a small little child... she must have hell in her life with that kind of treatment.. if the lady kicked you............ think of what she must do to the little girl.... Damn it makes me mad... I suppose I would be in jail... cause how I feel about her now... I would be in a ORANGE Jump Suit... **** I'm wondering if it is even her child.. IT COULD BE A STOLEN CHILD>>> THERE ARE SEVERAL MISSING RIGHT NOW !!! one dumb mom little girl has been missing since June 9th and she never turned her in as missing... the Grandfather turned it in... now the dumb mom is in jail... her story is.......... I dropped my little girl off at a friends house.. now I lost contact with the friend..... HOW DAMN LAME IS THAT>>> and NOT TO DIAL 9ll What the H ___ !!!!!!!! I'm just so angry when people abuse small children and or Old people... any abuse is just totally unexceptable ! ! ! Dang My blood pressure goes up sky high on this subject... and ALL these men killing their wives and X wives.............. S I C K !!!!!!!!!!!! Well once again I THANK YOU FOR Making the attempt to help and for doing the RIGHT THING>>>> I know I would want you to help my daughter.. or granddaughter... *** Prayers for the little children !!! & Prayers for you & your family !!! THANKS ! ! ! God Bless ! SusieSunshine (
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nodakgal
15 years ago
Vickey you don't know how bad I wish every victim of abuse had YOU in their corner!!!!!!!
You go girl!!!!
patti43
15 years ago
Well said, Nodakgal!!!
sandy_in_ia
15 years ago
Congrats to you, Vickey for staying on the side of RIGHT! I have thought about your SIL alot recently, just can't believe that the 'system' will even allow him out of jail at all!

I will continue to say prayers for your SIL and the children for their safety.
Kathsgrdn
15 years ago
I hope you stay safe too, he may take it out on you for taking her side.
JoanMN
15 years ago
Vickey, when you asked her directly, what was her response.
I'm with you, even if she did...
I can't imagine your father disowning you, but maybe he would have to admit he has done the same to your mom otherwise (if he has).
Anyhow, I've been thinking of you and your SIL and the kids a lot.
Just wanted to let you know I support you 100%.
JoanMN
susan_on
15 years ago
Family dynamics can be so weird and so frustrating. Good for you for doing the right thing.
janie_ga
15 years ago
Vickey- I will adopt you and you can share my dad. He is a good guy and would never support someone who has done what you brother did! Hang in there and keep us posted. Pass hugs along to your DSIL and the kids.

Janie
jannie
15 years ago
Vickey, congrats again on doing the right thing. Your family doesn't deserve you.And you certainly deserve better.
lindyluwho
15 years ago
Sometimes doing the right thing isn't the easiest thing. Good for you for doing the right thing.
Linda
trinitytx
15 years ago
Vicki,
You have done so right by all of this. Your sis in law is lucky to have you. Sorry your dad does not get it.

I know what you did was right, and so do you, keep up with your instincts. Very rarely are they wrong.
I hope this all turns out ok.

Trin
cynic
15 years ago
Hang in there. It's not easy I know. But you're doing what's right and that takes true courage. I fully understand the frustration about your dad. Making a long story short, my dad died last spring and he hadn't talked to me for years. Last thing he said was "I've got nothing more to say to you". I realize he was brainwashed by my greedy brother but nothing could be done. Family supported him and I was made out to be the devil for pointing out how he was trying to rob my dad. My sister talked me into going and seeing him in the hospital when he died, and he turned away and wouldn't even acknowledge me, much less talk to me. I knew I was right all along. Not only did my brother clean out most everything my dad had, which was substantial, but he also convinced him to leave him 3/5ths of what's left.

People do strange things. You can do what's right or go with the flow. I'm glad to see someone else who stands up for what's right, even at their own expense.

One suggestion, tell your SIL to not tell ANYONE where she goes, period. In this type of a situation, you just can't trust anyone. Sad, but true.

She might be able to set up a remailing system with a victim's advocacy group or something to be able to communicate quick messages until the coast is a little more clear. But again, be careful.

Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best for all of you. Take comfort that you're doing what's right. Don't let it eat you up. Kudos again!
User
15 years ago
There is NO excuse for a man physically abusing a woman, so what you are doing by siding with your sister in law, is right. I'm so sorry your sister in law is going through this. More than that, I feel so bad for the kids. I hope your brother will get help. There is something wrong with him, whether your family wants to believe it or not. He needs help and he needs it fast. Something says he's needed it since childhood but if your father has a blind eye to whats going on now, I imagine he saw problems and said, "not my son" all along. Unfortunately for your brother, that was the wrong choice for your dad to make. Is there any way to get through to your brother that he needs help?
wifetojoeiii
15 years ago
You are being so very strong and my thoughts & prayers are with you & your D sil & for grace to come into your brother's & father's lives - I hope they find some humility in all this.

Hang tough - you are doing the right things.

Follow-up to B and D-SIL--sorry this did get long.

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gemini40

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