sudden death of spouse


MY husband suddendly died on 4-11-10 he was only 50yrs old.Im atill having hard time with this .We had been married for 21 yrs.I just feel like my whole world has been shatterred.I can barley speak without a break-down so I talk as little as possible.Went back to work and it still dosent help find my self crying there also.

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Of course you are crying--it doesn't matter where you are. You are heartbroken, and it's normal and important to cry.

I know you want to get on with your life, which would include not crying at work, but you cannot rush through the grieving. Your husband has only been gone a few weeks, and you have a long road ahead of you adjusting to his loss.

You might want to check with your local hospital about a grief group. I've never done it, but I know talking helps.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. He was young, too young to go. You must feel like you are living a nightmare. Deepest condolences.


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Dear Cathy,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your heart is broken and it doesn't mend easily, you need to grieve and to cry and you will for quite some time. Crying is good for you, you will not die from it though you think you might. I lost my DH 3 1/2 years ago at 62,I still cry and probably always will but it becomes a gently weeping instead of a gut wrenching crying, however it will take time.Don't worry about the people at work, I'm sure they understand and feel helpless because they don't know how to comfort you (they can't).
I went to a breavement group at my local hospital. It was run my two nuns and they were wonderful, I highly
reccommend it.
God Bless.

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Support comes in many different forms. Do what YOU feel is right for you. How other people work through grief may or not work for you. Hopefully coming here will be a start. I am very sorry for your loss...there is no "good" age to die, and even if it is expected, it still stings. A sudden loss like that of your husband is a shock to the system to say the least. Be gentle & kind to is very early in the grieving process for you. Be patient to yourself, there is no set time limit to work through. Did you have children or have other family? You are already beginning to heal, by coming here and being at work, but it is not something that "get over", more like as learning to "live with" it. Please let us know how you're doing. Again, sorry for your loss.

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You went back to work rather quickly. I think I took two full weeks off.

My boss is a great one for organization and lists. He loves lists. He showed me one day that he'd crossed all these things off his to-do list and said something like,"not bad for one morning, huh?'

If I had had a to-do list ten days or so after my husband's death it would have read:

9:00 - 9:10: don't cry
9:10 to 0:20 don't cry
9:20 to 9:30 don't cry

You get the picture. And I did cry at work, too.

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I was married for 8 years with a 5 year old daughter, when my wife died in a car accident in a foreign country. I wasn't old she had died until I arrived there. As this was her native country and her family was there, she was buried there. Leaving was hard but I had a 5 year old waiting for me. That was the hardest part.
Upon return, I was told by my work that I took too long to return and I was docked pay for the days missed. Nice guys.
That was 37 years ago. The grieving process is a road everyone one must walk. You have to make the journey at your own pace. Remember though, you still have a life ahead of you and others that may be relying on you. Believe me, itÂs something you never get over even though you think you have. It just doesnÂt hurt as much. Time will heal.

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Yes, for me the first few months I was in shock, numb, didn't know what to feel, then my emotions became a roller coaster, one minute I would sob uncontrollably, another I would laugh, and another I would tear up. It has been seven months now and I believe my husband is helping our family work through this as there has been a pattern that he comes to me in my dreams early in the morning so I remember them very vividly and he comes before I have a dip in my roller coaster, and it seems to help. My husband of 13 years was a beautiful person, great father, husband, brother, son and he taught me so much about life, I will be forever bonded to this wonderful man God blessed me with!

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May I suggest you log on to They have a site for widows open from 7 PM to midnight Eastern time every night. It certainly helped me.

Here is a link that might be useful: GROWW

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